


The Touch of Your Hand

by FivePips, jennandblitz



Series: Rock 'n' Pole [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arguments, Asexual Character, Asexuality Spectrum, Blow Jobs, Developing Relationship, Dirty Talk, Established Relationship, Finger Sucking, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Genderfluid Character, Hand & Finger Kink, Hand Jobs, Intercrural Sex, Making Up, Marly is still a legend, Mentions of rough sex, Mild Transphobia, Modern AU, Other, Pole Dancing, Rock Climbing, Spanking, Tickling, Vaguely More On Brand for Us Both, asexual!Remus, but the guy gets put in his place, genderfluid!Sirius, mentions of spanking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-20
Updated: 2019-09-06
Packaged: 2020-09-19 10:13:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 40
Words: 82,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20329456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FivePips/pseuds/FivePips, https://archiveofourown.org/users/jennandblitz/pseuds/jennandblitz
Summary: After six weeks of "hanging out", Remus and Sirius both want to move things from that level to actually being a couple. Will everything continue to be  as sweet as it was once they make the move?





	1. Chapter 1

There was a street fair in town, which Remus wanted to enjoy with Sirius, but that was not going to happen because Sirius had to join in a flash mob for Marly’s insane proposal. Yes, a flash mob, because they were back in 2005. Marlene wanted to declare her love for Dorcas by dancing in the middle of the street with strangers watching. She had tried to recruit Remus, but he refused. He wasn’t going to dance, he was perfectly fine watching the others do it. The others included Sirius.

For the last six weeks, Sirius and Remus had spent so much time together. The two were still constantly texting one another during the day. Sirius liked to drop by the gym all the time with Marlene, and they would climb or watch Remus. They were getting much better since getting on the rock on their first (second-ish) date. There was less screaming now. Remus also went to the studio to pick Sirius up often. They did dinner, drinks, or spent hours in each other’s flats listening to music, reading, or just being with one another.

They hadn’t had established anything. They were only seeing one another. There had been no grand confessions of love as of yet. Remus wondered if it was going to come along soon. He was dying to say something, but it never felt like the right time. Or maybe Remus was a bit of a coward and afraid to be let down… not that Sirius had shown any sign of not wanting to be with him. They were always eager to spend time with Remus.

They would have been having a nice day together today, but their lives had to come to a halt for Marlene’s grand proposal. Sirius had been pulled into help choreograph the whole thing to the song _Pretty Young Thing_ by Michael Jackson. They had spent so many late nights with her and the other dancers putting it together. Now he was missing out on a nice day with Sirius at the market.

“This is so ridiculous,” Remus complained, looping an arm around Sirius’ waist.

Sirius smiled and rubbed their hand over Remus’ arm. “It’s Marly, Rem, what do you expect? Just this one thing, and then maybe we can steal off for a walk around the market before we go to James and Lily’s.”

“That’d be nice.” Remus pressed a kiss to Sirius’ cheek. “God, what is the wedding going to be like?”

Sirius’ eyes went wide. “Oh no, no, I can’t think about that. And you know Marly will ask me to be their… shit, I think she said _ Person _of Honour before. So I’ll have to get really involved. It’ll be mad.”

“You brought this on yourself, being her friend.”

“I know, I should’ve gotten out whilst I could. But now we own a business and I buy her cocktail umbrellas and I’m gonna have to help planning a wedding.” Sirius let their head drop against Remus’ shoulder. “They’re cute though, so it’s okay, I guess.”

Remus chuckled as they stopped near the fountain that Sirius told him they had to be at. He looked and could see Dorcas at one of the stalls, chatting with someone with shocking pink hair. “There’s Dorky. I’ll step back and leave you to it.” He gave Sirius one more kiss, but didn’t move away as he said.

Sirius smiled and kissed his cheek. “Go on, you’ll wanna be far away from this embarrassment, won’t you? Oh, there’s Marly. I gotta go!” They squeezed Remus’ arm then slipped off towards the innocuously gathering crowd of Marlene and Dorcas’ friends and dancing colleagues.

Remus decided to stay by the fountain, taking his phone out of his pocket to get the whole thing on video. If anything, he wasn’t going to let Sirius live down the embarrassment.

Soon enough _Pretty Young Thing_ began and the woman with the pink hair began to move. Dorcas looked at her like she had five heads. Then a few more people began to dance, Sirius being one of them. Remus was shaking with laughter as he watched the group spin and shake their hips. Normally, Remus loved to watch Sirius dance because they were so graceful, but this was not one of those times. Dorcas looked like she was turning redder than a cherry.

As the song came close to the end, the group parted and Marlene was in the middle. She danced her way up to Dorcas, who now had a hand over her face and her shoulders were shaking—Remus wasn’t sure if it was with laughter or tears. The music came to an end as Marlene got on one knee and said something, she was too far for Remus to hear. Dorcas nodded, now she had tears in her eyes, and Marlene slid the ring on. When she did that there was a burst of gold confetti from a few directions (how they managed that, Remus wasn’t sure) and then a few doves (Christ).

Marlene jumped to her feet and gave Dorcas the biggest, sloppiest kiss as the dancers and passersby clapped for the couple. Remus smiled at that, because it was sweet. Then the smile disappeared when a horse drawn carriage came into the little square. It was decorated in roses and a sign that read “Just Engaged”. Remus groaned at how extra the whole thing was, but he hadn’t really expected anything less.

As the horse and carriage trotted off with the girls on board, Remus put his phone away. His eyes searched the crowd for Sirius, and found them chatting with the woman with pink hair. They both were laughing with tears in their eyes. Remus hung back, deciding to wait for Sirius instead of interrupting the group.

It wasn’t that Remus was uncomfortable, but he didn’t know Sirius’ friends well yet. Even though Marly and Dorky were Remus’ mates, Dorky one of his best mates, there was still a group of friends Remus didn’t know. Tonight that was going to change because everyone was going to James and Lily’s, Sirius’ brother and best mate, to celebrate the engagement. He was a little nervous because this felt like a new step for them to take.

A few minutes after the carriage left, Sirius was back standing in front of him with a big grin on their face. “Nice job.” Remus smiled.

Sirius smiled, clearly excited. “I didn’t know about the sodding carriage. She’s so bloody extra, isn’t she? But,” they sighed happily, “I’m glad Dorky said yes. We all knew she would.”

“I would have been shocked if she said no.” Remus sat on the edge of the fountain. “She didn’t tell you about the carriage. I’m surprised. I thought she went over everything with you.”

“Probably because she knew I would tell her she’s being ridiculous with a carriage. Where are they going to go? Back to their flat?” Sirius said, laughing. “Or to James and Lily’s already? They’re probably just around the bloody corner.”

“Who knows. How long till we have to be at James and Lily’s place?”

Sirius checked their watch. “An hour. Want a walk around?”

“That sounds like a good idea. That was what I really wanted to do, though as over the top as that was, I’m happy for them.” Remus pushed himself off the fountain to stand next to Sirius.

“Me too, but I like the sound of this as well. There was a really interesting jewellery stall over that way, can we go see?” Sirius took Remus’ hand and laced their fingers. 

“Sounds good,” Remus said as Sirius led them over to the stall. “Anything I should know about meeting James and Lily and any of the rest that might be there?”

Sirius looked at some of the jewellery for a minute before smiling up at Remus. “You’re nervous, aren’t you?” They bit their lip and looked back to a necklace on the stand. “They’re all lovely. James might feel a bit standoffish at first, but that’s just what he’s like meeting people close to me, he can be a bit protective. Lily will want to talk books, you can bring up Red, White and Royal Blue with her! There’s Fleur, Bill and Dora, she was the one with the pink hair in the mob. You’ll love them all, and they will love you.”

“You’re very sure of them loving me.” Remus laughed as he watched Sirius fiddling the necklace that was silver with a moon in the center then three stars on one strand, one star on another. “Do you want that necklace?”

Sirius rolled their eyes. “Well you’re important to me, so they’ll like you.” They glanced at Remus again. “Do you think it’ll suit me? I can ask them if I can try it on, maybe.”

Remus flushed at the statement because Sirius was important to him too. “Yeah, why don’t you try it on. It’s beautiful.”

Sirius shot him an almost shy smile before they caught the attention of the stall owner and asked to try it on. The owner obliged and took it off the display and handed it to Sirius. “Can you…?” Sirius held the necklace up between them, turning around a little. 

Remus took the delicate necklace with one hand then brushed Sirius’ hair out of the way, letting his hand drift down Sirius’ back. They were wearing a loose grey shirt with a deep cut back that showed off their shoulders. Remus careful undid the clasp before leaning close to put the necklace around Sirius’ slender neck. He fixed the clasp before pressing the tiniest kiss to the nape. “Okay, let’s see it.”

Sirius shivered a little, turning back around and tilting their chin up to let Remus see the way the chains sat around their neck. “What do you think?”

“Beautiful, it suits you perfectly.” Remus ran a finger over the chain at Sirius’ neck.

Sirius caught Remus’ hand and pressed a kiss to his knuckles. “Thank you. I think I’ll get it. Why not.”

Remus smiled, and asked the owner of the stall how much the necklace was as he reached for his wallet.

“Er…” Sirius looked up from their bag, frowning at Remus. “Hold on, no no. What are you doing?”

“Buying it for you, it’s a gift.” Remus shrugged as he took out enough money to pay for it. “I want to get it for you. Is that okay?”

Sirius’ expression softened and they hooked their hand through the crook of Remus’ arm. “That’s… yeah, that’s okay. That’s really sweet of you, Rem. Thank you.”

Remus smiled at Sirius then they started to walk again. “Anywhere else you wanted to look?”

“We can just look around, if you like.” Sirius kept touching the necklace as they walked, glancing around through the stalls. “Last time there was a market here I’m sure there was a little book stall.”

“Oh, I remember that. They sold vintage books, right?” Remus said as his eyes went up the street, wondering if it was around.

“Yeah! Let’s see if we can find it.” Sirius smiled at Remus. “Thank you for the necklace.”

Remus leaned into Sirius as they continued to walk. “I thought it was nice, you don’t have to keep thanking me.”

Sirius rolled their eyes. “Oh yeah, absolutely, I’ll just let this utterly gorgeous man buy me gifts and not be grateful or anything.”

“You can thank me with a few good kisses later.” Remus grinned before spotting the stall. “There’s the books!”

“I’ll hold you to that, Lupin,” Sirius said, letting Remus lead the way over to the book stall and smiling indulgently. “Okay, let’s go see.”

Remus sorted through the books, finding an old leather bound copy of Persuasion. It was in beautiful condition. “Oh, I’m getting this.”

“No you’re not,” Sirius said, smiling. “I’m getting it for you. Feeding the eternal Austen obsession.”

“Come on, Sirius, no. You don’t have to do this because I bought you the necklace.” Remus held up the book with a little frown.

“I know I don’t _ have _ to do it. But I want to.” They reached up and turned the book over in Remus’ hand to see the price tag. “I would like to buy you something that makes you happy because I like you being happy.”

“But…” Remus trailed off because he wasn’t sure what to say. He wanted to put up more of an argument, but Sirius was being so sweet.

Sirius stepped closer, putting a hand on Remus’ chest and leaning in to kiss him lightly. “Let me make you happy, okay?” They said, very close to Remus’ lips. “And buy you the book.”

“I thought paying my back in kisses was good enough.” His free hand went up to Sirius’ necklace.

Sirius tutted. “I’m still going to pay you back in kisses later for the necklace. But I want to buy you the book, regardless of anything else.” Sirius kissed Remus again, longer and slower this time, still soft and gentle.

Remus hummed into the kiss, as one of Sirius’ hands slid down his side. When they pulled away Remus felt a bit dizzy from the kiss. Sirius grinned, and it took Remus a moment to realise he was no longer holding the book, and that it was in Sirius’ hands instead. Before he could do anything, Sirius stepped back and to the stall owner, handing over the cash for the book.

“Bastard!” Remus said under his breath. “You’re a brat.”

Sirius laughed, throwing their head back. “Yep!” They gestured with the book. “Shall I put this in my bag?”

“That works, love.” Remus said in a lighter tone. “You’re still a brat.”

“I’ll take it.” Sirius slid the book into their bag and took Remus’ hand again.


	2. Chapter 2

Sirius kept touching the necklace around their throat as they walked around the market with Remus, unable to stop smiling to themselves. The day was shaping up to be wonderful; Dorcas had said yes to Marly’s (ridiculous) proposal, the sun was shining and they and Remus were strolling around hand-in-hand like they had walked right out of a novel. It was perfect.

After a while longer, after laughing at some rather strange pottery on one of the stalls that reminded them of the failed art gallery visit from their first date, and buying some artisan chocolate from another stall, they got on the bus towards James and Lily’s.

Sirius was fairly nervous to introduce Remus to their pseudo-brother and his wife. Not because they thought James and Lily wouldn’t like Remus, or the other way around, but just because they wanted the trio to get along. Sirius cared for Remus and they cared for James and Lily, they wanted them to be able to spend time together and be happy. Sirius let out a breath through their nose and dropped their head onto Remus’ shoulder as they were on the bus. They really hoped everyone would get along.

More than that, actually, Sirius realised. They wanted Remus to stay around. They had spent so much time together in the past six weeks, and Sirius wanted that to continue. They wanted something  _ more _ from all of this, they wanted Remus to know how much they loved his company. Sirius touched the moon on the necklace hanging down over their sternum. They wanted to call Remus  _ theirs. _

Sirius nudged Remus with their elbow. The man had fished the copy of  _ Persuasion _ from Sirius’ bag and was thumbing through it. “The next stop is ours,” Sirius said softly, brimming over with this sudden confession that they wanted Remus to be something more than  _ that guy they hung out with _ . “You ready?”

Remus gave a tight smiled, clearly somewhat nervous about the night ahead. “Yeah. Don’t lose my book,” he teased.

Sirius chuckled. “I won’t, I won’t.” Sirius took the book from Remus and slipped it back into their bag before they held their hand out for Remus to take. “You’ll be fine. It’ll be fine.”

He took their hand, giving it a firm squeeze as the bus came to a stop. “I know it’ll be fine. It’s just…”

“I know.” Sirius stood and tugged Remus up with them, striding off the bus with a thank you to the driver. “But I’ve talked about you to them, and they liked the sound of you, because I’m happy, you know?”

“That’s good, yeah, it’s just… I don’t know, it’s new, is all. I get a little anxious with new things, but I’m glad that I’m doing it with you.” Remus pressed his lips to Sirius’ temple.

Sirius grinned. “I’m glad too.” They turned and pressed a kiss to Remus’ cheek. “Okay, come on, they’re just around here. I think Marly and Dorcas are going to arrive in around a half hour, so we have some time to introduce you to everyone before the chaos starts.”

“Think they’ll come in their carriage?” Remus snorted a laugh.

“God… I sort of hope so? Get their money’s worth with it!” Sirius grinned, walking down the street and around the corner. James and Lily’s flat was in a beautiful area of town, on the ground floor with a courtyard that faces out onto the river. Sirius knocked on the door as a greeting before pushing it open—they and James have always had an open door policy. 

“James, Lily! We’re here!” Sirius called, pulling Remus into the hallway.

“Sirius!” James called from the living room, and swiftly appeared in the doorway. “Ah! Hello hello! And you must be Remus!” James stuck his hand out to Remus, peering intently at him but grinning. Sirius rolled their eyes and nudged him in the side. “James Potter, nice to meet you, pal.”

“James, don’t be weird.” Lily came out behind her husband with her hands on her hips. “Hi Remus, I’m Lily.” She smiled brightly at Remus.

Remus nodded as he let go of James’ hand. “Nice to meet you too.” He returned the smile to Lily.

Sirius gave Remus a reassuring smile before wrapping their arms around James and pulling the man away. “Okay okay, give the man some space James, god. And don’t say hello to me, your sibling, will you?” 

James puffed out his cheeks. “Just doing the brotherly duty Sirius.”

Sirius shook their head. “Definitely weird.” They moved past James to greet Lily with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. “Hello you.”

“Hi, darling. He is as gorgeous as you say, Sirius,” Lily said after kissing Sirius on the cheek.

Remus’ cheeks flushed. “I’m sure that they were being hyperbolic.”

Sirius grinned back at Remus. “Absolutely not, I’m never hyperbolic, Rem. Just the truth.” But Sirius could tell Remus was a little awkward and urged the four of them further into the flat. “Anyone else here? Shall we stop the interrogation perhaps?”

James grinned and lead the way into the kitchen. The lights Lily had strung on the beams over the holidays were a permanent feature now, and the doors to the courtyard were thrown wide open. “Sirius, your middle name is hyperbolic.”

“James, I am offended,” Sirius said, pausing in the doorway to reach for Remus’ hand.

“They know you better than I do, and James is saying you’re over the top. So, I’m right. I can only imagine what you’ve told them about me.” Remus laughed.

“Don’t worry, Remus, it’s all been wonderful.” Lily assured him, patting him on the arm.

Remus laughed. “I’m sure it was wonderful, but I wonder how true.”

Sirius rolled their eyes and leant over to kiss Remus’ cheek. “All true, I promise."

“They did tell me that you were a Red, White, and Royal Blue fan,” Lily said excitedly. “It’s so so so so so good. I want to reread it a million times.”   


“Me too!” Remus’ voice sounded a bit more relaxed now. “The whole ending of emails with romantic lines from letters. I died inside a little. There were also a few Austen references. I’m sure Sirius has told you my obsession.”

Sirius grinned, accepting the drink James handed them, happy to see Remus talking so animatedly about things he loved. Their heart soared seeing him so relaxed and confident, now they were talking about books, of all things.

“You look happy,” James said, leaning his hip on the counter next to Sirius. “So does he. Looks at you like you hung the fucking moon and I can tell that in the first thirty seconds.

Sirius smiled and sipped their drink. “And you say  _ I’m _ hyperbolic? But yeah.. I am happy. I hope he is too.”

James snickered but stayed silent, drinking his beer. Sirius watched as Remus and Lily descended into an animated conversation about books, sitting at the breakfast bar. Everyone else was out in the courtyard, from what Sirius saw through the doors, but they wanted this moment of peace before the storm, watching Remus and thinking of how beautiful he was. Whenever Remus stayed over, Sirius felt so much happier waking up next to the man, instead of by themselves. On those days they spent the night apart, waking up to a text from him was the next best thing. 

James slid Lily a glass of wine, asked after Remus’ drink preference, and handed him a beer a moment later. When he appeared next to Sirius again, Sirius glanced his way. “Think it’s… think it’s probably getting serious with the two of us, you know.”

James grinned luridly. “You’re always Sirius.”

Sirius stared in disbelief for a moment before smacking James around the shoulder and letting out a scream of frustration. “You’re ridiculous I hate you.”

“I’m fairly certain that you don’t hate James. What’s going on?” Lily raised an eyebrow.

Sirius shot James a look of  _ don’t you dare say anything _ , before looking back to Lily with a pleasant smile. “Your husband is just being a dick, Lily.”

“He can be, a little.” She made a face as she pulled her phone out of her pocket. “Ah, Dorcas and Marlene are nearly here. We should all head out.”

James ruffled Sirius’ hair as Lily and Remus walked away from the breakfast bar and out to the courtyard where everyone was gathered to take advantage of the nice weather. “Happy for you,” James said. “You should tell him.”

Sirius just hit James in the side and followed Lily and Remus outside. Everyone was gathered there already, and Sirius held Remus’ hand on the way around as they introduced him to Fleur, Bill and Dora (who were all nestled on a patio sofa together), Hestia and Emme who were friends of Marlene’s and Benjy, who was a friend of Dorcas' from back home that he had somehow not met yet. 

Then, Marlene and Dorcas arrived and the whole party seemed to explode with energy. Marlene was 110% most of the time, but here, after today, she seemed to be on another planet, and no one could keep up with her. Dorcas sat herself on one of the chairs and watched her future wife with a ridiculous grin on her face. Remus was getting on with everyone like a house on fire, chatting with everyone. 

Sirius found themselves thinking of what James had said, and what they’d realised whilst walking around the market with Remus, what they’d been trying to ignore for weeks. They needed to talk to Remus, to lay this all out. Honesty had always gone down well between them in the past, and Sirius wanted to keep that going. 

With a fresh drink in one hand and a beer for Remus in the other, Sirius found their way over to the man himself and drew him out of an avid conversation with Xeno, one of Marlene’s friends who Sirius couldn’t ever make heads or tails of. Remus probably was grateful for being rescued.

“Hey,” Sirius said, pressing the beer into Remus’ hand. “The courtyard’s all quiet right now, come with me for some fresh air?”


	3. Chapter 3

Remus was relieved after meeting James and Lily. They were both so kind, and Remus hit it right off with Lily talking about Red, White, and Royal Blue. He could tell that James really cared about Sirius. Thankfully, he wasn’t so protective that he was completely standoff-ish to Remus. It was also nice to see Sirius with other people he cared about so much.

The Potter’s house was stunning, and all Remus wanted in a house. It was perfectly homey. It even had a courtyard in the back that he could see himself having tea and reading there. Maybe one day he’d be able to have a place like this, but he doubted he’d ever have such money. The Potters were very well off according to Sirius, so Remus didn’t want to think about how much the place cost.

The party was now in full swing. Remus had been pulled into various conversations from all these people important to Marlene and Dorcas. He knew some of them, but there were many others he had just met. Most of the friends of Marlene were a bit off, including this bloke Xeno. At first, the conversation was about the Beatles, which Remus could enjoy. Then he went off about some conspiracy theory on the White Album and how if you play it backwards the government brainwashes you.

Needless to say, he was thrilled with Sirius came over and freed him from the conversation. They went out into the courtyard, which was thankfully empty now that everyone was inside celebrating with the happy couple. The courtyard was lit up in a way that reminded Remus of their first date at the café where they got waffles.

“This is far more lowkey than I thought. I was waiting for Marly to pull something out of her metaphorical hat.” Remus took a sip of his beer.

Sirius smiled, but it didn’t quite reach their eyes. “Right? I think we managed to convince her to tone it down.” They walked over to sit on one of the benches in the courtyard that looked out over the river.

“I am honestly scared of the wedding the more I think about it.” Remus sat down then pulled Sirius’ hand so they would join him. “It’s a little chilly out, but it’s nice.”

Sirius smiled. “Yeah, it’s quieter out here… no mad conspiracy theories either.” They turned their drink around in their hands a few times. “Have you had a good night so far?”

“Thank god you saved me. I mean, nice bloke, but, well, you can tell he’s Marly’s mate.” Remus scoffed. He could tell that something was going on with Sirius because he was acting a little odd. “The night’s been great. It’s wonderful to meet the people you care about. I can see why you love them all so much.”

“Yeah.” Sirius cleared their throat. “I, er, care about you a lot too, you know. Like, a _ lot _.”

Remus grinned because he hoped this was going the way he’d been wanting it to go. “I like you a lot too Sirius.”

“And, I really like spending time with you, like, _all_ my time with you, and when we’re not hanging out I miss you and that’s just ridiculous, isn’t it? But I like you a _lot_ and I know we said we were just going to take things slowly and see what happened but I want, I want to be more serious, and not that kind of serious, I mean I want to look at you and say, _he’s mine_, you know? And I—” 

“I’m already yours, Sirius,” Remus interrupted with a little laugh.

Sirius paused and looked at him like he’d grown an extra head. “I… what? I had a whole… a whole thing planned in my head, to convince you we should, you know, take it to the next level.” Sirius frowned but their lips were curling into a smile. “I had a whole speech, Rem.”

“Oh god,” Remus looked up to the night sky with a shake of a head but he was grinning from ear to ear. He felt like his heart was going to explode because he was so happy. “A whole speech? Want to give it a go?”

“Yeah,” Sirius said, smiling. “I was convinced you were going to say _ yeah it’s been fun Sirius, but that’s it _ , so, you know. I wanted to say about how much fun we have and how we can never shut up when we’re talking to each other and how no one has ever made me feel as comfortable as you do… I don’t have to regulate how I am around you and that’s… really fucking good. And I was going to say about how I like your ridiculously sweet tooth and how you always finish desserts when I don’t and _ that’s _ got to stand for something, you know, how compatible we are. I have a really good time whenever I’m with you, Remus, I’d like to keep doing it for quite a while.”

Never feeling as if he was the best with words, Remus rubbed the back of his neck then dropped his hand to Sirius’ shoulder. He leaned closer to Sirius, both of them wearing mirroring smiles. Remus brushed his lips against theirs for a second before kissing them deeply. His hand went down Sirius’ back, fingers lightly trailing down the knobs of their spine. Remus pulled back for a second to catch his breath before bringing Sirius back in for one more.

When he finally moved back enough to take a few deep breaths he couldn’t help grinning even more from the look on Sirius’ face. They were practically glowing. “Christ, you’re beautiful.” Remus’ fingers ran back up their spine.

Sirius visibly shivered. They looked a little spaced out, but were grinning widely as they leant forward to kiss Remus again briefly. “God I want to take you home and shag you senseless Remus. You’re so…” They trailed off, leaning in to kiss him again.

Remus laughed, used to Sirius saying things like that but he knew full well that there was no expectation of it happening—yet at least. Maybe one day. “You’re so… too.” He laughed softly before they kissed again. He felt Sirius grin into the kiss as they shifted closer and ran their hands over Remus’ shoulders.

The whole spell of the moment shattered when Marly’s voice echoed in the courtyard. “Oi! You two, stop shoving your tongues down each other’s throat and come in for cake!”

“Fuck off, Marlene.” Remus huffed, leaning his forehead against Sirius’.

“Nooo,” Sirius groaned, rubbing their thumb over Remus’ collarbone where their hand sat. “No, I wanna stay out here and keep doing this with you,” they whispered, kissing the corner of Remus’ mouth again.

“It’s my and Dorky’s night! You can swap spit when you go home tonight. Come on! I got the most brilliant cake.” Marlene all but whined.

Remus frowned, he really did want some cake but Sirius’ kisses were so very sweet. “One second, Marly.”

“Fine. If you’re not here in a minute, I’ll send Xeno out here.”

Sirius grinned. “One second Marly, please?” Sirius didn’t look away from Remus as they spoke. Thankfully, Marlene turned back inside, grumbling all the way, and Sirius sighed softly. “As much as she has a point, she has awful timing, doesn’t she…”

“Horrible,” Remus said softly, he brushed a lock of Sirius’ hair behind their ear. “I’m so happy, Sirius.”

“Me too,” Sirius whispered, kissing Remus again quickly like they just couldn’t help it. “Me too, very much. I’m glad we’re on the same page.”

Remus pressed one more kiss to Sirius’ cheek before standing up and picking up his beer off the small table he had set it down on when they got out there. He held his hand out to Sirius. “Come on, love.”

Sirius slipped their hand into Remus’, their fingers, topped in sparkly black nail polish, lacing with Remus’ climbing-scuffed ones. “Yeah, let’s go eat cake and bask in Marly’s ridiculousness.”

Pausing before he went through the doors, he tugged Sirius back to ask them a question. “When someone asks me what you are to me, what do you want me to say? Aside from mine… partner?”

Sirius stopped, stepping back and smiling a little. “Partner is good. Or paramour—” they grinned impishly— “or _lover_.”

“God, you’re so fucking thirsty.” Remus let out a deep laugh. Sirius was so ridiculous.

Sirius laughed, bringing Remus’ hand up to kiss his knuckles. “Can you blame me, when my paramour looks like you do?”

“Christ,” Remus muttered, dragging Sirius into the party. “Let me have my cake in peace with you letting your thirst show too much.”

“Okay, okay, sorry, you’re just… so good, Remus, is all.” Sirius squeezed their hands and headed through to the party, where they could hear Marlene’s voice calling everyone to attention.

All thoughts about Sirius were wiped away for a moment because of Marlene’s next over the top Marly move. She was standing on the Potter’s dining room table shouting and soliloquizing about love and how she was so happy to finally be marrying the woman of her dreams. Dorcas stood by the table with a beaming smile.

“Now, I’ll say the rest of my rant about love for the future parties celebrating this. For now, let’s eat cake!”

When she said this, the lights went down and out came a few people with sparklers dressed in suits. Behind them came a rolled table, on top of which were two _very large_ cakes. No, not just any cakes. These cakes were full on wedding dresses, the frosting and fondant forming the patterns of the dresses. Everyone was clapping and ‘oohing’ and ‘awwing’. Except Remus, who just shot a look at Sirius. “I knew this couldn’t stay low key.”

Sirius was stifling laughter behind their hand at the bewildered look on Dorcas’ face as she came face to face what was most likely a fondant-rendition of her own wedding dress. “She’s so fucking ridiculous. That’s so much cake… I don’t…” They shook their head, descending back into laughter. 

Once their laughter died down a little, Remus pulled Sirius closer to him and whispered in their ear, “What kind of cake do you think that is?”

Sirius snorted with laughter again, burying their face against Remus’ shoulder. “Knowing Marly,” they said, through laughter, “it’ll have layers of everything.”

“Well, thank god there’s a lot of cake. Love, I’m going to be conquering another desert mountain.” Remus nodded with a grin.

“To the best climber I know, go off. Please, demolish that god-awful cake dress, please.” Sirius gestured towards the cake, where Lily and Emme were cutting part of a skirt up, whilst Marlene had apparently distracted Dorcas into a lip-lock by the fridge.

Remus led them to the cake.


	4. Chapter 4

The party was wonderful, and it was great to see Marlene and Dorcas so happy, but it was so very much drama, and trying to keep up with Marlene was impossible. Everyone seemed to love Remus, though. Lily had drunkenly mumbled something about how wonderful Remus was and how he should come with them on holiday next time they went to the house by the sea. James had clapped Sirius on the shoulder and said he approved of Remus entirely, as well. 

Not to mention, they’d had the conversation out in the courtyard where Sirius had just word-vomited their feelings at the man. Thankfully, Remus had felt the same way and had responded with a very passionate kiss that Sirius had to keep themselves in check about. After Marly’s (ridiculous) cake reveal, Sirius had nipped off to the bathroom to splash their face with cold water and give themselves a stern talking-to to back off and not make Remus uncomfortable. It had worked to a certain extent, and the rest of the party Sirius felt like they were on Cloud 9 hanging out with their friends and their  _ partner _ . 

Sirius was exhausted as they sat on the bus back to their flat with Remus against their side. “If I never see another sparkler again, I’ll be happy,” they sighed.

“Me too, Marly is the most.” Remus smoothed his hand over Sirius’ hair. “I’m never going to have another piece of cake again either.”

Sirius grinned. “What about Dessert Mountain?”

“Okay… maybe not ever again…” Remus chuckled. “Just for tonight.”

“Give the dessert stomach a moment to catch up, I think,” Sirius said, smiling at Remus and leaning in to his arm. “Everyone loved you, though.”

“Yes, it needs a rest,” Remus said, rubbing his stomach. “You think they did?”

“I  _ know _ they did, Lily said so much, and James did.” Sirius smiled, remembering sharing a bottle of wine with Lily and pulling a Marly by soliloquizing about Remus. Perhaps they were a little tipsy too.

“I loved them too. I’m glad that I finally met them.” Remus let out a yawn.

“Me too.” Sirius turned their face away so they wouldn’t catch Remus’ yawn. “I wish I didn’t have to work tomorrow. But I said I’d take Marly’s classes for her. It’s only fair.”

“What a nice friend you are, I’d probably tell Dorky to shove it.” Remus’ tone was sarcastic as the bus came to their stop. “Come on, love.”

Sirius held onto Remus’ arm and hauled themselves up, spilling off the bus with him and heading towards their flat. “If I didn’t take the classes I think I wouldn’t hear the end of it for  _ months _ , so in the long run it’s better for my sanity, I guess.” Sirius shrugged a shoulder as they walked, looking forward to getting back to the flat and getting their damn shoes off.

“Yeah, that’s probably for the best.” Remus wrapped an arm around Sirius’ waist. “You’re going to be hungover in the morning, you know?”

Sirius groaned, digging into their bag for their keys. “I know, I know, I’ll go drink some water before we sleep. I should be okay.” They nuzzled into Remus’ side. “Will you be hungover too? I think you will.”

“Me? Hungover, I do not get hangovers.” Remus scoffed as they got to Sirius’ building.

Sirius lifted an eyebrow. “Never?” they asked as they unlocked the stairwell door and started up the stairs with Remus in tow. “Ever?”

Remus shook his head. “No, maybe a little groggy the next day if I was drinking late into the night, but as soon as I have some coffee I’m good.”

“Ugh, I’m so jealous.” Sirius unlocked the flat door and stepped in, switching on the lights and shrugging their jacket off. 

After kicking his brogues off, Remus hung his jacket up next to Sirius’ before going towards the kitchen as Sirius collapsed onto the sofa to take their heels off. “Water coming up. Did you want anything else?” Remus asked.

Sirius grinned from their vantage point on the sofa with their legs thrown up on the seat next to them. “Water and a cuddle, I think,” they said with a smile, watching Remus in their kitchen. God, it felt better without their heels on.

“I can do both those things. You’re lucky to have a multitalented boyfriend.” Remus grabbed two glasses from the cabinet.

“Boyfriend. I like that. Boyfriend is good with you?” Sirius said, scraping their hair up into a bun as they spoke.

“Yeah, if that’s what you want to call me, I like it. Partner too.” Remus filled one of the glasses with water from the tap.

“Okay. I like both. We can do both. Both is good.”

“Good, ‘cause I’m bi. So, both is good.” Remus laughed, grabbing both the glasses to go join Sirius on the sofa.

Sirius laughed, moving their feet so Remus could sit down and promptly replacing their feet in his lap. “And boy am I glad for it. “ They took one of the water glasses and gulped half of it down.

Remus took a sip of his water before setting the side table. He lightly ran his nails from the top of Sirius’ ankle down to the toes before taking Sirius’ foot in his hand. Sirius hummed appreciatively as Remus’ fingers worked at all the sore spots of their feet, and soon, they were melting into the sofa with their water glass in danger of spilling. 

“You, mister, have very talented fingers,” Sirius mumbled, eyes drifting closed.

“Let’s get up to bed. I’ll do the other foot there, I don’t want you to pass out on the sofa.” Remus wrapped his hand around Sirius’ ankle.

“That sounds good.” Sirius set their glass on the floor and sighed. “Problems with having a loft bed. I have to climb a  _ ladder _ to get up there.”

“My poor princess.” Remus stood up from the sofa and held out a hand.

“All these pet names, Rem, I’m too tipsy for this.” Sirius took his hand and pulled themselves up, trudging over to the lights to turn them off whilst Remus headed up. They watched him move about for a moment before following him up the ladder, leaving just the lights around the bed on.

“You don’t mind princess? You actually liked that because when it came out I wasn’t sure for a second.” Remus looked down, unbuttoning his shirt.

Sirius paused, really thinking on it for a moment. Remus inspired that in Sirius, they could really try and figure out what they wanted instead of going along with something just because someone wanted it. “It’s nice, I like it. I might not like it so much if I’m having a particularly… masc day, I guess?” Sirius sat on the edge of the bed to pull their leggings off. “But I’ll say, if that’s the case? If you can’t tell from other things anyway.”

“Yeah, that’s good,” Remus said unbuttoning his jeans. “I usually never have been big on pet names, but, I don’t know. They fit you.”

Sirius grinned, watching Remus for a moment before pulling off their shirt and crawling up to the head of the bed. “I like them coming from you.”

Remus crawled into bed, sitting next to Sirius. He reached out and touched Sirius’ cheek. “You’re so… I just care so much about you, Sirius.”

Sirius leant forward, pressing up onto their elbow to kiss Remus lightly. “I love you.”

Remus let out a huff of a breath. “I love you too.” He pulled Sirius into a passionate kiss.

Sirius responded immediately, one hand going to Remus’ shoulder to hold the man close whilst their tongue swept across his bottom lip. They had been so caught up in kissing him earlier and now they were right back there again.

Humming into the kiss, Remus’ hand went to Sirius’ back again, his fingers ghosting down their spine once more. Sirius was sure they were going to melt if Remus kept that up, and he didn’t seem like he was going to stop. Remus nipped at Sirius’ bottom lip then pulled away a little to kiss a line down his neck. The man’s teeth lightly scrapped over his throat before sucking, biting, and licking at a particularly sensitive spot.

Sirius moaned softly, dropping their head back as Remus kissed his way down their neck, one hand sliding up through his hair. “God, Rem,” they murmured, their other hand going down Remus’ back to clutch him closer. 

“God, I wanted to kiss you like this all night.” Remus pressed small kisses to Sirius clavicle. He stopped every few to nip and suck at the pale skin there. With his strong hands, he urged Sirius to lay back on their pillow.

Sirius sank into the pillow, their hair fanning out around them, wriggling to try and get comfy but they just wanted Remus closer and closer. They ran hands across Remus’ shoulders and up through his hair, relishing the feeling of him against them. “Feel, God, feel free to.”

Remus paused, laughing into the skin of their shoulder. “Feel free to what?”

“Keep kissing me all night, I dunno,” Sirius mumbled, panting a little. “I can’t think straight with you doing it, either way. What are words? Kiss me again.” Sirius managed a giddy grin and brought Remus back up for a kiss.

“Can you ever think  _ straight _ ?” Remus chuckled against Sirius’ lips. “I love you.” Remus kissed him on the lips quickly. “I love you.” He kissed him on his forehead. “I love you.” He kissed him on the tip of his nose. “I love you.”

Sirius laughed, wrapping their arms around Remus’ shoulders. “Never had a straight thought in my life, my love. I love you, I love you.” They leant forward for a kiss, nipping at Remus’ lower lip, smiling against them.

Remus moved so he was somewhat on top of Sirius, a kneeing slotting between Sirius’. At the shift in friction, Sirius let out what was damn-near a whimper into the kiss, breaking away to try and catch their breath. Their hands razed down Remus’ back, wanting to keep him close. “Oh God, Remus, can I…” They swallowed lightly, trying to concentrate with Remus’ mouth ghosting kisses over their jaw. They hadn’t gotten this far before. They’d spent all night kissing before but it had never gotten this heavy, and Sirius had never felt so turned-on by it all. It had never been like this before. “Remus, can I touch myself?’ they blurt out in a rush, turning to nuzzle in the soft spot behind Remus’ ear.

Their  _ boyfriend _ let out a little laugh at the blurt. “That’s fine, yeah. I’ll just kiss you, if you want.”

“Please. I don’t ever want you to stop kissing me,” Sirius said with a little laugh, slotting their hand down between their bodies to press over their crotch.

“Okay, I can do that.” Remus’ lips were on Sirius again, his hands skimming over their chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is the first one to introduce what we have called "the ol' Sarennifer mid-smut POV switch". It may or may not happen again in the future, just fyi. Thank you guys for reading, we love you!


	5. Chapter 5

Remus could tell that Sirius was getting worked up as they kissed, and to be fair he was sort of egging it on. He liked seeing Sirius get their pleasure. They’d never done this before, so the deeper things got, the more Remus wanted to see Sirius get what he wanted. Granted, he wasn’t ready to give that to them yet, but he more than fine in letting Sirius get himself off.

Sirius hummed in satisfaction, their free hand stroking down Remus’ back and deepening their kiss. Their tongue stroked across his bottom lip and into his mouth. Remus’ own tongue brushed against Sirius’, making Sirius let out another noise of satisfaction. Under him, Sirius’ body tensed and trembled as Remus and Sirius’ tongues continued to tangle together. Remus’ fingers carded through Sirius’ hair.

“God, you’re perfect, Remus, you’re so good,” Sirius murmured into Remus’ mouth, their hand slowly moving between their bodies, where Remus’ knee was still nestled. They nipped at Remus’ bottom lip before dropping their head back a little, biting their own lip.

Grinning, Remus moved his hand down Sirius chest then kissed him shallowly. “Are you going to come? I like watching you like this.”

“Yeah, oh fuck.” Sirius was trembling a little beneath Remus’ touch, looking up at him with heavy-lidded eyes. “Yeah, I’m gonna.” Their free hand raked up Remus’ back to tangle in his hair, pressing a kiss to the corner of Remus’ mouth before trailing their lips over his jaw to the soft spot beneath his ear.

“You’re so fucking beautiful.” Remus put a hand on Sirius’ chin to turn face to him. He leaned down and kissed them with everything he had, pouring his heart out into the kiss.

Sirius kissed back immediately, their hand moving faster for a moment before they tensed beneath Remus and came with a sharp little moan into the kiss. Their hand in Remus’ hair tightened a little, thumb stroking over the nape of his neck.

All Remus could hear was his heart pounding in his ears and Sirius’ heavy breathing. There was nothing better than Sirius like this, he decided. They were so beautiful and open. He didn’t think he’d mind much doing this whenever Sirius needed to. Remus broke the kiss to move back down to Sirius’ neck and throat where there were a few marks blossoming on their pale skin. He decided to add to the marks as Sirius panted and their hips bucked.

“Oh fuck,” Sirius mumbled, half-laughing but shivering at Remus’ kisses. 

Remus’ tongue ran over the chain at the base of Sirius’ throat. They hadn’t taken the necklace off yet and it was shining against their now sweat dampened skin. “I love you.”

Sirius gave a shaky little out-breath and sank back into the bed, their fingers releasing from Remus’ hair and stroking down over his shoulder and upper arm. “I love you too.”

“Want me to get you something to clean up with? I don’t think you’ll be happy waking up if I don’t.” Remus gave them a quick kiss on the lips.

“That would probably be a good idea, wouldn’t it? I can’t quite feel my legs right now,” Sirius murmured, smiling muzzily. They leant up for a quick kiss before collapsing back into the bed.

Happily, Remus pushed himself out of bed and managed to get himself down the ladder without falling. He had a smile plastered on his face as he got a washcloth from the bathroom. He wet the cloth before going back up the ladder to their bed. Sirius was still in the same position he was in when Remus had left. He laughed and held out the damp cloth to Sirius, “Here, princess.”

Sirius grinned and sat up with a groan, taking the wash cloth and quickly cleaning up. “I think you’ve killed me. I still can’t feel my toes and I feel a bit giddy.”

“You’re still very much alive.” Remus shut the lights off around the bed. “I’m feeling giddy too.”

“Okay, okay, I’ll take your word for it.” Sirius threw the washcloth into the laundry basket in the corner. 

Remus settled into bed next to Sirius, moving so he was cuddled up with Sirius, wrapping an arm around them. “So, that was a good night.”

Sirius scoffed and tucked themselves against Remus, tangling a foot between his calves. “Yeah, that was a really good night. A good day in general,” Sirius said through a yawn, touching the chain around their throat.


	6. Chapter 6

The next morning, Sirius reluctantly came awake, burying their face in Remus’ neck and planting a few soft kisses there. They’d had a wonderful night before, seeing Remus so happy at the party and accepted by their friends was great to see, and then they went home and made out. Sirius got off with Remus kissing them the whole time and they were pretty sure they didn’t want to get off any other way ever for the rest of time.

They had to get up soon though, they were due in the studio to take Marlene’s morning class for them, but they really,  _ really  _ didn’t want to move. Instead, Sirius nestled closer to Remus and left a path of tiny kisses up his neck to his jaw.

“Mmm, morning.” Remus moved more into Sirius, not opening his eyes.

“Morning,” Sirius murmured, kissing the corner of Remus’ mouth. “I don’t want to get up.”

“I don’t want you to go either, but you  _ have _ to.”

“I guessss…” Sirius groaned and rolled onto their back, throwing an arm over their eyes. “Are we doing something tonight? Movie? We can cook something?”

“That sounds brilliant.” Remus still had not opened his eyes. “Here or at mine?”

Sirius glanced over, grinning at Remus’ still ‘sleeping’ form. They couldn’t be mad at him,  _ he _ didn’t have to get up. Honestly, Sirius would be quite happy to go to work and come back to find Remus still in their bed, having not moved all day. “Yours. Your kitchen is easier to cook in.”

“Okay, we can go there.” Remus mumbled. “Want me to pick you up at the studio? Or meet you at mine?”

“Come pick me up? I like showing you off to the evening classes when you turn up, and now I get to say —  ” Sirius sat up and leant over, kissing just beneath Remus’ ear — “he’s my boyfriend.”

Remus snorted a laugh. “Yes, my love.”

Sirius pressed another kiss beneath his ear before straightening up. “You stay here, okay? I’m gonna go shower and then I’ll bring coffee up.”

“You’re sweet, thanks.” Remus rolled over, hugging the pillow under his head.

Sirius watched him for a moment longer before shaking their head and climbing down the ladder. They put the coffee on to brew before they padded into the bathroom and switched on the shower. As they did, they caught a glimpse of their neck in the bathroom mirror. “Holy shit!” Sirius stepped up to the mirror and tilted their chin back, seeing clusters of red and purple blooms over their neck, their throat, their collarbones…  _ Shit. _ “Remus!” Sirius called, half in disbelief but also, there was something about having a mark from Remus on them.

“What? Are you okay?” Remus shouted back, sounding panicked.

“What in the ever-living fuck did you do to my neck!? It’s multicoloured!” Sirius traced a finger over one at the base of their throat.  _ Damn _ . 

There was a moment of silence then Sirius heard Remus break into laughter. “Oh! Um, ha, fuck, sorry.”

Sirius bit their lip. “I sort of love it?”

“Good! Why are you shouting at me about it then?” Remus called to them.

“I didn’t expect it. Didn’t know you were a vampire!” Sirius grinned, glad for the compact nature of their flat so they could hold an albeit loud conversation in different rooms. They quickly got undressed, shaking their head at the state of their appearance.

“I’m full of surprises.”

Sirius showered quickly, throwing a towel around their hips as they padded out of the bathroom and to the kitchen to finish coffee. They wondered if Remus would’ve fallen back asleep, because it was suspiciously quiet. With the two coffee mugs in one hand, Sirius ascended the ladder (they were well practised at one-handed ladder climbing) and straightened up to see Remus with his arms around his pillow, eyes shut.

As quietly as they could, Sirius set Remus’ coffee on the bedside table and sipped theirs whilst going over to the dresser and rifling through for clothes. Today would be a good day for a tank top, they thought, stifling a grin. They pulled out the tank they wore when going climbing with Remus the first time, the one with  _ Muscles & Mascara _ on the front, and shrugged it on along with a pair of shorts. The necklace was staying on too. They wound their hair into a quick braid in the mirror in the corner before turning around to grab their phone from the bedside table. Sirius was mid-sip of coffee when they noticed Remus with one eye cracked open, watching them.

“Morning sleepy head,” Sirius said after they’d managed not to choke on coffee in surprise.

Remus yawned again before rubbing their eyes as he sat up in the bed. “Morning.”

“You can go back to sleep if you like.” Sirius crossed over and sat on the edge of the bed, putting a hand on Remus’ calf as they sipped their coffee. “If you don’t have to go anywhere.”

“I just might. Hmmm.” Remus reached out and ran a finger over the lovebite on the juncture of Sirius’ shoulder. “I got a bit carried away, huh?”

Sirius tilted their chin up and turned a little more to show Remus the extent of it, shrugging one shoulder. “A little, but I like it.”

Laughing, Remus shook his head. “Shite. I guess I  _ really _ wanted to make you mine.”

Sirius shuddered at Remus’ words, reaching up to curl their fingers around his wrist. “You don’t need the lovebites for that… Although I’m not complaining about them.”

“I know.” He cupped Sirius’ cheek before kissing them sweetly. “What time do you have to be at the studio?”

Sirius leant forward to kiss him again before pulling back to look at the clock on the bedside. “I have five minutes, I suppose.” They pressed another kiss to Remus’ lips, smiling.

“Perfect, five minutes to kiss the living daylights out of you.” Remus wrapped his arms around Sirius’ waist and pulled them into his lap.

“Only five minutes though, I’ll get carried away otherwise, and I can’t be late, I’m opening,” Sirius murmured, trying to sound stern but some of it was lost against Remus’ mouth, their free hand sliding over his still-bare shoulders.

Remus chuckled before taking the mug from Sirius’ hands to set on the side table. “Only five minutes, I promise.”

“Mmhmm, perfect.” Sirius smiled, taking advantage of their free hand to cup Remus’ jaw and slide their thumb over the line of it. “Less talking, more kissing.”

The man obliged, nipping at Sirius’ bottom lip before sucking it into his mouth. He ran his tongue over it before letting it go. “Hmm, you taste like coffee, s’good.”

“God,” Sirius half-laughed, shifting slightly in Remus’ lap, “you always come out with the best things.” They returned the kiss for a moment, chasing Remus’ tongue with their own. “How do you do that?”

“You say all the right things, how you do  _ that _ ?” Remus replied, hand playing with Sirius’ braid.

“What? Like: you’re bloody gorgeous, and less talking, more kissing, and I love you?” Sirius punctuated every phrase with another kiss, the hand in Remus’ hair feathering the thumb over his temple.

“Like that and all the other stuff that got me to fall for you, especially in those texts after I told you about why I was nervous to talk about my sexuality.” Remus caught Sirius’ lips again for a long, passionate kiss. Sirius hummed into the kiss and pressed closer, remembering how nervous they’d been to broach the subject with Remus, how they hoped Remus wouldn’t have a problem with their fluidity, and how happy they’d been when Remus opened up to them.

“Yeah,” Sirius breathed when they pulled back from the kiss. Remus’ mouth was pink and Sirius’ own lips felt a bit raw from Remus’ stubble. “And you said all the wonderful things that made me fall for you. You were very easy to fall for.”

Remus slid his hand up and under the back of Sirius’ tank top. They shivered at the feel of Remus’ hands on the small of their back. Remus continued to kiss him in reply.

Sirius’ phone alarm broke the passionate moment. For a second, Sirius thought of ignoring it and just continuing to kiss Remus all day, to hell with the business, they could just stay here with Remus all day. But they reluctantly sat back on their heels, still in Remus’ lap, and sighed. “I have to go…”

“Go, we have all night tonight. I’ll pick you up, we’ll go to the shop to pick up something to make, we’ll cook, and then spend the night snogging on the sofa with a movie on in the background.” Remus laid out his plan, touching the longest strand of the necklace with the moon on it.

“Mmm, see, always say the right things.” Sirius grinned. “That sounds perfect.” They still didn’t move.

Remus rolled his eyes, “Love, you’ve got to go. You’re going to be late. I’ll see you in a few hours.”

“Okay, okay.” Sirius went in for one last kiss before they climbed out of Remus’ lap and off the bed. They shoved their feet in their Nike’s, no heels today, and paused at the top of the ladder. “Have a good day. I love you.”

Remus smiled softly. “Bye, I love you too. Have a great day, okay?”

Sirius climbed down the ladder, smiling giddily, and got their things together. On their way out, they paused at the bowl that held their keys, shrugging to themselves. “Just lock up when you leave? Bring the keys with you to the studio, yeah?” 

“Yes, Sirius, see you later!”

“Bye!” Sirius ducked out of the flat and started down the steps. They were going to be thinking of Remus and his kisses all day now, what a hardship.


	7. Chapter 7

After Sirius left for work, Remus drank half his coffee, thinking about them. The night before had been so nice from the market to the party and confession to watching Sirius come undone. Remus was sure that he was in complete bliss. He ended up burrowing into bed again smelling Sirius’ lightly floral shampoo and their woodsy, spicy cologne on the sheets. He breathed in Sirius’ scent, drifting off into another nap.

When he woke up for the third time that morning, he forced himself out of bed and went downstairs with the two mugs that had been left on the side table. He poured himself another cup of coffee then went to making some scrambled eggs and bacon. It felt lonely to be in Sirius’ flat without them, but somewhat nice at the same time. As if they meant enough to one another for that to be something that happened… and they did and it was.

Following his breakfast, Remus tidied up the flat. He retrieved the glasses from the night before, washes the dishes, and made the bed before sitting down to watch some mindless television. He also used the time to text his mates: Peter, Mary, Frank, and Alice. He felt as if he had been neglecting them a bit lately. That needed to be rectified. Not to mention, Remus wanted Sirius to meet people that meant something to him.

About an hour before he had to leave for the studio, Remus hopped in the shower. He thought about shaving, but decided to keep the stubble for now. Then he went up to the loft to find some clothes he had inevitably left at Sirius’ on the weeks before. God, it took them so bloody long to figure out something that was probably fairly evident, huh?

Remus grabbed his clothes from the night before and stuffed them in a small duffle he found under Sirius’ bed. He also grabbed some clothes for Sirius, a couple of options because Sirius could hardly ever decide on anything. Remus hopes they could do something nice tomorrow since it was Sunday and they were both off. 

When everything was all set, Remus grabbed Sirius’ keys and headed out the door with the duffle. He was dying to give Sirius a few more kisses. There was just something so right in the way that they felt. Remus loved every second of it. He sighed thinking of the way Sirius looked at him after he got off the night before as he made his way to the studio.

When he got into Ascendence, Hestia was behind the counter. She was giving him a reproachful glance with an eyebrow raised.

“What?” Remus furrowed his brow, setting the duffle down on the chair in the front room.

“Oh, nothing.” Hestia sighed, shrugging one shoulder. “Your partner wouldn’t shut up about you. Not that we need to hear it because we can all see it with our own eyes. Doesn’t need to draw attention to them with the necklace..”

Remus felt like he was on fire because he knew she was talking about the hickeys. He wasn’t even thinking when he did that. Whatever came over him was something he apparently couldn’t control. Thank goodness Sirius didn’t mind. Though, it seemed like they were doing a bit of boasting.

“Oh god.”

“Damn, Lupin, it’s always the quiet ones, isn’t it?” She snorted a laugh as the door to the pole studio flung open.

“Remus!” Sirius was just a blur of colours as they sprang through the doors and over to Remus, throwing their arms around his neck. “Hi, boyfriend!”

He laughed, hugging them back. “Hi, love. How was your day?”

Sirius pressed a kiss to Remus’ lips, not letting him go. “Good, tiring but good. How was yours? I missed you.”

Hestia snorted from behind the desk and Remus saw her walk into the studio over Sirius’ shoulder.

“Well, I did nothing but sleep, watching crap TV, and tidy up your flat a bit.” Remus watched a few women leave the studio. They were all giving him knowing looks. God.

“You tidied up for me?” Sirius grinned, finally letting go of Remus and straightening up as a few of the women walked past and said goodbye. They looked a little sheepish for a moment. “Thank you. That’s lovely. Sleep and crap TV sounds great.”

“Maybe we can do that tomorrow. I was thinking of doing something nice, but that sounds brilliant too.” Remus’ hand came up to the moon on Sirius’ necklace. “Do you want to get ready so we can go pick up some food to make?”

“Yeah, come in with me,” Sirius said, taking Remus’ hand and pulling him into the studio. “We can do something nice tomorrow though. I’m actually off, so we can go somewhere, or go see something… I dunno, I’m happy just spending time with you.”

Remus followed Sirius into the studio. “That sounds great, we can have a bit of lie-in though.”

“Mm, that sounds good. I did  _ not _ want to get up this morning.” Sirius squeezed his hand before letting go and trailing around the studio to pick up various things they had evidently strewn around throughout their classes. Doing something like tidying up, Sirius looked so effortless and elegant, even with their hair in an incredibly messy braid and a whole handful of lovebites on their neck.

“Need me to help with anything?” Remus leaned on the barre.

“Apart from seeing you spontaneously burst into a ballet routine when you’re leaning like that?” Sirius laughed, sweeping up a towel from the front of the room and throwing it over their shoulders.

Remus held on to the barre and elevated on to their toes. “That’s as much as you’re getting,” he said before settling back flat on to his feet.

Sirius snickered with laughter and crossed over to kiss Remus lightly on the lips. “It was wonderful. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. That’s the best dancing I’ve ever done.” He settled his hands on their hips.

“Oh, I dunno. I remember you shaking your thing the other week at the bar. There were some good moves there.”

“That was the whisky, not Remus.” He kissed Sirius’ forehead.

“Oh, well, tell the whisky I like its dancing, okay?” Sirius smiled, gently pulling themselves out of Remus’ grip to grab their bag and finish packing up.

“Sure, I’ll let it know. Ready?”

Sirius shouldered their bag and shoved their feet back into their Nike’s. “Yep, let’s go.” On the way out of the studio they grabbed their jacket from behind the desk and threw it over one arm. “What do you fancy for dinner?”

Humming as he grabbed the duffle from the chair he considered the options. “How about we make some pizza? We can buy the crust and pick whatever toppings we fancy,” Remus suggested.

“Ooh, that sounds good. Yes, let’s do that. You’re full of good ideas, Rem.” Sirius took their free hand as they walked out of the studio and Sirius paused to lock up as the last one out that night.

“Hear anything from Marly? Dorky left me on read earlier.” Remus chuckled.

“ _ Ouch _ .” Sirius grimaced. “Nope, nothing. Radio silence all day. I bet they’ve not gotten out of bed. Either that or they’ve decided on an impromptu trip to… I dunno, Corfu or something.”

“Ha, god, Marly is so over the top, I wouldn’t put it past her.” Remus led them down the street to the bus stop to take them to the other side of town. He figured it was better to go to the place by his flat to get their supplies for the night.

“Right? We’ll have to wait and see where they reemerge.” Sirius sat on the bench at the bus stop, stretching their legs out in front of them, pointing and flexing their toes.

Remus watched Sirius for a moment. They had a slight smile on their face as they watched down the street for the bus. He couldn’t believe that he was so bloody happy and with such a beautiful person like Sirius, it felt so surreal. Remus kissed Sirius quickly then grinned at him. “I swear, I’ve never been this stupidly in love before.”

Sirius’ eyebrows were raised when Remus pulled back, surprised by the kiss out of nowhere. They grinned widely, their cheeks flushing a little pink. “Me neither. So, so stupidly in love.”

A warm feeling came over him, and he was completely content. The bus came up to the stop, and Sirius pulled Remus up. Normally, Remus would have walked but Sirius had been working out all day, so he didn’t mind taking the bus. Nor did he mind when Sirius was wearing their ridiculously high heels. He was just happy to be with Sirius.


	8. Chapter 8

Sirius might’ve dozed a little on Remus’ shoulder on the bus; they were tired from a hard day at work, and had split Marlene’s classes with Hestia so the woman herself could have a day off. Thankfully, though, a brief nap on Remus’ very comfortable shoulder seemed to have helped, and when Remus nudged them awake and tugged them off the bus, they felt a lot better.

In the shop, they picked up pizza crusts and stood for a while, trying to decide what to put  _ on _ their pizza. Sirius wanted pineapple, but Remus wouldn’t have any of it. In the end, they decided to get two smaller crusts, so Sirius could have ham and pineapple, and Remus could insist on a classic margherita. Sirius also grabbed a sweet pastry crust, some cream and a punnet of berries, to make the only dessert they knew how. They needed to get better for desserts for Remus.

Sirius nudged Remus with their elbow as they waited in line for the check-out, two bottles of wine under their arm. “Don’t look so disgusted. When we’re in Italy I’ll eat good pizza, I just like pineapple sometimes.”

“I can’t believe that I’m in love with someone who like pineapple on their pizza. What the fuck did I get myself into?” Remus sighed, adjusting the bags in his hands.

Sirius popped onto their toes and wrapped their arm around Remus’ shoulders. They were close to the same height when Sirius wore their heels, but they were in trainers today and it strange to be a little shorter than them. “You love it really. And you’ll still kiss me even after I’ve eaten pineapple on pizza.”

Making a face like he sucked on a lemon, Remus shook his head. “I’m not sure I love you that much.”

“Pfft, we’ll see about that.” Sirius kissed the corner of Remus’ mouth, sinking back onto their heels as they walked out of the shop and started around the corner to Remus’ place. They split their time together pretty evenly between their two flats, but Remus’ had a homely feel to it Sirius’ lacked in some way. Even if Remus’ mattress was  _ awful _ .

“Maybe  _ after _ wine and dessert,” Remus considered with a furrowed brow.

“Okay, okay.” Sirius couldn’t keep the grin off their face. 

They walked together, with Sirius’ hand in the crook of Remus’ arm, to the man’s flat. Sirius took the bag of food as Remus unlocked the door and led the way up to the flat. Sirius took the bag to the kitchen and started unloading everything.

Remus grabbed Sirius’ bag and took it and the duffle into the living room. “I packed you some clothes by the way, I brought options. I hope you like them.”

“I’m sure I will. You’ve got good style, Rem,” Sirius said, setting things in the fridge, including the wine. 

“I have terrible style, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Remus laughed as he came back into the kitchen. He opened one of the cabinets and took out a baking sheet for the pizza.

Sirius turned and gaped at Remus. “Eh? You have  _ great _ style, Remus. You always look really put together and stylish. Have you  _ looked _ in the mirror?” Sirius smacked Remus on the arm with a handful of basil leaves.

“Next to you? I look like a bag of garbage. Nice garbage, but not as stylish as you.” Remus gave Sirius a swift tap on the bum.

“Oi!” Sirius said, without any bite. “And please, everyone looks like garbage next to me.” Sirius grinned and kissed him briefly. “But you are the best garbage.”

“You’re so romantic.” Remus put his hand over his head and pretended to swoon.

“I’m glad you think so,” Sirius murmured, setting down the ingredients for their pizzas and bumping Remus with their hip. “Only the best for you, Rem.”

Remus snorted a laughed, took out two glasses for this wine. “Oh, so I was talking to some of my mates, and thinking you should probably meet them since I met everyone last night after all.”

“Oh! Sure,” Sirius said, setting the pizza crusts on the baking sheet. They couldn’t quite decide if they were nervous about that idea or not? Remus got along with Sirius’ friends so well, and there was no real reason why they wouldn’t like Sirius, unless they were ridiculously transphobic. But Sirius reckoned Remus wouldn’t be friends with someone like that. “Hope they’ll like me.”

Rolling his eyes, Remus grabbed one of the bottles from the fridge. “They’re going to love you. Alice and Frank are into lindy hop, so they like all things dance… Oh! I wonder if they know Bill, Fleur, and Tonks. I’ve never seen three people dance together. That’s neat.”

“Really?” Sirius passed Remus the bottle opener. “Yeah, Bill, Fleur and Tonks are dancers. I bet they do know each other! And maybe I can get  _ them _ on the pole, if you won’t.”

Remus went to opening the wine, turning the corkscrew into the cork. “Ha, you might be able to. I know Peter won’t be getting up there, he’s the most uncoordinated. He enjoys watching footy, but he’s not the active sort. Mary might get on the pole, though she’s seven months pregnant now.”

“Oh God, okay. Mary can observe from the sidelines if she wants. Although I did see someone this really pretty stationary floor routine on Instagram, and they were pregnant...” Sirius shook their head. “That’s besides the point anyway. I’d love to meet them, if they want to meet me.”

“We’ll do something, not pole just yet. I’d like you to meet them for like dinner or something first,” Remus said as the cork popped out of the bottle. “They’re going to love you.”

Sirius held the two wine glasses out in turn so Remus could pour the wine. “Dinner sounds good. Very domestic.” 

“I was thinking we could do dinner out, if that’s okay.” Remus reached for the glasses, pressing a kiss to Sirius’ temple.

“Oh,” Sirius laughed, pressing one glass into Remus’ hand and taking a sip of the other. “Oh. Yeah, that’s much better. I was wondering if we’d try to make ham and pineapple pizza fancy.” Sirius grinned impishly. They would never get tired of riling Remus up about silly little things.

“It’s too bad we’re going to have to break up after only less than 24 hours of being officially together,” Remus said solemnly before taking a sip of his wine.

Sirius grinned, stepping up to Remus and cupping his cheek in their palm. They rubbed their thumb across the top of his cheekbone and murmured, “Can I try and convince you that’s a bad idea?”

“Hmm, maybe.” Remus set his glass down, so he could wrap his arms around Sirius’ waist.

“Just give me a minute,” Sirius whispered, closing the gap between them and kissing Remus soundly on the mouth, setting their wine glass down next to his. They had missed doing this, had thought about it all day. Sirius slid their tongue over the seam of Remus’ lips, tasting the wine there.

Remus pressed Sirius back up against the fridge, his hand rubbing small circles into their back. His tongue chased after Sirius’ with a little moan. Sirius hummed happily at Remus’ moan, glad to know he enjoyed this as much as Sirius did. Sirius’ hands tangled through Remus’ curls, holding each other close as they explored each other’s mouths.

Breaking the kiss, Remus took a few deep breaths with a smile plastered across his face. “We should get to making the pizzas. We can pick this up later.”

“Yeah,” Sirius breathed, rubbing a hand over their face. “Pizza first, else my stomach will complain. I barely had time for lunch.”

Remus shook his head as he stepped away from Sirius, moving to the counter. “Love, you have to have lunch when you’re working like that.”

“I know, I know,” Sirius replied, not even trying to hide the grin on their face at the affectionate nickname. They moved along next to Remus and opened up the jar of sauce for the pizza crusts. “I ended up doing some paperwork between classes and it was suddenly the next class and — ” Sirius shrugged, adding sauce to both crusts — “just... got away from me I guess.”

“Well, take more care because I love you  — God, that’s such a soppy thing to say.” Remus laughed as he reached for the cheese.

“Yeah.” Sirius mimed gagging. “That’s too cheesy even for me,” they said, smiling to themselves. “But I will try and take more care so you don’t get mad at me.”

Remus smiled as they continued to make their pizzas side by side. 

Soon, they were on the sofa, starting on the second bottle of wine. Pizza had been a roaring success, even despite Remus’ face whilst Sirius’ gleefully tucked into their pineapple covered one. Whilst they were in the oven Sirius whipped up a berries and cream dessert with the pastry crust and after pizza they set the dish on the coffee table and tucked into it, armed with a spoon each.

Sirius had one leg tucked up beneath them, nestling their foot beneath Remus’ thigh, as they grinned around a spoonful of dessert. When Remus was a little tipsy the tips of his ears went pink.

“This is so fucking good,” Remus exclamed before going for another spoon full.

“I can tell, you’re grinning like the Cheshire Cat,” Sirius said, sipping their wine before grabbing another spoonful. They definitely didn’t have as much of a sweet tooth as Remus, but this was good.

“I could eat the whole thing by myself. I should send a thank you card to Effy.” Remus reached for his wine.

“She would be  _ so pleased _ .” Sirius sat back on the sofa, taking a break for a moment. “And it honestly wouldn’t surprise me if you did, caro.”

Remus’ eyes went wide over his wine glass. “Caro?”

Sirius hadn’t even really realised they’d said the nickname, a relic from their time spent in Italy during their travels, but it had slipped out and seemed to suit Remus. “Yeah,” Sirius said, turning pink and smiling. “You like it?”

“I love it, Sirius. It’s… yeah… no one’s called me it before. I like it.” Remus set the glass down as the movie was coming to an end behind them. “This song, I can play this on the piano.” Remus pointed to the TV.

“You can?” Sirius swallowed their wine and set the glass down. “It’s a crime you don’t have a piano here,  _ caro _ . I want to hear you play some day.”

“Of course, one day.” Remus stood up and held out their hand to them.

Sirius’ heart leapt into their throat at the sincere little smile on Remus’ face. They slipped their hand into his and let him pull them up. “Oh, I see,” Sirius said softly, trying not to smile. “I just speak Italian to you, then you turn into the most romantic man in the world?”

“We also have drank nearly two bottles of wine. I’m feeling pretty romantic right now.” Remus led them to the middle of the living room.

“Mmm, I’m not complaining,” Sirius said softly, smiling. They felt pretty tipsy and romantic right now too. “You’re so handsome, you know.”

Remus just shook his head putting his free hand on Sirius’ side. “This is the only kind of dancing I’ll do drunk or not.”

“That’s okay, I like this kind of dancing with you best,” Sirius said, sliding their arms around Remus’ waist as he started swaying them from side to side. 

Remus rested his forehead against Sirius’ and started to sing along with the lyrics. Sirius was sure that he was going to pass out by how sweet this all was. “ _ In the hush of the night while you’re in my arms, I feel your lips, so warm and tender, My one and only love _ …”

Sirius shook their head softly, licking their lips before trying to speak. “I like wine-drunk Remus, a lot,” they said, trying to form words and not just incoherent noises at how wonderful Remus was. It was like a dam had broken between them and they could both be honest with how they were feeling. And right now, Sirius felt ridiculously in love. They kissed the corner of Remus’ mouth, not wanting to interrupt his beautiful singing. 

Remus continued on, “ _ The blush of your cheek whenever I speak, Tells me that you are my own, You fill my eager heart with such desire, Every kiss you give sets my soul on fire, I give you myself in sweet surrender, My one and only love…” _

“Caro,” Sirius whispered softly, unable to stop the nickname now they had said it once before. They lifted a hand to brush a curl away from Remus’ temple, smiling now and not even trying to hide it. “You’re ridiculous.”

“I’m feeling a bit more than ridiculous right now,” Remus spoke in a low voice. “I really want to take all your clothes off and kiss nearly every inch of you.”

“Oh god,” Sirius said, shivering and instinctively pressing closer to Remus. “Yeah, yeah we can do that. Fuck, we can do that…”

“Okay, okay, yeah. If you need to get off later you can. I don’t mind.” Remus pulled away a little, taking a step towards his bedroom.

“Yeah, whatever you want, caro, whatever, just… c’mere and let me kiss you.” Sirius reached for Remus and pulled their bodies back together, kissing him deeply. They didn’t care about getting off right now — it would be great,  _ really, really  _ great — but they just wanted Remus, it didn’t really matter  _ how _ . Sirius wanted to take the initiative and drag Remus to bed and kiss him senseless and make him feel wonderful, but they knew that wasn’t how this all worked between them. Remus was the one calling the shots, and Sirius didn’t mind that at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not quiiiite a Sarennifer mid-smut POV switch, but close-ish! 😂 The song they are listening and dancing to is [My One and Only Love](https://youtu.be/ecrE80rnjhw) by John Coltrane and Johnny Hartman.


	9. Chapter 9

The way that Remus felt as they danced in the middle of the living room with Sirius was overwhelming. His nerve endings were probably on fire with the amount of love and affection that he had for Sirius. Feeling dizzy from the wine, Remus felt something close to  _ want _ . It wasn’t that he wanted sex, he didn’t want to drag Sirius to bed and have his way with them or vice versa, he just wanted to show them how much he loved them. They wanted to shower Sirius with love and appreciation of their beautiful mind, body, and soul.

Remus’ hands clutched at Sirius’ shirt, holding them close as they kissed, deep and passionate. He wanted to Sirius laid out beneath him, he wanted to map out every wonderful part of their skin. All he could think about was them. He pulled back, huffing short breaths against Sirius’ cheek for a moment, trying to catch his breath and get his head on a little. “I love you.”

Sirius hummed softly, their hands going through Remus’ hair and down over his shoulders and arms. “I love you too, so much.”

“Come on, come to bed.” Remus, fingers gently brushed over their cheek.

Sirius tilted their head to kiss Remus’ fingertips, their hands falling to his hips to pull him along through to the bedroom. “Yeah,” they breathed, nipping gently at the pads of Remus’ fingers, their grey eyes staring at him like he really was something beautiful.

With a shaky breath, Remus traced around Sirius’ pouty bottom lip with his thumb before dropping his hand to drag Sirius all the way into the room. He could hardly contain the desire to take Sirius apart piece by piece. Remus wanted to know what every part of Sirius tasted like. What they felt like when he kissed their inner thigh or brushed his lips over their abdomen.

“You’re so beautiful,” Sirius said, stumbling a little in their haste to follow Remus into the bedroom. “You’re so… C’mere.” Sirius ran his hands over Remus’ shoulders and down his back, fingers digging in slightly. 

Remus sighed into the kiss as his hands slid under Sirius’ tank top, lightly grazing his nails up. He only broke the kiss to get Sirius’ top off and to throw it aside before diving back into that beautiful, pink mouth. His tongue teased into Sirius’ mouth, not wanting to be away from it so long. There was this pull in Sirius that Remus felt no matter where they were. Behind his teeth, deep down, somewhere that Remus couldn’t reach but he tried.

Sirius ran their hands down to the hem of Remus’ shirt, sliding their palms over his lower back. “Can I?” Sirius said, their fingers peeking under Remus’ shirt. 

“Ya- yeah, yes, please.” Remus pressed a few kisses to Srius’ jaw.

Sirius did so immediately, gathering Remus’ shirt up and pulling it over his head, dropping it aside. They ran their hands over Remus’ shoulders and ducked their head to kiss the juncture of his neck and shoulder. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” He reached up to Sirius’ hair to gently pull it out of the bun that it was in. They shivered when Remus’ fingers carded through their locks, over the scalp. “Can I take your shorts off?” He asked, voice still not completely firm. They hadn’t undressed each other before. Sure, they had kissed in their PJ’s and last night they had been half dressed, but this felt different. It felt  _ more. _

“Yeah.” Sirius nodded, leaning into Remus’ touch. “Whatever you want, caro, I’m yours, whatever you want.”

Remus hooked his thumbs over the elastic band of Sirius’ shorts, pulling them down off of their hips. Going back to Sirius’ mouth, Remus pushed them all the way off so they pooled at their feet. With trembling hands, Remus took Sirius’ hands and led them to the bed. As Sirius sat on the edge of the bed, Remus licked his lips, thinking about how he wanted to shut the lights off but he wanted to  _ see  _ Sirius. 

Then he had an idea. He shut his lamp off then plugged in the fairy lights that were strung up behind the headboard of his bed. When he turned around he found Sirius sprawled out on their back, the warm lights throwing the most beautiful patterns on their pale skin. Remus grinned as Sirius smiled back at him, chest moving quickly as if they were a little out of breath. Remus also noticed the bulge in the front of their black briefs, a sight that made Remus want to kiss them even more. It gave him satisfaction because  _ he  _ was the one to make Sirius feel that way.

“Hi,” Sirius said, running a hand through their hair to push it back off their face. “Are you okay?”

The laugh that Remus let out almost sounded as if it didn’t come out of his mouth. “Okay? Sirius, I’m more than okay.” He went to take off his jeans.

“Good.” Sirius sat up, reaching over to take Remus’ hand and pull him closer. “Let me?”

“Yeah,” Remus’ hand went back into Sirius’ hair. “Go ahead.”

“You’re so handsome, caro.” They tilted their head and kissed the inside of Remus’ wrist, carefully unbuttoning Remus’ jeans, eyes flickering between their hands and Remus’ face.

“God, Sirius, you’re just… you’re just so much.” Remus said as Sirius undid the zip.

“I love you.” Another kiss to Remus’ wrist, their lips lingering there for a moment as they gently pulled Remus’ jeans open. They were so careful and so gentle, tracing their fingers over Remus’ stomach with reverence.

“I don’t know if love is even the right for for how I feel about you right now,” Remus murmured as Sirius slowly worked Remus’ jeans down his thighs.

‘That’s the word I’m going with,” Sirius said softly, shifting up onto their knees to push Remus’ jeans down so they pooled around his feet. “I don’t know a better one right now.” Sirius ran a palm up the outside of Remus’ thigh. 

“Me either, love.” Remus’ hands went through Sirius’ hair one more time. “Can you lay on your back again?”

“Mmhm.” Sirius kissed his wrist again before laying back down on the bed, stretching their legs out and smiling at him.

With one more long look at Sirius’ body stretched out before him, Remus took a deep breath. He climbed onto the bed, straddling Sirius’ thighs and they let out a sharp inhale before beaming up at him. Remus took a moment to decide what he was going to do. He brushed his hands over their necklace, thumbing over one of the stars. Remus wished that he wanted to shag them because it felt like he should want that, but the thought only passed through his head for a moment. Sirius probably did want that, but he wanted Remus happy more than anything.

“Hey,” Sirius said softly, reaching up to card their fingers through Remus’ hair. “It’s okay… Whatever you want or don’t want, caro, it’s all okay. You say and we can stop, we can do whatever you want, no problems, no nothing. Whatever you want.”

Remus wanted to sob at Sirius’ words because he never felt so understood before. “No, no it’s okay, I’m just thinking about… societal pressures. You know, the usual?” He waved a hand then Sirius let out a soft laugh.

Sirius chuckled. “Well they can just fuck off. No place for ‘em here. I’ll fend them all off for you.”

“I know… I - yeah, I know. I want to do what I said earlier, kissing you just about everywhere and you can get off if you need to. I just want you to know it’s okay with me. More than, because I like watching you come.”

“Oh… fuck that’s hot.” Sirius shifted slightly, scraping their hair back off their face again before reaching up to touch at Remus’ bottom lip. “It’s fine, I know it’s okay. It’s all okay, caro.”

With a new renewed passion, Remus bent down to capture Sirius’ lips with his own. He felt better now, as if some metaphorical weight was lifted from his shoulders. Remus shifted his body down so he could trail his lips down Sirius’ neck. They smelt like their woodsy and spicy cologne as well as their own sweat from a hard days work. Remus groaned as he licked at one of the many lovebites he had left the night before.

Remus slowly made his way down and across Sirius’ body. Kissing, licking, and biting at every inch of Sirius’ chest, arms, and neck. Under him, Sirius was moaning and arching into the touches Remus’ lips on their skin. He paused when he got to Sirius’ pants, considering what to do for a moment. He decided to leave them on but ghosted his lips over the bulge there.

“ _ Fuck _ ,” Sirius moaned, their fingers clenching in the bedsheets either side of them, hips bucking a little. “Oh my  _ god _ , Remus. I--”

Remus couldn’t help the smirk as he looked up at Sirius. “All right?”

“Yeah, yeah, oh I’m so fucking turned on.” Sirius wriggled a little beneath him, shuddering. They glanced down to see Remus smirking up at them and made an incoherent noise, dropping their head back again.

Remus laughed, continuing his path down. He licked a long stripe over Sirius’ inner thigh, before peppering kissing down Sirius’ smooth legs, all the way down to the tips of their toes before moving to his other leg, working his way up back to their thigh. He bit his lip once more then decided he really wanted to see  _ all _ of Sirius. Remus’ fingers plucked at Sirius’ pants. “Can I take these off?”

Sirius lifted their head again, groaning. They nodded their head and made a noise that sounded something like  _ yeah _ .

Slowly, he got the briefs off, sitting back to get them all the way off Sirius. Remus ran his hands up Sirius’ leg after tossing the underwear off the bed. He smiled when his eyes fixed on Sirius’ cock that was just as perfect as the rest of them, long and lean. Remus was also surprised to see a nautical star low on Sirius hip. It was in a place that Remus had never seen because it was always covered by something.

“Roll over on your stomach,” Remus said as his fingers trailed down their calf.

“Yeah,” Sirius said, pushing themselves up onto their hands. “C’mere, let me kiss you first, please.” They reached out for Remus, cupping his cheek and bringing him in for a soft, loving kiss. Their thumb brushed over Remus’ jaw before they pulled back, smiling softly, and moved to roll onto their front.

Remus watched Sirius move gracefully to his stomach. When they settled, Remus continued to map Sirius’ body with his mouth. He gave the same love to their back as his did their chest. When he got to the swell of Sirius’ bum he gave it a sharp little bite and Sirius’ hips thrust forward into the mattress. Remus laughed then continued to move down then back up again. Sirius was shivering under him.

When he got back to Sirius’ neck, Remus buried his face in Sirius’ hair as he traced a finger down their side. “What do you need, Sirius?”

Sirius made a soft noise, shuddering again at the light touch of Remus’ fingers. Arms trembling, they pushed themselves up onto their hands and rolled over to reach up and pull Remus down into a fierce kiss. “You, just you,” they ushered out, one hand staying cupped around Remus’ jaw, the other sliding down between them.

Remus moaned into the kiss, so thrilled that Sirius was like this because of him again. He ran a hand down Sirius’ chest then wrapped a hand around Sirius’ wrist on the hand that was around their cock. They stopped for a moment and Remus shook his head. “Keep going this is okay.”

Sirius nodded shakily, pressing their forehead to Remus’ as they stroked over their cock, staring up at him with lips parted and panting softly. “Holy shit…”

“I love watching you like this. You’re so… you look so perfect this way,” Remus whispered before his lips found Sirius’ again.

Sirius kissed him back instantly, moaning softly against Remus’ lips and moving their hand faster. They nipped at Remus’ bottom lip, their free hand sliding around the side of his neck, trembling a little. Remus’ tongue tangled with Sirius’ as Remus’ free hand came up to Sirius’ necklace. He broke the kiss to ghost his lips down their neck, stopping to suck a new mark into Sirius’ skin.

“Ah, fuck,  _ Remus! _ ” Sirius yelped, turning their face to bury into Remus’ hair as they tensed beneath him and came with a shudder, hips pressing up. 

Remus nuzzled Sirius’ neck for a moment as they trembled against him. He dropped his hand from Sirius’ wrist so he could pet their hair. “You’re so good.”

Sirius gasped, sinking back into the bed with a sharp exhale. They shifted slightly to pepper the side of Remus’ face they could reach with kisses. “Oh my god…”

“That was good then?” Remus asked with a chuckle, still running his hand through Sirius’ hair.

“Yeah, sweet baby Jesus,  _ yes _ , Remus, you are fucking  _ brilliant _ , you’re so brilliant.” Sirius leant up again, pulling back well enough to look Remus in the eyes properly. “You are fucking  _ perfect _ , and I love you so much and I want you to know that, okay? I want you to know how much I care for you.”

Remus didn’t know what to say, so he pulled Sirius into another kiss.


	10. Chapter 10

Sirius drifted off to sleep that evening snuggled up against Remus, their arm flung across his middle to keep him close even in their sleep. They were exhausted, sated, and so disgustingly in love.

In the morning they woke up with Remus tucked against their back, his face pressed into their neck. As quietly as possible, Sirius slipped out from Remus’ embrace and off the bed. They needed the bathroom, and coffee, they decided, and Remus could sleep in a little later. For a moment, they stood by the bed, watching Remus sleeping, his arms wrapping around the pillow Sirius had been using now that they weren’t in the bed with him. He looked so peaceful, and  _ so _ beautiful.

Sirius padded over to Remus’ dresser and grabbed a shirt from the drawer. Their tank top was still discarded at the foot of the bed, but they weren’t in the mood for that; they wanted Remus’ shirt. Sirius pulled on the orange shirt with the climbing hand position diagrams as they walked through to the bathroom. Remus wouldn’t wake for a while, they reckoned, he really liked his sleep. 

In the living room Sirius rifled through their duffle bag, chuckling at the fact it hadn’t made it through to the bedroom with them the night before. They pulled on some clean underwear and headed through to the kitchen in search of coffee. They put the radio on quietly in the background as they made coffee and did a bit of washing up. 

True, they could’ve stayed in bed with Remus, but they were too full of energy, too euphoric at how wonderful last night had gone. Being in bed with Remus, with Remus kissing them  _ all over _ was the single most erotic thing Sirius had ever been involved with. They had been so wildly turned on they were pretty sure if Remus had carried on, they could’ve just come from kissing. God, it was amazing. 

Sirius couldn’t get over how much they  _ loved _ Remus, and how quickly it had all happened. It had been just over 24 hours since they had admitted their love for each other, and now Sirius was in so deep they couldn’t imagine being without him. 

Wiggling their hips to the music on the radio, Sirius danced their way over to the fridge to get the milk for coffee, then back to their mugs. They were just so  _ happy _ . Grabbing a coffee mug in each hand, Sirius danced their way back towards the bedroom. Maybe they could make Remus breakfast in bed later, but coffee first. 

In bed they were surprised to find Remus sitting on the edge with a smile on his face. “Nice shirt.”

Sirius stopped, grinning. “I didn’t want my tank. You don’t mind, do you? Also, good morning, I love you.”

“Good morning, I love you too,” Remus said as Sirius joined him on the bed. “I love it on you.” He pressed a kiss to their temple before taking a mug.

“It’s a bit big,” Sirius said, sitting on the edge of the bed and tucking one foot up beneath them. “But it’s comfy.” They sipped their coffee. “You sleep well?”

Remus hummed, reaching his free hand out to brush over where Sirius’ clavicle was peeking out from the dipping collar. “It’s nice, I like it. And yeah, I slept brilliantly. How about you? I know this mattress is shite.”

Sirius grinned, leaning over to kiss Remus’ cheek. “I had you to cuddle so, yeah, I slept well.”

“Ah, you’re so sweet.” Remus gave him a quick peck on the lips. “What should we do today? What do you feel like doing?”

“We can stay here for a while. I like sleepy morning-Remus too much to make him leave right away. Then, I dunno, we can go for lunch or something? Why don’t you see if your friends are around?” Sirius sat back against the head of the bed, tugging Remus with them.

Remus wrapped his free arm around Sirius shoulders. “Sure, I’ll text them in a bit. I think I left my phone in the living room last night. Sort of got carried away…”

Sirius laughed. “Please don’t ever,  _ ever _ apologise for that, Remus. That was probably the best night of my entire life?”

Laughing into his mug, Remus shook his head. “You flatter me.”

“I mean,  _ yes _ , because you deserve it. But also, I’m just being honest. I don’t know that I’ve ever been that turned on before, and I got to be here with you and that’s… that’s just the best thing.”

“Certainly you’ve had better nights in the bedroom, all I did was kiss you.” Remus took a sip of his coffee.

Sirius stared at Remus like he’d sprouted a second head or started speaking Swahili. “You’re joking, right?” They set their coffee down and turned to Remus properly, shifting onto their knees. “Tell me you’re joking, Remus.”

“Sirius, you don’t have to be crazy enthusiastic about it. I get if you’d rather some actual, I don’t know, touching that isn’t a kiss for you to get off.” Remus tapped his fingers against the ceramic mug.

Sirius couldn’t believe it. How the hell could Remus think that? Unable to think of anything else to express how incredibly  _ wrong _ that sentence felt, Sirius smacked Remus on the arm. “That’s for being stupid. You really think that? Really?” Scoffing in disbelief, Sirius climbed into Remus’ lap and straddled his thighs. “You are so fucking smart Remus but you’re so fucking dumb sometimes. I got off last night with you, and there was no other way I’d rather it be. Okay?” They hooked a finger under Remus’ chin to bring their gazes together. “I mean it. I had pretty much the best night of my life with you last night because no one has ever made me feel so wanted before in my whole life. No one has fucking, I don’t know,  _ worshipped _ me like that before. Except you. Christ, I was so turned on I nearly came when you fucking  _ breathed _ on me. It’s you, Remus. I don’t want anyone else, regardless of everything else.”

Remus set aside his coffee and placed his hands flat on Sirius’ thighs. “No one has ever made me feel the way that you make me feel and I… I don’t know. I want to give you everything, but I feel like I can’t sometimes. I, ugh, I — ”

Sirius pressed a quick kiss to Remus’ mouth to cut him off. “ _ Everything _ in this case, just means you, Rem. I’ll have whatever you want to give me, whatever you feel  _ able _ to give me. If that’s kissing until 3 in the morning that’s great, if it’s watching me get off and calling me beautiful whilst I do, that’s great — ” Sirius heaved a breath — “that one’s really great. And if, one day, that’s getting off together, or getting yourself off with me here in whatever capacity you’ll let me, then that’s great too, and if that  _ never _ happens, that’s great too. Okay? It’s all…” Sirius sighed, wishing they could make Remus see himself how they did. “It’s all okay. I like you for you, not how we get off.”

“You really do say all the right things.” Remus’ voice cracked, tears filling his eyes. “It just feels like no one ever really  — ever really got it before.”

“Yeah. I get it, I’m  _ trying _ to get it, as much as I can.” Sirius pressed a kiss between Remus’ brows, stroking their hands through his hair and down over his neck and shoulders. 

“You do, you, fuck,” Remus stopped as the tears spilled over and he buried his face in Sirius’ chest.

Sirius clenched their eyes shut and hugged Remus close, stroking their hands over and over through his hair. “I just… don’t want you to think you mean less to me because we don’t have sex.”

“I know, it’s just… I never wanted…” Remus trailed off, tears making the front of Sirius’ borrowed shirt damp.

“It’s okay, caro,” Sirius murmured, pressing endless kisses into Remus’ hair and holding tightly onto him. “It’s okay, I love you.”

Remus just stayed quiet, wrapping his arms around Sirius for a few more minutes. Eventually, he straightened up, eyes red from crying and took a deep breath. “Thanks, I  — I love you too. There’s just a lot of emotions going on right now.” He brought his hands up to his eyes to rub them.

“Yeah,” Sirius said, smiling softly and trying to ignore the tears gathering in their own eyes. They had gotten caught up in each other  _ so quickly _ , but Sirius had never had anyone understand them so well before, and neither had Remus. “Lots of emotions.”

Remus gave Sirius the softest kiss on the lips before pulling back. “I’m starving, crying took a lot out of me.” He gave a rough chuckle.

“I saw some eggs in the fridge earlier. I’ll go and make us something, yeah?” Sirius smiled, tenderly brushing Remus’ hair out of his face.

“I’ll come.” Remus caught their wrist to catch a kiss to the center of their palm.

Sirius cooked breakfast, not bothering to get dressed further than Remus’ shirt, whilst Remus sat at the kitchen table and drank a second cup of coffee. Their head was spinning a little with all the emotions, with everything they had talked about, and with how deeply they really did care about Remus. Everything they said earlier was true. They wanted whatever Remus felt able to give them, so long as it was  _ him _ . 

Remus was tapping away on his phone when Sirius slid into the seat opposite him after setting down two platefuls of scrambled eggs and toast. “You okay?” Sirius asked, sipping their coffee.

“Yeah, I don’t know what the hell came over me back there.” Remus looked a little embarrassed. “I know you meant everything. It’s just past bullshit.”

Sirius looked at Remus for a second, taking in the mess of his hair and his eyes that were still a little red. “What came over you were feelings, Rem. You were emotional because I said some things that made you feel better about yourself, and you cried. And crying is fucking okay, because you’re emotional and even though you’re a guy you’re allowed to cry. Nothing  _ came over you _ .” Sirius reached out and took Remus’ hand. “You’re sat across from the kind of person who does not let that kind of casual toxic masculinity wash, alright? You cried, I cried a bit, and that’s okay. Anyone says  _ men _ don’t cry then your partner with a dick who wears dresses can kick them into next week.”

Remus grinned, looking a little more relaxed. “It’d be kind of hot to see you kick someone’s arse into next week.”

Sirius laughed, lifting their joined hands and kissing Remus’ knuckles. “Next time someone’s a dick, I’ll beat them up for you, yeah?”

“I thought  _ I _ was the knight in shining armor.”

“True, true,” Sirius said, tipping their head in agreement. “We can save each other though, I reckon.”

“Yeah, we can.” Remus chuckled. “Now that we’ve dealt with  _ emotions _ , can we talk about something a bit, er, lighter?”

Sirius grinned. “Please. I’m tired already.” They picked up their knife and fork. “And can we eat before the breakfast I  _ slaved _ over goes cold?” Sirius shot Remus a grin before tucking into their food. “Did anyone text you back about hanging out?”

“Yes, actually, that was what I was doing before the rant about toxic masculinity.” Remus picked up his fork. Sirius rolled their eyes at his sass. “Alice and Frank have a lindy hop competition thing in the afternoon. Mary and Peter are interested in joining if we’re going to go. They’re excited to meet the person soaking up so much of my time for the last month and a half or so. Actually, Mare was ranting on about how it should have happened sooner.”

“Yeah… I guess we, er, we were both a little blind for a while there, weren’t we?” Sirius shoved a hand through their hair and took a drink of their coffee. “A lindy hop competition sounds amazing. I wonder if the trio will be there…”

“Very blind, love.” Remus made a face. “Oh! The trio might be there, that’d be great. They were a riot. So, we’ll go?”

“Yeah.” Sirius smiled, setting their mug down. “Let’s go. When is it?”

“At two, we have a few hours and it’s about twenty minutes out.” Remus explained to them.

“Okay, we’ve got time then,” Sirius said, feeling a little nervous all of a sudden. They told themselves it was normal to be nervous meeting Remus’ friends; they were very important to him after all. Shooting Remus a smile, Sirius finished off the last few mouthfuls of their breakfast.

After Remus replied to the group, letting them know he and Sirius would see them at the competition, Sirius and Remus lounged around a little, watching crappy TV. Sirius replied to a few urgent work emails but decided to leave the rest for Marlene to deal with when she returned from Barbados, or her love den with Dorcas, wherever she’d gotten off to.

As the credits to one shitty soap opera bled into the next, Sirius stood up and stretched their arms above their head before folding over and pressing their hands flat to the floor. “Mind if I grab a shower?” 

Remus watched Sirius slack jawed with a voiceless nod.

Grinning, Sirius walked their hands out in front of themselves into a sort of downward dog, pressing into the stretch and lifting onto their toes. “Thanks. I’ll go in a minute, just… not quite yet.”

“Mmm,” was Remus’ reply, still watching Sirius.

“Oh yeah?” Sirius bit their lip to stifle a laugh at the expression on Remus’ face. “You’re so funny.” After a moment there, Sirius brought one foot up between their hands and slid their heels in opposite directions, sinking down into the splits and being very glad for the wooden floors in Remus’ flat. They hadn’t really stretched out last night, they told themselves, and it was better to do it this morning. It had  _ nothing  _ to do with the way Remus was looking at them.

“Is that really freaking necessary?” Remus threw a hand out to gesture at Sirius.

Sirius laughed. “For the look on your face when I do? Absolutely.”

Remus rolled his eyes. “Whenever my body and brain decides that I want to really fuck you, I can’t wait to see how bendy you really are.”

…  _ What? _ Sirius was sure their brain had short-circuited. Did Remus really just say that? Unhelpfully, Sirius’ brain provided them with a good few ideas of the kind of things they could get up, things that showcased quite how bendy they were and just how deceptively strong Remus was. Sirius could feel their face getting redder and redder as Remus just sat there looking pleased with himself.

_ Say something _ . But Sirius just opened and closed their mouth a few times; nope, all their brain power was currently taken up imagining various scenarios. Great.

Remus sighed, standing up. “You know, while you stretch, I’ll go shower, love. Want to make sure we’re on time and all.”

Sirius watched in disbelief as Remus strode towards the bathroom, their face still bright red, their brain still entirely occupied. “Er…” Sirius said helpfully before the bathroom door closed. 

“Fucking hell,” they said to themselves after a moment. “I love him.” Sirius stared at the bathroom door, still in disbelief that Remus had come out with something like that. They were sure that if they ever did fuck Remus, then they would probably die from sheer bliss. 

As they heard the shower running, Sirius decided they may as well stretch properly and make the most of it. They went through the stretches they usually did at the beginning and end of classes, trying to banish all the mental images of them and Remus going at it in various guises. This was absolutely not the time. Sirius was meeting his friends later, they had to try and dial down the thirst even just a little bit.

Once they had done stretching, Sirius grabbed the duffel bag from the living room on their way to the bedroom, hoping Remus had brought some nice things for them to wear. They were half right… Remus had packed several of Sirius’ favourite things, their favourite pair of jeans, the floaty red silk shirt that was their go-to  _ let’s confuse the straighties _ outfit, their favourite dress, but none of it felt right.

Sirius stifled a frustrated sigh as they heard the bathroom door open. Okay, they could shower and then try to figure this out. They headed out of the bedroom to meet Remus in the hallway and gave them the best smile they could muster. “Hey. I’ll just shower, won’t be long.” Before Remus could answer, Sirius slipped past him and into the bathroom.

God, they couldn’t even look at themselves in the mirror properly. They felt so uncomfortable all of a sudden, the idea preying in the back of their mind that Remus’ friends would expect him to have a  _ boyfriend _ , not whatever Sirius was.

Sirius showered quickly, trying not to concentrate on anything in particular. They scrubbed at their hair and washed their face vigorously, not even feeling a little better when they stepped out from under the spray. They wished their towel was about ten times the size so they could bundle up in it and just not have to deal with looking like anything. 

“Okay, come on, this is for Remus,” Sirius muttered to themselves as they slipped out of the bathroom and padded back through to the bedroom. The room was empty and Sirius heard the television in the living room. Thankful for a moment of peace Sirius pulled on their underwear — they could decide on that at least — and stood in front of the clothes they had strewn on the end of Remus’ bed. They had their favourite dress, their red silk shirt and their best skinny jeans. Usually, they would be fine going out to see friends; they would throw on a dress and leave their cheeks stubbly, or wear a band tee and some jeans and a great lipstick, but none of that felt right today.

They  _ should _ wear their jeans, trainers and maybe one of Remus’ shirts. But that didn’t feel right. They were torn between what they wanted to wear and what they  _ thought _ they should wear. Sirius wanted for once just to feel normal. They wanted to be comfortable with their body and dress how they were expected to. They wanted to not cringe at the word  _ man _ , or the pronoun  _ he _ and to just wear masculine clothing and feel okay with it. Remus’ friends would be expecting him to have a boyfriend, surely, and that wasn’t Sirius. Who were they kidding?

“Hey, did I not pick out good enough clothes? You’ve been in here for a bit,” Remus asked in a concerned voice. Sirius jumped, not having heard him come down the hallway.

“No, no you picked fine...” Sirius said, scraping their hands through their wet hair.

“Are you sure? We can go back to your flat and grab something else. We have enough time.” Remus came up behind them, putting a hand on their back.

Sirius flinched a little, not expecting Remus’ touch, and pressed their hands over their face. “No, that doesn’t help… I just… I just don’t know what to do. How I’m meant to… act or present or whatever, I guess…”

“What do you  — no, Sirius, you’re supposed to act and present how ever you feel that you want to today. My friends will love you no matter what, like I do.” Remus’ hand rubbed a small circle onto their skin.

“But…” Sirius sighed, crossing their arms over their stomach. They glanced back to see Remus frowning and it made their stomach flip. “They’ll be expected you to turn up with a  _ boy _ friend, not… not me. I want to try and do that for you but…” They shrugged. It seemed stupid to say  _ but I can’t do that _ , because why couldn’t they? Why couldn’t they just act like a boy for once?

Remus let out a short, sharp laugh. “Sorry, but my friends are expecting me to turn up with my partner. They don’t give a shite what you’re wearing. And if they suddenly decieded to become the biggest fucking arseholes because they didn’t accept you for you, then they’re no longer my friends.”

“I don’t want that to happen, though.” Sirius huffed, stepping back so they leant into Remus, feeling a little stupid.

“It won’t happen, though. I swear to god, Sirius, it won’t happen.” Remus pressed a kiss to Sirius’ temple. “I want you to wear your prettiest dress, your highest heels, my favorite lipstick, and your sharpest winged eyeliner. Or, you can wear your jeans and that pretty shirt. Or we can go back to yours and get something else. Just wear what you want, love.”

Sirius bit their lip, smiling softly at Remus’ words. He just understood it so well. He just understood Sirius like no one had before, and was fine with all of it. However Sirius felt, it felt like Remus would be fine with it. “Okay,” they breathed, nodding shallowly. “ _ Thank you. _ ”

“I love you and I want you to feel comfortable. There’s no one in my life that’s worth it, if they make you feel uncomfortable.” Remus pressed his lips to their cheek. “And if you don’t feel comfortable and rather stay in today, we can do that too.”

Sirius shook their head. “No, no. I want to go out… I want to meet your friends, I just… I just worry about how I come across sometimes. And with you, even more so because I don’t — I don’t want you to be embarrassed about me in front of your friends.”

“The only thing embarrassing about you is the fact you like pineapple on your pizza.” Remus scoffed with a little eye roll.

“Honestly?” Sirius said, turning to face Remus properly. “I know I’m… a bit much sometimes.”

“Honestly, I like that you’re a bit much, it’s not embarrassing. Sometimes I’m so quiet and in my head, it balances things out nicely.”

“Okay…” Sirius nodded, half to themselves. “Okay. Let me get dressed then, I think I know what to wear…”

Remus gave him the softest kiss on the lips before nodding. “No matter what, you’re going to be stunning.”

Sirius shook their head. “You’re something else, you know.” They squeezed Remus’ arm before stepping back a little. “Sit with me, whilst I get ready?”

“Of course.” Remus hopped on the bed, careful not to sit on any of their clothes.


	11. Chapter 11

Remus sat back against his headboard, watching Sirius consider their outfit options. He was complete shit at advice and feelings, he hoped that he said what Sirius needed to hear because he meant it all. They were so worried about what Remus’ friends would think of them, and Remus knew that Mary, Peter, Alice, and Frank only cared if Remus was happy, and if Sirius was a good person. Nothing else mattered.

There was something in Remus that was hoping Sirius wouldn’t want to go because he was so tired emotionally now. Remus was desperate for Sirius to meet his best mates, but god the rollercoaster of emotions he had been on for the last almost 48 hours was mad. Generally, he wasn’t one to  _ feel _ so bloody much, but he was so in love with Sirius. Everything was just twisting around in him, mostly old stresses and anxieties about his sexuality. Yet, Sirius got him. Hearing Sirius say all those lovely things earlier had pushed him right over the edge into tears. It wasn’t toxic masculinity that made Remus apologize to Sirius earlier, as they had jumped on, but it was lingering scars of a past relationship.

Pushing those memories down, Remus watched Sirius pull on their skinny jeans over their briefs. As Sirius reached for their red, flowy top Remus smiled because he loved it on them. Granted, he was pulling for the dress, but anything Sirius wore was fine. They walked over to Remus’ mirror then looked at themselves with their hands on their hips.

Without looking away from their reflection, Sirius bit their lip and murmured, “You really think it’ll be alright to wear the dress?”

Remus grinned. “Oh, yes, they will be totally fine. I’m telling you, they just care about you as a good person. I’m sure Alice will kill you for that dress anyway.”

“Okay. Okay, sorry I can’t decide.” Sirius crossed back to their clothes and quickly stripped back down to their underwear, folding the jeans and shirt back up.

Remus’ mind went right back to Sirius bending about in the living room earlier as they reached for their dress. He bit his lip thinking about the interaction earlier. It was the first time that Remus had mentioned sex with Sirius in that way. It was right out there and to the point, and they looked like they were freaking out about it. Remus couldn’t help be a bit of a bastard, leaving them there to think about it as he went to the shower.

What surprised Remus the most, was the fact he was physically turned on by the thought. His mind was supplying what he wanted to do to Sirius, which was a rarity for him. Normally when Remus thought about sex, or got off, his thoughts didn’t involve himself. Though, he found himself in the shower hard and glaring at his cock because  _ why the fuck couldn’t you have done this last night? _ Deciding to not ignore it, and possibly be uncomfortable, Remus took care of himself all the while thinking about the night before and Sirius’ pleasure.

Remus shook himself from the thoughts of the shower to see Sirius bending down to pick up their heels off the floor. When they stood up, he got a better view of the dress. It was off Sirius’ shoulders, showing off the still visible lovebites all over their neck and clavicle as well as the necklace he had bought them. The cotton hem of the dress came down just above Sirius’ mid thigh then there was a mesh sort of material that dropped down to below the knee. The mesh had a slit up both sides, so Sirius’ pale skin peeked through. “Bloody hell, Sirius, I love that dress.” Jesus, why was he so full of want for them? Remus couldn’t remember the last time he felt like this.

Sirius shot him a smile and sat on the edge of the bed, digging in their bag and pulling out a few items of makeup. “Thank you,” they said, watching Remus for a moment longer before going back to getting ready. 

“Everything you wear is beautiful, but, I don’t know, this just really suits you.” Remus looked down at his hands trying to take his mind off how he really just wanted to kiss Sirius.

“You’re sweet,” Sirius said, pausing in applying their mascara. “It’s my favourite, I’m glad you like it.”

“Mmm.” Remus watched as Sirius reached for a tube of lipstick. He grinned when he realized that it was the deep, dark red lipstick that Remus loved.

Sirius flashed him a grin as they painted their lips. “You alright there, Rem?”

“Yeah, yep.” Remus clenched his fist because he  _ really really desperately  _ wanted to kiss Sirius… but he also didn’t want to ruin the lipstick just yet.

“Okay, good good.” Sirius smiled and recapped the lipstick, throwing it into their bag. They looked in the mirror for a moment before glancing back to Remus. “Should I cover the hickeys?”

Remus shook his head wordlessly for a moment, trying to remember how to verbalize because apparently he forgot how at the sight of Sirius looking like  _ that _ . “No, they’ll give me shite but I don’t care. I like them if you do. If you don’t feel okay with showing them, that’s fine. But it doesn’t matter either way.”

Sirius nodded, touching one at the base of their throat. They stood up and looked in the full-length mirror in the corner, before turning back to Remus with a smile. “What do you think? Will I do?”

“Ahh.” Remus knew he was staring, but it didn’t matter.

Sirius bit their lip and leant over, putting a hand on the pillows besides Remus. They glanced around like they were about to tell him a big secret before muttering, “You know, this lipstick is pretty transfer-proof…”

“We have to go.” Remus said, putting his hands on Sirius’ neck.

“Right now?”

“We have like, like, I don’t know maybe two minutes.” Remus couldn’t stop looking at Sirius’ red lips.

Sirius smiled and put their other hand on Remus’ shoulder. “Two minutes to kiss me then, caro.”

“You’re just too fucking hot,” Remus made an impatient noise before pulling Sirius into his lap and snogging him soundly. His hand drifted up the slit in Sirius’ dress as his tongue dove into Sirius’ mouth.

Sirius made a noise into the kiss, smiling for a moment until Remus deepened it. Their nails raked lightly up Remus’ arms as they kissed him back, their tongue coiling against his. Remus’ hand traveled further up Sirius’ thigh, sliding under the cotton material of the dress. He couldn’t remember the last time he had felt this way. It happened every so often, but it felt so magnified right now. All he wanted to do was get Sirius back down under him again like the night before.

Gasping softly, Sirius pulled back from Remus’ mouth, looking at him with hazy eyes, their pupils wide. Miraculously, their lipstick was still fucking perfect. Remus brought his free hand up to Sirius’ lips, tracing his pout with his index finger. Sirius held his gaze as they caught the tip of Remus’ finger between their lips, nipping softly at the pad before sucking lightly. Their hand not on Remus’ shoulder came up to wrap their fingers around his wrist. 

“Ah, fuck,” Remus breathed, desire stirring deep in his stomach as Sirius continued to suck on his finger. “We  — we have to go.”

Sirius just replied by laving their tongue over Remus’ finger, humming softly, still not looking away from Remus’ face. Their red lipstick was still perfect despite their lips around Remus’ finger.

“Sirius, if you don’t stop that I’m  — we’re not going to make it out of this house today.” Remus was breathing heavily. What the fuck was going on with him?

After a moment, Sirius pulled back, leaving their mouth pressed against the tip of Remus’ finger. “I love you like this, you’re so hot.” They kissed the tip of his finger. “But we can’t be late. I have to make a good first impression,” they said with a smile, gently letting go of Remus’ hand and climbing out of his lap.

“Yes, we… yeah…” He watched Sirius walk towards the door, hips swaying.

Sirius paused by the door, smiling. Their lipstick was still perfect, how? “Coming?”

Remus opened and closed his mouth, feeling much like how Sirius looked when he had teased him earlier. “I need a second.”

“Okay,” Sirius’ smile turned a little more genuine, looking less like they were teasing Remus now. “I’ll be in the living room. Take your time.”

As Sirius left the room, Remus collapsed back against his pillows, putting his hands over his face. He took a few deep breaths trying to calm themselves down. Leave it to his body to get interested at all the wrong times.

Once he was calm enough, Remus managed to get to the living room to find Sirius sitting on the arm of the sofa with a thoughtful look on their face.  _ Jesus how am I going to get through the day with them looking like that _ , he thought.

“Hey,” Sirius said as he came over, their eyes lit up when they saw him. “Ready?”

Remus cleared his throat, and nodded. “Let’s go.”

Doing his best to banish any thoughts about Sirius sucking on his fingers, Remus led them to his car. As usual, he let Sirius pick the music because he had the best taste. They picked Pale Waves for their drive to the competition. Remus tried to take Sirius’ mind off any possible nerves by telling him about an upcoming climbing competition he had in Germany. It also helped Remus focus on something other than thoughts of kissing Sirius.

They made it to the hotel where the competition was located, right on time because as they parked, Remus spotted Peter and Mary. “There they are!” Remus said as the couple spotted Remus’ car. Mary put her hand on her stomach.

Beside him, Sirius let out a breath. “Yeah, oh wow, Mary is glowing, holy shit.” 

“Right, she looks wonderful.” Remus undid his seatbelt. “Ready?” He glanced over at Sirius.

Sirius put their hand on Remus’ knee for a moment. “Yeah, ready.”

He took Sirius’ hand from his knee and brought it up to his lips for a quick kiss. “Let’s go.”

They both got out of the car, and Peter was immediately giving him a big hug before Remus was even able to close his door. Remus chuckled, hugging him back. “Hey, Pete, how are you?”

“Great! It’s been like two weeks, god.” Peter let him go to see Mary smiling at Remus.

“You must be Sirius! The person stealing all our best mate’s time!” Mare said excitedly. “We’re so happy to finally meet you. I’m Mary, and that’s Peter.”

Sirius smiled, stepping forward and waving. “Hi, nice to meet you both. Sorry to be keeping him from you recently.”

Mary squinted, looking between them both, “Does he make you happy?” She nodded in Remus’ direction.

“Uh…” Sirius laughed nervously, looking to Remus then back to Mary. “Yeah, very,  _ very _ much so.”

“Then feel free to take his time, darling.” She kissed them on the cheek. “Do you see him looking at you? I don’t even have to ask if you make him happy.”

Remus rolled his eyes but grinned. “Let’s head in before we’re late.”

Peter came up next to Sirius as they walked towards the hotel’s entrance. “Remus says that you own a studio with Marlene.” Leave to Peter to stick with the boring topics. He loved him though.

“Yep!” Sirius said, grinning. It was clear talking about work made Sirius’ face light up. They glanced to Remus with a smile then back to Peter. “It’s pole and modern ballet, mostly. We do a bit of everything.”

“That’s cool, tell me you’ve got Remus to do some dancing… and also tell me that you got it on video and that it’s on your phone right now,” Peter said as they walked into the hotel, seeing signs pointing in the direction of the event room the competition was in.

“Unfortunately not,” Sirius said through a laugh. “I think he’d kill me if I tried. I have managed to get him up there once or twice though.”

“Ack! Next time, record it, show me, and then delete it. I need to see it.” Peter grinned at Remus.

“Oh, fuck off, Peter, like you’d get up there,” Remus said and Mary chuckled.

“I’m a beautiful dancer,” Peter said, holding his head up high as they entered the room. It was full of many people, mostly in vintage clothes. Remus felt a little out of place style wise, but no one cared. They were there to watch the competition.

The group found a spot off to the side of the floor with a good view to see the couples warming up on the floor. Alice and Frank saw the group and gave a wave. The trio of Bill, Dora, and Fleur were dancing away in the mix as well but were too busy to see them. The band was playing an upbeat song. Mary was asking Sirius about his star signs, as she did everyone. Sirius seemed to be engaged in the conversation, making Remus relax.

“So, you’re really gone for him, huh?” Peter nudged Remus.

“Them,” Remus corrected and Peter gave a nod. 

“You’re really gone for them.” Peter corrected himself without making a big deal of it.

“Ah, yeah, you could say that.” Remus snickered.

“It’s good to see you in a relationship. It’s been so long since Fen--”

Remus cut Peter off with a sharp look. “Don’t.”

Peter frowned. “I’m happy for you, okay?” He patted Remus on the shoulder. “Mary seems to love them.” He nodded to his wife chatting away with Sirius.

The organizers of the competition got everyone’s attention for the rules. Remus wasn’t really listening. He was going to just enjoy watching his friends, maybe they would win. Also, seeing The Trio dance was going to be fun. Sirius came to stand next to Remus, slipping their hand into his.

When the band started to play again, the lights went down down and the first couple took to the middle of the floor. Remus looked over at Sirius to see them watching avidly, their mouth open slightly as if they were in awe of the couple moving and flying about the floor. Remus couldn’t help but watching Sirius with interest instead of the dancers because they looked so enthralled by the dancing.

Somehow the competition came to an end, with The Trio winning and Frank in Alice placing in third. Remus only watched The Trio, really and not even the whole way through. He was too busy paying attention to Sirius. He loved their passion for dance, it was beautiful, just like the rest of them.


	12. Chapter 12

The competition passed in a blur. Sirius was watching all of the dancers so avidly, noticing all their little movements and wanting to catalogue a million beautiful moves to repurpose somewhere themselves.

Occasionally, without taking their eyes off the floor, Sirius had leant over and murmured something like, “Did you see that spin? The way he caught her there, that reverse grip, that’s — that’s beautiful.” Remus just usually replied with a hum, but Sirius didn’t mind. They were too caught up in watching, leaning against Remus. 

Meeting Mary and Peter had gone well. They were both a little full-on at first, and Mary was pretty terrifying, but soon enough she had warmed up to them and ended up telling Sirius a big spiel about how their Moon sign was actually a real indicator that their passion for dance was somehow linked with water, somehow? Sirius didn’t quite understand it. They didn’t really like the water at all, but Mary was mad for it. So Sirius just nodded and smiled. Peter seemed a laugh, too. He’d said to Sirius whilst Remus and Mary had gone to the bar in the event room to scope out the non-alcoholic drinks that he would absolutely kill to see a video of Remus on a pole. Sirius had laughed and held their hands up, saying they would try to convince him but it seemed pretty unlikely.

“Okay,” Peter said, clapping his hands. “Frank said he and Alice will be out in a second, and then how about we go to that jazz bar down the street?”

Sirius looked at Remus to gauge the man’s opinion; they were definitely down for going to a jazz bar. “That’s good with me.”

“Me too,” Remus said with a grin.

“Last time we went, Remus played the piano there.” Peter pointed to his friend.

“Oh.” Sirius grinned wider, unable to stop themselves thinking about the moment in Remus’ bedroom earlier. Sirius knew they probably shouldn’t have teased Remus like that, with the comment about their transfer-proof lipstick and then sucking his finger. But there was something about seeing Remus worked-up, about the way he flushed slightly and his eyes got even wider when he looked at Sirius. They wanted more of that. It wasn’t even about sex, they didn’t think, it was about seeing Remus come alive in a way they didn’t really see anywhere else.

Shaking themselves out of the memory, Sirius glanced from Peter and then to Remus, wondering if he were thinking the same thing. “Oh, now we have to go to the jazz bar.”

Remus shook his head. “They’ve been on about this for sometime now, since I told them that I play.”

“Oh! He’s so good.” Mary put a hand on Remus’ arm. “You have to hear him play. It’s a true talent.”

“Yes please,” Sirius said, smiling at Remus. They only had eyes for him. 

“Moony! Pete!” came a shout from through the crowd, and a moment later a couple emerged. “Mary, you’re looking stunning,” said the man, Frank.

“And you must be Sirius,” Alice said, coming over to Sirius, who was caught off guard for a moment by how elaborately beautiful her hair was. “I’m Alice, that’s Frank.”

“Hi, yeah. Nice to meet you,” Sirius replied as they were enveloped in a hug by the woman. “Your hair is gorgeous.”

Once they had all made introductions and congratulated Alice and Frank on their medal, the group set off towards the jazz bar. Sirius had tried to catch Bill, Fleur and Dora through the crowds, but they had been inundated by people and Sirius figured they would see them next time they all got together.

Sirius had to laugh at the way their little group must look from the outside. Alice and Frank looked like they had walked right out of a 1950’s mod gang, Peter looked as if he’d rather be at the footy, and Mary couldn’t be more of his opposite in her long flowy skirt and flowery top. Then there was Remus in his nice jeans, button-up shirt and brogues, and Sirius in their dress and heels. They must’ve been a right sight. But Remus reached over and took Sirius’ hand whilst they walked and Sirius found they didn’t really care what strangers in the street thought of them.

The bar was fairly busy when they arrived, and Peter and Remus went to the bar whilst Sirius, Frank, Alice and Mary found a table. Thankfully for Mary’s feet they found two sofas to the side of the room and got settled there. Sirius had never been to this bar before, and they regretted it; it was really beautiful, with dark wooden walls, exposed brick and monochromatic tiles on the floor. All the sofas were old, warm leather chesterfields, dotted between with stools and the odd armchair. 

Across at the bar, Sirius watched Remus for a moment, talking away to Peter as they waited for the drinks.

“Sirius,” Alice said, sitting next to them on the sofa. “I  _ love _ this dress. Where did you get it? It really suits you.”

Sirius tore their eyes away from Remus and smiled. For a moment they looked at Alice, trying to decide if she was being funny, but she looked sincere. “Oh, thank you. It’s from Eva Lucia near Chartley Square. Remus  _ said _ you’d like it.” 

“Did he? Little git, he was right.” Alice smiled. “I feel like I want you to come shopping with me whenever I need a new outfit. Your style is lovely.”

“Yeah, ah, thank you. I don’t know about  _ lovely _ but I’m always happy to go shopping.” Sirius smiled.

“I agree about lovely, by the way,” Mary piped up from the adjacent armchair. Sirius shrugged, feeling a little abashed. Remus’ friends were all lovely, and now they felt a bit stupid getting so caught up about what they were going to wear. It was obvious they just cared about Remus being happy, and if Sirius could continue doing that, then they wouldn’t care what they wore.

“You know, Sirius, Remus hasn’t told us how the two of you met,” Alice said, tapping them on the leg. “Last we heard, he was going somewhere with Dorcas from work, and then six weeks later he appears with you.”

“Oh god okay.” Sirius ran a hand through their hair, wishing Remus would come back from the bar with some liquid courage. “Well, that somewhere was a pole dancing convention and competition where Marly — Dorcas’ girlfriend,  _ fiancée _ now, I guess — and I were running some classes, and I was in the competition in the evening.”

“No, you’re not telling them about how we met, are you?” Remus groaned, setting the glasses he was carrying down. “I’m an embarrassment.”

“Shh, Moony,” Alice said, waving her hand. “We deserve to hear this.”

Sirius gave Remus an apologetic look and shrugged one shoulder. “Help me tell it, then you can make it sound less embarrassing… although we were both pretty bad. So… I was doing this routine, and uh — ”  _ Leave out the fact it was the raunchiest thing you’ve ever done on stage, Sirius _ — “I saw Remus in the audience and made eye contact with him. And then, my friend Marly, she comes in and drags me out afterwards to come and meet this friend of hers, and of  _ course _ it’s the guy from the audience.”

“Aw!” Alice grinned around the straw of her drink.

“And you hit it off right away and have been inseparable since?” Frank said, smiling wryly.

Sirius took one look at Remus and burst out laughing, covering their face with their hand. “Not  _ quite _ . Er...”

“I was flirting with them then panicked when Sirius showed any interest, you know, the usual for me.” Remus snorted another laugh.

“Ah, yep, Standard Moony,” Alice agreed, grinning.

“Yeah,” Sirius said, fiddling with a strand of their hair. “And then when he panicked, I panicked and then we didn’t speak for a week and thought it was all completely awful. Until we ended up texting again, and then we hit it off, I guess, and now here we are.” Sirius shrugged a shoulder. “Nothing that fancy.”

“True love!” Peter declared. “I’m surprised you’ve warmed Moony’s cold exterior.”

Sirius laughed at Peter’s outburst, grinning at him. For a moment they thought of how, to them, Remus wasn’t cold at all. Especially if this afternoon in the bedroom was anything to go by… “What can I say, I’m pretty hot.” They tried to be serious for a moment, but couldn’t help descending into laughter.

“And you can pun with the best of us,” Frank said, clapping his hands. “Moony, I like them, I approve.”

“Great, cause if you didn’t approve, I was going to tell you to fuck off.” Remus smirked before taking a drink of his whisky.

Sirius felt like they couldn’t keep the smile from their face all night. Remus’ friends were a total riot, and it seemed like they had welcomed Sirius into their group very quickly. Sirius spent most of their evening chatting to Alice and Frank about dance, swapping techniques and stories about behind the scenes drama and horror. Peter said he did a fairly good Elvis impression, which resulted in the rest of the group bugging him until he stood up and demonstrated a definitively Elvis-like little hip wiggle. Whilst Mary was reading Alice’s palm and explaining the lines in great detail to an admittedly interested-looking Remus, and Frank and Peter were arguing over some sports score from the weekend, Sirius slipped off to the bathroom.

They were having a great night. They had been  _ so _ nervous about meeting Remus’ friends, about making sure they did right by him and didn’t embarrass or upset him, but it had gone so well so far. They were all nice people who seemed to accept Sirius for who they were, because Remus loved them. 

When Sirius came out of the bathroom, they were halfway over to their table when they realised that two of them were missing. Casting around, they quickly spotted Mary stood by the piano, leaning against a stool, and  _ oh _ .  _ Shit. _

That was Remus, sat at the piano, smiling at Mary and chatting away to her.  _ Fuck _ . Sirius was  _ not _ prepared for this, in any way. They trailed slowly over to their table, but didn’t sit back down. They were sure they were staring, open-mouthed at Remus, but they couldn’t really do anything to stop it. Besides them, Alice tugged gently on Sirius’ arm to get them to sit on the arm of the sofa. Sirius just sat without looking where, unable to look away from Remus.

Then Remus started  _ playing _ . Watching Remus rock climb was thrilling because he had so much passion for it. This was different, maybe because they could see Remus’ face, his concentration on the keys, not even glancing up. It registered somewhere in Sirius’ brain that the song was a rendition of Sinatra’s  _ The Way You Look Tonight _ . The lyrics should have meant more to him but it was Remus’ long fingers dancing across the piano that captured and kept Sirius’ attention.

From their table, Sirius had a sort of side on view of Remus at the piano, could see his profile, concentrating between the keys and Mary for his cues. Sirius could see Remus’ long fingers caressing and flying across the keys, piquing here and there with the rhythm. It was enthralling to see this other side to Remus, different from the confident rock-climber or the sarcastic man who teased them for liking pineapple on their pizza. Remus here was quietly confident, a different kind of energy to him, with the expression on his face a little half-smile, his eyes closing every so often. Sirius had  _ no _ idea Remus could play like this, and it was stunning.

“They’re good, aren’t they?” Alice said from Sirius’ side. “They used to duet a lot together in uni. The flat we rented was actually Pete’s granddad’s so there was a piano there. Many a Saturday night we gathered around for a sing-song with Mary singing and Remus at the piano.”

Sirius managed a smile and a half-laugh. “He’s… wow, I had no idea.”

Mary let the microphone drop as Remus took over with an instrumental section. Christ, he looked so good like this; the low, reddish light of the bar glinting through his hair, his skilled fingers over the keys of the piano. Sirius knew they were a little scuffed from climbing, over the backs of his knuckles and the pads of his fingers, and they loved that. They couldn’t get this afternoon out of their mind, in Remus’ lap, kissing, with Remus’ rough, skilled fingers creeping up under the hem of their dress, with Remus’ finger against their lips, in their mouth. _Fuck_, nope. They had to stop thinking about that. Sirius was moments away from going over and just laying themselves out on the top of the piano, climbing up onto there and crawling over to Remus, uncaring for the rest of the bar and—

Applause broke Sirius out of their reverie. Blinking rapidly, they stood and started clapping. Besides them Alice, Frank and Peter were clapping too, cheering and whooping. The whole bar was cheering for the duo as they stood. Mary gave a pretty curtsey, laughing as Remus held her hand and bowed himself. Amidst the applause, they made their way back to the group. Sirius stayed where they were, worried that if they moved even a little the dam would break and they would just stride over and snog Remus senseless. 


	13. Chapter 13

Mary was the one to beg Remus to get up on stage with her. She wanted to sing  _ The Way You Look Tonight _ because she said it reminded her of how Remus was looking at Sirius. Remus was happy enough to play because Sirius had been dying to hear Remus play for weeks now. Plus, it had been sometime since he got on the keys.

When he finished the song, Remus’ eyes went right to Sirius because he wanted to see what they were doing. Sirius watched him in the same way that he watched Remus when he climbed. It set a shiver up his spine to think that someone wanted him so much. The way Remus had worshipped Sirius the night before, it felt like Sirius was doing that constantly with him with words, touches, or looks.

As he got closer to the sofa, Alice slipped out of the seat that Sirius was perched on the arm of. She went to go sit with Frank instead. Remus sat down, just smiling at their partner. Remus’ arms’ went to Sirius’ waist and pulled them over, off of the arm and back into his lap. “Did you like that?” Remus’ hand slid back to the slit in their dress where it had been creeping up earlier.

Sirius could only get out a vaguely affirmative noise, turning in Remus’ lap to face him a little more. Sirius ran their fingertips up Remus’ forearm, nodding shallowly. “Yeah, yeah, you’re… God you’re so hot Remus.”

“I think it’s time to head home.” Remus looked to his friends. He couldn’t stand to be out in public anymore because he wanted to be doing things behind closed doors with Sirius. “Sirius has an early class in the morning.”

“Sure, Moony.” Peter scoffed. He knew his old friend well enough to know what was bullshite and what wasn’t. This was complete bull. Sirius’ first class was mid-morning and Remus didn’t have to be anywhere until around noon. They could have stayed out much later if they pleased, but Remus didn’t want that. Looking at Sirius, it seemed they didn’t want that either.

Sirius bit their lip, still trailing fingers over Remus’ arm and staring at Remus’ lips. Remus wondered what they were thinking.

“Let them be,” Alice said, grinning at Peter and then back to Remus. “It’s nice to see.”

Remus shook his head, give Sirius a little push so they would stand up. “They really do have an early class.”

Alice shook her head and stood up, holding her arms out for a hug from Remus. “Okay. Goodnight, Moony, see you soon. Sirius, it was  _ lovely _ to meet you.”

They said their goodbyes before Remus slipped a hand around Sirius’ waist to walk them out of the bar. Quietly, they made their way to Remus’ car. He wished that it was just a quick walk home, but hopefully Sirius would pick something good for them to listen to. “How’d you like them?”

Sirius nodded, leaning into Remus. “I liked them, they’re all so lovely and sweet.”

“They seemed to love you. I knew they would. Are you feeling okay?” Remus asked as they got into view of his car.

“Yeah,” Sirius laughed a little, rubbing their hand over their opposite arm. “You at a piano does things to me, apparently.”

Remus laughed, as they came up to the car. He put his hands on Sirius’ shoulders and backed them against the passenger side door. “You in general do things to me.” Remus’ fingers came up to play with the moon on the necklace for a moment.

Sirius tilted their chin up, making a soft noise as their back hit the side of the car. Their hand came up to grip Remus’ upper arm. “Yeah?”

“Mmmmm.” Remus pressed his lips to Sirius’, one hand on the side of their neck, and the other going for the slit in Sirius’ dress. Sirius’ hips pressed forward a little, kissing back immediately. They tasted like cranberry juice and vodka.

Sliding his hand to the back of Sirius’ thigh, he hoisted Sirius up, getting them to wrap their leg around Remus’ back. Automatically, Sirius’ other leg came up as Remus continued to kiss them. Their tongue teased at Sirius’, his hand still wandering under Sirius’ dress. “Been waiting to do this since we were in my bed this afternoon.”

Sirius exhaled shakily, one hand still on Remus’ arm, the other with fingers carding through his hair. “God, me too, me too.” Sirius kissed him briefly. “Couldn’t stop — ” another kiss — “thinking about just going over to you when you were at the piano, just, god — ” another kiss — “climbing up there and snogging the daylights out of you.”

“Fuck, I would have wanted that. I would have pulled you right down on to the piano and kissed you right there in the middle of the bloody bar like.” He panted against Sirius’ lips, his hand was now on Sirius’ underwear clad arse under their dress. “I’ve never wanted anyone like this before.”

“God, you’re so hot. Take me home, Remus, take me home.”

“Yeah, okay, yeah.” Remus gave Sirius one more kiss, quick and shallow before gently putting Sirius down. “Come on.”

Remus took a deep breath before stepping away from Sirius, and going to the other side of the car. By the time he hopped in, Sirius was already buckling up. Remus turned the car on and asked Sirius to find something good to play. Remus noticed Sirius’ fingers were shaking a little as they tapped on their phone, and a moment later soft piano chords filled the car. The screen on the dash said it was a piano cover of Bad Romance by Lady Gaga. As he drove, Sirius put their hand on Remus’ knee, their black polish nails sinking in a little.

He wondered what Sirius would do if he told them that he got off in the shower earlier. He looked over at them and bit his lip. In the past, he used to keep anything like that to himself with his ex because it would end up coming back to him at some point. Sirius wasn’t his ex-boyfriend though. They were something entirely different. “Sirius.”

“Mmm?” Sirius was staring at them, one foot tucked up underneath them on the seat. Their hand stayed on Remus’ knee, their thumb stroking in little circles.

Before he even spoke, he felt his cheeks heating up. “So when I went in the shower this afternoon… I… ha, ah, I was hard so…” He trailed off, trying to find the words.

Sirius’ hand tightened on Remus’ knee, and when Remus glanced over to them at a stop light Sirius was staring at him, eyes wide. “Oh  _ shit _ . Are you… fuck.” Sirius pitched forward and pressed a kiss to Remus’ jaw whilst the car was stationary. “That’s so hot Remus, that’s so fucking hot.”

“I, um, I thought about you the whole time.” Remus kept his eyes on the road as they started to drive again. They only had about ten more minutes until they made it back to Sirius’ flat.

“Oh god…” Sirius shifted in their seat, their hand staying on Remus’ knee. “God Remus, how do you do this to me?”

“I’m not doing anything to you right now.” Remus chuckled, trying to keep it light.

“Yes you are, just hearing you talk about it is too much.” Sirius squeezed Remus’ knee before pulling their hand back, shifting in their seat again and turning their head to look forward.

“Is it okay I told you?” Remus turned down a street that brought them  _ this _ much closer to home.

Sirius’ answer was instant. “Yes. A thousand times yes, don’t — don’t feel like you can’t tell me.”

Remus smiled and nodded. He wondered if he should tell Sirius about other things. The mood was too good to bring down though, another time. “Okay. I’ll tell you. Right now all I want is for us to get home so we can maybe have another drink and… and kiss some more.”

“Yeah… that sounds really good.”

Thankfully, they made it to Sirius’ flat and parking was easy enough to find. Remus let Sirius lead them up to their place. When they got in Remus kicked off his shoes and hung up his jacket. He left Sirius to take off their heels on the sofa to rummage for something to drink in the kitchen. If he started kissing Sirius right now, he wasn’t going to be able to stop, but he felt like he needed to slow down.

When Remus glanced back towards the living area, Sirius was stood at the record player, in bare-feet now, with their hair cascading over their shoulders, the pale skin of their back above the neckline of the dress, the corner of a still-purple lovebite peeking around the edge of their neck. They took a record from the shelf, tipped it into their hands and laid it on the record player, and a moment later, the soft melody of piano filled the flat.

“You picked this one on purpose?” Remus asked as he poured them each two fingers of whisky.

“Mhmm,” Sirius said, padding over to meet Remus. “It’s the album the song from last night is on.”

“I know.” Remus handed Sirius their glass before taking a sip from his, the liquor burning nicely on the way down.

Sirius smiled, putting their hand on Remus’ back, sipping their own whisky. “Knew I had the record somewhere.”

“You have nearly every bloody record pressed in humanity, of course you have it.” Remus chuckled and took another drink. He normally sipped his whisky, but he felt the need to down it all once.

“Every  _ good _ record,” Sirius said, chuckling softly. They sipped their own drink before pressing their lips against Remus’ shoulder. “Are you okay?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Remus frowned, looking at the bottom of his glass.

Sirius drank more of their whiskey and rubbed their hand in slow circles over Remus’ back. “Because things got a little heated for a moment, back there, and I think Remus Lupin, he who over-thinks a little, might be doing so.” They kissed his shoulder again. “I get worked up around you really easily, Rem, because that’s just what you to do me, apparently, but that doesn’t mean you should feel pressured. I’m just… I’m just thirsty for you all the time, so, you know. It’s fine, whatever does or doesn’t happen.”

“I guess, I just feel really connected to you and I… hmm...I don’t know.” Remus shook his head. He wanted to explain everything, but he couldn’t. He didn’t really want to just yet. So, took one more gulp of his whisky before setting the glass on the counter. “My brain today has been so fucking full of ways that I want you.”

“God, Remus, you keep saying these things and I can’t think straight,” Sirius said, half-laughing. They pressed their forehead into Remus’ shoulder, their hand sliding around his side.

“I thought you never had straight thoughts anyway.” Remus wrapped his arms around Sirius. They smiled, took another drink of their whisky, and set it down on the counter next to Remus’.

“Especially not when you’ve got your arms around me like this.”

Remus laughed, kissing the top of Sirius’ head and burying his nose in their hair for a moment. “Can we go up to the bed and snog like we were doing earlier? Maybe with my fingers in your mouth again?” Remus said, feeling his stomach do a flip.

Sirius pressed closer and tipped their chin up to kiss Remus’ jaw, then the corner of his mouth. “Yes please.”   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another Sarennifer not-quite-mid-smut POV switch, we're so sorry 😂 Thank you guys!


	14. Chapter 14

Sirius had to really focus on climbing the ladder up to the loft. Usually it was easy to do even half-asleep, but they were practically vibrating with anticipation as they climbed the ladder after shutting off the lights downstairs and topping up the two tumblers of whisky. The music from the record player downstairs was filtering up to the loft and the lights around the balcony edge of the loft were glowing.

When they got up to the bedroom, Remus was stood at the end of the bed, his hands in his pockets, watching Sirius. Sirius held the whisky out to him. “A top up.”

“Thanks, love.” Remus took the glass and immediately took a long sip.

Sirius watched him for a moment, taking a drink of their own whisky before trailing around and setting it on the bedside. Wordlessly, they crossed back to Remus, gently pulled the glass from his hand and set it down as well. Their breath a little uneven, Sirius grasped his hands, pressed a kiss to the back of each in turn, and steered him firmly towards the edge of the bed. Another kiss to his knuckles, then Sirius pushed him down to sit on the edge of the bed and set Remus’ hands on their waist.

“Okay?” Sirius murmured, running their hands over Remus’ shoulders, stepping forward between Remus’ legs.

Remus nodded. “More than.” He pulled Sirius down so they were sitting on Remus’ lap again. One hand slid up to their neck, and other to their thigh once more. It really did feel like he was trying to pick up where they left off earlier.

Sirius shifted a little to get comfortable, loving Remus’ touch, loving the way Remus trusted them with this. “Good,” they breathed, pressing a kiss to Remus’ forehead, his nose and then his lips. They could practically feel the tension coming off of Remus right then, feel it in the way he was holding himself. Sirius deepened the kiss a little, stroking their tongue over Remus’ bottom lip.

Remus moaned, the hand on Sirius’ thigh slid back to their arse, giving it a light squeeze. “God, I want… I don’t know what I want.”

Sirius let out a breath, kissing Remus’ wrist where his hand was cupping their neck. “You don’t need to know right now, or ever. Stop… stop worrying about what you want and just be in the moment, caro.”

“Okay, okay.” Remus’ hand went up Sirius’ back under their dress. “Do you have any clue how hot you are with that lipstick?”

“Mmm,” Sirius said, smiling. “I think I have a vague idea…” They arched their back under Remus’ hands, shivering slightly at the skin-on-skin contact. They kissed their way slowly down Remus’ forearm, pausing in the ditch of his elbow to swirl their tongue over the sensitive skin. 

“Ah, that feels so good.” Remus’ fingers grazed down Sirius’ back as he leaned his forehead against Sirius’ shoulder.

Sirius smiled to themselves, taking their time to kiss back down Remus’ forearm, nipping along the skin and swirling their tongue. They scraped their teeth lightly over his wrist, then, gently took his hand and pulled it away from their neck, straightening his fingers out to kiss over his palm.

Remus let out a long breath through his nose as he watched Sirius intently. He let out a little noise when Sirius’ teeth nipped and Sirius grinned against his skin. Their fingers grazed over the back of his hand as they slipped down to hold his wrist and Sirius kissed up his palm and slid their tongue between his first and second finger, swirling over them.

It was then Sirius realised that it was Remus’  _ erection _ pressing against his thigh, and they couldn’t hold back a soft moan. Sirius’ gaze flickered to Remus, looking at him for any inkling that he was uncomfortable or that they should stop. There wasn’t anything there that made Sirius want to stop. Remus’ lips were parted and he had a flush working up his neck.

Relieved, because they really _ , really _ didn’t want to stop, Sirius trailed their lips over Remus’ fingers, stroking their tongue between them and nipping lightly at the pads. Sirius couldn’t stop thinking about Remus crowding them against the side of the car, lifting them up so Sirius could wrap their legs around his waist, remembering how fast their heart had been pounding. They were  _ desperate _ to make Remus feel good, if he would let them. They wanted to make Remus feel as good as Remus made them feel, and whatever that meant, they were okay with. Even if that meant nothing more than sucking Remus’ fingers for a while before jacking off. Even if that meant stopping right now and just cuddling in bed. Sirius didn’t care. But they wanted more of Remus, like this, flushed and wanting; they wanted him to want.

Watching Remus carefully, Sirius let their lips part and guided Remus’ middle two fingers into their mouth, letting them pet over their tongue as it curled around them. Remus let out another sound of satisfaction. His free hand under Sirius’ dress dropped back down to the small of their back. Those long, calloused fingers teased under the elastic of their underwear.

Sirius arched back into his touch, their thumb stroking over his wrist as they closed their lipstick-red lips around Remus’ fingers and sucked lightly. A soft moan spilled from their lips as they took Remus’ fingers deeper, pressing their tongue against the scuffed, sensitive skin.

“Take your dress off,” Remus said abruptly, breathing hard.

With a wet pop, Sirius pulled away, dropping Remus’ hand. The backs of their knuckles grazed the top of Remus’ thighs as they gathered the hem of the dress and bunched it up to lift it off over their head in one motion, slowly, so Remus could watch. Sirius let the garment drop from their hand, off to the side somewhere unimportant, and watched Remus with their head slightly cocked. They felt like they were just there for the taking, for whatever Remus wanted, wanting to just do  _ something _ to make him feel good.

“And your underwear, those too.” Remus nodded then bit his lip.

Sirius nodded back, realising their heart was pounding in their chest. This felt so…  _ important. _ After only a second, they climbed off of Remus’ lap but stayed standing between his legs, as close as they could. Sirius’ gaze flickered over Remus’ face, to his parted lips, to the hint of his clavicle at the button of his shirt, the flush working its way up there. They hooked their fingers into the waistband of their underwear and pulled them off their hips, wiggling a little to let them fall to the floor and pool around their feet.

Remus’ hands went right to Sirius’ hips, rubbing his thumbs in small circles in the dips of Sirius’ hips. “You’re so beautiful, Sirius.”

“God…” Sirius swallowed, their hands going to Remus’ shoulders then down to brush over the top button of his shirt. “Can I take this off?”

“Yeah,” Remus nodded up at them.

Sirius returned his nod as their fingers, shaking a little, worked the buttons of Remus’ shirt open, uncovering more of the flush that had spread from his throat. They trailed their fingers over Remus’ skin as it was uncovered, over the jut of his collarbone that gave way to the sinew and muscle of his shoulder, then carried on with the buttons. The backs of their fingers brushed over Remus’ stomach as they undid the last two buttons, and carefully pushed the shirt from his shoulders. 

“And my jeans?” Remus looked up at him with a raised brow.

Sirius was quick to answer. “Yeah, if you want, yeah.” Their hands dropped to Remus’ belt, deftly unbuckling it. They paused to glance back up to Remus for validation--he nodded--and undid his jeans. Sirius was having trouble resisting the fairly strong urge to just drop to their knees and undo the zipper with their fucking teeth, but they managed to pull Remus’ jeans open. His erection was even more obvious now without the covering of denim and the thought of Sirius being the one to get Remus turned on was nearly overwhelming.

“And my underwear?” Remus licked his lips.

“Yeah…” Oh god, Sirius wanted so bad just to throw themselves at Remus and devour him, but they had to do this on Remus’ terms, and so far they were bloody good terms. Sirius was so hard they were pretty sure vital brain function was starting to lapse. “Yeah, okay.”

Sirius pushed Remus’ jeans off his hips and a little further down his thighs, sliding their palms back up over the divots of his hips to hook the tips of their fingers into the waistband. Sirius watched Remus so so carefully, so worried that he would be feeling pressured into this, as they pulled his underwear down. Remus lifted his hips to help Sirius push them off his hips and down his thighs to join his jeans still vaguely around his knees.  _ Fuck _ , Remus’ cock was about as gorgeous as the rest of him and Sirius wasn’t sure if their mouth went dry or watered.

“God, you’re gorgeous, Remus…”

Remus reached up for Sirius, and pulled them back to the bed, lips searching for more kisses. Sirius gave them instantly, climbing onto the bed next to Remus, pushing his jeans down a little further. Together, they pulled Remus’ jeans and underwear from his legs and threw them somewhere out of the way, before Sirius’ hands razed up over Remus’ sides. Having Remus laid out next to him, every toned millimetre of him, made Sirius feel practically giddy with want. 

Sirius pressed a handful of kisses to Remus’ mouth before pulling back and sitting up on their heels. They cupped Remus’ jaw in their palm and brushed their thumb over his cheek. “What do you need, Remus?”

With another deep breath, Remus looked up at him. “I want… I think I want you to…”

Sirius ducked down and pressed another kiss to Remus’ mouth. “Touch you? Kiss you?” They grazed their lips over Remus’ jaw and down to his clavicle, nipping softly before continuing down his sternum. “Hm?”

Remus shook his head, “No…”

Sirius bit their lip, shifting a little to kiss further down Remus’ chest towards his stomach, leaving feather-light trails. “Want me to keep going?”

“Yeah.” Remus arched up into the kisses. After a moment, nipping lightly at Remus’ skin, Sirius gently grasped his hand from the bedsheets next to them and guided it to tangle through the hair at the back of Sirius’ head. Sirius squeezed their wrist reassuringly to try and get him to keep it there, eyes flickering back up to his face.

“What do you want, Rem?”

“I want your lips wrapped around me.” Remus’ voice was thick with lust.

Sirius bit their lip to stifle a moan, pressing a kiss to Remus’ stomach. “Move up the bed a bit for me, caro?” Sirius murmured, shifting slightly to kneel between Remus’ legs. Damn, they were so proud of themselves, and of Remus, for taking this slowly, for Remus being able to say what he wanted, for Remus to  _ want _ . It was so hot knowing they were the reason Remus was hard.

Remus did as Sirius’ asked, pushing himself up towards the headboard. He looked down at Sirius with a smile, reaching out to brush their hair behind an ear. Sirius watched him for a moment, waiting for him to settle before running the flat of their palm up Remus’ thigh and brushing their thumb over the crease between his hip and thigh.

“You tell me if you want me to stop, okay?” Sirius breathed, scarcely believing the words were coming out of their mouth. Sirius wanted this  _ so much _ , and yet, Remus wanting it seemed infinitely more important. 

“I will Sirius, but I want this so much. I’ve been thinking about it all night.”

Sirius groaned, licking their lips as they shifted forward and wrapped one hand carefully around the base of Remus’ cock, just holding. Sirius watched him for a moment, heart pounding. “I have too… all day, since you had your fingers in my mouth this afternoon. I kept thinking about it whenever you touched me.”

Remus let out a soft noise at the touch. “Me too, I wanted you to say that you didn’t want to go out and just stay at my flat earlier.”

“I wish I did.” Sirius smiled softly. “I wish we’d stayed at your place and I could’ve come with your fingers in my mouth.” Sirius let their tongue flick over the tip of Remus’ cock, exhaling softly. Remus made a surprised noise, reaching to tangle their fingers in Sirius’ hair. Sirius leant into the touch, swirling their tongue over hot flesh again, the taste of Remus’ skin on their lips. They trailed open-mouthed kisses down Remus’ cock, one side and then the other, tracing the tip of their tongue back up the underside.

Remus threw his free arm over his face as he moaned and trembled.

“God, caro, I want to take you apart,” Sirius whispered before parting their lips over the head of his cock and sucking lightly, letting the weight of Remus’ cock press against their tongue just like they had with his fingers.

“Ah, ah, ohh, fu — ah….” Remus arched his back again. Sirius hummed in response, shifting up a little to duck their head and draw Remus’ cock further into their mouth, swirling their tongue over the sensitive underside. “Oh god, Sirius.” Remus dropped his arm and looked down at Sirius.

Sirius pressed their own hips into the mattress, feeling their own arousal spike with the sound of Remus’ voice. They took Remus a little deeper, head bobbing slowly up and down, wanting to lavish Remus with affection and sensation. Feeling his gaze on them, Sirius’ eyes flickered up to watch Remus through their smoky lashes, hollowing their cheeks as they sucked.

“Sirius, Sirius, I’m gonna — ” Remus’ grip tightened in their hair as his body tensed under Sirius. Their gaze stayed on Remus’ face, wanting to watch him come apart, wanting to see it on his face. Sirius gave a final, sharper suck before Remus’ come painted their tongue, his hips jerking a little. Sirius kept up their ministrations, bobbing their head, as they swallowed Remus down and relished the sound of him above them.

“Shit, oh shit.” Remus panted, covering his eyes again. “That was so good, oh, fuck, you’re so fucking good.”

Sirius drew back, breathing heavily themselves, and wiped their mouth with the back of their hand, before crawling up next to Remus, entranced by the look on his face and the flush on his cheeks.

“Kiss me, come here.” Remus reached out to them.

Grinning, Sirius could do nothing but oblige, shifting closer and leaning down to kiss Remus, lightly at first, knowing he might not want to kiss them too deeply after that. Somewhat to Sirius’ surprise, Remus deepened the kiss, tongue sweeping into their mouth. Sirius instinctively pressed closer, their lips parting for his tongue, and groaned sharply when their own cock pressed against Remus’ hip. 

Remus broke the kiss for a moment. “Touch yourself.”

Sirius panted into Remus’ mouth, scrambling to do so and practically sobbing in relief as they wrapped their fingers around themselves, stroking roughly. “Yeah, oh god, Rem — _ fuck _ …”

They kissed as Sirius stroked themselves, moaning into Remus. His hand trailed down Sirius’ chest, to his stomach, then lower… lower… until he wrapped his fingers around Sirius, batting Sirius’ hand out of the way. Sirius’ hips jerked as they moaned long and low into Remus’ mouth, Remus’ warm, rough fingers wrapped around their cock. Oh  _ god _ , Remus’ hand around their cock, Remus was  _ touching them _ .  _ Oh fuck Remus was touching them _ , fuck, God, his talented, climbing-weathered, pianist fingers were around Sirius’ cock. For a moment, Sirius’ fists clenched by their sides, before they reached up to skitter over Remus’ torso. Sirius was so close, moaning with every out breath, their hips grinding forward into the circle of Remus’ fingers. Remus had barely moved his hand, but the movement of Sirius’ hips was just enough friction to send them over the edge. 

Sirius broke away with a gasp and a shaky moan as they came into Remus’ hand, their fingers digging into his shoulders for some kind of purchase. The aftershocks wracked through Sirius’ body, panting hard as they did. Sirius’ head was swimming, Remus’ touch  _ so warm _ , as they sank back into the bed, loose-limbed.


	15. Chapter 15

Remus knew he needed to get up and wipe his hand on something but he felt so completely melted into the bed. It had been a few years since he had got off with anyone else, and he nearly forgot what it was like. His head was swimming with all the happy post-orgasm chemicals and a bit of whisky that he felt euphoric. Remus glanced over at Sirius to see them looking rather like a puddle of happiness themselves.

“Are you alive?” Remus mumbled to his partner.

Sirius smiled and heaved a breath. “Yeah, oh yeah, this is the definition of alive, I think.” After a moment they heaved themselves up, stretched their arms above their head and crawled off the bed. “I’ll go and get a cloth… hold on.” 

Remus watched as Sirius crossed to the ladder, not bothering to get redressed, and slipped down. A minute or so later, they came back up with a cloth and a glass of water. “In case whisky was a bad idea,” Sirius murmured, padding around to Remus’ side of the bed and holding the cloth out to him.

“Whisky is never a bad idea.” Remus smiled at Sirius, taking the cloth to clean himself up.

Sirius stayed standing by the bed. “Was that… okay?”

The laugh that came out of Remus’ mouth surprised even him. He tossed the cloth aside, shaking his head. “Love, that was… shite… I haven’t been as turned on as I have been all day today in years. It’s all you. It’s this connection.” He waved a hand between the two of them. “That was amazing. You are amazing.”

Sirius looked rather pleased with themselves, climbing onto the bed and around to nestle against Remus’ side. “That’s good, I’m glad… Really glad, Rem.”

Remus frowned a little as he put an arm around Sirius to pull them close. “It’s not going to always happen, you know? I’m not always going to feel this way.” He hated that he felt like he needed to clarify, but in the past he always did. That was the past, though, wasn’t it? Ugh, at least Sirius didn’t mind the questions.

“Caro,” Sirius said, their voice soft with sleepiness as they kissed Remus’ jaw. “I know. Thank god. If this happened every night I think I’d die from being so turned on all the time.” They huffed a little laugh into Remus’ shoulder. “It’s all okay.” They walked their fingers up the side of Remus’ face to tap on his temple. “Turn that off, it’s all okay.”

“As nice as it sounds to turn off, I don’t think it’s possible.” Remus snickered looking at Sirius then laughing. “You know, your lipstick and eyeliner are still on?”

Sirius pouted. “Is my lipstick still perfect?”

Remus took Sirius’ chin between his thumb and forefinger, tilting their head to get a better look in the low light of the loft. “Surprisingly, yeah.” He laughed.

“See,” Sirius said, grinning, “told you it was good. I reckon they need a new tag-line.” Sirius waved a hand in the air like the words were across a billboard before them. “Lipstick so good it’s blowjob-proof, honey.”

“Oh my god.” Remus laughed before kissing those painted red lips. 

Sirius smiled into the kiss and let their hand drop back onto Remus’ chest, splaying over his sternum. “It’s a good slogan,” they mumbled into his mouth, still smiling.

“Yeah, sure is.” Remus hummed, still able to taste himself on Sirius’ tongue. “So, what friend of mine is your favorite?” He raised an eyebrow. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell them.”

“This feels like a loaded question,” Sirius said, sinking back against Remus’ side. “Peter was a laugh. But also, Alice’s hand on my arm was probably the only thing stopping me climbing on the piano, so there’s  _ that _ .” Sirius bit their lip, their fingertips tracing patterns on Remus’ skin. “And Mary’s palm reading was surprising ac — I like them all. Don’t make me pick a favourite.”

“Well, it’s certainly  _ not  _ Frank because you didn’t mention him,” Remus teased Sirius.

Sirius huffed and tapped him on the chest. “Maybe I like Frank the best, that’s  _ why _ I didn’t mention him.”

“A likely excuse.” Remus turned and nipped at Sirius’ shoulder.

“It’s the one I’m sticking with.” Sirius kicked the covers up over them before tangling their feet with Remus’. “Did they — did they like me?”

“Oh, of course they did, love.” Remus smiled thinking about how each of his friends had got his ear at one point talking about how much they loved Sirius. How Sirius was perfect for Remus. How they looked at each other like they both held the secrets to the universe (that last one was mostly Mare). “They loved you and wouldn’t shut up about you in the best ways.”

“Okay.” Sirius let out a long breath, pressing a kiss to Remus’ shoulder. “You were right, Alice liked my dress.”

“Told you so.” Remus sighed. “They haven’t always been fans of my exes.” Remus let out a little laugh, though it wasn’t exactly funny.

Sirius hummed. “Seems they’ve got good taste, then. I’m not a fan of them either, letting someone like you go.”

“Oh, what a fucking line.” Remus hit them in the arm lightly.

“Listen,” Sirius said, biting back a grin, “apparently your handjobs are so great they inspire this sort of genius. First the lipstick slogan, now — ” they waved a hand — “ _ that _ .”

“What’s going to happen when I give you a blowjob or fuck you or let you fuck me?” Remus raised an eyebrow in question.

Sirius blinked at him a few times. “I imagine,” they said, before clearing their throat. “I imagine I’ll become some kind of all-knowing, omnipresence deity or something.”

“My dick’s that good?”

Sirius nodded solemnly. “Your dick’s that good.”

Remus rolled his eyes. “That is so far from the truth. You’re the most.”

“Oi.” Sirius narrowed their eyes at him. “None of that. Who just had their mouth on your dick?  _ Me _ .” Sirius gestured at themselves. “So I’m the authority here. Your dick is great, true story.”

“I’ve had this dick my whole life, I think I should know.” Remus gestured down to his crotch.

“Yeah well, I feel like you’ve a pretty estranged relationship with it. He and I get on a lot better.” 

“Jesus fucking Christ. How much did you drink tonight?” Remus gaped at them.

“I told you!” Sirius threw up the hand that wasn’t wedged under Remus. “Your dick is  _ that good _ , Remus.”

“I can’t deal with you. I’m going to sleep.” Remus snickered before giving Sirius a quick kiss. “I love you.”

Sirius smiled, kissing back. “I love you too. Sleep tight.” They reached over to turn the last of the lights off, then cuddled back into Remus’ side, their face pressed against his side.


	16. Chapter 16

“Oh my god, Potter. It’s not as simple as just  _ put your foot there, love! _ How about you come and try it?” Lily called across to James as the two of them were side by side on the climbing walls at PureFit.

Sirius stifled a laugh from their vantage point down on the ground as the couple bickered back and forth at 40ft in the air. They caught Remus’ eye across the room and shrugged; they were always like this.

“If you wasted less energy shouting at me and more energy climbing you might be able to beat me,” James fired back, continuing climbing.

Lily’s scoff was audible even from down on the ground. “Sirius?” She called. “When I go to prison for killing your brother, please can you make sure all the paperwork is good?”

“Oi, no!” James argued. “As my sibling you’re contractually obliged to make sure she gets put away for the maximum sentence, Sirius!”

Sirius didn’t even try to hide their laughter now. “I’m staying the hell out of this, you two. Don’t have a clue what you’re talking about.” They turned and crossed back to the benches a few feet away from the wall where the others were gathered. 

Marlene was looking at James and Lily with a strange mix of admiration and fear on her face, and Dorcas was holding onto the bench laughing so hard. Mary sat on the bench, a thoughtful expression on her face. “It makes sense, of course,” she said to no one in particular. “Lily  _ did _ say her Venus was in the fifth house, and of course, that  _ would _ counteract with James’ in the eleventh…” 

Sirius shot Peter a look, wondering if that made any more sense to him than it did to Sirius. From Peter’s placid expression, they decided that was a no. Marlene, however, tore her eyes away from James and Lily and sat herself down next to Mary. “Here, if I tell you mine and Dorky’s signs, will you tell me all about how clearly wonderful we are together?”

Mary laughed, but she turned to Marlene, her attention on the other woman properly, and launched into her spiel. That was just what Mary was like, Sirius figured. She was pretty insightful, it was just wrapped up in a lot of… new-age jargon. It had been nearly two weeks since Sirius had met Remus’ friends, and they had hung out a little and been privy to some of the group chat messages. Mary sent daily positivity messages to the group chat every morning, and they were usually anywhere from beautiful to downright strange.

“Right,” Dorcas said, once she’d recovered from her laughter. “Who wants up next?”

Sirius shrugged a shoulder and gestured to Remus. “Want to, together?”

“Sure, Remus grinned, grabbing Sirius’ hand. “I’ll get you set up on the auto-belay.”

“I’m not racing like James and Lily, though,” Sirius said, letting Remus lead them over to the wall.

“No, that’s only because I’ll smoke you.” Remus grabbed the harness.

Sirius laughed, trying to resist just melting into Remus. “I know you would, caro.”

Remus lit up at the pet name, as he always did. “Take your time, don’t get cocky because your mates are here.” He dropped his voice adjusting the harness. “Though, you’ll probably do better than James and Peter.”

“I’ve got flexibility on my side,” Sirius said, leaning in to kiss Remus’ cheek. “And a teacher like you.”

Remus rolled his eyes. “Right, well I’m not going on belay. I’ll climb with you, though.”

“Oh that makes a difference, then. I’ll probably get distracted by seeing you climb.” Sirius shot him a grin before stepping back. They definitely felt more confident around the climbing wall nowadays. Quite often, if Remus was working later, Sirius would hang around there and climb a little. They could see why Remus liked it so much, it was oddly soothing, and Remus’ face was a picture whenever he saw Sirius climb. Sirius stepped up to the wall and grasped the first handhold. “Shall we?”

Remus grinned over at him, grasping his own hand hold. “Climb on, my love.”

Sirius shot him a smile and climbed up, James and Lily’s bickering in the background. Sirius understood why Remus liked climbing; there was a weightlessness to it, almost. Sirius felt the same when they were on the pole, this moment of anti-gravity. “I would say race you, but like you said, you’ll smoke me.”

As weightless as Sirius felt from time to time on the wall, they were sure that it was nothing close to how Remus actually looked and moved. The man next to them had been keeping pace with Sirius for a bit, then he just took off. “How you doing, Sirius?” Remus asked looking down from about 15 ft above Sirius.

At first, Sirius glanced across, expecting Remus to perhaps be level with them as he had been moments ago, but then they looked up and saw the man grinning down at them. “Oh for fucks sake, you’re ridiculous.” Sirius grit their teeth, trying to catch up as their competitive nature came out, but it was just so much  _ effort _ when Remus made it look easy.

Remus winked at them before continuing his route up, moving with the grace of Alice and Frank dancing on the floor at a competition.

Sirius gaped up at him for a moment, caught off guard by the way Remus’ confidence overflowed when he was climbing. Sirius watched Remus reach for a handhold, admiring the way the movement flexed down his arm and the little bit of his side Sirius could see under the arm of his sleeveless shirt. Shaking themselves out of it, they brought their attention back to the climb and started up after Remus.

“Trying to catch me?” Remus teased with a little smile.

Sirius rolled their eyes, but they couldn’t resist Remus when he was like this, all playful and coy. “Oh shut up, I’m bloody trying.” Sirius reached for the next handhold, chasing up after Remus.

“You’re doing wonderful! I’m not making fun.” Remus assured them as he swung his body over to another grip.

“He says, just throwing himself around like it’s no big deal.” Sirius grinned though, unable to stop themselves, watching Remus in his element. “Maybe I like being behind you anyway,” they said. “The view is better.”

“Oh for god sakes.” Remus reached the top of the wall.

Sirius snickered to themselves, climbing up towards him. They couldn’t help but thinking they’d said something wrong there? Remus was used to Sirius flirting mercilessly and making comments about how gorgeous he was, and usually he laughed them off or pulled Sirius in for a kiss. Maybe Mary was rubbing off on Sirius and they were concentrating on  _ vibes _ too much. No, they just needed to climb, and get to Remus at the top.

“Does this ever get bloody easier?” Sirius huffed as they reached for another handhold and had to scramble for one for their foot.

“Yes, just like pole, it takes practice,” Remus said as he made his way back down the wall, moving like the monkey that he was.

“Stop logic-ing me Remus.” Sirius flashed him a grin as they passed and Sirius reached the top, pausing there for a moment.

“Great job, love!” Remus called up to them. “See you at the bottom.”

Sirius tried to press their weight into their feet for a moment to catch their breath, shaking out one shoulder then the other. They would rather be hanging upside down from a pole with only their knee as grip, apparently. But climbing with Remus and seeing him in action was too much fun. They picked their way down, pausing to glance across and see Marlene and Dorcas climbing together, ridiculously in tandem and sharing handholds like the disgusting people they were.

Their feet on solid ground, Sirius heaved a sigh of relief and shook their hands out. They had been up a few times since the group had gathered here, but that was the last one today, they decided. Sirius could keep Mary company and watch the others climb instead.

Sirius grinned at Remus as they undid the harness. “What do you think?”

“Great job,” Remus complimented them. “Are you going to go again?”

“No.” Sirius shook their head. “I think I’m done for today. I’m starting to feel it and I don’t want to mess up anything for work tomorrow.” They kissed Remus on the corner of his mouth and smiled. “You can go though, I can watch.”

“Why don’t you go up to the spa or something? I’m sure Mare would love to get in the pool.”

“Oh yeah. Is that why you insisted we bring swimming things?” Sirius smiled. “I mean, I’ll miss out on you climbing. But I think we’ll go and do that.” Sirius pressed a quick kiss to Remus’ lips. “Have fun. See you up there later?”

“Yes, see you there. I’m going to climb more.” Remus stepped back from Sirius and going towards the wall.

Sirius watched him for a moment, frowning slightly. Were they imagining this, or not? Trying to push it from their mind, Sirius padded over to the bench where Mary was sat, watching the others climb. “Hey, Mare. I’m done climbing for the day. Why don’t we head up to the pool for a while before it gets rowdy when the rest of them join us?”

Mary nodded, standing up with a little difficulty due to her ever growing bump. Sirius offered her a hand to help, which she gladly accepted. “That sounds so wonderful, Sirius.”

“I thought so too. C’mon. We’ll grab the lift.” Sirius tucked Mary’s arm into theirs as they started out of the climbing area and through the reception. Sirius’ thoughts kept drifting back to Remus. They couldn’t shake the idea that something was wrong, and they were missing it all entirely. Had they done something and not realised? 

All the way up to the spa, Sirius was preoccupied thinking about it, going over the past week or two in their head. Remus was leaving for his climbing competition in Germany in two days time. For a while they talked about Sirius coming with him and making it into a holiday, but Sirius couldn’t get away from the studio for that long. Was it that? Was Remus frustrated by Sirius’ work and how it took over sometimes? He didn’t seem like the type… Was Sirius coming on too strong in the bedroom? They hadn’t done much since that night after the jazz bar; Sirius had gotten off a few times with Remus kissing them, but the man himself hadn’t. Sirius didn’t  _ mind _ that, they were happy to just go with the flow of whatever Remus wanted so long as they got a kiss goodnight or in the morning. But that had barely happened the past two days, Remus seemed off…

Sirius and Mary parted ways at the changing room — those fucking ones weren’t gender-neutral, but it was fine, Sirius was used to it, and it helped they had been feeling pretty masc consistently for the last few days. Was  _ that _ it? Remus had been so turned on by Sirius in their dress and heels and lipstick. Was Sirius in jeans and band tees just not doing it for him? 

Sirius scraped their hair up into a bun as they strolled out of the changing rooms and saw Mary in the shallow end of the pool, sitting on the steps. “Hey…” Sirius was  _ sure _ they hadn’t been long in there, had they just gotten caught up with their thoughts? “Didn’t keep you waiting, did I?”

“No, darling, it’s fine. I can tell that you’re lost in your head tonight. What’s going on? Your vibe is all off. You’re not your usual self.” Mary looked at them with wide blue eyes.

Sirius huffed a laugh as they slipped into the pool next to her, tensing a little at the cold. “You and your vibes, Mare.” They rubbed their hands over their face. “You’re right though. I don’t know. I’m just… thinking about everything.”

“Do you want to talk about it with me? I know we haven’t known one another for long, but it may help,” Mary said, running her hand through the water.

“Yeah… yeah actually. You might be able to help.” Sirius pushed off the wall, treading water a little. “Has Remus said anything to you?”

“Remus has said a lot to me, Sirius, you need to be a bit more specific than that.” She laughed softly.

“Recently, I mean. About the two of us, he and I.” 

“Oh, no, just that he’s happy. He’s a bit sad you can’t go to Germany, but he understands. Is something going on?” She swam out a little closer to Sirius.

“I…” Sirius trailed off, shrugging. Was there? Or were they just imagining it? “He just feels… closed off. And I… feel like I’ve done something wrong.”

Mary sighed with a thoughtful look on her face. “I’m sure you’ve done nothing wrong. Remus probably is closed off, that’s Remus, isn’t it? He’s all in his head all the time. I love him so much, but that’s just how he is. He guards his heart closely.”

“I guess…” Usually, Sirius and Remus were honest with each other. It had done them well in the past, with Remus’ sexuality and Sirius’ gender and everything that came along with that. Sirius hoped Remus thought he could tell them anything. “You know him, Mare. If I  _ had _ done something wrong, would he tell me, do you think? Or would he just… bottle it up — he’d bottle it up, wouldn’t he…” Sirius groaned, covering their face with their hands.

“Ah, he’d probably bottle it up, yes.” She grimaced. “You love him, though, so whatever you’ve done  — if you’ve even done anything at all, it couldn’t have been too bad. Just keep showing him your love.”

Sirius nodded, scraping their hands through their hair. “Yeah… yeah that’s true. Okay. I’ll do that.”

“Good. Your signs are very suited for one another, you know? You’re the mirror of one another to some extent, so many similarities, yet so many differences. Though, it works. It may cause some conflict, especially when Mercury is in retrograde,” Mary explained as if this knowledge was going to help Sirius at the moment.

“Oh, er — sure.” One day, Sirius would learn to understand Mary’s astrological stuff, but today was not that day. “Thanks, Mare. That really helps.”

“I’m glad, darling. Now, tell me, how can I get Peter to get on the pole because I’m dying to see that.” Mary raised an eyebrow.

“Well. Seeing as we’ve all come here for climbing, I think it’s a valid argument to make that next time we hang out it should be at the studio.” Sirius shrugged a shoulder. “I’m sure Marly and I can make a stand for the idea.”

“Brilliant!” Mary said excitedly.

“Maybe we can do it once the little one has come along, I bet you’ll suit it up there, Mare.” Sirius grinned.

A while later, the rest of the group from downstairs arrived. Lily and James had stopped bickering and were now joking around and comparing matching scuffs on their hands. Dorcas had Marlene on her back and upended her right into the pool as soon as they walked in. With someone to keep Mary company — the hot tub was a no-no for her — Sirius, Remus, James and Marlene went to the hot tub and relaxed there together. Sirius was sat sort of close to Remus, but there was something about the man’s body posture that prevented Sirius from cuddling up next to him.

James had his feet in Sirius’ lap as his head lolled against the other side of the tub. “How you lot are all physically active on a daily basis baffles me. I’m knackered.”

“Mate, I don’t know how you sit at a desk daily.” Remus scoffed at the idea.

“I’d rather die.” Marly turned up her nose.

Sirius snorted a laugh. “Marly, you’re so fucking dramatic. What do you do on your weeks off, when you take them?”

James gave Sirius a look. “Do you really want her to answer that question?”

“There are no weeks off, Sirius. Plus, Dorky and I work up quite the sweat in bed.” She winked.

“Aww god, see!” James threw his hands up as Remus groaned next to Sirius and Sirius snickered with laughter. “I said we don’t want to know.”

“Yeah, well, it’s Marly,” Sirius replied. “If you want someone to know something, there’s no stopping you, eh? And if there’s an opportunity to big-up Dorky in there? We’re screwed.”

“In a way that is not the same as how I was screwed this morning.” Marly nodded.

“Oi, speak for yourself, McKinnon.” Sirius shoved their foot at Marlene, grinning.

Next to Sirius, Remus shifted a bit. “James, didn’t you say you used to be on the swim team at your ridiculously posh school?”

James puffed out his chest. “ _ On _ the swim team, Remus, I  _ was _ the swim team. It was shit without me.”

Sirius rolled their eyes. “You did it to get girls, Jamie.”

“Did I get  _ the girl _ , Sirius? Yep. It worked. The ‘fly crew was me and Amos Diggory and we were the Dream Team, thank you very much.”

Marlene sat forward, interested. “Guess who was  _ also _ on the swim team at my significantly less hoity-toity school, Jimbo.”

James waved a hand. “Nothing against James  _ The Dolphin _ Potter.” 

Sirius couldn’t contain their laughter, burying their face in their hands, their shoulders shaking.

Marlene looked intensely interested though. “Try me, Potter. I bet your desk job’s made you pudgy, mate. Let’s go.”

“Oh, it’s  _ on _ , McKinnon. Pistols at dawn, a fight to the death,  _ mano a mano _ . Let’s go.” James practically threw himself up the hot tub steps as Marlene lifted herself out the side in an effort to beat him to the door back through to the pool room. Sirius could hear them arguing all the way to the pool, followed by a big splash.

Sirius let out a long sigh and sank into the water. “Christ, they are something else when they’re together…”

“They’re fucking ridiculous.” Remus shook his head. “I’m glad our mates get on though.”

“Yeah,” Sirius smiled, shifting closer to Remus now the hot tub was empty. “Me too.”

Remus gave him a tight smile. “It’d be terrible if they hated one another. Frank and Alice we so upset they couldn’t make it out tonight.”

“Yeah… it’s okay. They’ll be here next time. Mary was saying the lot of you should come to the studio next time. She’s dying to get Peter on the pole.” Sirius let their head drop against Remus’ shoulder.

Remus put his arm around Sirius’ waist, pulling him a little closer, but he felt tense. “Maybe next time, yeah.”

“Next time.” Sirius turned and pressed a kiss to Remus’ shoulder, lingering there a little and enjoying the taste of his skin, warm from the water and sweat.

“I’m going to miss you in Germany.” Remus pressed his lips to Sirius’ temple.

Sirius sighed, pressing another kiss to Remus’ shoulder, shifting a little to trail another over the top of his collarbone. “Me too. Very much. I wish I could come with you.”

“I wish you could come too. It would have been nice, but I get it.” Remus rubbed his hand up and down Sirius’ back.

“Mmm, it would, wouldn’t it? We could’ve made a holiday of it and wandered around the city on your day off… or just taken advantage of the big bed in the hotel room and ordered room service.” Sirius smirked, trailing kisses across Remus’ clavicle.

“Ha, room service, sure.” Remus shook his head, his hand making little patterns now.

“Mmmhm,” Sirius muttered, nipping at Remus’ shoulder, nudging closer to kiss over the base of his throat. Maybe they could give Remus a lovebite. He was so fond of them on Sirius, and they liked the idea of their mark being on him when he was away in another country. “We could’ve just relaxed after you won the comp, just stayed in bed for days...”

“Ya — yeah.” Remus’ breathing was uneven.

“Come back to mine tonight? I’m not at the studio until 11…” Sirius shifted up and hooked their leg over Remus’, straddling his knees and bracing their hands on his shoulders.

Remus’ brow was pinched. “No. No, I can’t, Sirius. I  — I need to be up early tomorrow. Actually, we should probably go back out with everyone. It’s nearly time to get home.” He put his hands on Sirius’ hips but didn’t pull them closer, instead he gently pushed them back.

Sirius frowned, moving back when Remus pushed at them. “Rem, hey…” They took his hand and tried to lace their fingers together. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, Sirius, I’m just tired.” He wiggled his hand away from Sirius’ grip then pushed himself up.

“Rem…” Sirius staggered back a step, their frown deepening. “Hey… I didn’t — didn’t mean it like that. I’m just playing, it’s okay. We can just go and get dinner, watch a movie or something, I--”

Without as much as a glance back, Remus left Sirius in the hot tub, and went back for the pool.

“Remus!” Sirius watched him walking away, a little bewildered. They knew they had been coming on strong, but Remus had been playing along recently, enjoying their flirtatious talk and Sirius getting a little wordy… and if he  _ didn’t _ want something, then surely he would say? They had been honest with each other in the past.

With a weary sigh, Sirius sank back into the hot tub and ducked their head under the water. They couldn’t understand what was wrong. They just wanted to know what was upsetting Remus; talking of sex had never bothered him before.


	17. Chapter 17

Remus left the gym thinking about how everything felt so strained with Sirius. He knew that he had been getting more and more distant from them. The whole weekend of them confirming their feelings for one another was so intense, and Remus had been so wrapped up in Sirius. There was just this certain something that was pulling him to Sirius. It was still there, of course, but not so magnified. He didn’t want to take Sirius apart piece by piece, but it felt like one move or look or turn of phrase from Sirius, and he’d be pushed over that edge into wanting them.

That wasn’t a bad thing, he was just so overwhelmed. Remus kept Sirius at arms length because he didn’t want to toy with them and be hot and cold. He didn’t want to make out with them then not end up wanting to more than that. They would understand, Sirius was so bloody understanding. Yet, he couldn’t help but hear his old boyfriend in his head saying that he was being a tease or prudish. Remus thought for a couple of days it was better to just keep Sirius where they were before they said they were in love with one another.

He was going away to Germany for a few days, and Remus thought maybe it would help him gather himself to be okay with whatever the hell he was feeling with Sirius. Sure, he was upset at first they couldn’t make to the competition with Remus, but it was probably for the best. Then last night Sirius made all those insinuations about how they would have loved to have gone to Germany to  _ make use of the big bed _ and  _ spend days _ in it. His rational brain was telling Remus that Sirius was just joking around, but that irrational part was eating away at him.

Remus pushed Sirius away, both physically and metaphorically in the hot tub. He practically ran out of the room after Sirius asked him back to their loft. Of course he had spent the night, and the full day, thinking about Sirius and everything that had happened. It wasn’t fair to them that Remus was being a bit of a dick. Really, Remus needed to tell them about his ex. He needed to be more honest about his feelings and why he was pushing Sirius away. It felt somewhat mean to do that before going off to Germany for a few days. But he knew that he had to make things better before he left for the competition.

On his way to the studio, Remus grabbed a bouquet of multicolored wild flowers at the flower shop down the street from Ascendence. Aside from their good morning texts they hadn’t spoken much since Remus had run out of the hot tub. He figured to surprise Sirius at the studio, and have a nice night. Maybe go grab dinner, and possibly go to the café they went to on their first date. He wanted to make things a bit better because this was all his fault after all.

Remus walked in to find no one at reception. The girls must have left already, leaving Sirius alone to lock up. That was good because, he thought, it would give Remus some time alone with them. He made his way towards the first studio on the left because Sirius tended to be in that one this time of day since it had the poles. To his surprise he heard a voice that he didn’t recognize as he reached the open doorway.

“Come on, Si, let’s get a drink. It will be like old times, sweetheart,” the voice said, making Remus furrow his brow.

Sirius scoffed, walking into view of the doorway with their bag over their shoulder. “That’s the  _ problem _ , Gil.  _ Old times _ . Not a fan of them where you’re concerned.”

“I seem to remember you liking them just fine. You never said no,” this Gil person said, making Remus’ stomach turn.

“Are you kidding?” Sirius turned, crossing their arms over their chest. “I told you a million times not to call me  _ he _ or  _ him _ and yet you did, and  _ still do _ . That’s just respect, Gilderoy, nothing to do with whether or not we used to fuck.”

Remus shook his head, trying not to think about why Sirius would ever date someone who did that to them. Obviously, it didn’t last. But why was this person here?

Gil strode up next to Sirius, waving his hand. “Little details Si. Does what I call you really matter at the end of the day when I have you moaning?”

To Remus’ surprise, Sirius didn’t look so put out by Gil’s phrase. They rolled their eyes and shut off the last of the studio lights. “Please, you’re remembering that wrong too. There was zero moaning because the sex was shit and your dick is fucking tiny, Gil. The only good thing about it was that it was over quickly.”

Remus shook his head, finally stepping out of the shadow of the doorway. He didn’t want to think about this person treating Sirius like shite. It made his skin crawl and reminded him far too much of Fenrir. “Sirius,” Remus said after clearing his throat.

Sirius noticed Remus at the exact moment they turned away from Gilderoy and started striding out of the studio. “Rem…”

“What’s, ah, what’s going on?” He looked between Sirius and Gil, flowers dangling from his fingers.

“Nothing, Rem,” Sirius said, their voice firm as they stepped forward towards him. “Just getting the stragglers to  _ fuck off _ , then we can go.”

_ Gil _ took a few steps forward, eyes appraising Remus. “Oh, Si, is this the new one?” The man looked back over his shoulder of Sirius for a moment. The tension in the air was so thick, Remus wanted to just get out of there. Better yet, he wanted this idiot to get out of there. “Fine, you can have  _ him _ , not much left of him anyway.”

Remus wasn’t sure what part of the whole thing made Remus drop the flowers and punch the man square in his perfect nose. It was probably the combination of his misgendering, hitting on Sirius, and his overall twattiness. There was no one on the planet that probably deserved a punch more at that moment than this bloke. “Fuck off.” Remus gritted his teeth.

“Remus!” Sirius took a step back as  _ Gil _ staggered back, blood trickling out of his nose and down his pristine white t-shirt. They were staring at him with wide eyes.

Gilderoy put a hand up to his nose, his face scrunched into a scowl. “You fucking deserve each other. You’re probably just as broken as he is.” With that, he pushed past Remus and out of the door. The slam of the main building door echoed through the empty building and Sirius flinched visibly at the sound of it.

Remus shook his hand out, staring at the ground, the last words the arsehole said echoing in his head.  _ Broken _ . Sirius wasn’t broken. Sirius was  _ so _ not broken. They were so beautiful and full. Remus was though; at least he felt that way much of the time when it came to sex. Fenrir told him that quite a bit. He should have just wanted it, right? Remus bent down and picked up the flowers, which were now a bit ragged, petals all over the ground. Why was Sirius talking to Gil? Why was he even there?

“Ah, I… I got these for you…” Remus wanted to say so much, but as usual the words were stuck in his brain, wedged in there.

“Oh…” Sirius cleared their throat and wiped their hand on their jeans before reaching out to take the flowers. “They’re beautiful… thank you.” They stared for a moment, dully at the middle distance to the left of Remus’ shoulder, before shaking their head. “I have to close up.”

“Right, I’ll… I’ll go wait out in the front.” Remus didn’t look at Sirius again, going right out to the reception area.

He didn’t sit down, he just stayed standing, staring out the window at passersby. This was a bad idea, coming to see Sirius. He should have just taken some time away from them when he went to Germany. It could have helped, or maybe Sirius would have realized it was better they weren’t together. They could have had anyone they wanted, that could have given them everything they wanted and needed. Remus was  _ broken _ . There was no way around that.

Sirius came out of the studio with their bag, holding the flowers carefully, close to their chest. They wordlessly followed Remus out front to lock up. Remus knew he had to at least talk to Sirius, he couldn’t leave them after all that. It would probably caused more problems if he just left. “Sirius, I’ll… I’ll just go back to mine, okay? I have my flight tomorrow anyhow.” He rubbed the back of his neck as Sirius came to stand next to him.

“Please don’t,” Sirius said softly. “We should talk… and — and it’s your last night and I don’t want to spend it alone.”

Remus chewed at his bottom lip. “Okay, yeah, but… but I don’t know if I’ll spend the night.”

Sirius ran their free hand through their hair. “Okay, okay, just — just for a minute, then?”

“Yeah.” Remus nodded.

They walked back to Sirius’ flat without saying a word. Remus kept his hands in his pockets, not wanting to hold Sirius’ hand. He just wanted to go home, and get ready to go to Germany. Time and space was what he wanted,  _ needed, _ right now. There was something not working between them at the moment, and Remus knew that it was mostly on him. He hated it.

As they got up to Sirius’ flat, something sparked in Remus’ brain. He remembered Sirius mentioning a Lockhart before, he was the bloke from the gym that misgendered them all the time. He was the one that Remus had said he’d come and be a knight in shining armor for Sirius over. Remus didn’t bother to kick his shoes off when he walked into the flat, but he did take his coat off as his mind swirled with this new information. How could Sirius do this?

Sirius cleared their throat and crossed over to the kitchen. “Do you want a drink?” Their voice was a little rough and quiet as they grabbed a glass from beside the sink.

“Yeah.” Remus went into the kitchen, but headed for the table, away from Sirius at the counter. Sirius didn’t say anything but Remus saw them watching him, paused at the sink with the tap still running.

Remus bit at his already nearly non-existent nails. He really should have just gone back to his own flat. This was torture. “Whisky, please.”

“Ohh-kay.” Sirius set the water glass down and Remus heard them moving around a bit before they came to stand next to him. With a harder than necessary thud, they set the glass down before Remus and poured a rough measure of whisky into it. “You know where I keep it. Couldn’t get it yourself?”

“What is your problem?” Remus furrowed his brow. How was Sirius the one angry with him?

Sirius scoffed, not replying for the moment as they poured themselves a glass too and set the bottle back on the shelf with another thud. “My problem? What’s yours Remus? You ignore me the whole of yesterday after you walked out mid-conversation, then you turn up at work, with flowers, and then  _ punch _ the guy that works next door?”

Remus shook his head. “Really, you’re mad at me for that? He was being a fucking dick, Sirius. Not only that but you  _ dated _ him? How could you not tell me that the bastard that was misgendering you was someone that you used to bang on the regular, apparently? Thinking about going back?”

“If this weren’t good whisky, I would throw it in your fucking face,” Sirius said, quite calmly. “You really think that? I didn’t tell you we used to  _ bang _ because he means less than nothing to me and it wasn’t important. It was a long time ago.”

Remus took a long sip of the whisky. He wanted to get the fuck out of there. “You’re still seeing him all the time. You also didn’t seem to be telling him to just fuck off back there.”

“Because he does this all the time and I’m bored of it. If I tell him to fuck off and get angry or upset he just thrives off it. So I don’t give him the time of day. I’ll still have to walk past him to get to work tomorrow, even if you have punched him in the face.” Sirius set their whisky down; some of it sloshed over the side of the glass but they didn’t seem to notice. “Do you not trust me, is that it?”

“I - I just don’t understand why you would lie to me. You used to fuck him and you see him all the time. I think that bears some importance!” Remus shook his head. Why didn’t Sirius understand that this was a thing one normally told their boyfriend?

“Oh, okay. Would you like me to tell you everyone I’ve ever been on a date with, or lay out all my ill-advised relationships with every arsehole I’ve gone to bed with? I can go back, start right at the beginning if you like.”

“Fuck off, I’m not saying I need to know every person you’ve shagged, Sirius. I’m just looking for a little honesty in terms of people who you see all the time. He comes by the studio often!” Remus threw a hand up.

“Why does that matter? To me he’s just the wanker from the gym next door. It doesn’t make a difference whether we fucked because I’d rather forget the whole of it. It’s like — it’s like you’re giving him the power of being  _ my ex _ — ” Sirius did air-quotes there — “when actually he’s just a fucking bastard. Just let it go, Remus. Gil doesn’t fucking matter.”

“It matters, Sirius! It matters to me because you see him all the time. I should know about this.” Remus was getting more and more frustrated with Sirius. Why couldn’t they just see?

“Why?” Sirius said bitterly, “because you’re worried that, what, he’ll wear me down and I’ll just jump into bed with him again? Because he comes by the studio all the time, so of course I’d want to fuck him, because he’s  _ there _ , because it’s just the fact he’s got a dick, isn’t it?”

That was what Remus was afraid of, wasn’t it? He was so afraid that Sirius would get fed up and go for someone else like Fen did. The rational part of Remus’ brain was screaming at him again because Sirius wasn’t like that. Why did he have to do this? Why did he have to fucking feel this way? Sirius  _ loved  _ him, yet that didn’t seem to matter right now. He tried to find the words as he took another drink.

“You really think that, don’t you? Fuck you, Remus, fuck you if you think I’ll jump into bed with the nearest thing with a dick. Fuck you.” Sirius pushed their chair back and stood up, turning away.

“It’s… it’s just how can  _ you _ want to be with  _ me _ ?” Remus said quietly, worried that Sirius was going to ask him to leave now. Yes, he wanted to go, but not like this.  _ Shite. Shite. Shite. _

“Because I love you!” Sirius burst out, turning back to Remus and throwing their hands up in the air. “I fucking love you, you stupid bastard.” Their voice was breaking as they spoke. “And I’m really fucking  _ mad _ that you think I want to be anywhere else but with you! Whatever’s going on in that fucking brain of yours can just  _ stop _ because that’s really fucking offensive, Remus.”

“I  — look... I don’t think that you’ll do that, I really don’t. It’s just, in the past it’s happened. You’re not getting what you want from me, right? You kept talking about sex last night and I’m not there right now.”

“So I’ll go elsewhere? That’s bullshit.” Sirius paced a few steps into the kitchen, then back towards the table. “That’s not how being in a relationship works. Yeah, I’d really like to get off with you, but that doesn’t mean I’m a shitty person because you don’t want it right now. Every single other time I’ve flirted with you like that you’ve either laughed along or told me to back off. You haven’t  _ pushed me away _ , literally, and walked out the fucking room. I don’t know what’s going on in your head right now, what am I meant to do?”

“I don’t know, maybe start by telling me that your old boyfriend comes around the studio often?” Remus snapped at Sirius then bit his tongue.

“Oh sure, okay. The guy I fucked a few times a few years ago comes to the studio often. Every single fucking time I tell him to leave me alone and ignore him until he leaves. Whilst we’re at it, the coffee shop down the road? I fucked the guy in there once too, are you gonna go punch him as well?”

“Fuck you! I punched Lockhart because he was being a fucking bastard. I don’t give a shit about the guy at the coffee shop. Maybe I would if he was trying to chat you up all the time.” Remus gripped his glass so tight that he was sure it would shatter in his hands.

Sirius smiled sardonically. “How do you know he isn’t?”

“Fuck off.” Remus looked away from Sirius, eyes going to the window.

“Don’t try to tell me I would go with anyone who looked at me twice, then, Remus. That’s not fucking fair.”

Remus stood up now, throwing his arm up. “I’m not fucking saying that! Why don’t you see that this Lockhart thing could be upsetting to me?”

“Because they’re my  _ ex _ ! So what if I see them, because they’re my ex and I’m with you now. If I knew you saw your ex regularly, guess what, I wouldn’t give a shit, because I’m your partner now, not them!”

If Sirius knew Fenrir, he hoped they’d care that Remus saw him regularly. That would have been fucking torture. “Except I’d tell you if I saw them often because that’s what people do in relationships, right?”

“Right. They’re honest. So tell me what’s been up your arse the past three days,” Sirius said, sitting heavily back in their chair and fixing Remus with an expectant stare.

“What do you mean?” Remus reached for his whisky then moved across the kitchen, the small, cozy flat suddenly feeling claustrophobic.

“Don’t play fucking ignorant. You’ve barely looked at me the past few days. You’ve been flinching away from me and not wanting to even kiss me hello. Don’t think I haven’t noticed.”

Remus took another long pull of his whisky, trying to think of what to tell Sirius. “I’m  — this is just how I am sometimes.”

“Don’t lie, Remus. I don’t think that’s the case.” Sirius sounded a little worn down. “Even when you’re basically sex-repulsed you still let me hold your hand and kiss your fucking cheek.”

_ Just fucking tell him _ , his rational brain was screaming at him. “When didn’t I let you do those things?”

“Yesterday at the climbing walls. I kissed you and you just stood there, in the pool you basically ignored me the whole time when I kept trying to come over to you. The day before last when we were on the sofa you were shoved up in the corner making sure no fucking inch of you was near me, Remus.” They stared at him for a second. “You didn’t even realise, did you? The last three days you’ve kissed me  _ twice _ .”

Remus pressed his free palm against his right eye. He really hadn’t noticed. “I kissed you…” He trailed off because he couldn’t think of more than two times he had kissed Sirius in the last few days.

“Yeah,” Sirius spat. “Exactly. And every time I’ve tried to talk to you about it, you’ve shut me down. So fuck you for hanging honesty over my head.”

“I didn’t realize, Sirius.” Remus’ voice sounded all weird and wrong. He really didn’t.

“No. You didn’t realise you’ve been pushing me away, and then you come at me like this for something that isn’t my fault. Whatever’s going on in your head, now’s the time to say it.” Sirius picked up their whisky and drained the glass. “Or I think you should leave.”

Remus followed Sirius’ lead, draining his own glass before setting it down on the counter.  _ Just fucking say it _ . But he’d probably just get hurt anyway, no matter what came of it right now. Things would have to end eventually, and they burned far too bright, far too quickly for them to actually last. Remus swallowed the lump in his throat then turned towards the door, not being able to even look at Sirius again.

Somehow, he made it back to his flat, he wasn’t really sure how, and managed to not cry until he was back in his bed alone.


	18. Chapter 18

Sirius was pretty sure they didn’t sleep all night. If they did, it was at the kitchen table with their arms pillowed under their head. For a while they had stared at the front door thinking  _ come back, come back you fucking bastard _ , but Remus never turned back up. Things had escalated so quickly that Sirius could barely keep up with the argument they were having. First of all Sirius had been so distracted by Remus’ quietness all day that they didn’t have the energy to fend off Gil as angrily as they usually did. It just so happened that Remus picked  _ that day _ to turn up with flowers, of all things. They were abandoned in the sink and Sirius couldn’t quite bring themselves to put them in a vase. 

Sirius couldn’t understand why Remus was so angry about them not telling him about Gil. Sirius had been ignoring Gil for nearly a year, so it never even occurred to them to warn Remus about the man; it would be like warning Remus for everyone who cat-called Sirius. Sirius paid Gil the same attention as they did those arseholes. But Remus wouldn’t drop it. He got so angry, accusing Sirius of sleeping around, or at least thinking of, just because they weren’t having sex. That hurt.

Sirius’ alarm woke them from a not-really sleep at the kitchen table and they turned it off with bleary eyes. No messages from Remus. Sirius turned the alarm off and put their head back on their arms. Fuck. This was the best relationship Sirius had ever been in, by miles. Remus understood them like no one else ever had, and they had told him to leave. Why the fuck had they told him to leave? 

Because Remus had told them he practically  _ expected _ them to cheat. What was Sirius meant to do with that? How were they meant to build a relationship on that? Was Remus so insecure in their relationship that he thought Sirius would run off with the nearest person with a dick?

Sirius’ alarm jerked them awake again and they picked up the phone to see they had precisely five minutes to get to the studio. They and Marlene had a meeting every third Thursday to check in with each other, and today was that day. Swearing softly, Sirius stood up, swaying a little. Fuck it, they didn’t have the energy to go change; they had stuff at the studio if they needed it. Besides, they couldn’t go up to the bedroom without thinking of Remus lying there.

In a daze, Sirius grabbed their bag and headed out of the door, trudging down the street to the studio. What the fuck went so wrong? What had Sirius done to push him away in the first place? Remus hadn’t even  _ realised _ he had been practically ignoring Sirius, and when they pointed it out he had looked so shocked and  _ resigned _ . Was Sirius that…  _ broken _ , like Gil said? That they had driven Remus away when they loved him so much?

The studio was already unlocked when Sirius stepped through to reception, rubbing a hand over their face. They could have their meeting with Marlene, and then use the shower and see if they had some clothes here. Sirius idly noticed there were flower petals stuck to the front of their hoodie and had to fight not to burst into tears right there.

Marlene bustled out from behind the reception. “Hiya, doll. Morning! You’re a bit late, are yo — ” Marlene’s gaze settled on them. “Holy shit Sirius you look like hell, what the fuck happened?”

Sirius shook their head. “Nothing. Just slept in late. Meeting?”

Marlene squinted for a moment. “Did you stay over Remus’? His flight is soon, right?”

“No, no. Just slept through my alarm.” Sirius tried to edge past her into the office so they could get this meeting over and done with.

“Huh, thought you’d sleep over there since he’s gone for five days. That’s like an eternity for you both. You’re practically joined at the hip. Mary said that you two are compatible, you know? Something about your signs, I don’t fucking know. Mare’s a fucking riot. I love her. We need to hang out with that group more often, yeah? All right, come on, let’s get down to it.” Marlene dragged them into the office.

Sirius opened and closed their mouth several times, trying to find a place to interrupt Marlene but never quite getting words out. “Yeah,” they managed to get out, weakly.

_ Yeah, I thought we’d sleep over too. It’s an eternity, but now it’s all done anyway, I guess. Thought we were compatible too, but apparently not. _ Sniffing a little, Sirius plunked down into one of the office chairs, staring blankly at the wall opposite. They couldn’t understand it. Yes, they’d come on a bit too strong in the hot tub, but every other time they’d been like that, Remus had brushed it off with no problems; he’d never practically shoved Sirius away and ran off. And they really couldn’t fathom why he was so upset by Gil. The whole argument played over and over in their head.

“You sure you’re really good? You don’t look it at all, Sirius. Are you ill? Do you need to go home?”

“No. I don’t want to be at home right now. I don’t — ” Sirius’ phone buzzed in their pocket and they scrambled to pull it out, thinking it might be a text from Remus. Instead the calendar app popped up with a reminder:

😭 _Remus_ _away to go Win Some Medals _🥇💙

Sirius bit their lip, feeling the tears stinging the corners of their eyes, and shook their head. They didn’t want to speak; if they opened their mouth it would all come out and they wouldn’t be able to stop crying.

“Oh, no, no, Sirius, what is it? Please, tell me, something’s wrong and Marly can’t fix things she doesn’t know about.” Marlene leaned over, grabbing Sirius’ hand.

The touch seemed to break Sirius’ resolve and they grabbed Marlene’s hand as the first sob spilled out of their mouth. Sirius shook their head, trying to stop it but now it had started they couldn’t stop it. “It’s fine, it’s fine. I don’t — ” 

“Oh, Sirius, we’re leaving and I’m taking you back to your flat and you’re going to cry this out then you can tell me all about it… then we’re going to get drunk or something,” Marly said softly, putting her other hand on top of Sirius’.

“No, no, we’ve got — got classes, I’m fine. I just — ” Sirius wiped at their eyes with the sleeve of their hoodie but the tears kept coming — “I just need a second.”

“I’m getting Hestia and Benjy in here. She can take the pole classes, and Ben can do the ballet. You look like you haven’t slept a wink and you’re sobbing about  _ something.  _ I’m assuming it has something to do with Remus.” Marlene said Remus’ name so softly that it hurt.

Sirius nodded, the tears starting afresh at the mention of Remus’ name. He would be on a plane right now, off to another country to go and do what he did best and Sirius wanted to support him, they wanted to be there with him but they fucked it all up. “Yeah…” Sirius wiped at their eyes again, sniffing. “Yeah, we had a big… a big fucking argument, Marly, and I told him to leave.”

Marlene softened in a way that Sirius had never seen before. She was always so strong and brash and sharp. But there was something else there now. “No, it’s okay, Sirius. He loves you. Let me call Hestia and Ben, then we’ll go home and talk all about it.”

“No he doesn’t, not anymore, not anymore.” Sirius rubbed their face with their sleeve, pulling their knees up onto the chair. “Just... just give me a minute, okay. I’ll be okay, I’ll be okay.”

Marlene didn’t say anything; she fixed them with a hard look before leaving the office.

Sirius tried to calm down, pressing their hands over their face and trying to take deep breaths, but every time they closed their eyes they saw Remus’ face when they were arguing, telling them how upset he was, hearing how he practically expected Sirius to cheat, as if it was par for the course. As if it was the obvious choice to expect the pole dancer, the pretty one, the greedy one who got to pick whatever bits of gender they liked, to cheat. As if he expected Sirius to be promiscuous. And yet, Sirius had told him to leave. Remus had been on the verge of telling them something, like they had been hiding something and it was so close to spilling out, but then Sirius had told him to basically fuck off.  _ Fuck _ , how were they meant to go back to their flat now without seeing him there?

“Okay, Hestia and Ben will be here within the next fifteen minutes. Do you want to go back to your flat and I’ll meet you there?” Marlene came in to sit down across from them again.

Sirius got halfway through nodding before it turned into a shake of their head. They didn’t know what they wanted to do.

“Do you want to go to… my flat instead?” Marlene tried that option.

“I guess?” Sirius’ voice broke a little. “I don’t know, Marly. I don’t know what to do.”

“Okay, want me to tell you what we’re doing?”

Mutely, Sirius nodded, pressing the sleeve of their hoodie to their mouth as the tears started afresh.

“We’re going to wait here then we’ll go to my place. Okay?”

Some time later, Sirius sat heavily on the edge of Marlene’s sofa, feeling completely worn-out. They were  _ so _ tired, their eyes were red-rimmed and they  _ still _ couldn’t stop crying. Remus would probably be in Germany by now. Would he be excited for the competition? Happy to have finally gotten rid of Sirius after days of being so thoroughly annoyed by them? He would win, obviously. Remus climbed like nothing Sirius had ever seen. But the thought of him climbing was swiftly followed by the glazed look on his face when Sirius had leaned in to kiss him after their climb with the group the other day. Then, on its heels, the look Remus gave them before he turned and walked out the door.

“Here’s some water.” Marlene handed Sirius a glass before sitting next to them. “Tissues are next to you on the side table. Now, tell me, what the fuck happened? Am I going to have to murder Remus? What’d he do?”

With a sigh, Sirius pressed their hands over their face again, trying to rewind back to the beginning. “Okay… For the past few days, he’s been…  _ off _ with me, like he wasn’t there properly. And I kept  _ trying _ to talk to him because you know he bottles things up, I kept trying to get him to talk, I swear. When we were at PureFit, when you and James went off for that swimming race, I… I guess I came on too strong? I was flirting and being a bit lurid. Usually he’s  _ fine _ with it though, you know? Usually he’ll laugh and change the subject or he’ll play along a little or… but he just… just pushed me away and practically ran off.” Sirius shook their head.

“So, I mean, that’s okay. Fine, I guess… I suppose? Made me feel like shit… I feel like… felt like I’d done something wrong and couldn’t figure out what. But then, last night.” Sirius paused, knowing Marlene would hate this bit. “Gil turned up after you guys had left.”

“That fucking bastard? What the fuck? I’m going to burn the gym down then fucking gut him and castrate him. I’ll hang his balls in front of the burnt out ashes of his gym before burying his body in the middle of the woods where no one will ever find it. Not that anyone would fucking miss him… what’d he do now?”

Sirius blinked at Marlene’s outburst. “He, er—just the usual, I guess? Came onto me, was gross, called me  _ he _ , told me it would be like  _ old times _ … Then Remus turns up at the door, holding a bunch of flowers and looking like he’d just been slapped.”

“Oh, no, what’d Remus do? Did he leave?” Marlene clearly knew the man well.

“No.” Sirius managed a laugh. “No. He asked what was going on, and Gil strode over to him and said something like  _ is this the new one, Si?  _ And then looked at Remus and said  _ you can have  _ him _ , not much left of him anyway _ .”

“No, I’m going to hang him in the alley and slit his throat and let him bleed out.” Marlene shook her head, amending how she’d kill Lockhart. “Sirius, I’m… I’m so disgusted.”

“So was Remus, apparently. He punched him.”

“WHAT?! I want to call him my hero but I won’t. Go on.”

“Yeah… don’t. He punched Gil… Gil said something like  _ you’re as broken as he is _ , and walked out. So then I’m stood there just looking in disbelief and he said he got me these flowers… and then we just… I don’t know. I didn’t know what to say because he’d heard Gil say all his usual bullshit and he had this look on his face and the day before he’d just practically ran out on me…”

“So then we get home, and he’s all snappy, so I snap back, and then we just start  _ yelling _ at each other. He’s really upset I didn’t tell him that Gil worked next door, and I was like… what am I meant to tell you? Gil doesn’t  _ matter _ , so why would I have to tell him?” Sirius looked up to Marlene from their hands for the first time in a while. “Am I the bad guy? Do you get that? Gil doesn’t… doesn’t mean shit, he’s a fucking dick, so why would I tell Remus about him?”

Marlene bit her lip and furrowed her brow. “I don’t know. I think… I can see where you both are coming from and that’s such a fucking cop out. It’s just, if I was in that situation that you’re in, I’d tell Dorky. But it’s not like you’re doing anything with him. So…”

“Yeah... “ Sirius raked a hand through their hair. “He’s an ex for a reason, he’s a  _ shitty _ ex. Why would I even want to look at him when I’ve got Remus? So then I said that, I said,  _ because you’re scared I’ll jump into bed with him? _ And he didn’t answer, and just sat there. And I got so mad — ” Sirius tried to pretend their voice wasn’t breaking again, their heart racing — “because you  _ know _ how I feel about cheating, Marly, you  _ know _ , and he practically  _ expected _ it of me. What am I meant to do with that?”

“Sirius, I’m… Jesus. What happened after that? I don’t want to give any advice until I hear the whole thing.” She shook her head. “But I know you’d never cheat.”

Sirius sighed, so tired. “Then he started at me for not being  _ honest _ , like I’d purposefully kept the fact Gil worked next door from him. So I said,  _ why don’t you tell me what’s been up your arse for the past few days? _ And he pretended nothing was wrong. So I said, I said he’d been practically ignoring me and just standing there when I kiss him and — ” Sirius was absolutely not tearing up again — “and flinching away from me. I said he’d kissed me twice in the past three days and he tried to refute it but he  _ couldn’t _ because it’s fucking true and I don’t know what I did… I said even when he’s practically sex-repulsed — fuck this is such a TMI, isn’t it? Shit, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”

“I’ve told you what Dorcas’ pussy taste like. This is nothing,” Marlene tried in her lightest tone but her face was grave.

Sirius pulled a face, remembering that conversation for a moment before shaking their head. “That’s true, I guess.” They rubbed their hands over their face again before continuing to relive the previous night. “I said even when he’s sex-repulsed he never flinches away from kisses like that. He said he didn’t realise… and I could  _ see _ whatever he was trying to say on his face, I could see it, Marly, so I thought I’d just… make him say it, and I said  _ so whatever’s going on in your head, tell me. Or I think you should go _ . So he…” Sirius trailed off, gesturing roughly towards Marlene’s door, unable to say that Remus had just walked out.

“No…” Marlene shook her head. “Sirius, I’m so sorry.”

“Yeah…” Sirius shrugged. “So then I woke up at the kitchen table this morning and I… I don’t really know what to do with myself. I don’t… I don’t want to not have him, Marly.”

Marlene took a deep breath and pulled her legs up onto the sofa. “You can’t think of anything weird that’s happened lately?”

Sirius shook their head, finally sipping at the water Marlene had pressed into their hand, their throat sore. “No… I mean, the weekend you proposed, we... ended up getting off together, and it was  _ great _ and I know it won’t always work that way because of how Remus is and that’s  _ fine _ , but since then… I dunno, he was acting a little weird. We hadn’t really done much, and that’s  _ fine _ , that’s really, like, one thousand percent fine. But then he started like… I dunno, cringing away from me. I must’ve done something.”

“No, Sirius, I don’t think you’ve done a thing. It sounds like something is up with him. It doesn’t sound like anything you’ve done.” Marlene pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. “What have his past relationships been like?”

“I… have no idea.” Sirius bit their lip, turning to pull their legs up onto the sofa as well. “He’s never talked about them… we’ve never talked about them. Everything’s been a… a fucking whirlwind.”

“Whole thing sounds to me like he’s got some problems in that department. I mean, Remus doesn’t strike me as the jealous type, right? He’s not. So what’s happened to him in the past? I think that should be a conversation. If he’s all touchy about your exes… I don’t know…”

“But that’s what I don’t get, Marly… I’ve never given him any reason to be touchy about my exes. I bloody worship him, I — ” Sirius broke off again, looking out the window, clenching their fingers on their water glass.

“It’s not you though, Sirius. It’s not you,” Marlene repeated. “Please, it’s not. He’s the one who’s touchy because maybe he’s the one who has something to be touchy over.”

“Yeah…” Sirius exhaled shakily, setting their glass down. “Yeah… but, now he’s in Germany for days and I don’t know how to fix this. I want to fix it.” Sirius let their head drop back against the sofa, wishing more than anything they could just cuddle up with Remus.

“Call him. Text him. I don’t know, just reach out. Don’t let it sit.” Marlene urged him the same way she did when Sirius first wanted to start talking to Remus.

Sirius stared up at the ceiling. “Can I just sleep a bit first? I’m so tired, Marly.”

“Yes, sleep, Sirius. You can use the spare room. Then when you wake up, we can take it from there.”


	19. Chapter 19

Remus felt like complete and utter shit. He wanted to crawl into a hole and not come out for days. Sadly, he couldn’t do that though, he had to be at the competition. The first night was a bit of a welcome thing, but Remus didn’t want to go. His plan was to stay in his hotel room and order room service. Then that thought made him think of Sirius and what they said that the other night in the hot tub because Remus panicked like an idiot. So, he just sprawled out on his bed.

How did he let it all fall out like that? He let Fenrir ruin a relationship that the bastard wasn’t even in! Sirius was the best thing to happen to him, and he threw it out. Remus crushed it to pieces, crushed Sirius to pieces, because he couldn’t fuckng just tell them why he was acting that way. Now he was sad, alone, and in a hotel room that at one point he hoped to have Sirius in with him. Now it was empty, and he had to stay in that big bed all alone. He couldn’t even video call Sirius to keep him company in it. He couldn’t even text them.

About an hour after the welcome dinner started there was a pounding at his door. He opened it to find Gideon on the other side. The ginger wouldn’t take no for an answer when Remus told him he wasn’t hungry. He dragged Remus out of his room and practically forced him to eat. Nothing was appetizing to Remus, even though they had about three full tables of sweets alone. But he didn’t even want to lay a hand on the chocolate cake because it made him think of the time that Sirius randomly showed up at his flat with a store bought one after work.

“Remus, what the fuck is going on?” Gideon asked as they walked back to their rooms. “You’re a mess.”

With a sharp laugh Remus shrugged a shoulder. “Nothing… it’s nothing. I need a good night's sleep tonight. I have to compete tomorrow.” Not that he was going to be able to keep his head in it. His mind was back with Sirius, along with his heart and everything else but his damn body.

“Are you sure? You’re… you have barely said three words tonight, mate,” Gideon said when they got to Remus’ door.

“Yes, I’m sure.” Remus snapped at him, taking his key out for the room. “See you tomorrow.”

“Sure you don’t want to talk?”

Remus shook his head and opened his door. He crawled back into bed, shoes still on to stare at the ceiling. He wanted to just call Sirius. The night before keep flashing into his mind. How could he have not known that he only kissed Sirius twice in three days? What the fuck? He felt a lump in his throat again as if he was going to start to cry once more. Really, he thought he got it out in his sleepless night before his flight.

Beside him, Remus’ phone rang. 

Remus scrambled to pick it up without even looking. His heart was pounding in his ears, hands trembling. “Sirius?”

“No, it’s Alice. Hi, sweetie, what’s happened?”

The disappointment rushed over him, making him want to cry even more. “No… nothing. Alice… it’s…”

“Absolutely not nothing. I can hear it in your voice. Not to mention Gideon called me, worried for you. You want to talk, I’m here.” Alice paused, humming as she thought. “Probably not going to hang up until you do.”

“I could hang up on you,” he argued half heartedly.

“I would call you back. Plus, I know your hotel info. Could call the phone in the room too,” Alice teased. “So, really, it’s just better to tell me now. Promise you’ll feel better.”

“I - I’m… I’m just so fucked up, Alice.” Remus rubbed a hand over his face. “I fucked up the best thing I’ve ever had.”

“I doubt that. I’m sure you can fix whatever it is… Did you and Sirius fight?”

“Yeah.” Remus bit his lip, turning his head to look at the window. “A big one. It’s over. They told me to leave.”

“That doesn’t necessarily mean it’s done, sweetheart. Especially if things were heated. Have you spoken to them since?”

“No, I just left and didn’t look back and then I had to be in Germany. I… they must hate me because I basically said they’d cheat on me.” He sniffled.

“And what did they say to that?” Alice’s voice was so soft and gentle on the other end of the phone.

“God, they told me to fuck off and they’d never and I think they said they would have thrown the whisky in my face but it was too good to waste. I don’t really think they will, Alice. I know they love me and they’re nothing like Fenrir,” Remus said, nearly choking on the name.

“You’re right about that. But I understand why you would be worried. Fenrir treated you like shit. You didn’t deserve that, and not everyone you get involved with will treat you like he did. He’s the outlier, but I know he’s made everything hard for you, sweetie. I know.”

“I’ve been so distant with Sirius, Al, they said I had only kissed them twice in three days.” He sat up in bed.

“Do you think you can pinpoint why that is?” Alice questioned lightly.

Remus huffed, picking at a loose thread on the duvet cover. “We… so you know it took fucking weeks for us to get our shit together. Like two months, almost. Then that weekend you met Sirius, I was so fucking… I just felt so much and I was all over them. Then I… I… I worried they’d think I was being hot and cold with them, so I guess that I… ugh, I pushed back because I didn’t want - I just couldn’t stop thinking about how Fen would treat me after I would not want to sleep with him after being all over him.”

“Fenrir was a piece of shit, Rem. He was a fucking dickhead who didn’t even deserve to grovel at your feet. You _ know that _.”

“I know that, I do, but I can’t...ugh…” Remus trailed off.

“Right. And is there any bit of Sirius that even vaguely reminds you of Fenrir? Have they ever given you any indication they would be unhappy with any of your choices about sex?”

“No, god, nothing at all. They were so good to me. They told me over and over again they didn’t want to pressure me and they always asked if I was okay.”

Alice let out a long breath over the phone. “I’m glad to hear that.” After a moment, sounding almost relieved, she continued. “I know Fen is going to be at the back of your mind for a while, because he’s garbage, but you know Sirius is different. God, we can all see it on their face when they look at you, Remus, like you hung the bloody moon, or the universe, or whatever Mare would say. Something something your signs, yeah?”

Remus let out a laugh, still not smiling into it. “I should ask her what’s going on in the universe to make me feel this way.”

“Oh easy, I know that one. Don’t need my third eye open for that. You’re in love, Remus, and you had your first argument and both of you are so desperately head over heels you have no clue what to do now.”

“Alice, they were so fucking angry. I all but said they’d jump into bed with anyone with a dick to get some because I wasn’t giving them anything. I had been ignoring them for days.” Remus’ voice cracked again.

“All of that doesn’t mean you don’t love each other all of a sudden. Hell, Frankie and I say some horrific things to each other when we argue, and now we know each other well enough, we can come back to each other when we’ve calmed down.” Alice sighed. “Phone them, text them, do _ something _. Don’t throw this away, sweetie.”

“I left. I left and walked out the door.” Remus had tears in his eyes.

“And I bet if you turned back up at the door they’d let you back in.”

“How could you know that?” Remus let out a sob. God, he was so sick of crying. How did he even have any tears left at this point?

“I don’t know for sure, but I’d bet a hell of a lot on it. Sirius loves you. You can see it when you look at each other, their whole face just lights up around you Remus. When we were in the jazz bar and you and Mare were at the piano, the _ way _ Sirius looked at you, I’ve never seen anyone look at anything like that before. The sheer awe and admiration on their face.” Alice paused, laughing to herself a little. “Not to mention I had to practically hold them back from just walking right over to you, I think. Couldn’t take their eyes off you the whole time.”

Remus wished that he could go back to that night and start over again. Give it all one more go to fix everything, but he couldn’t. _But_ he could try to fix things now. “What do I even say? How can I— what do I text them?”

Remus could hear Alice’s smile. “How about start with hi? Failing that, a stupid gif that reminds you of them. Or, if you’re feeling really horrifically sappy, the view from your window, with a _ wish you were here _.”

“If this doesn’t work, what am I going to do?” Remus wiped the tears with the back of his hand.

“Well,” Alice sighed, “you decide whether you want to let them go, or whether you want to fight for them.”

“I want… I think I want to fight for them.” Remus couldn’t think about being without Sirius for good.

“Good. I want you to fight too. They’re good for you.”

“Thank you, Al.” Remus took a deep breath. He wasn’t completely better, but he was starting to feel more human.

“I’m here if you need me, okay? I’m off tomorrow, Frankie and I have a seminar in the afternoon, but I’m here, whatever you need.”

“Okay, love you.”

“Love you too, hon. Oh, Remus? Kick ass at the comp, right? Come home with gold medals, please.”

“Thanks, have a good seminar.”

“Bye,” Alice said, blowing a kiss down the phone before she hung up.

Remus groaned, putting his phone down. He looked at the empty side of the bed with a frown then he moved up to the headboard. It felt like a herculean effort because he was so exhausted. Then he opened his phone, snapped a picture, and opened his messages. The good morning text from the day of their fight was still the last text from Sirius on Remus’ phone. He frowned, attached the picture, and wrote:

**This bed really is big without you to share it with.**


	20. Chapter 20

Sirius woke up to their phone buzzing. The realisation that they were in Marlene’s spare bed was quickly followed by the remembrance of the past two days and Sirius groaned, pressing their face into the pillow. They didn’t want to be awake, they wanted to go back to sleep and when they woke up this would all be a terrible dream. They would wake up nestled next to Remus and kiss his cheek when they woke up and things would be back to normal.

Next door, Sirius could hear Marlene clattering around, and thought back to their conversation. It wasn’t on them. Remus obviously had some hang-ups in his past that were making this hard for him, and Sirius had to try and understand that. It was Sirius’ gut reaction when they were hurt to put their walls up, but they had to try and understand where Remus was coming from, instead of getting angry.

It didn’t help that Sirius had been accused of cheating so many times before. It seemed like an obvious leap for some of them, Sirius’ looks, their job, their attitudes, but Sirius’ wouldn’t wish being cheated on on their worst enemy.

The phone buzzed on the pillow next to Sirius again, and they groaned, batting at it to light up the screen. Sirius had to blink a few times before the words came into focus. 

Remus?

Sirius opened the messages, sitting bolt-upright in the bed, still in the clothes from the day before yesterday — _ ugh _ — and peered at their phone. There was a photo of a hotel bed, with the caption  **This bed is really big without you to share it with** ** _, _ ** time stamped from last night. Sirius must’ve slept all the way through. The thought of Remus in the bed by himself made Sirius’ heart ache. They wished they could just sack everything off and go to Germany to be with him, if he’d have them. Beneath the image was a text from only a few minutes ago.

**Good morning, Sirius. I know there’s a lot we have to talk about but I’m sorry.**

Sirius sniffed back tears, wiping their face before trying to tap out a response. They didn’t know where to start, or what to say. That they loved him, still? That they missed him, already?

_ Morning, Rem. _

**What I said was awful, love. I don’t know how to even begin to make it up to you.**

_ I said some shitty things too. I don’t really know where to start.  _

_ I want to understand what happened better, Rem. I don’t know where I went wrong. _

**I’m calling, can I call?**

_ Please x _

Sirius held their phone in their hand for a moment, staring at the screen, before the call came up. Taking a deep breath, they hit answer, not sure if they would just burst into tears when they heard his voice. Did they even have any tears left?

“Hi,” Sirius breathed.

“Sirius.” Remus’ voice sounded thick with sleep.

Nope, more tears, apparently. Sirius swallowed around the lump in their throat at the sound of Remus’ voice, just woken up, the voice that Sirius heard in the early mornings when they were cuddled together before work. Sirius bit their lip and let out a shaky breath.

“How’s — how’s Germany?”

“Shit without you here,” Remus replied quickly.

Sirius made a sort of strangled noise. “Don’t say that.”

“It’s true. I shouldn’t have walked away, Sirius. I should have stayed and told you… you didn’t do a thing wrong. It’s all me. I swear to fucking god, it’s all me.”

“I shouldn’t have told you to leave. I wasn’t thinking straight,” Sirius said, shaking their head.

“Love,” Remus said softly. “You never think straight.”

“Oh God…” Sirius managed a watery half-laugh before it descended into more tears. “No, I don’t, I really don’t. I miss you. I don’t want you to not come back. I don’t want you not here.”

“I want to come home right now. I can’t stand this. I don’t want to be here. I hate that I left like that.” Remus sniffled, his voice sounding watery as well.

“Me too. I shouldn’t. I shouldn’t have said that.” Sirius scraped their hair back from their face, suddenly not able to stand the distance between them, the fact that Remus wasn’t lying in bed next to them. “Can I see you? Can we video call?”

“So you can see me cry instead of hearing it? Sure.” Remus laughed.

“I don’t care,” Sirius said roughly, pulling the phone away from their ear so they could turn on the video. They propped their phone on the bed next to them as it loaded, before Remus came into view.

Remus was resting his head on his pillow, looking at the phone with a sad smile and red eyes. “You’re beautiful.”

Sirius snorted. “I haven’t changed my clothes in three days and I just slept for something like twenty hours, I doubt it.”

“No, you’re still beautiful, even if you need to wash your hair, princess.” Remus rubbed his eyes.

“Thank you…” Sirius smiled for a moment before it faded away. “I shouldn’t have told you to leave. I shouldn’t have gotten so upset that you said those things, Rem. I should’ve… I don’t know, I didn’t do it right, any of it.”

“I didn’t do any of it right either, Sirius. I wasn’t honest with you and I held it over your head, even if it didn’t matter.” Remus scrunched his nose up.

“I don’t care, whatever it is, you know. It’s no… it doesn’t  _ have _ to be a big deal. I just… I just don’t want to lose you.” Sirius glanced away, sighing softly. They couldn’t imagine not having Remus around. It had all happened quickly but now they didn’t want him not here.

“I know, and I… you know how I can’t get the fucking words out.” Remus shook his head.

Sirius smiled a little. “I know.” After a moment, biting their lip, Sirius reached over and tipped their phone onto its back, so the camera pointed up to the ceiling. “We’re just… lying in bed together. No — no... pressure, you can just say whatever you want.”

“Sirius, I want to, I’d rather tell you when I see you in person, please.”

“Okay… okay, if that’s better for you.” Sirius reached out and tipped the phone back up to face themselves again, Remus’ soft little smile on the screen. His eyes looked so red and he looked so tired. 

“None of it is world ending, I swear, so don’t worry. I’m just a stubborn bastard who can’t get his words out right.” Remus took a deep breath. “I promise.”

Trying to resist the urge to reach out and touch the curl of hair over Remus’ forehead, Sirius sighed. “I do worry, though, about you.”

“I know, but there’s nothing to worry about right now. I’ll be back in four days and I’ll tell you everything.” There was a knock in the background and Remus looked over his shoulder. “Shit, Sirius I have to go. Competition and all that.”

“Okay. Go… go kick ass, Remus,” Sirius said, biting their lip.

“Bye, I love you, Sirius. I do.” Remus smiled softly at them.

Sirius smiled tightly, glancing away to the door. “Yeah, bye Rem.” They waved briefly at the camera before ending the call and sinking back into the bed with a heavy sigh. They buried their face back into the pillows until there was a knock at the door. Sirius groaned and rolled over. “Yeah, Marly?”

Marlene opened the door, poking her head in. “You all right in here? I thought I heard you talking.”

“Yeah.” Sirius cleared their throat. “Remus… Remus called.”

Marlene came all the way into the room, her eyes wide. “What’d he say?”

“That he… he said awful things and doesn’t know where to start. He said he shouldn’t have left and he had these things to tell me, but wanted to do it in person.” Sirius swung their legs from the bed and scraped their hands through their — gross — hair. 

“And how do we feel about all this?” She raised an eyebrow in question.

“I have no idea. I miss him, he looked fucking awful and miserable and so did I and I don’t want that, but it hurts that he didn’t trust me, still. I know it’s something that’s going on with him, but it hurts me too."

Sitting down next to Sirius, Marlene put a hand on their knee. “I know, so, talk and see what happens. Right? You can’t just not. You clearly still love him.”

“I guess. Yeah. We need to talk.” Sirius bit their lip and glanced back down at their phone again. “I’ll text him, whilst he’s away… I dunno, take a step back or something, talk rather than whatever we’ve been doing for the past week, or whatever.”

“That sounds like a plan.” She patted their leg. “Come on, let’s have some breakfast and face the day… er, and maybe you should shower.”


	21. Chapter 21

_ Hi. _

_ I don’t know your schedule for today, but good luck. _

**I just got out of boulder qualifying. I’m on to the next round in a couple hours.**

**What are you up to?**

_ Good. How did it go? _

**Not my best, but I made it on**

_ Glad to hear it x _

**Dorky texted me that her and Marly are doing some couples workout bootcamp Saturday. 🙄**

_ Ha, yeah, they’re ridiculous. I’m taking Marly’s classes for her that day so they can go. _

**That’s kind of you.**

_ I’ve nothing better to do. Better work than… well. You know, whatever else there is. _

**Yeah… how are James and Lily?**

_ Fine, I think. I saw Lily the other day for some charity work. We’ve got an event on Saturday night. The usual really. What’s the competition like? _

**That’s good, love. I’m sure the event will be great. Wish I was there to go.**

**The competition is great. All climbing, all the time, really.**

**Heaven. I’m just missing a piano**

**And you**

_ Jesus. _

_ I miss you too. _

_ Very much. _

_ I’d rather not, right now. If I’m honest. But I do. _

_ I’m just. My head is fucked Remus. I don’t know what I’m meant to think. _

**I’m so fucking sorry I did this to you.**

**It’s my bloody fault, you know? And I dragged you in. I never wanted to hurt you like this.**

_ I know. You dragged me in because I refused to give you space. I thought you’d tell me if something was wrong. _

**No, if you gave me space I would have pushed you right out.**

**We wouldn’t have even argued. It would have just been over.**

**What I want to tell you, what I should have told you forever ago, shouldn’t even still bother me. But it does. And I just tried to put it out of my mind and pretend it’s not there.**

**It has nothing to do with you and I know how fucking shit that is that I can’t let you in. I’m fucked.**

_ You’re not fucked. _

_ I don’t want to say anything because I don’t know what this thing is and my brain is thinking of all the things it could be. _

_ But when you tell me, we can talk about it. _

**Okay. Alice told me off this morning for not telling you earlier.**

**I mean, she was nice about it because it’s Al, but she hates that this all happened.**

_ Bet she was nicer than me. _

_ Didn’t threaten to throw whisky in your face. _

**I deserved it. You should have thrown it in my face.**

**I was being a bastard.**

_ Good whisky, didn’t want to waste it. _

_ Marly says I should’ve told you about Gil too. I didn’t think he was important. I see my mistakes now. _

**I shouldn’t have even cared, Sirius. I really shouldn’t have.**

_ You know I would never even look at anyone else when I’ve got you. _

_ Wouldn’t even cross my mind. _

**I know. I do. The rational part of my brain does. Not the anxious end of the world, how can anyone actually love me part.**

**And I’m trying, I was really trying for a while. Then… ugh… god I want to just come home and talk to you about this.**

_ I wish I could sack work off and get a flight. I can’t, I can’t get out of this stuff at work. _

_ You were trying, and it was working, and we were *so good* Remus. So good. _

**It was the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Sirius. The best. And I’m not even overstating. I had to go fuck it all up because I was scared.**

_ Me too. Best thing I ever had, nights on the sofa with you. _

**Sorry, I had the second round of bouldering.**

**I’m on to the final tomorrow.**

**Back in the hotel now, in my big empty freaking bed.**

_ You made the final? Good job, congratulations x _

**It’s super early in the morning. I wish you were here tonight. I feel so alone here.**

_ I wish I were. That would’ve worked out well, wouldn’t it? If i could’ve got the time off, i mean. _

_ If things hadn’t gotten fucked up. _

**Yeah, yeah it would have. But I understand.**

**I should go to sleep. I’ll talk to you in the morning? 💖**

_ Yeah. Good luck for tomorrow, too. _

💙


	22. Chapter 22

**Good morning. I think you’re at the studio by now. But they have crepes here.**

**I’m a bit nervous for the final, so I’m not even sure I can stomach them right now.**

**I did it, I had a crepe.**

**It was okay. Not as good as our favorites though.**

**I’m sure you’re not surprised stomached it.**

**I actually didn’t have one bit of dessert the first night I was here.**

**That was when Gid knew something was wrong I think.**

**I’m sorry I keep texting but I’m a bit nervous about the final.**

**I normally would talk to you these last few months when I was nervous.**

**Then I fucked it all up, so I get why you’re not answering.**

Remus stared at his phone as he walked back through the hotel. It was nearly dinner time, but he wasn’t hungry. He hadn’t heard from Sirius all day and stopped texting because he didn’t want to overstep. Granted, he probably already did as he read back through the texts. God, things were so strained between them it was terrible. It was worse than everything at the start.

To his surprise, his phone rang after pouring himself into the comfy armchair in his room, and it was Sirius. “Sirius?”

“Did I miss it? Did I miss the final?” They sounded rushed and out of breath.

Remus laughed, feeling some of the tension leave his body. They still cared. There was still something there. “Yeah, ah… yeah. I got silver.”

“Oh fuck. My classes overran and I haven’t had a second to do anything and then I just saw all your texts. Shit. Sorry.” Sirius huffed a sigh. “Silver? That’s brilliant, that’s really good.”

“It’s okay, I get it, you were busy, don’t worry. And I guess silver is okay, thought I could do better. There’s the team climbing tomorrow for qualifying, hopefully we do well there and get to the final the last day of the tournament.” Remus ran a hand through his hair.

“Okay. Are you with Gid and Fab, on the team climb? Still? Or did that change?”

“Yep, still with the twins.” Remus paused. “How was your day?”

“Busy. So fucking busy. Keeping… keeping busy, is all. Nothing to tell, really…”

“Busy’s good. You like being busy. I don’t really know of many times you prefer boredom.” Remus chuckled, thinking about how Sirius always wanted to do something. Aside from the mornings, when they didn’t mind a lie-in.

“Yeah. Stayed at Marlene’s last night and going to James and Lily’s tonight, after our charity event tonight.” Sirius sounded a little distant.

“That’s good. Send me some pictures, I’m sure it’s going to be great.” Remus tried to sound excited.

“James will take some I’m sure. I’ll send you one later. Got another two classes this evening then I’m running to theirs to get changed and then back out again,” Sirius said. The clatter in the background sounded like they were in the studio.

“Do you need to go?” Remus wondered.

“Probably? Don’t want to though.”

“You can… you can call me after the charity event if you want.”

“It won’t be too late there?”

“No, no, I don’t think so. I might fall asleep on the phone though.” Remus snickered. “I don’t have to be up super early tomorrow.”

“I’m glad you get a lie-in then. I’ll text you later, make sure you’re awake first maybe.” There was a voice in the background. “I have to go. Bye, Rem.”

“Bye, Sirius.” He took a deep breath. “I love you,” He said, even though Sirius didn’t say it back last time but he did…

There was a short pause. “You too,” Sirius said, before hanging up.

Remus frowned down at his phone. At least ‘you too’ was better than silence, Remus figured.

Rubbing his face, Remus got up and decided to shower because he hoped it would make him feel a bit more human. Things were better than they were even twenty four hours ago. They were much better than they were right after the argument and when he got to Germany. It was looking up, but he just wanted to be home so he could tell Sirius everything. There couldn’t be anymore lying or hiding the past.

Following his shower, Gid and Fab got him to go to dinner with them. They were laughing and talking about the events from the day. Remus was able to actually laugh and join in on the conversation. Hopefully that meant Gid wasn’t going to text Alice for help again. He shouldn’t complain because he did have good friends. They cared about him, and if it wasn’t for Alice then Remus probably would have been wallowing in his own self-pity.

After getting a drink with the twins, and talking about their upcoming event tomorrow, Remus went back to his room and got ready for bed. He put the TV on for background noise and snuggled into the bed once he was changed. It was terrible because he kept staring at his phone, waiting for Sirius to text him. Just as his eyes were getting heavy, a text came through from them.

_ Back at James and Lily’s from the event. Went well. _

_ Image.jpg _

_ Here’s Lily, Kingsley and I speaking. _

_ Are you still awake? _

**You look beautiful, love.**

**I’m still awake.**

**Call me?**

_ Incoming Video Call from Sirius  _ 👑

Remus quickly answered the call. Sirius was looking back at him with their grey eyes, red painted lips in a sort of smile. It looked as if the tie they were wearing was half undone, top collar buttons undone. Remus noticed that Sirius wasn’t wearing the necklace he had bought them a few weeks back. They had barely taken it off before. Something twisted in his chest that he pushed down. “Hi, gorgeous.”

“Hi. I’m sorry it’s so late,” Sirius said as they pulled off their tie.

“It’s okay, don’t worry about it. It’s nice to see your face… not sure if you can see mine well. It’s dark in here.” Remus yawned, propping the phone up on the pillow next to him.

“I can see you, just about. Still as handsome as ever.” Sirius sat heavily on the bed, rubbing their free hand over their face.

The pain in Remus’ chest subsided at hearing Sirius say he was handsome. “I’m the nicest garbage on the block.”

Sirius smiled, and it looked like the first proper smile on their face for a while. “The best-looking garbage.”

“Right, right.” Remus rubbed his eyes. “How’d it go? Tell me all about it. The charity event that is.”

“It went really well. We had guests from a few big dance companies speak on how dance needed to move away from the binary, and how quite a few modern companies were already doing that. Just… takes time, I guess, all these old ideas.” Sirius smiled wryly, quirking their red lips. “It helps that the three of us were peak Confuse the Straights all night.”

“I love when you confuse the straights, it’s great,” Remus mumbled, his eyes feeling heavy.

“You know that song,  _ Addicted to Love _ ? I was going for a mix of that video, you know the singer in the suit and the band in those black dresses with that red lipstick? Those two, just, smashed together, you know?”

“Oh, yeah, I could totally see that in the picture you sent.” Remus nodded, yawning again. Fuck, he just wanted to stay up and talk to Sirius. They sounded so much more open than they had for days.

“You’re falling asleep,” Sirius said matter-of-factly. “I should let you go.”

“No, no, keep talking.” Remus shook his head.

“I’ll hang up if you fall asleep.”

“Okay, tell me more about the night.” Remus closed his eyes.

Sirius chuckled. “Sure. It was good. I met some old friends of mine and Marly’s from ballet classes a few years back. We had a lot of speakers and a few demonstrations by some wonderful dancers. No pole though, I thought it would be best to look at least a little bit professional all night and not throw myself around the pole in my underwear… you know?”

“You’re asleep, aren’t you?”

“You’re so bloody gorgeous, Remus. This is really unfair.”

“G’night, caro. Sleep tight.”


	23. Chapter 23

Monday morning found Sirius sat behind the reception desk at Ascendence, with Marlene perched on the desk next to them. Remus was coming back that afternoon. Sirius had made sure they had the afternoon off weeks ago when they had first planned the trip with him, but now Sirius wasn’t sure what to do. They wanted to see Remus, that much was clear. They didn’t want this to be over, and they weren’t ready to let him go.

Sirius decided they would have to hear what Remus said first; to hear him explain what had been preying on his mind for weeks, what had been upsetting him and causing this drift between them.

“So you guys talked on Saturday night?” Marlene said, drinking a disgusting looking green smoothie.

“Yeah. After the event. I was a bit tipsy on champagne I think, but we talked. He was really tired, fell asleep on the phone.”

“That’s sweet. What’d you say to him? Did you confess your love again or did you play it ice cold? Oh! Did you two have phone sex? Video chat sex?” Marlene set her smoothie down and leaned closer to Sirius.

Sirius pinned her with a look. “No, Marlene. We did not have video chat sex. Christ, you have a one-track mind, woman.” Sirius ran a hand over the back of their neck. They still weren’t used to not wearing Remus’ necklace. They’d taken it off after the argument, and it still sat on the kitchen table next to the whisky bottle where they’d left it. Sirius couldn’t quite bring themselves to do anything with it. “And no, I didn’t  _ confess my love _ . I just told him about the event. We didn’t say anything big, he was too tired, I think.”

“So, what happened yesterday? Did you talk to him then? Say anything big?” Marlene pressed.

“We just text yesterday.” Sirius shifted their gaze back to the notepad they were doodling on. “He, Gid and Fab, you know the twins from PureFit? They won the group climb gold medal. So I think there was a bit of a party last night.”

“That’s great! Did you send him a sexy congratulations picture?” She winked.

“No.  _ But _ , before you try and snoop, I did send him a selfie when I was in the studio yesterday, if you must know.” Sirius tapped their pen on the paper. “Do you and Dorky honestly not get it on enough?”

“No, we get it on all the fucking time. What kind of selfie? What’d Remus say?” She did a weird thing with her brows.

“Just a fucking normal selfie Marlene, like a post-pole class endorphins are running high I don’t look like I’ve been getting three hours sleep a night since he left kinda selfie. And he just replied with emojis. Usually does… used to.” Sirius shook their head a little. “Like, a million heart-eyes. I reckon it’s easier than making the words do the talking thing, you know?”

“Yes, that’s Remus. Not the most loquacious.”

“Loquacious… It’s… it’s nine-thirty and you’re pulling that out of your vocabulary? God Marlene, I cannot handle you at this time in the morning.” Sirius rubbed their hands over their face. “Anyway, I’ve got the afternoon off. I don’t know what to do.”

“Go meet him at the airport! Go be ridiculously romantic!” She urged, her hands clasped together.

Sirius snorted. “Like those videos on Youtube, really?”

“It would be so sweet! Sirius, come on, you know you want to. You could get balloons! Oh and make a sign, we have some posterboard outback and markers. Maybe get him some chocolate. And wear whatever he thinks you’re fucking sexy in. If anything, it’ll break the ice, Sirius.”

Sirius thought for a moment, imagining standing in Arrivals waiting for Remus to walk out. Would he want them to be there? “You think so?”

“I know so! I think it’d be the best way to help start healing. I mean, you’re already working on it, right? With the texting and all that, but I think this would be so nice. He’d be goo. And you said he has something to tell you, maybe it will help him relax. He gave Dorky a key to his car in case it needed to be moved or something, I don’t know, you could take that to the airport.” Marlene spoke in her usual fast clip.

“Yeah… Yeah I think I might… it feels like it should be a scene in a sappy movie, honestly.” But then Sirius thought about the way Remus looked at them, the way he smiled on their video calls and still said  _ hi, gorgeous _ . Maybe it would be nice to meet him off the plane. They could get waffles or crepes from the cafe they went to on their first date. 

Now the ideas were coming, Sirius could understand how easy it was to get carried away. When it came to the person you loved, nothing seemed too much. Marlene’s ridiculous proposal with the carriage and all just seemed to make so much more sense now. What did it matter so long as Remus loved them?

In their head, Sirius made a plan of attack, and by the time they had finished teaching their last class for the day around noon, they knew exactly what to do. First back to their flat, to get changed. Sirius tried not to see Remus in the flat, see him on the sofa watching bad television or sat at the kitchen table eating scrambled eggs. They tried not to see him in the doorway where he had walked out only a few nights ago. Things were different now, they were talking, and they had important things to talk  _ about _ . Remus seemed like he really wanted to tell Sirius what was the matter, and Sirius would do what they could to make it work. It didn’t take Sirius too long to decide on an outfit; they knew Remus liked it when they confused the straights, so that was their aim. Sirius had a feeling Remus would like the outfit.

Next was their first-date cafe, to pick up crepes and waffles. They couldn’t decide which one Remus would prefer, and he always liked to joke that  _ both _ was the best option in any given situation, being bisexual and all. 

Sirius took the bus across town to Remus’ place, diverting past the PureFit gym to grab Remus’ car key from Dorcas. It was a bit of a roundabout trip, but it was worth it to get everything right for Remus. Sirius hadn’t driven in a while, always preferring public transport, or if they were in a car, Remus was likely driving. Still, it was like riding a bike and came flooding back fairly quickly. 

Thankfully, Ascendence was back on route to the airport, and Sirius swung by to grab the sign they had left with Marlene for safe keeping. In true Marly fashion, she had added glittery hearts all around the edge of the sign whilst they were gone. No wonder she hadn’t tried harder to just get Sirius to carry the sign with them when they went to get dessert and Remus’ car--she’d wanted some time to doctor the bloody thing. Still, Sirius had to admit she had a good eye for design and the sign  _ did  _ look good.

Sirius couldn’t quite believe they were doing this, but it was something Remus would love, even if he never admitted it. Besides, they were dying to see him. They had left it on such a bad note and whilst everything still felt raw, Sirius felt ready to talk. They wanted to understand what was going on in Remus’ mind and help him out. They wanted to help Remus let them love him.   
  



	24. Chapter 24

Remus was tired from traveling and spending much of the night celebrating the gold medal with Gid, Fab, and a few other climbing friends. Dorcas had texted him that she’d see him at the airport right on time, so as he deplaned, he was dying to see her face. He had been texting Sirius earlier in the day, talking about possibly seeing one another tomorrow. They both had a couple of days off because they had planned it that way since they wouldn’t be seeing one another for five days… that was before everything had happened. Before they fought.

Maybe they could spend the day talking tomorrow, and straighten things out. There was so much Remus had to say to them, and so much to apologize for, he hoped Sirius would hear him out. He was  _ so _ scared to lose Sirius, he had fucked up so much. Sirius was warming to him, it seemed. They had talked to him to sleep on Saturday night, and they texted all of Sunday and through the morning and afternoon before Remus’ flight. There was plenty to hope for, and Remus was going to keep working hard to make sure he earned Sirius’ forgiveness.

Walking out into the arrivals area, Remus’ eyes searched for his friend. His eyes first caught a bunch of pink heart shaped balloons, and he thought that was sweet whoever was going to be getting those. He was wishing that Sirius would have been the one holding them so much that he swore they were… wait…  _ They were _ . Remus stopped in the middle of the crowd and blinked a few times in Sirius’ direction to make sure he wasn’t seeing things.

There was Sirius with a sign that said ‘Crepes or Waffles, Caro?’ with sparkly hearts all over edge of it. They had a purple bag by their feet that Remus knew from the café with the crepes and waffles they loved and enjoyed multiple times since their first date. Not only that, they were stunning, wearing Remus’ favorite dress with the slit and the dark red lipstick that made his insides complete goo. They also wore their well-loved leather jacket and Nikes, their face sporting a nice stubble. It took them a moment to see Remus and when they did, they gave a little half smile and shrug.

Remus’ heart was pounding in his ears as he wove through the other arrivals and people waiting for their loved ones. He stopped right in front of them, and dropped his bag at their feet. He didn’t know what to say. He had been so good the last few days finding the words, and now in front of Sirius, all the words were failing. The smile on their face had grown as Remus approached, lighting up their eyes in a way Remus felt like he hadn’t seen in weeks. 

Sirius let the sign drop a little, staring up at Remus. “Hi,” they said.

He probably should have asked because of how things were, but Remus surged forward and swept Sirius up in a kiss. One hand went to Sirius’ neck and the other to their waist, pulling them close. A shiver ran up his spine when Sirius kissed him back. Remus missed this so much. He missed Sirius. He missed kissing them and opening up to them. He missed it all.

When Remus pulled back, he looked into Sirius eyes, running his fingers over Sirius’ braid. “I’m sorry  — I  — I shouldn’t have done that. I should have asked.” Remus swallowed the lump in his throat.

Sirius shook their head. “No… no it’s okay. I wanted you to.”

“Good, that’s… that’s good. Sirius, you  — I thought… Dorky was getting me and you’re here.” Remus shook his head, trying to get his thoughts in order.

“Yeah, I went and got your car off her.” Sirius smiled. “She was in on it.”

“Oh good. Yeah. God, I’m so glad to see you.” Remus pressed a kiss to the corner of Sirius’ mouth then stepped back. “I know we have a lot to talk over, but I’m so happy you’re here.”

“Me too. I’m… I didn’t want to miss you any longer.” Sirius stooped to pick up the dessert bag. “So… where to?”

“Yours, I want to go back to yours. We can reset it. It went wrong there, let’s fix it there.” Remus insisted.

“Yeah.” Sirius’ voice sounded a little shaky. “Okay.” After a moment, they held their hand out to him.

Remus smiled, and laced their fingers together. “Let’s go, lead the way.”

They walked in silence for a moment, and as they left the building towards the car park, Sirius glanced over at him. “You want to drive, or shall I?”

Remus frowned. “Whatever you want.”

“I’ll drive, you can start on the waffles?”

Remus laughed as they got to the car. “Yeah, yeah that sounds great.” He pressed his lips to Sirius’ temple. 

Sirius leaned into him for a moment before squeezing his hand and skirting around the car. 

On the road, Sirius nodded towards the console. “Put KP on?”

“Sure, love, yeah. Holy?” Remus couldn’t hear the song without thinking of Sirius.

Sirius just nodded, their eyes on the road.

Remus put the song on before reaching into the bag with the desserts. He decided on the waffle for now. Sirius would probably want some of the crepe, maybe back at the flat. They were quiet as they drove and listened to the music. It was strange seeing Sirius drive, but it was nice. Everything felt  _ nice _ but there was an undercurrent of stress. Remus didn’t want to ruin this all again. He wanted it all to go right.

“How, ah, how was your day?” Remus said after nearly finishing half of the waffle.

“Good. Had some morning classes, then, well, you know — ” Sirius gestured to the balloons in the back of the car and the dessert bag at Remus’ feet — “went and did some stuff.” They swallowed and glanced over to Remus at a junction. “Was your flight good?”

“I slept mostly, yeah. I was the only one in my row, so that’s the dream, right?” Remus shrugged and Sirius nodded. “Thanks for all this. It was sweet.”

Sirius shot him a smile so quick he barely caught it. “Thought you’d appreciate it, you sap.”

“I do, I really do. I’m a bloody romantic. Don’t tell anyone.” Remus chuckled softly.

There was a moment’s pause before Sirius reached out and put their hand on Remus’ knee. “Your secret’s safe with me,” Sirius said in a light tone.

“They always are.” Remus bit his lip, thinking about how they were always so open and accepting, and Remus could never get out their most important secret. Not that it was a secret, it was just something he never wanted to talk about. “Did you have dinner yet?”

Sirius shook their head. “I don’t have anything in. Do you want to order something?”

“We could do that, yeah, if you wanted.” Remus laughed. “Very me, eating sweets before an actual meal.”

“If you’d have said  _ no thanks Sirius, I’ll save the waffles until after we have dinner _ , I would’ve been convinced your imposter had gotten off the plane, not you.” Sirius smiled, turning off the main road towards their flat. “We can save the rest until after, if you like.”

“That sounds like a good idea. I probably should have something other than sugar. Marly and Dorky would murder me.” Remus snickered.

“Yeah,” Sirius chuckled. “I stayed at theirs for a few days and I swear I ate nothing but green smoothies and acai bowls, it was ridiculous.”

Remus shook his head because surely Sirius had suffered enough and didn’t need all their healthy food. “You stayed at theirs?” He realized that Sirius hadn’t mentioned being at their flat since they started to speak again.

“Mm.” Sirius drew their hand back from Remus’ knee and rubbed it over their face whilst the car was stopped at a red light. “Yeah. Didn’t… didn’t want to go back to the flat.”

“Oh.  _ Oh. _ Sirius, I’m… sorry.”

“It’s fine. We’re going back there now, aren’t we?” Sirius gave them a short smile as they pulled into their street.

“We are, we’re going back.” Remus sighed as their building came into view.

Sirius found a parking space fairly easily and turned the engine off before sitting there for a moment, just staring forward. “Let’s get inside, and then we can… we can talk properly or something.”

“Perfect.”

Remus got out of the car, and they grabbed everything: the sign, the desserts, his bag, and the balloons. Remus followed Sirius up, to their studio, and let out another sigh when he walked in. Nothing looked different from when Remus had walked out almost a week ago now. The flowers were still by the sink, probably all dead and on the table was the bottle of whisky… and Sirius’ necklace was next to it now.

Dropping his bag, Remus went to the kitchen to put the dessert bag down. He couldn’t take his eyes off the dead flowers. His stomach churned thinking back to that night. “The flowers…” Remus said but he wasn’t really sure what he wanted to say.

Sirius shrugged, sitting on the sofa now, their jacket hung by the door and their trainers slipped off and tucked next to the sofa. “Yeah.” Sirius looked at him for a moment longer, then their gaze drifted back to the record collection on the bookshelves. They didn’t know what to say either.

Remus set the bag down on the counter before going back to the entryway to kick off his trainers and hang up his own jacket. “Where do we start?” He asked, taking a seat on the sofa, turning to look at Sirius.

Sirius tilted their head slightly to meet his gaze. “At the beginning.”


	25. Chapter 25

Sirius didn’t know how to feel when they met Remus at the airport. The moment they saw him, Sirius was filled with an overwhelming sense of  _ longing _ . They wanted Remus back, back to how it was when it was perfect and  _ so good _ . But they didn’t know if they would be able to get there. Maybe not tonight, after only one conversation and some desserts. But it could happen eventually, if they worked at it.

Then Remus had kissed them and swept them off their feet entirely and before Sirius realised they were kissed back because they had missed him  _ so much _ . Right in that moment, Sirius wanted to forgive Remus of everything, and just wanted to tell him none of the last week and a half mattered. Could they just pick up where they left off?

But it didn’t work that way either. Sirius needed to understand what made Remus draw the conclusions he had, to understand how the two of them might even have half a chance of working together as a couple.

The whole drive back those thoughts were swirling around Sirius’ mind. They asked for Remus to play  _ Holy _ , and they weren’t sure why. It reminded them of their first date, well, second, really, but Sirius didn’t think they  _ wanted _ to be reminded of that right then.

Sirius had to keep telling themselves they needed to talk. All they wanted to do was curl up with Remus and forget everything had happened, but Remus needed to talk. Sirius sat heavily on the sofa as Remus went to the kitchen to set the desserts down. When Remus sat next to them, Sirius sighed and said  _ start from the beginning _ .

“The beginning… as in… I’m not trying to be thick, I just really am not sure what part to start at.” Remus looked uncomfortable, sitting up ramrod straight.

“I don’t know the story, Rem. Can’t tell you where it starts.” Sirius wanted to just crawl into Remus’ brain to figure it all out. “Why’d you go all distant on me? You said it was all you, when we spoke. Why? How?”

Remus chewed at his bottom lip for a long moment. “I had some all right relationships in the past, you know? They weren’t all complete shite, I swear. I mean some of them weren’t awesome but that’s fine because they weren’t meant to work out or I’d be with them, you know?”

Sirius nodded. “Right…”

“Then I met this bloke, Fenrir and he was, ugh, he was a climber too and really good.” Remus took a deep breath. “We had a lot in common and he was sweet at first. I mean, he was rough around the edges but he had these sweet parts to him that I liked.” He shifted uncomfortably. “And it was all fine, and I sort of got swept up in it. He knew I was on the ace spectrum somewhere, and I told him everything I told you about how it’s not always like… like it was with us that weekend.”

Sirius resisted the urge to stand up and pace. They thought they could see where this was going, and didn’t like it already. Instead, Sirius tucked their foot up underneath them and held onto their ankle, turning towards Remus a little. They understood that Remus’ sex drive could change on a whim, and did, often. Was it so hard to get? “Right.”

“And he acted like it was fine at first then he got annoyed when I’d turn him down. Like, we’d be making out and he’d want to jump right into getting off. He’d want to shag and I didn’t because I didn’t have that  — there was nothing in me that wanted it. Sometimes, sure, when he was being sweet and all that. But…” Remus looked away from Sirius and shook his head.

Sirius realised their hand was clenched on their foot. The idea of someone forcing Remus into something he didn’t want made Sirius’ stomach churn. They were torn between guilt about their comments on exes in general when they argued, and anger that this had happened to Remus, who was so understanding, and didn’t deserve any of it. “Remus… I…” Sirius bit their lip, not sure what to say,  _ could _ they say anything? “That’s… that’s fucking  _ shitty _ .”

“I know but, I stayed for some fucking reason,” Remus said sharply, sniffling, still not looking at Sirius. “He’d say I was being prudish and a tease and… and said that they could always get it elsewhere, right?”

_ Right. _ Sirius bit the inside of their cheek, not sure if they could summon the words. That fucking  _ bastard _ . No wonder Remus had said those things, after this guy had told him that. How could you say that to someone you cared for? How could you  _ do _ that to them? Marly’s description of how she would kill Gil for turning up at the studio seemed to pale in comparison to what Sirius wanted to do to this Fenrir. Sirius reached out and put their hand on Remus’ knee in lieu of speaking.

Remus jumped a little at the touch, turning back to look at Sirius, his eyes wet with tears. “I walked in to the flat one day to find him shagging some bloke. And he said… said that that’s what happens when you’re broken like I was.”

“You’re not broken, Remus,” Sirius said, surprised by the sharpness in their own voice. They squeezed their hand on his knee, hating the sight of Remus crying and feeling the tears gather in their own eyes. “You’re not fucking broken. Fuck him.”

“I know you’re different, Sirius, I do, I swear, but I was panicking because it’s all I could think about. We were so hot and heavy and I pushed you away, even during days where I really wanted to be with you  — even before I stopped… stopped kissing you. I was afraid to dive in because I just couldn’t stop thinking about before. And I  — I’m so sorry I lied to you and I didn’t tell you. I should have just told you. Then the whole thing with Gil and you were so mad at me. I… I don’t know even know how to fix this and I want to because I love you more than anything, I swear. I do and I...”

Sirius blinked away the tears gathering at the corners of their eyes. “Because…” They broke off to clear their throat. “Because you thought I’d think you were teasing or being…  _ prudish _ , or frigid or — fucking hell.” Sirius felt their blood burning at the idea of saying that to Remus. They couldn’t comprehend how that reaction was even slightly okay? Sirius could spend  _ hours _ kissing Remus and not wanting anything else.

“You’re so sweet and considerate, you’re always asking if I’m okay and checking in and… he never did that. And you’re… you’re nothing like him at all and that’s  _ fantastic _ , but I panicked and I stayed in my fucking head.” Remus roughly rubbed his hands over his face. “God, I was terrible to you and said you’d bang that fucking arsehole from the gym? Jesus Christ, what the fuck is wrong with me?”

“No, Remus,” Sirius ushered out quickly. “I should’ve told you I see him around. I didn’t understand why you would be worried, and I thought you were just accusing me of being a slag, because that’s happened before a lot. But now I understand. And… listen, when we were in the hot tub, I felt like I overstepped, but we were all having fun and I knew you were leaving and it was like I was already missing you, I just — I shouldn’t have done that.”

“No, do you know what I really wanted to do that night?” Remus closed his eyes and shook his head.

Sirius frowned, biting their lip. “What?”

“I wanted to pull you onto my lap and snog you until you couldn’t see straight then I wanted to come back here, get some food, and maybe go a little further. I didn’t want to run away, but I did.”

“Yeah... “ Sirius reached for Remus’ hand. “Don’t push me away again. Don’t, please. I want you here, I want you to talk to me.”

“I will, I promise, I’ll try so hard to be better, Sirius.” He tugged on Sirius’ hand. 

Sirius pitched forward and nudged closer along the sofa. “I know. I understand now. I get it. I just… I got the wrong end of the stick, I thought you were accusing me of the things I really hate and I got defensive.”

“I know and you had all the right in the world to be angry with me. God, when… when you pointed out how I didn’t kiss you for three days, it was like everything shattered inside me.” Remus shook his head.

“I could see you pulling away,  _ feel _ it. I didn’t know what to do to get you back, and I didn’t want to lose you.”

“You’re not… I don’t want this to be over. I just want to work on it to be how it was before.” Remus rested his forehead against Sirius’.

“Me too. Me too, Rem. I want you back.” Sirius swallowed around the lump in their throat. It made  _ so much _ sense. Sirius was still upset Remus thought they could cheat, but they could see how Remus would think that after Fenrir had said the things he said. Sirius felt so angry that Fenrir was ruining things all this time later, without even being here. They wanted to wrap Remus up and pull the thoughts out of his mind and — and set them on fire, or something. They wanted it gone. With a sharp breath in, Sirius leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the corner of Remus’ mouth.

“I love you, Sirius. I love you so much.” Remus turned into the kiss, meeting Sirius’ lips.

Sirius kissed back for a moment before pulling back. “I love you too.” Sirius sniffed back more tears, taking them by surprise. “I love you too.” One hand slid up Remus’ arm to hold onto his shoulder, the other coming up to cup his cheek.

“You’re nothing like him, Sirius, I know you’re not. You’re so… you’re so  _ good. _ ” Remus pulled them closer with an arm around their waist.

“I’d never do anything like that… I never want to make you uncomfortable or — or force you into something, okay?” Sirius brushed their fingers through Remus’ hair. “I don’t ever… you’re too important to me.”

“I will, Sirius, I’ll say something. You’ve never made me uncomfortable.” Remus pressed another kiss to Sirius’ lips.

“Tomorrow,” Sirius said after a moment, pulling away and licking their lips. “You can tell me what he looks like and where he lives so I can get Marly and we can go burn his house down, okay?”

Remus sat back, let out a long laugh. “God, you  _ and  _ Marly, he better run. Bring Al, she’d love to join.”

“Yeah, he better run.” Sirius bit their lip for a moment. “‘Cause if I catch him I’m turning his dick into the world’s worst paperweight. Just… just fuck that, Remus, fuck all of that. He’s… he’s not worth your time or energy.”

“Sirius, his dick would make a horrible paperweight, really, better off feeding it to some farm animals.” Remus scoffed. “And I know he’s not worth it, rationally but my brain that I can’t shut off won’t let it go. But it feels good to tell you.”

Sirius grinned at the farm animal suggestion, happy Remus was joking a little, but their smile faded into sincerity. Sirius brushed their fingers through Remus’ hair again. “Thank you for telling me.”

“I really wanted to tell you before, I swear, the words just wouldn’t come out.”

“I know. I could see it on your face almost… like… I don’t know. I would just catch you looking at me and I didn’t know what it meant and I thought it was something awful and that didn’t help, either.” Sirius pressed a soft kiss to Remus’ mouth. “I know, now.”

“Yeah, good, good.” Remus sighed into the kiss. “So… dinner?”

“Yeah.” Sirius didn’t move back from their position so close to Remus, they didn’t want to. “What do you fancy?”

“You have that Thai place nearby, right?”

“Mmhm.” Sirius snatched another light kiss from Remus’ mouth before forcing themselves to sit back. “You can order through their app, too. You want to go for that?”

“Sure, if that’s good with you, I’ll order it.” Remus fished his phone out of his pocket. “What are you craving?”

“I always get their chicken pad thai. It’s too good to pass up.” Sirius pressed themselves up off the sofa and heaved a sigh. “Do you want a glass of water or something?”

“Water’s fine for now, I’m feeling dehydrated from flying and then crying.” Remus grinned.

Sirius smiled. “Yeah, we’ll stick to water.” They padded over to the kitchen, leaving Remus to order food. With two water glasses in hand, Sirius turned back to the sofa, pausing mid step as they caught sight of something on the kitchen table, strewn next to the whisky. 

Their necklace. The one Remus bought for them. Sirius closed their eyes for a moment, wishing they had never taken it off. Wordlessly they set the two glasses down on the coffee table, then crossed back to the kitchen to retrieve their necklace. The strands were a little tangled, but Sirius pulled them apart before going back to Remus, standing in front of him.

Remus looked up at them, eyes going for the necklace. “I noticed you didn’t have it on when you video chatted after the charity event.”

“Yeah.” Sirius felt a little sheepish. “I took it off that night…” They gestured with it, holding it out to Remus. “Put it back on for me?”

Remus stood up and took the necklace from Sirius. As carefully as he put it on the first night, Remus repeated it. After he did the clasp, he pressed a kiss to the nape of Sirius’ neck. “I ah, I got you something that matches this. I saw it when I was walking around with Gideon one day in the city.”

Sirius touched the moon that rested over their sternum, glad to have the necklace back on all of a sudden. They leaned back into Remus slightly, shivering at the kiss, before Remus spoke again. They hadn’t expected Remus to get them anything. “Oh?”

“Please, if you hate it you don’t have to wear it.” Remus pressed one more kiss to their neck before stepping away. He went over to his bag in the entryway as Sirius sat down on the sofa, turning slightly to watch him. After a moment of digging around he found a little paper bag and came back over to Sirius. “It’s nothing, really.”

Sirius raised an eyebrow, eyes flickering between the paper bag and Remus. “It’s a gift from you, Rem. I’m sure it’s beautiful.”

Remus shrugged. “It matched the necklace exactly, it was too good to pass up.”

Sirius took the bag as Remus offered it to them and slipped it open. Inside was a set of silver stacking rings with stars, and one with a moon. “Oh. Caro, they  _ are _ beautiful. They match perfectly, don’t they?” Sirius picked up the moon one and slid it onto their little finger. They looked at it for a moment, smiling at the look of it on their hands, before glancing back up to Remus. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, love.” Remus brought them in for a kiss.


	26. Chapter 26

Remus stared over at Sirius laughing at the show they had put on as they ate their Thai food. The world felt as if it finally shifted back on its axis. He told Sirius everything, and they didn’t hate him. They had told him that they loved him. They also wanted to go murder Fenrir. Sirius had let him know what Marlene wanted to do to the bastard from the gym. Remus couldn’t help but joining get on that quest, but Sirius wanted to take what Marlene wanted to do and amplify it a million times. That was surprising because normally Marly was the one that went to 100, not anyone else. It was oddly sweet that Sirius wanted to go kill Fenrir.

They were now fiddling with the stacked rings of the moon and stars on their pinky, their feet in Remus’ lap and a plate with the half eaten crepe on the side table next to them. Remus thought about how they were both now worlds away from the argument last week. Sirius understood why Remus had been acting the way he did. It was terrible that it came to a head in the way that it had, but it happened. Maybe they were better for it. Wasn’t there a quote about broken edges being stronger?

There was a handful of things that Remus wanted to do. He wanted to sleep, finish that crepe, and kiss Sirius’ pretty painted lips. He could do all those things, he supposed but he wasn’t sure about the order. They had snogged away on the sofa after he had given Sirius the ring. It was like breathing again after being underwater, kissing Sirius exactly how he wanted to kiss them. They were in his lap, their hands roaming around his arms and shoulders. Remus had a hand under Sirius’ dress on his upper thigh. It was so right, having them back in his arms.

Remus ran his hand up Sirius’ calf, squeezing their knee. “You going to finish that crepe?”

Sirius grinned, their head resting against the back of the sofa. “At this point I’m pretty sure I’ve been psychologically trained not to be able to eat a whole dessert, just so you can finish it instead.” They pushed the plate over towards him. “Here.”

“Thank you, love. I’m glad you know by now.” Remus grabbed the plate and started to munch on it. “Delicious.”

“You’re too cute,” Sirius said, a soft smile on their face. “You and your sweet things.”

“You’re one of my sweet things.” Remus grinned. “Oh god, I sounded like you there.”

Sirius snorted a laugh. “That was awful.”

“That’s what you sound like.” Remus teased them.

“No, I do not! You’re the sappy one. I am not romantic, no way, no how,” Sirius said, biting back a smile.

“You are romantic. Or at least you come out with some ridiculous things.” Remus finished the crepe and set the plate aside to return his hands to Sirius’ calf.

“Only to you though.” Sirius smiled, sliding down the sofa a little more.

“I know.” Remus returned the smile. He sighed for a moment, thinking about how he now wanted to get Sirius to bed. There was a conversation they never had, which Remus wondered about, but never brought it up because of the past. “Sirius, can I ask you something?”

Sirius cracked one eye open where they had slipped closed. “Sure?”

“What… what turns you on?” Remus paused because he knew exactly how Sirius would answer. “And don’t say me!”

Sirius rolled their eyes. “Spoil sport,  _ you _ was gonna be my answer.” They bit their lip, eyes drifting across to the bookshelves. “That really is my answer though… practically everything you do? I dunno, when you put your hand on my thigh or when you kiss my neck or run your hands through my hair. Don’t even get me started on  _ actually _ kissing you...”

“You’re so sweet… but… like in bed? Is there anything you’d  _ like  _ when we are together? Like, god this is so not my usual conversation but I want to know.” Remus scrubbed a hand through his hair.

Sirius laughed. “Remember the first time? I think all you did was kiss my neck… well I mean and bite the living shit out of me, but I was so fucking turned on. And then you said you liked watching me and er — ” Sirius shifted a little. “Honestly, I don’t know if I’m just easy to please but, whatever you do has me just… boneless mush, Rem.”

“Most people would be like, I don’t know listing all their kinks or some shit.” Remus laughed as he rubbed his hand on Sirius’ leg.

“Mmm.” Sirius watched him for a moment before gently moving their legs off his lap and kneeling up so they could move closer to him. “Well. I like it when you watch me, when you tell me what to do, when you…” Sirius shifted closer, practically crawling over to him along the sofa. “When you look at me like you can’t quite believe this is all real and you get this expression on your face like this is the hottest thing you’ve ever done. That. I like that. I like it when — ” Sirius put their hand on his knee, watching him through their eyelashes — “I like it when you make me  _ yours _ and you leave lovebites that don’t go away for  _ days _ … Yeah?”

Remus swallowed hard and nodded. “Yeah. Yeah. That’s… yeah.”

“Yeah?” Sirius brushed their loose hair off their shoulder, crawling a little closer to Remus, their other hand going to his other knee. “Want me to carry on?”

Remus nodded. He wanted to pick Sirius up and carry them up to the loft, but his brain function seemed to be a bit shoddy at the moment.

“I like it when we’re kissing and you do this thing to my bottom lip like you just want to devour me whole. I like it when I’m wearing a skirt and your hand slides up my leg. I swear I only wear skirts so you can do that now. I like your hands, your fingers, I like them in my hair, on my neck, on my arse, in my mouth, around my dick...” Sirius grinned, their eyes flickering over Remus’ face. “I like it when you come out with these unexpectedly lurid comments in the middle of something and I’m so taken aback and turned on you could do anything you like to me right in those moments.”

“I think I could do anything I’d like to you at any moment.” Remus said, finding his voice.

Sirius’ smile shifted to a smirk, one hand sliding slowly up Remus’ thigh. “Would you like that?”

“Yeah, I would. I… I just want to be able to have you whenever I fancy.” Remus licked his lips.

“You can do that. Whenever you like, caro. You… just whenever you want, come up to me and say  _ Sirius, I want you _ , and I’ll do whatever you like. Whenever, wherever. In the studio, at the gym, out in the bar… whenever you like.” Sirius’ voice had gone a little faint, their hand halfway up Remus’ thigh with the thumb circling slightly.

“Bed. Let’s get up to the bed.” Remus cleared his throat.

“Yeah,” Sirius said faintly, their gaze fixed on Remus’ mouth.

“Don’t kiss me until I get to the bed or I’ll have you right here or in the middle of the bloody floor.”

Sirius moaned softly. “Would that be so bad?”

“The bed’s better.” Remus’ hand went to Sirius’ neck.

“Fuck…” Sirius shivered visibly, their eyes fluttering closed. “Okay… bed. Now. Please.”

Remus stood up quickly and went for the ladder, looking over his shoulder at Sirius still on the sofa. “Coming?”

Sirius was watching him, biting their lip. Without looking away they slipped off the sofa and sank to their knees, crawling across the short distance between the sofa and the ladder, slowly, shifting their hips from side to side. It was clear Sirius was a dancer in everything they did. They were always so elegant, moving like water, making their body work for them. Their smirk was clear, watching Remus through their lashes like they knew exactly what they did to him.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Remus couldn’t think of anything else to say. Okay, there were a million things he wanted to say but he couldn’t slow down his thoughts to grab at one.

Sirius chuckled softly, bottom lip still caught in their teeth. “Problem?” They murmured, pausing practically at Remus’ feet and sitting back on their heels.

“Yeah, you’re too sexy for your own good, princess.” Remus reached down to cup Sirius’ cheek.

“My sincerest apologies,” Sirius whispered, their eyes fluttering shut.

Remus let his thumb drift down to Sirius’ lips, brushing over the painted pout. Sirius tilted their head just enough to part their lips and let their tongue slide over the pad of Remus’ thumb, eyes opening to look up at him. The force of the want that surged through Remus’ body was overwhelming as Sirius’ warm tongue slid over his thumb. “Shit, Sirius, get up so we can get into bed.”

Sirius nodded, reluctantly moving back and standing up, making it look so effortless. “Yeah.”

Resisting the urge to pull Sirius close, Remus turned to the ladder, climbing up it with shaky legs. God, he loved Sirius’ bed but it was so inconvenient to have to go up and down the ladder at times like this.

Below him, Sirius chuckled softly. “You are so fucking hot, Remus.” 

“Stop talking, I can’t stand it until we’re on stable ground… or in the bed.” Remus said finally reaching the loft.

Sirius followed him up the ladder, emerging at the top a moment after Remus did. “Don’t you like me talking?”

“I love your voice. It’s fucking sexy.” Remus reached out to them.

Smiling, Sirius stepped closer, sliding their hands up Remus’ chest to his shoulders. “Not a patch on yours, though.”

Remus blushed, nuzzling Sirius’ neck, breathing in their woodsy, spicy, floral scent. He had missed it so much when he was in Germany… when he was pushing Sirius away before that. He nipped at the skin closest to him then laved his tongue over it.

Sirius shivered, pressing closer, skimming their hands over his upper arms and tipping their chin back to bare their neck to Remus’ kisses. “God, Rem…”

“You smell so good… taste so good.” Remus continued to kiss and bite at their neck, his hands resting on on Sirius’ waist.

“Can I take your shirt off?” Sirius murmured, their fingers dancing back up to the front of Remus’ shirt, curling through the fabric. “I want to feel you.”

“Of course.” Remus raised his arms to help Sirius get his shirt off.

Sirius threw his shirt aside, hands going back to his shoulders and down his chest. “You’re so fucking hot, Remus.” They bent their head to kiss a line across the top of Remus’ collarbone, pressing closer.

“God I can’t decide if I want you in or out of that dress.” Remus closed his eyes as he let Sirius kiss him.

“Anything you like,” Sirius whispered, their hands sliding down Remus’ sides and around to his back. “Whatever you like, I’ll do whatever you want.” They peppered kisses over Remus’ shoulder, back to the angle of his neck, nipping lightly.

“Let’s get on the bed.” He thought about Sirius telling him to stop thinking and just be in the moment. He could do that now, and he didn’t need to decide yet, they had all night. No one was going anywhere.


	27. Chapter 27

Perhaps Sirius said this a lot, but they were pretty sure they’d never been this turned on in their whole life. They didn’t quite know what had come over them, crawling into Remus’ lap on the sofa like that. It was something about Remus talking about sex, talking about likes and wants and the little sliver of brazeness that showed occasionally that always managed to get Sirius going. They couldn’t help tapping into it and trying to turn him on even more. Remus like this, with a tiny thread of control, was so intoxicating.

Sirius broke away from kissing Remus’ neck, breathing in the scent of his skin and the heat of his body, and skirted around him. They took Remus’ hand, pulling him around so he faced the bed, then slipped over to it. Sirius crawled onto the bed with the same sensual slowness, rolling onto their side and looking up at Remus. “Coming?”

“God yes,” Remus followed after them in haste.

Sirius sat up and met him halfway. God, Remus looked so gorgeous in this low light, the toned muscles of his shoulders that were always hidden beneath his shirt. “What about you? What turns you on, caro?”

“It depends, I guess. Can I say you?” Remus smirked, hand going for Sirius’ thigh.

“No, you can’t,” Sirius said, half laughing. They ran their fingers up Remus’ neck and through his hair. “When you do feel the attraction, I mean. I know it’s not all the time.” They pressed another kiss to his shoulder and pulled him back down a little. “What do you like me doing?”

Remus’ expression turned thoughtful, his hand still creeping under their dress. “Your mouth on my fingers or on my skin, really. I like… I like telling you what to do and that you do it. I like watching you get turned on, and how your eyes get so wide.”

“Yeah?” Sirius let out a shaky breath, leaning up and sliding their hand down Remus’ arm to close around his wrist. God, there was something about Remus’ voice in bed; it dropped lower and the words almost tumbled out of his mouth like he couldn’t keep up with them and Sirius loved it. Sirius ducked their head to kiss across Remus’ knuckles, sliding their tongue between his fingers. “What do you want me to do, Rem?”

“Shit, I don’t know right now. God, Sirius, you’re so fucking beautiful. I love when you’re stretching and you’re… one day I want to bend you all over and just have my way with you.”

“Yeah?” Sirius whispered, kissing over Remus’ fingers and nipping at the sensitive skin. “I’d want you to. Where would you have me, where would we do it?” Sirius swirled their tongue, sucking lightly on the tip of Remus’ middle finger.

“Christ, anywhere  — everywhere, ah, the middle of my living room floor. When I got all worked up and then got off in the shower, I wanted to do that, just have you there. I wish I did.”

“We can do that. Whenever you want to we can do that. We have time, if you ever want to.” Sirius let out a soft breath. God, seeing Remus like this was so enthralling. Sirius wanted more of it. They nipped at his finger again before slipping it into their mouth, swirling their tongue.

“Against my car, like that night too… yeah.” Remus’ hand slid up to Sirius’ hip, dipping under their briefs.

Sirius pulled back, leaving the tips of Remus’ fingers pressing against their mouth as they spoke. “Yeah? With my legs around your waist? Over your shoulders? We can drive out somewhere quiet, out in the middle of nowhere and you can do whatever you want to me. However you want, I’ll take it.”

“Shit, yes.” Remus hooked his fingers around the elastic and tugged them down a little.

“Yeah,” Sirius whispered, biting back a moan as their hips shifted under Remus’ touch. They kissed over his palm and down his wrist, their eyes fluttering shut for a moment. “I bet your cock would feel so good in me, caro.”

“Oh god, yeah.” Remus’ hand grazed lightly over Sirius’ cock.

“ _ Oh _ . Yeah?” Sirius shifted, moaning at the feather-light touch of Remus’ hand as they kissed up his other forearm, nipping the skin. “Yeah? I can just — just imagine it in me, so hot and thick and hitting my prostate every time you moved, however you had me. Every single time, and I’m so close without you even touching me, just from your dick in me.”

“I’m… I’m… fucking hell, Sirius, I don’t even know what to say to that.” Remus shook his head. “You’re… Christ.”

Sirius smiled, trailing their lips up Remus’ arm a ways before they pulled away and leaned forward to kiss him on the mouth. Their hands skimmed down his chest, shifting a little at Remus’ hand still on his hip. “I’m Christ?” They grinned, chuckling as they kissed him again. “I know I’m good in bed but that’s something else, caro…” 

“No one has ever got me this way, clearly you have some type of ridiculous power over me.” Remus’ fingers dug into their hip a little. “Get out of this dress.”

“I love it when you get like this, all flustered. I love it so much.” Sirius knelt up, grabbing the hem of their dress and gathering up to pull up over their head, taking their time, arching their back a little. Sirius threw the dress to the side, letting their arms come back down to settle their hands on Remus’ shoulders.

“You’re the only one who’s gotten me like this. I’ve never been so fucking… so full of want like this before. You’re out of this world.” Remus’ hand went to hold the moon on Sirius’ necklace.

Sirius made a soft noise in response, their eyes slipping shut. How was Remus so gorgeous? He always said the most perfect things, when he was able to get the words out. But right here, now, he was Sirius’ favourite like this, so awestruck and wide-eyed, they wanted this to last forever. “It’s you, you make me like this. I want to make you feel good. I feel like I’m yours to do whatever you want, right now. I don’t... “ Sirius’ hand slid along Remus’ forearm to dig in a little. They felt lightheaded from need. “It’s just you.”

“Just… god, I just want you naked and on top of me right now.” Remus’ breath was uneven.

“Yeah,” Sirius breathed, their hands going to the waistband of their underwear before they even thought on it properly. It was like there was a direct link between what Remus said and what Sirius’ body did; if it meant making Remus happy, meant making his breath hitch and his eyes go wide, then Sirius would do it. They shoved their underwear down and kicked it aside, pushing Remus back a little so they could climb into his lap and straddle his hips. Sirius pressed close, kissing the corner of Remus’ mouth and trailing along his jaw.

“I’m wearing far too much clothing right now.” Remus’ hands smoothed down their back.

Sirius shivered at the touch, arching into Remus. “I can fix that.” Their hands slipped along Remus’ chest, feeling his breathing, to the fastening of his jeans. “Can I touch you?”

“Yes, yes please.”

Sirius nodded back, their fingers tracing over Remus through his jeans for a moment before going back to the buttons and slipping them open. Sirius circled their hand over Remus’ cock, glancing down to watch. “God, Remus…”

“Shit, Sirius.” Remus reached out to pull Sirius against him for a passionate kiss, something reminiscent from their reunion in the airport.

Sirius kissed back immediately, sinking into Remus’ kiss, sliding their tongue along his bottom lip. Their fingers pushed at his jeans to tug them down and out of the way before dipping under the waistband of his underwear.

“Mmm, you’re killing me,” Remus said against Sirius’ lips.

“God. No, I want you alive, I want you alive and in my bed all the time, Remus. Fuck.” Sirius sucked on Remus’ bottom lip, teeth grazing lightly as they let it go. They trailed their fingers over Remus’ length for a moment before going back to his underwear to pull them down too.

“No, no I’m very much alive.” He reached for Sirius’ cock, wrapping his long, talented fingers around their length.

Sirius groaned, dropping their head back. “Oh fuck.” Their hands clenched on Remus’ hips, pausing halfway to getting his underwear off because Remus’ hand on their cock stopped all higher brain function entirely. 

“God, get my pants off so you can get on top of me, come on, Sirius.” Remus sounded a little impatient.

“Shit, it’s… it’s fucking hard to do anything with your hand on my dick, Remus.” Sirius practically scrambled for Remus’ underwear, pushing it down his thighs and sliding their hand back up to graze their fingers over him.

“Well, the quicker it’s all off, the quicker your hand can be on my dick.” Remus groaned a little as their fingers grazed over him.

“Yeah, fucking hell Remus, I love it when you’re demanding, oh my god.” Sirius shifted back, reluctantly moving back out of Remus’ lap to pull his jeans and underwear down. Remus helped kick them off and Sirius shoved the last of their clothing down to the bottom of the bed. Having Remus naked on their bed was almost  _ too _ good; he was so gorgeous that just the sight of him made Sirius’ cock twitch.

“Come back here and kiss me properly.” He licked his lips.

Sirius climbed back into Remus’ lap and cupped his face in their hands, bringing him in for a deep kiss. They could feel Remus’ chest rising and falling against theirs as their tongues coiled together. His hands went to Sirius’ hips again, pulling them as close as he possibly could to his body before a hand slid down their thigh. Sirius pulled back and kissed the corner of Remus’ mouth, their hands trailing over his neck, down his shoulders and chest. “What do you want, caro? Whatever you want.”

“I want you just like this.” Remus’ hips arched up, his hard cock against Sirius’ thigh.

Sirius groaned, biting their lip, their hips instinctively pressing towards Remus’ to grind their bodies together. Their nails raked down Remus’ abdomen as they rested their forehead against Remus’. Remus’ cheeks were tinged pink, the flush creeping down his neck and onto his chest. “God, yes.”

“I love you, Sirius, I love you so much.” His hands felt like they couldn’t find where they wanted to rest, searching for purchase all over Sirius’ body. Every place he touched felt like fire, Sirius was so turned on. Sirius grasped one of Remus’ hands, leading it to their thigh so Remus could feel the flex there as they rolled their hips against his.

“You’re so fucking hot Remus, you’re so hot. God I love you.”

“Yes, Sirius, fuck, god, I love you.” Remus’ hips rolled in response to theirs, burying his face in Sirius’ shoulder his moaned something that sounded much like, “Comfort me.”

“Huh?” Remus’ voice cut through the syrup of Sirius’ arousal and they instantly wrapped their arms around his shoulder, stilling their hips against every instinct in their body to keep moving. “Hey, it’s okay.” Their voice sounded shaky and Sirius willed it stronger, suddenly worried they had overstepped some unknown mark. “It’s okay.”

“What the fuck are you doing? I was about to come.” Remus laid his head back on the pillow, glaring up at Sirius.

“I…” Sirius cut themselves off, frowning deeply as they rubbed a hand over their face. “What? You said  _ comfort me _ , I… fucking hell, thought I’d done something wrong?”

“I said,  _ come for me _ , Sirius.” Remus laughed. “Come for me.”

“... Well fucking hell.” Sirius let out a long breath, helpless against the laughter bubbling out of their throat. “Fucking  _ annunciate _ your dirty talk Remus, God. I thought I’d  _ upset _ you!”

“No! Fuck, can we get back to it? I’m so fucking hard still.” Remus pressed up against Sirius to show them. “Come on, Sirius.”

Sirius groaned, their hips canting forwards. “Yeah, fucking hell, you’re so hard.” Sirius braced their hands on Remus’ shoulders again, letting out a sharp breath as they began moving against him once more.

“Fuck, I love you. Shit.” Remus repeated again as they moved together. “I’m so close. Are you?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Sirius breathed, grinding against the feel of Remus’ cock against their thigh. “Yeah, so close. Come on, caro. Fuck, touch me, please.”

Remus trembled as he wrapped a hand around Sirius. “Fuck, I’m gonna come.”

Sirius tipped their head back, moaning sharply at Remus’ touch, wound so tight. “Oh god, do it, come on me.”

Under them, Remus tensed and pulled Sirius into a kiss as he came against their thigh. Sirius groaned into the kiss, grinding against Remus, panting into his mouth. The feel of Remus shuddering underneath them, the warmth of him against their thigh, pushed them over the edge and Sirius bit at Remus’ bottom lip as they came too.


	28. Chapter 28

Remus held Sirius against him as they came into his hand, on to his stomach. They collapsed onto top of Remus a moment later. Remus rubbed his free hand up Sirius’ back, feeling completely blissed out. “Oh, that was good.”

Sirius nuzzled into Remus’ neck, still shuddering a little. “Mmm, god, you’re so good, you’re so good.”

Pressing a kiss to Sirius’ cheek, Remus sighed. They both stayed quiet, breathing heavily in each other’s arms. Remus was sure that he had never felt so comfortable with anyone before. Nothing had ever been like  _ that _ . “We need to clean up.” He finally managed, starting to get a bit sticky and uncomfortable.

“Mm, I suppose… I can’t really feel my legs.” Sirius shifted a little, groaning softly as they pressed against Remus, their face still buried in his neck. “I’ll go get a cloth.”

Remus really didn’t want to let go, but he also didn’t want to feel gross. “Yeah, sure, okay.”

After a moment, and another kiss to Remus’ neck, Sirius pulled back. Gently, they caught Remus’ hand and lifted it between them before swiping their tongue across his palm in one, long, broad sweep. Remus stared with wide eyes. “What are you doing?”

Sirius hummed, smiling a little as their tongue swept over his fingers. “Means we don’t need a cloth. Plus — ” Sirius curled their tongue over the remaining sticky mess — “means I get your fingers in my mouth.”

“You’re already, god, thirsty for me again? We  _ just _ got off,” Remus said lightly.

“So?” Sirius shrugged, sucking lightly at the tip of Remus’ forefinger. “I don’t mind if you don’t. But you’re naked under me, I’ll never not be thirsty with you like this.”

Remus smiled up at them. “I know, love.” He watched Sirius sucking on his finger.

Sirius smiled in response, making a little show of taking Remus’ finger deeper into their mouth, their eyes flickering over Remus’ face. 

“What about my stomach and your thigh?” Remus raised an eyebrow.

Sirius grinned, pulling back from Remus’ hand with a playful look on their face. “Your stomach, I can do. But I’m not  _ that _ bendy, caro.” Sirius ducked their head to swipe their tongue across the smear on Remus’ stomach.

“I’m sure there’s some sort of solution.” Remus watched their pink tongue lap across his stomach. God, Sirius made him so bloody comfortable, didn’t they?

“Hm, I’m sure there is,” Sirius agreed, chasing a droplet down to Remus’ lower abdomen.

“I could get it with my fingers, probably.” Remus bit his lip.

Sirius paused and Remus could see their breathing halt for a moment. They shifted their knees a little further apart and said in a light tone, “Probably could.”

Remus reached down, fingers swiping up Sirius’ thigh. “Yeah.”

Sirius caught his hand as he brought it back between them, sliding his fingers into their mouth once more. Sirius’ eyelids flickered shut and they hummed in satisfaction, holding onto Remus’ wrist.

“You’re so sexy, Sirius.” Remus watched them intently.

After a moment, Sirius’ tongue laving over Remus’ fingers, they pulled back, eyes still closed. They looked so blissed out. “You taste the best,” Sirius murmured, tongue straying out over Remus’ skin again.

“Your lipstick is still perfect.” Remus laughed as Sirius continued at his fingers.

Sirius cracked one eye open, grinning. “I told you, this shit is great. Blowie-proof, and now it’s spunk-proof. So incredibly worth the money.”

“You’re something else, love.” Remus shook his head. “Come lie down with me.”

“I love you.” Sirius obliged, pressing a last kiss to Remus’ fingers before shifting to the side and sinking into the bed next to him.

“I love you too.” Remus put an arm around their middle. “I’m so happy that you showed up at the airport.”

“Me too. Even if it was ridiculously romantic, it was worth it for you.” Sirius kissed his shoulder before laying their head there, cuddling up close.

“It was the most romantic thing anyone’s ever done for me, I loved it. All of it,” Remus said, looking over the loft to see the heart balloons that were now bobbing against the ceiling.

Sirius smiled. “I like having you back most of all.” They lifted a hand and traced down the centre of Remus’ sternum. “Thank you for telling me everything.”

“I’m so mad at myself for not telling you sooner.” Remus traced a pattern on to Sirius’ back.

“But now you’ve done it. So it’s okay. I know now, and I love you for it, and I want to make you happy more than anything.”

“You already make me happy more than anything, you did that before all this. I was the one to push you away. Next time I do push, tell me, just call me out right away. I’ll try my best not to do that, but I can’t promise,” Remus said honestly, because he knew himself.

“I’ll call you out. I’m not letting you go again.” Sirius’ voice was firm against his shoulder.

“Good.” Remus pressed a kiss to the top of Sirius’ head. “I think we’re stronger for it though, right? I mean, I don’t wish to fight like that ever, but maybe that was what I needed to see that I could do this.”

“Yeah, like… I dunno, like the push you needed, to see what would happen — what  _ did _ happen.”

“And I know that I can’t let you go now. You’re… you’re too important for me to be a stubborn bastard and let you go.” Remus’ finger came up to play with the chain on Sirius’ neck.

Sirius smiled, shivering a little. “Tickles.” They kissed Remus’ shoulder again. “I don’t want you to let me go, either.”

“You’re ticklish?” Remus raised an eyebrow.

Sirius paused, their eyes opening. “No, absolutely not.”

Remus decided to check that out and quickly moved his fingers to Sirius’ sides, tickling them. Sirius practically squealed, writhing away from him, their hands coming up to push Remus’ away.

“No, fuck off, get off,” they said through laughter, wriggling away from him. “I was half-asleep, you little bastard!”

“I’m little now? I swear you said something about about me having a big cock? Did I imagine that?” Remus furrowed his brow, relenting in his tickling.

“Yes,” Sirius said, sitting back with a huff, their cheeks pink. “Now you’re tickling me your dick is tiny and pitiful.” They pouted, narrowing their eyes at him.

“Pity you’re never going to get your hand, mouth, or body on it again, princess.” Remus snorted a laugh.

Sirius crossed their arms over their chest. “You wouldn’t do that to me, caro.”

Trying his hardest not to laugh, Remus bit his lip. Instead of a reply, he burst out into a loud peel of laughter.

Sirius’ face split into a grin, leaning forward. “You wouldn’t. I know you, you’d call me princess and let me touch you, if you wanted.”

“You know me too well.” Remus pulled them into a kiss. “I love you.”   
  



	29. Chapter 29

Sirius didn’t think they’d ever tried to cook eggs as quietly as possible before. It was harder than they expected. Luckily, Remus was a pretty deep sleeper, and even after they’d thrown a bowl into the sink with a little too much vigour and then sworn loudly at the resulting clatter, he’d remained asleep.

Having Remus back in their flat, back in their  _ bed _ , was the best thing. Sirius had woken up with a giddy smile on their face, happy to be wound together with Remus again, the memories of the previous night at the forefront of their mind. Hearing Remus talk about Fenrir had made Sirius so incredibly angry, but soon that melted away when they started talking about their wants and desires, and they ended up in bed. 

Sirius had woken fairly early, refreshed from their deep sleep, and slipped downstairs to make breakfast. They wanted to surprise Remus with breakfast in bed — coffee, eggs and bacon. They took their time, sipping coffee as they made the food, clearing up the kitchen on the way. They finally disposed of the now-dead flowers from the sink, and put the whisky back on the shelf where it belonged. Eventually, breakfast came together, a plate of scrambled eggs and crispy bacon. With everything plated on a tray, Sirius headed for the ladder. Every time they had to carry something up or down the ladder Sirius was immensely grateful for their balance and strength. Climbing a ladder one handed, with a trayful of breakfast in the other hand, was a little difficult but it worked out fine and there were no egg-on-floor related catastrophes. 

Remus was still asleep, on his back with one arm thrown over his face and the covers strewn around his middle. Sirius smiled at the sight of him and padded over to set the tray down on the side. They had pulled Remus’ shirt on that morning and it hung off their shoulders and settled around their hips as they settled on the bed next to Remus. Sirius was torn between waking him up so the food didn’t get cold, or letting him sleep. 

After a moment they brushed their fingers through his hair and bent to kiss his forehead. “Hey, sleepyhead.”

“Mmm,” was Remus’ response. He shifted a little, cracking one eye open.

Sirius smiled. “God, you’re so gorgeous.” They trailed their fingers down the side of his face. “I made breakfast, caro.”

Remus rubbed a hand over his face while yawning. He laid there for a moment then sat up with a bit of effort. “Thank you, love.”

“Sorry to wake you up. It’s fairly late though, and I didn’t want it to get cold,” Sirius said, tucking one leg up under their body. 

“No, I want to be up, want to spend the whole day with you.” Remus leaned over and gave them a peck on the lips.

Sirius smiled, reaching over for their coffee from the tray and taking a sip. “Do you want to go do something today?”

“Yeah, let’s find something fun to do.” Remus reached for one of the forks. “There must be something going on, somewhere.”

“I’ll have a search,” Sirius said, exchanging their coffee for their phone. “You eat and I’ll look. Even if it’s Tuesday, there must be mid-week things.” 

“I’m sure there’s something. I don’t really have a preference for what we do. It’s a bit chilly, but I don’t mind even just a long walk.” Remus shrugged as he continued on the eggs.

“I’ll find something.” Sirius was already googling various things, trying to find something interesting to do. Eventually, they went down a little bit of a rabbit hole, following a few recommendations on one website then another. “Oh! Did you know there’s an Austen museum not far from here? I think it’s a… pop-up or something, I won’t believe it’s always been there and you’ve never gone.”

“Oh! We have to go. I’ve never been.” Remus looked up in surprise.

“Okay, I’m already seeing how far away it is. Apparently lots of the village is listed, so it’s all old buildings and cobbles and nice walks. The church is beautiful and there’s a tea-room or something, I think?”

“It sounds like exactly something I want to do.” Remus nodded.

“I know,” Sirius said, grinning. “It’s not far away. We can eat and then get our shit together and go.”

“You really do have such great ideas.” Remus moved to kiss them again. Sirius leaned in and smiled into the kiss, lingering for a moment close to him. He was so handsome, even with his bedhead and pillow marks on his face. Sirius couldn’t ever resist him.

“Only the best for you, caro.”

“And you say I’m the sap.” Remus reached for his coffee.

Sirius grinned. “See, you think it’s a secret you’re a romantic, when everyone knows you are. But I’m the one who’s really secretly romantic, and  _ no one _ can know. Okay? I have my image to uphold.”

“No, no, I’m going to keep this for myself.” Remus grinned over his mug.

“Good, no one else gets romantic Sirius but you.”

“I’m truly privileged.”

Sirius rolled their eyes. “Shut up and eat your romantic breakfast in bed, please. Be glad I don’t have a heart-shaped cookie cutter like Marly does, so your bacon and eggs  _ aren’t _ heart-shaped.”

“Oh, I’m so buying you one.”

“Oh for god’s sake. That’s just a step too far for me. Who wants  _ heart-shaped _ fried eggs, Remus, or heart shaped bits of bacon or heart-shaped pancakes?” They pinned him with a look. “What am I saying, you would love heart-shaped everything, wouldn’t you?”

“Yes, yes I would. Especially the pancake bit, those would be cute.” Remus laughed.

Sirius stifled a laugh. “Pancakes, cookies, waffles, brownies, little mini cheesecakes, fruit tarts,  _ souffles _ .” Sirius bit their lip. “This is your dirty talk isn’t it? Heart-shaped desserts.”

“Yes, it’s making me hot, forget what we were saying last night. I’m swooning.”

Sirius’ shoulders were shaking from repressing laughter. “Oh yeah, what about heart-shaped panna cotta, with like, berries and caramel sauce and the strawberries are carved into flowers?”

“Shit, if I wasn’t already naked, I’d be taking my clothes off right now,” Remus said before going for another bite of the eggs.

“I knew it. Little heart-shaped chocolates with the gooey insides, and the box they’re in is heart-shaped too. I know what I’m getting you for Christmas, or something.”

“God, hopefully I’m in the mood for a shag then because I’d totally fuck you for that.”

Sirius’ laughter finally spilled over at that as they had to set their coffee down to stop spilling it. “I know, I’ll keep the heart-shaped desserts on hand, for whenever you might get horny. I can whip them out and then it’ll be great.”

“Excellent. I’m looking forward to it.” Remus chuckled.

“Me too, me too.” Sirius rubbed their hands over their eyes, wiping away the tears of laughter. “You’re so ridiculous, you know.”

“I know, you are too though.” Remus pushed the tray out of the way so he could move closer to Sirius.

Sirius grinned, still laughing a little as Remus shuffled closer. They leaned towards him, one hand coming up to the side of his neck.

“We  _ should _ get going.” Remus whispered, hovering near Sirius’ lips.

“Mm, you say that,” Sirius replied, rubbing their thumb over Remus’ neck. “And yet you’re looking at me like you want to eat me alive.”

Remus’ kiss was soft and light. “I think that you’re really projecting there.” He joked.

Sirius scoffed against his lips. “Oh, you think so? My apologies.” The next kiss was deeper, tongue teasing at the seam of Sirius’ lips. Sirius pulled back at that, making a soft noise. “Sorry, sorry, you said I was projecting, so I don’t think that’s allowed. You  _ don’t _ want to eat me alive, remember?”

“You’re right, sorry.” Remus smirked, going to stand up.

Sirius shoved lightly at his shoulder, torn between not wanting to lose this little game and wanting to kiss Remus. “So you should be.”

Remus stepped off the bed then looked back at Sirius with a big grin. Sirius rolled their eyes, half to themselves; they really couldn’t resist him. Sirius leaned forward and grabbed Remus hand, tugging sharply so Remus fell back onto the bed.

“Hey!” Remus half-heartedly said. “You know what, Sirius, you — ”

Sirius grinned, leaning down to fasten their lips to Remus’, one hand going to cup his cheek. After a second they pulled back. “Shut up and let me project onto you,” Sirius murmured, diving back in for another kiss.

“Eat you alive, all right.” Remus pulled back, kissing down their jaw.

“Yeah,” Sirius breathed, tipping their head back a little as they carded their fingers through his hair. “Definitely projecting…”

Remus’ lips found their way down to the base of their throat, right under the first strand of the necklace. He began to suck, bite, and lick at the skin there, humming in satisfaction like Sirius was tastier than the breakfast they just had.

Sirius held him close, one leg splayed half in his lap, their hands clutching at his hair. “Fuck, Remus. God I love it when you do that.”

“I know.” Remus continued on at the spot.

Sirius hissed a little at the slight pain of Remus’ teeth, pressing against him as their breathing turned short and sharp. They knew Remus would leave a mark, and that was  _ so _ hot.

After a few minutes, Remus pulled back with a cocky smile. “Beautiful.” He touched the base of Sirius’ throat where he had been kissing.

“Fuck…” Sirius fell back onto the bed with a groan, their neck throbbing. “God, that feels fucking massive, Rem, Christ.” 

“It’s huge. Make sure you wear something to show it off.” Remus kissed their cheek before getting out of bed. “Okay, really, let’s get going.”

Sirius waved a hand, still breathing hard and trying to get their thoughts away from  _ sexsexsexsex _ . “You — you shower first. I’m gonna need… need a fucking minute.”

Remus frowned for a moment then smiled genuinely. “Okay, I’ll shower first. Take your time.”

“Yeah.” Sirius grinned back, happy to see Remus smiling. “Go on, I’ll come down in a second and pour more coffee.”

“Brilliant.” Remus gathered some clothes that he had left behind from previous days over, and headed down to the shower.

Sirius watched him for a moment, waiting until they heard the click off the bathroom door before rolling onto their front and burying their face in the covers. “Fucking hell, he’s going to kill me with sex, isn’t he?” They said to no one in particular, trying to talk their dick down.


	30. Chapter 30

When Remus had emerged from the shower, he found Sirius with a fresh cup of coffee in the kitchen. The massive hickey on their neck was really starting to bloom. There was a second he felt bad for leaving Sirius like that, not interested in doing much more but Sirius really didn’t care. He had to remember that Sirius meant it, and wanted Remus to feel comfortable.

“You should go take a look at that thing.” Remus gestured to their throat, taking their mug off the counter.

“It  _ feels _ like my whole bloody neck,” Sirius said, grinning. They slipped from the kitchen chair and stood up, stretching their arms above their head briefly. “I’ll go look before I get in the shower.”

Remus enjoyed the long lines of Sirius’ body as they reached up. “Did I tell you Peter thought you had some sort of birthmark thing when you met him?” Remus chuckled, remembering how his best mate asked about Sirius’ neck.

Sirius looked at him for a moment before bursting out laughing. “No he didn’t, did he?”

“Oh yeah, I was tempted to go along with it. Maybe say you got them removed, but Alice made fun of him.” Remus snorted a laugh.

“Shit, I love that.” Sirius crossed over to him and pressed a kiss to his mouth. “You know the solution to me ‘getting them removed’ is you just need to keep giving me them, right?” They flashed him a grin before pulling back and strolling towards the bathroom.

Remus swatted at their bottom before they were out of arm’s reach. “Brat.”

Sirius laughed. “The correct word is  _ princess _ , thank you.” They stuck their tongue out at him before shutting the bathroom door. A moment later Remus heard a cry of “Fucking hell, Remus! It’s my whole fucking neck!” from beyond the door.

Remus couldn’t help doubling over against the counter in laughter. “It’s  — you wanted it!”

“I’m not complaining!” Sirius called back. “It’s just… Christ.”

Taking his coffee, he went towards the sofa to watch something as he waited for Sirius. They emerged from the shower in a towel a few minutes later. Remus was happy to see the stubble was still on their cheeks when he looked over his shoulder at them. The hickey looked even more vibrant on their neck. “Ha, that really is huge.”

“I know,” Sirius said, grinning as they crossed over to kiss the top of Remus’ head. “It’s going to scandalise all the old ladies at the Austen museum.”

Remus took a deep breath, loving the smell of Sirius just out of the shower. “They’re going to be jealous, I think.”

“Eugh!” Sirius swatted at his shoulder, pushing off the back of the sofa towards the ladder. “That’s grim, I don’t want to think about old ladies with hickeys, thank you!”

“No, not really, but I’m sure they’re still jealous.” Remus’ eyes trailed after Sirius, taking another sip of his coffee.

Sirius shook their head, pausing to shoot Remus a grin as they started up the ladder. “Oh good, I was going to say, I’m climbing the ladder in a towel Remus, don’t miss this.” 

“I’m watching, very carefully.” Remus nodded.

Sirius laughed, climbing the ladder and blowing him a kiss at the top before disappearing beyond the top of the balcony to get dressed.

They were quiet as they got ready, Remus could hear them shuffling around to get ready. Remus decided to look up the museum on his phone to check the distance and see exactly what it was like. The village appeared to be stuck in the Regency era. There were different exhibits around, and some talks about Austen. He knew Sirius wasn’t a fan of the classics, so it was nice they didn’t mind going with him.

“Remus?” Sirius called, and Remus glanced up to see them stood at the top of the ladder. They were wearing skinny jeans that looked a little ripped up and a distressed David Bowie t-shirt that was a little baggy around the neck. “Is this alright?” They looked a little unsure, biting their lip.

“Perfect, gorgeous as always.” Remus stood up. “How long have you had that shirt?”

Sirius smiled. “It was Monty’s, it’s actually vintage.” Sirius tugged on the hem of the shirt, glancing down at it. “I just… I know you like the lipstick and the dresses, and I’m not — ”

Remus held a hand up, moving closer to Sirius. “I love you in your jeans and Bowie shirts just as much. I only like the dress because it’s easy to get my hands up it, I just have to work a little harder in the jeans.”

Sirius laughed, covering their face with their hands for a moment. “Oh, of course.” They grinned, turning to come down the ladder. “I mean,” they continued, smiling at him, “you don’t really have to work for the jeans. I bet your hands can fit right down the back, no problem…”

“Oh, good, get down here and I’ll check.” Remus laughed. “Plus, Sirius, I like both, I’m just super bi. Both, all, and in between. And it’s you, so whatever you’re in is stunning.”

“This is true,” Sirius agreed, padding over to Remus. “I’m very, very glad you like both.”

Remus pulled them close, kissing Sirius soundly, his hands sliding down their back. “I love you.”

Sirius hummed into the kiss, looping their arms around Remus’ neck. “I love you too.”

His hands did easily slide into the back of Sirius’ jeans, but he didn’t linger too long. Pressing one more kiss to Sirius’ lips then stepping away. “Shall we?”

“Yeah.” Sirius grinned. “Let’s go.”

The village was about a half hour north, but that time flew by because Sirius decided to turn on a drag playlist. They were voguing away in the passenger seat, looking thrilled with life. One wouldn’t know from the mood in the car they were going to a sleepy village to learn about Austen all day, probably surrounded by old women and swotty academic types.

“Having fun?” Remus shouted over the music, glancing at Sirius.

“Very much so,” Sirius shot back. “I can’t believe you’ve never heard Detox before. She’s great. Or Needles, or Adore.” They put their hand on Remus’ knee. “I’ve so much to show you.”

“I’m sorry, I feel like such a bad gay.” Remus joked.

“I mean, you  _ are _ a bad gay. You’re only half gay.” Sirius grinned, biting their lip. 

“Terrible.” Remus huffed and shook his head.

“Have you ever  _ been _ to a drag show?” Sirius asked, turning towards him.

Remus bit his lip and shook his head. “Bad half gay.”

“Oh come on!” Sirius threw their hand up. “That was the perfect time for  _ Bad Bisexual _ , the alliteration and everything! For such a nerd you’re so bad at linguistic devices, Remus, honestly.”

“I’m really off my game today, I had some mindblowing sex last night.” Remus laughed at Sirius’ outburst.

They looked solemn all of a sudden. “Oh well that’s that then, no more of that until the puns are back at an acceptable level.”

“What a pity,” Remus sighed as they turned off the main road towards the village.

“I know, it’s awful.” Sirius shook their head, squeezing Remus’ knee again before pulling their hand back. “Look, here, I’ll give you a really brief drag lesson. One of the most important things is how to enter a room. You gotta do it  _ purse first _ , okay? Make an entrance.” They demonstrated, their arm out in front of them, holding a phantom purse. “Unless you’re Sharon Needles, and then it’s  _ hearse first _ , of course.”

“Yes, of course,” Remus said, having no idea who this Sharon Needles was.

Sirius nodded, grinning. “I’ll take you to a show. Lily and I try to go sometimes. And James, he loves them, even if he doesn’t say so.”

“Sure, we can do that, it’d be fun,” Remus said, following signs to a parking lot.

“I think you’d love it.” They tilted their head, looking at him. “You’d make a good queen, too, I bet.”

“Me? Me of the jumpers and Austen fame?” Remus tried to imagine himself as a drag queen.

Sirius pinned him with a look. “You of that body you hide under said jumpers and you of the biting wit.” They bit their lip. “How have I not got you in heels before now?”

“I don’t know, same reason I’ve barely been on the pole? I’m an uncoordinated mess at that stuff.”

“How you can say that and yet nearly fly up a fifty foot wall with no ropes baffles me, Remus.”

“Different abilities, my love.” Remus pulled into the lot, which was surprisingly full for a mid-day on a Tuesday.

“Huh… maybe this place isn’t as sleepy as we thought it would be?” Sirius looked around interestedly, unbuckling their belt as they parked up.

“It’s hopping!” Remus said with a laugh, feeling like a giant nerd.

Sirius snorted with laughter. “Yes, darling. Come on, you can go be a massive, ridiculous nerd inside.”

They followed the directions towards a white building that had an old looking sign reading  _ Austen Museum _ . It looked somewhat small on the outside, but when they went in, they found it surprisingly large. Remus led them around the museum, which was full of various artifacts belonging to Jane herself, like a writing desk and a ring. There were also letters, books, and everything one would expect from an Austen Museum.

“That’s neat.” Remus pointed to the first editions of Persuasion and Emma.

Sirius trailed behind Remus a little, letting him wander around ahead. “Oh, yeah,” Sirius said, smiling but barely glancing at the artefacts. When Remus glanced over to them, he found them staring at him instead.

‘I guess my old copy of Persuasion isn’t that old.” Remus reached out for Sirius’ hand.

Sirius chuckled and slipped their hand in his. “Nah. Yours is nice though. You obviously can’t read the old ones, and you like flipping through yours too much.”

“Very true.” Remus hummed, leading them on. “I love museums, you know? There’s something so interesting about the things in them. We put so much importance on some trinkets because they hold this cultural history.”

“Right!” Sirius gestured to a case holding some old writing equipment. “Like, that’s not  _ really _ important, but because this great author used it, then it’s here. Like, do you think Stephen King’s biro is in a museum somewhere?”

“Maybe, who knows.” Remus shrugged. “Thanks for bringing me here, love. I know it’s not exactly your cup of tea.”

“No, no. It’s fascinating, I just wish I knew a bit more so I could discuss it with you. But — ” they squeezed his hand — “it’s worth it to see your eyes light up at all this.”

“We’ll go to a drag show to make things even.” Remus pressed a kiss to Sirius’ cheek. It was amazing that they were here. Just twenty-four hours ago, their relationship was up in the air. Now, everything felt good, better than it was before even.

“Actually,” Sirius said, looking thoughtful. “The other day, Kingsley said his company was back in town. If I’m remembering right, James and Lily are going to see him in the show tonight or tomorrow… would you like to go?”

“That sounds amazing. Let’s go tonight if James and Lily can.” Remus had only ever seen The Nutcracker, so it’d be nice to see a different ballet.

“Okay. I’ll phone Kingsley just now, and you can go fawn over some more ancient books?”

“Excellent idea.” Remus pressed his lips to Sirius’ forehead.


	31. Chapter 31

By the time Remus had emerged from the Austen Museum with a giddy, nerdy grin on his face, Sirius had phoned both Kingsley and James to arrange the evening. Kingsley had left them tickets on the door and they were meeting James and Lily in the theatre bar a half hour before the show. Sirius was excited to see their friend dance again; they missed the ballet sometimes. 

“Hello you,” Sirius said as Remus emerged from the house. “The ballet is tonight, is that alright?” They crossed over to kiss him on the cheek.

“Perfect, I can’t wait.” Remus took their hand again. “I’m excited.”

“Kingsley is wonderful, too. I haven’t seen him dance in a long time.” Sirius smiled at Remus, starting down the road towards the tea-room, that seemed to be the only other inhabited place in the whole village, not counting a vaguely surreal looking antiques shop Sirius thought might secretly be a portal to another dimension. These little villages always had the weirdest vibes.

“Tea and something sweet in this weird little cafe, yeah?”

“Sirius, do I have to answer that question?” Remus looked at them in all seriousness.

Sirius snickered. Remus’ sweet tooth was ridiculous, but they couldn’t help indulging him in it wherever possible. They hadn’t been joking that morning, every birthday, holiday and excuse for a gift, Sirius was going to get him an absurd amount of chocolates. “Just thought I’d check,” Sirius said lightly, swinging their hands back and forth.

Remus led them inside, right over to the display case full of sweets. “Sirius,” Remus said with a little laugh.

Sirius glanced around the shop, half-looking for a table because the cakes were Remus’ department. “Mmm?”

“Sirius, look at these.” He pulled on Sirius’ hand with a voice full of mirth.

With a frown, Sirius turned back to the cake display, immediately spotting what Remus must’ve been referring to. There were heart-shaped brownies and cupcakes on a stand. Unable to stop themselves, Sirius burst out laughing, clamping a hand over their mouth. “Oh fucking hell,” they managed to get out between laughing, having to cling onto Remus’ hand.

“We’re getting those.” Remus couldn’t hold back his laughter either.

Sirius tried to sober up as the woman behind the counter started giving them a strange look, but every time they tried, Sirius took one look at the counter before laughing again. “Oh, god, we have to, we have to…”

“Can I help you, loves?” The woman behind the counter said, looking a little miffed.

Sirius tried to breathe through the laughter, holding Remus’ hand. “Yes, yeah, sorry.”

“We’ll get one of the heart-shaped brown — brownies,” Remus said trying not to laugh. “And up, a cupcake too. Sirius, what do, do you want for  — for tea?” He took a deep breath.

Grateful for Remus, Sirius let out a slow breath, pointedly not looking at the cake stands. “I’ll take just a breakfast tea, please.”

“Right-o,” the woman said, more than a little confused. “And you, sir?” She said, looking to Remus.

“Oh, right, um,” Remus’ shoulders were still shaking. “Earl grey, please.”

The woman nodded, and as she totted things up on the till, Sirius pulled out their wallet. “I’ll get these,” they said, trying to beat Remus to it.

“Ugh, fine.” Remus had his hand in his pocket.

Sirius stuck their tongue out. “I’m quicker than you, buster.” They paid for their food and drink before heading over to one of the tables, the woman saying she would bring their tea and cakes over shortly. Sirius sank into their seat with a sigh. “Oh my god, I thought I was going to choke from laughing then.”

“Me too, Christ.” Remus ran a hand over his face. “Who would have thought they’d have those. Not like we’re near Valentine’s Day. It’s almost November.”

Sirius glanced around at the lace tablecloths and twee decorations. “I’d hate to see what this place looks like on Valentine’s Day.”

“Yikes.” Remus frowned then it turned into a little smile. “The people by the window keep looking at your hickey.”

Sirius bit their lip, glancing over at the other table. “Oh yeah?” They sat back, running their fingers through their hair to scrape it up into a messy topknot, smirking at Remus. “Oh no, what a shame, now it’s even more visible. Whoops.”

“Yeah, whoops.” Remus’ foot knocked against their boots under the table.

Sirius snickered, catching Remus’ foot between theirs. “What’s the bet — ” Sirius cut themselves off as the woman came bustling over with a tray of tea and cake. 

“Here we are dearies…” she said, unloading the tray to set everything in front of them. Sirius tried not to start laughing again at the heart-shaped cakes. “Can I get you anything else?” Her eyes flickered between them and Sirius swallowed another laugh as she caught sight of their hickey.

“No thank you.” Remus looked as if he was about to die from containing laughter. The woman walked away and Remus burst out into another round of laughter. “I hate you.”

Sirius put their forehead on the table, trying not to laugh so loudly in the relative quiet of the cafe. “No you don’t, you love me really.”

“So much, but dear god, I’m going to die from laughing too hard.”

“Me too, fuck, we’re gonna die of laughter in this horrific cafe,” Sirius muttered, clutching their stomach. “Oh fuck.”

“Rest in peace, us. We at least we’ll die together doing something I love.” Remus attempted to calm down.

Sirius let out a breath and straightened up. “Okay, okay, before they kick us out. Let’s eat our — our fuckin’ heart-shaped food, oh my  _ god _ .” Sirius pressed a hand over their mouth, trying not to start laughing again.

“Right, do you want  _ half  _ the brownie or  _ half  _ the cupcake?” Remus asked with a more serious look.

Sirius raised an eyebrow. “Oh,  _ half _ a one, huh? How about half of  _ each _ , and then when I invariably don’t finish my half of one, you can finish it anyway?”

Remus pretended to look put out then nodded. “I guess…”

Sirius bit their lip. “Don’t give me the puppy eyes or I’ll let you eat both, and I really want a little bit of each of them, at least.”

“Yes, love.” Remus smiled, reaching for the brownie.

“I’ll have like, two mouthfuls of each, okay? Then you can finish both and I’ll sit and drink my tea and look at you all disgustingly sweet like.”

“No, we can really do the half and half, I was only kidding.” Remus shook his head. “You bought this all.”

“I said I would literally shower you with sweet things if you like, I intend to uphold that end of the bargain.” Sirius picked up a fork and stabbed it into a piece of brownie, biting off a piece. “So that’s what I’m doing. Eat your cake, caro.”

“Fine, fine, if you insist. Maybe you’ll get lucky tonight then,” Remus considered.

Sirius grinned, nudging their foot against Remus’ and over his calf. “Knew it. Knew the heart-shaped confectionery got you hot.”

“Mmm,” Remus only said as he bit into the cupcake.

Sirius watched him for a moment before busying themselves with tea, adding sugar and milk and doing the same to Remus’ for how he usually had his Earl Grey. “Listen, when we’re at home you can make the absurd  _ this cake is so good _ sex noises, but for the love of god not here, they already hate us,” Sirius teased, shooting Remus a grin as they sipped their tea.

Remus made another similar noise, taking another bite before winking at Sirius.

Sirius laughed, looking out the window for a moment. “You’re ridiculous.” They set their tea down and reached for another piece of brownie, popping it in their mouth.

“Mmmhmm.” Remus agreed, setting the cupcake down. “What time do we have to be home?”

Sirius was distracted for a moment by Remus’ throat, glancing up at him. “Huh? Oh, yeah.” They shrugged, sipping their tea. “We’re meeting James and Lily at seven, so I dunno, I don’t think it’ll take us so long to get ready. Soon? But we’ve got time.”

“Okay, we’ll have to stop by both our flats. Maybe yours first and you can get some things to bring to mine and stay there tonight?” Remus asked reaching for his tea.

“Mm, I would like that. Sounds good.” Sirius set their tea down. “Here, swap you the rest of the brownie for the last bit of that cupcake?”

“Yes,” Remus agreed and slid the plate over to them before taking the brownie. “We’re so gross, sharing heart-shaped foods.”

“Yep, we’re ridiculous. My nineteen year old self is howling at me after swearing off all relationships ever.” Sirius ate a mouthful of cupcake. “But I don’t care. I’m happy.”

“I swore after… after Fenrir, I would never…” Remus shook his head, frowning.

Sirius reached over for his hand and squeezed their fingers. “That’s understandable. But now we’re here, yeah?” Sirius kissed his hand.

“Yeah, we’re here. Thank you for taking me back and… it just feels so right with you.” Remus gave him an easy smile.

“It does, doesn’t it? It just all works. I was fucking  _ miserable _ when you were gone.”

“I was miserable there. I felt  _ empty _ , so bloody empty. I couldn’t get over how bad I hurt you over bullshit you weren’t even involved in.” He said softly, looking at the rest of the brownie.

Sirius rubbed their thumb over Remus’ knuckles. They were even more chafed than usual from the climbing competition. “It’s okay, I understand now.”

“I know, thank you.” Remus smiled. “No look at us, we’re holding hands in this place sharing heart-shaped desserts and being sappy!”

“Right?” Sirius laughed. “It’s ridiculous, isn’t it?  _ We’re _ ridiculous.” Sirius grinned, drinking the last of their tea.

“I always ragged on Dorky and Marly… we’re not  _ that _ bad, are we?” Remus popped the last of the brownie into his mouth.

Sirius was sure they looked scandalised. “Remus Lupin. Good god, please don’t ever compare us to Marly and Dorky, that is some next-level ridiculously disgusting bullshit and I am  _ offended _ .”

“I just had to check. We can’t go down that road. My god.” Remus made a face.

“If I ever start acting like Marly, please slap me,” Sirius said solemnly.

“The only time I’ll slap you is if we’re in bed and you like that.” Remus smirked.

Sirius’ jaw dropped. They were distantly glad there wasn’t a piece of brownie in their mouth else it would’ve just fallen out. Immediately, they could feel their face turning red and desperately thought of some kind of witty comeback. “Er,” they said, helpfully.

“I like doing that to you.” Remus picked up his tea.

Sirius laughed in disbelief, watching Remus carry on like normal. “Christ,” they choked out, still staring at him. “You know what I said last night, about liking it when you come out with those kind of things and all of a sudden I’m so taken aback and turned on I reckon you could do anything?” They swallowed shallowly. “Yeah, that.”

Remus didn’t say anything, he just looked smug as he drank his tea.

Sirius rubbed their hands over their face. “Fuck me… I hope you want another cuppa because I’m not gonna be able to stand up and leave for a minute.”

“So I can sit here and continue to make lurid comments?” Remus teased them.

“Remus,” Sirius groaned, their hands still pressed over their face. Their neck was still throbbing from the hickey earlier and Remus had a ridiculously attractive smirk on his face.

“Okay, I’ll be kind, tell me about the ballet.”

Sirius let out a breath. “Okay, okay. It’s… Kingsley’s the principle. I think, from what he was saying, it’s a modern retelling of Dorian Gray. It’s… shit, Remus, you’re fucking awful. It’s — the director and choreographer is pretty acclaimed.”

“That sounds interesting. Love some Oscar Wilde.”

“Mmhmm.” Sirius cringed at the sound of their own voice, peeking at Remus through their fingers.  _ Fuck _ , he was still just smirking at them like that.

“You doing okay there?” Remus raised an eyebrow. “You know, you’re the one who brought this on yourself.”

“How?” Sirius practically squawked, biting their lip when it accidentally comes out louder than they intended.

“You told me that it turned you on and right now, I’m in that mood.” Remus said in a low voice. “I’ll stop though.”

Sirius groaned. “I’m not telling you anything from here on out. Except now I know you’re in that mood, I don’t want you to stop. I want to go find somewhere quiet and make the most of it.” Sirius sank down in their seat, tipping their head back to stare up at the ceiling.

“Let’s go then.” Remus suggested.

“What?”

“What? We should go, got to get ready for the ballet and all that.” Remus stood up.

“You’re fucking awful. You’re so fucking awful and god,  _ shit,  _ I love it.” Sirius grabbed their jacket from the back of their chair, grateful that they were wearing a vaguely oversized shirt today.

Remus took their hand once their jacket was on and lead them out the door. “What does one wear to the ballet?”

Sirius reached over and put their hand on his mouth as they walked. “Nuh-uh, no talking about the ballet. That’s a few hours in the future at least and I can’t think that far ahead right now.”

Their boyfriend’s eyebrows went up.

Sirius looked away, leading them down the road towards the car. “Nope, none of that look either, I swear, I’m like three seconds away from just losing my entire shit.”

Remus mumbled something against Sirius’ hand as they got within sight of the lot. Sirius narrowed their eyes and removed their hand so Remus could speak.

“I really didn’t think you’d get so worked up over that.”

“You took me by surprise!” Sirius cried. “Sitting there talking about — ” they glanced around briefly — “slapping me around in bed with that bloody smirk on your face, sipping your Earl Grey. I didn’t  _ expect _ it.”

“I was just making a joke, but now I’m honestly curious.” Remus hummed.

Sirius bit their lip and paused by the car, leaning their hip against the side. “Well. I do always say I’ll try anything twice?” 

“And how was the first time?” Remus reached for his keys.

“I dunno.” Sirius caught his wrist. “Ask me tomorrow morning.”

“Jesus, Sirius.” Remus laughed, pinning them against the car.

Sirius made a soft noise, arching into Remus and going pliant again him. “Just Sirius is fine,” they said, grinning as their arms came up to loop around his neck.

“Ha-ha.” Remus snorted a laugh. “So fucking funny.” He said softly before leaning down to kiss Sirius fiercely.

“Glad you think so,” Sirius murmured before kissing back, pulling Remus as close as they could, immediately attempting to deepen the kiss.  _ Sirius _ didn’t expect to get so worked up just by Remus’ comments in the tea room, but there was something about how he always managed to drop something incredibly lurid into conversation and look so bloody smug and aloof about it that got under Sirius’ skin and made them squirm.

When Sirius was practically melted against the car, Remus stepped out of reach. “Okay, let’s go back to yours to get your things for the  _ ballet _ .” He was on the other side of the car before Sirius even opened their eyes.

Sirius scoffed in disbelief, bracing their hands against the side of the car because their knees had gone a little weak with the force of Remus’ kiss. “You know, you’re going to have to deal with a very horny partner next to you the whole drive back,” they grumbled, tipping their head back against the car window and trying to catch their breath. They really didn’t get how Remus managed to push all of their buttons.

The car turned on and a moment later the window rolled down. “Did you say something, love?” Remus asked in a light tone.

Sirius’ head dropped back as the window came down and they groaned. “You’re awful and I hate you,” they said in one breath, turning to open the car door and try to pour themselves into the passenger seat.

“Need any help?” Remus asked, looking over at them.

“Fuck you,” Sirius grumbled, climbing into the car and sinking into the seat with an over-dramatic huff.

“Not today.” Remus shrugged as he backed out of the space.

Sirius rolled their eyes. “In the metaphorical sense. A big fuck you in the metaphorical sense.” But they were trying not to smile as the car pulled out onto the road. Sirius tucked their feet onto the seat and brought their knees against their chest, trying to find some comfortable way to sit to try and  _ not _ think about their really tenacious boner.

“Music?”

“No,” Sirius said back, shooting Remus a glance sideways. “You have to sit in silence and listen to my heavy breathing because if I have to deal with it then I’m making you suffer too.”

“So, this slapping thing? What is? Spanking? I’ve never done that before, I could get into it. There was a girl I dated and she asked me to slap her in the face when she was about to come. That was a bit much for me. But the spanking, I might be able to get into it. I should have known you were a bit kinky with the collar and such in the routine. You’ve really never been hit during sex? Well, I guess, neither have I, just done the slapping part. You have really pale skin, I bet it would leave — ”

“Holy  _ fuck _ , Remus,” Sirius managed to choke out, staring at Remus with wide eyes. “Holy… holy fuck, I — ” Sirius couldn’t quite get their brain away from the image of Remus leaving red finger marks on their thighs or… “Fuck…” They felt vaguely out of control of their body as one foot slipped off the seat and they realised they had the palm of one hand pressing over their crotch. They had so many things they wanted to say but their brain kept short circuiting back to Remus’ words repeating and his little smug smirk and red marks in the shape of his fingers.

“So, do you want to put that music on now or shall I continue?” Remus looked over at them.

Sirius opened and closed their mouth a few times, staring in disbelief. What had they unleashed? Remus like this was  _ intoxicating _ . The only thing in their head was  _ getoffgetoffgetoffgetoff _ and Remus looking like that, like a smug little bastard, wasn’t helping. Sirius wriggled in their seat. “Shit, Remus. I — I’m so fucking turned on the only thing I — Whatever, whatever you want, whatever you want to do.”

“I asked you,” Remus said.

Sirius shook their head a little, shifting and pressing their palm over their crotch again, trying not to moan at the sensation. “If you keep talking I’m gonna touch myself.”

“I think if I did spank you, we’d probably have to talk about it first, right? I wouldn’t want to hurt you, so we’d have to be safe. I mean, the point is for it to hurt, but not seriously. Huh?”

“Uh huh,” Sirius managed to choke out, circling their palm over their cock through their jeans now, still watching Remus. For all they knew, the could be in the Antarctic now for how little Sirius had paid attention to the road. “We can… we can talk about it.”

“I could either have you over my knees or on the bed on all fours, I suppose.” Remus’ tone was as casual as it was talking about the books in the museum.

“Bent over the kitchen table,” Sirius blurted, breathless. They didn’t even think they were into spanking until Remus started talking and now it was all they could think about. Sirius wouldn’t be bothered about it, but the way Remus was describing it made it sound so good. Their fingers slipped under their shirt and beneath the waistband of their jeans, still watching Remus.

“Of course,  _ princess _ , anything you want.”

“Oh  _ fuck _ .” Sirius wrapped their fingers around their cock. “Keep talking, fuck, please keep talking.”


	32. Chapter 32

This was  _ fun _ , Remus thought as he looked over at Sirius in the passenger seat with their hand down their jeans. He hadn’t thought Sirius would get so worked up in the tea shop, it was only a passing comment then it sort of turned into this. He wasn’t even turned on. Sure, it was nice that Sirius was responding this way, but he didn’t feel anything that made him want to pull over and get off with Sirius. It was just nice to be able to do this without worrying someone was going to get annoyed with him. Sirius made him comfortable, and Remus wanted to make Sirius feel good. Sure, there were going to be days he didn’t even want to talk about sex or think about it, but today was fine. More than fine.

“So, over the kitchen table? Okay… right, so you’re wearing that leather skirt, right? The short one but I got your pants off so your arse is in the air. You really have a fantastic arse, love. It’s nice and round, perfect because of all the dancing, I suppose.” Remus smiled to himself, he knew that Sirius could hardly respond.

Like he suspected, Sirius just made a vague moaning noise, nodding along as their hand moved beneath their jeans.

“We’d start off slow and I rub my hand over your thighs and your arse. Then I’d give you a sharp tap, not too hard. Probably have to ease into it, I think. I’d alternate between smoothing my hand over you and giving you a slap. The slaps would get harder and harder as I went on and I’d move from cheek to cheek and down your thighs. I’m sure they’d look nice and red, it’d be a different mark than on your neck.”

“Yeah…” Sirius managed, their voice a little strangled, their hips shifting restlessly. “Oh fuck, I’m so close.”

“I’d keep spanking you, but I’d wrap my hand around your cock, which is probably leaking with pre-cum because you’re so turned on.” Remus kept his easy tone.

“Ohhhh, God, fuck, fuck Remus, I — I — ” Sirius tipped their chin up, the hickey on their throat was nearly black against the flush down their neck. With a sharp keen, their hips lifted and their body tensed as they shuddering, chest heaving.

“Did you come?” Remus was sure they did, but he didn’t want to leave them waiting and wanting more.

Sirius nodded, their eyes closed as they sank back into the seat. “Fucking hell, did I come? I just came fucking buckets, I can’t see straight… Christ.”

Remus laughed. “There’s napkins in the center console.”

“Yeah…” Sirius still hadn’t moved from their position slumped in the seat with their hand still down their jeans. “Gimme a second.”

Without saying anything, Remus reached into the console for them and fished out the napkins. “Here.” He held them out in Sirius’ direction, eyes still on the road.

Sirius took the proffered napkins with their other hand. “Thanks… Shit, I didn’t even think I was into spanking and then you started talking… fucking hell.”

“Honestly, I’ve never really put much thought into it either until today. If it gets you to do that…” Remus shrugged.

“Shit.” Sirius straightened a little. “I just wanked in your fucking car, didn’t I? Christ… Remus, what do you do to me?”

“I don’t know, this is really all your doing. Plus, I’m getting back at you a bit for that whole things you like in bed talk.” Remus chuckled.

“Oh, I see, I see.” Sirius started cleaning up, gingerly stretching their legs out. “That’s how it is, huh?”

“That’s how it is. You liked it, right?” Remus asked.

Sirius nodded vigorously. “Yes, Remus. I just wanked in your car to you talking.” They leaned over to put their hand on his knee. “Are you okay?”

Remus smiled because that right there was why Sirius was different. “I’m fine, if I didn’t want to talk about sex, I wouldn’t, right?”

“So long as you know you can do that. You can tap out any time, and I won’t care.” Sirius looked sincere, their eyes wide, a vague sheen of sweat over the high points of their face.

“I know that Sirius. I did this morning, didn’t I? I didn’t want to do anything and left you on the bed.” Remus reminded them.

Sirius smiled. “Yeah, you did, and I was okay with that. And I’m okay with it now too. Just, so long as you know.” They squeezed his knee. “I love you. You’re somethin’ else, Remus, honestly.”

“I know, Sirius, I swear.” Remus grabbed their hand and brought it up to press a kiss to their knuckles. “I would have never done that with F — with anyone else.”

Sirius nodded. “Well. I’m fucking glad you did. Honestly, I reckon you could talk me to orgasm one of these days, no hands required.”

Remus blushed at the compliment. “Really?”

“Really.” Sirius looked sincere despite the flush still clinging to their cheeks. “No one has ever got me going like you do.”

“Same here.” Remus grinned. “So, can we talk about what to wear because I’m concerned I don’t have anything good. I want to look like decent enough garbage.”

“You’ll look like perfect garbage, caro.” Sirius kept a hold of Remus’ hand. “I would just wear a suit… you have a suit, right?”

“I do, yeah.” He had to get one for a competition awards thing last year.

“Okay, good. Just a suit, a nice shirt… I don’t think you need a tie or anything. We’re not in the  _ boxes _ or anything, and it’s not the Royal company or whatever. You’ll look gorgeous, whatever you wear.”

“I can do that. What are you wearing?” Remus questioned them with a smile.

“I’m thinking a suit too. Black suit, black shirt.” Sirius bit their lip. “Might wear my heels too though.”

“Fucking with the straights?”

“That’s my aim, Rem, you know it.” Sirius shot him a wink.

“It’s a fun pastime,” Remus agreed. “Are we doing dinner first?”

Sirius grinned, as if there was a joke Remus was missing. “We could do. We’re meeting James and Lily at the theatre bar. But we can do dinner nearby, what you are in the mood for?”

“What is good — what is with that grin?” He laughed at the expression on Sirius’ face.

Sirius shook their head. “You and food. You’re so cute.”

Remus snickered. “Did you say something about me needing it because I’m hot or something? Plus, we have to make sure they have good sweets.”

“Oh yeah, you can have whatever you want, caro. We can go somewhere with great food. What did you say you wanted?”

“I didn’t say love, just anywhere with good sweets. If you’re buying you might get a repeat show.” Remus winked at them.

Sirius laughed in disbelief, pressing their hands over their face. “My blood has only just redistributed itself around my body, Remus. Give me a break, oh my god. But also, yes, yes, yes, I’ll buy dinner. I’ll buy dinner and every dessert on the menu.”

Remus chuckled. “You really are always thirsty for me.”

Sirius smiled. “No, I’m just ridiculously, painfully in love and I can’t get enough of you.”

“Me too, in whatever way that means for me on any given day.” Remus was sure he never breathed so freely around anyone in his life.

“And I’ll love you every day of it.”

“Sappy bastard.”

The rest of the ride was quiet, Sirius finally put some music on and they chatted more about the ballet. Remus needed to get his own bag of clothes while Sirius gathered what they needed to bring to Remus’. Sirius was in a peppy mood after their wank in the car, which Remus loved. They practically skipped up to the freaking loft to get their things.

“Need any help, love?” Remus asked as he climbed the ladder.

“I don’t think so!” Sirius called back. “I’ve got my things for tonight, some clothes for tomorrow…” Sirius’ head appeared from behind the wardrobe door. “Do I need anything else?”

“I don’t think so. What do you want to do tomorrow?” Remus sat on the end of their bed.

Sirius glanced over their shoulder at him. “At this point, recover from a debaucherous few days, I think.” They grinned, throwing a few more things in their bag before zipping it up.

“Sirius, we got off together once and you got off a second time. I’m not sure if that counts as debaucherous.” Remus laughed at their dramatics.

“Pfft,” Sirius said, waving a hand. “We haven’t had tonight yet. And besides, I think wanking in your car whilst you tossed me off with your voice is vaguely debauched. I sort of feel a little filthy about it.”

Remus frowned a little. “I don’t think you need to feel filthy about it.”

Sirius looked at him for a moment before nodding curtly. “Okay. Thank you.”

“It was okay, right?” Remus asked, feeling a bit self-conscious all of a sudden.

“Yeah, oh, yeah, no. Remus, it was great.” Sirius crossed the room and stood in front of him, their hand going to his shoulder. “It was so good. I’m just being stupid, don’t mind me.”

“Well, I think I mind a little because as much as you don’t want me to feel uncomfortable, I feel the same way about you.” Remus put his hands on their waist, looking up at them.

Sirius smiled. “You’re sweet.” They bit their lip, thumb brushing over Remus’ cheek. “I guess I just… I dunno. I feel like I’m almost…  _ expected _ to be a bit of a slut, like everyone thinks I am, and I’m not?” They shrugged a shoulder, flushing a little. “This is stupid.”

“I know you’re not a slut, Sirius.” Remus furrowed his brow. “It’s not stupid, though, it’s how you feel.”

“People assume I am because of my job or… or everything else. And I hate that people would think I am just because of how I look or something. And I guess getting so turned on just by you… you know, makes me feel like I’m  _ easy _ . I don’t like that.” Sirius was staring at a point over Remus’ shoulder.

“I  — I’m sure that I didn’t help when I accused you of cheating. I know you won’t do that, Sirius. I’ve never actually thought it for a second.”

“I know that,” Sirius murmured, nodding. “I know that. That’s why I was so upset, you know?”

“I know and it kills me that I made you feel bad about yourself. You’re so amazing and I would love to meet the people calling you easy. I’d punch them, I’m pretty good at that, I’m sure you know.”

Sirius laughed, their hand coming up to cup the side of Remus’ neck. “Yeah, you are.”

“I’ve never once had the passing thought that you were a slut or that you were easy. I mean, we’ve joked about how you’re easy for me but if it makes you uncomfortable, I would never say that again.”

“No, no. Ugh, I’m sorry, caro. I didn’t mean to bring this up. I just. I  _ am _ easy for you. I’m putty in your hands after just a look sometimes, and that’s okay because I love you. I guess I’m just… getting used to how that’s the case?” Sirius pressed a kiss to Remus’ forehead.

“Okay, love.”

Sirius hummed and looked a little thoughtful. “I guess that’s a thing, right? When we were talking about what turns us on. I think it’d be one of the few things you could do to turn me off, if you called me something like that.”

“Absolutely, that goes right along with it, doesn’t it?” Remus pulled Sirius down onto his lap. “I wouldn’t do that anyway. Is there anything else you  _ don’t _ want, that turns you off?” Remus kissed their cheek. 

Sirius shrugged a shoulder, looping their arms around Remus’ neck. “I mean there’s probably a few things but nothing that has come up yet… I don’t think I’d really like it if you were rough with me? Like, spanking is different I suppose, but… yeah.” They shifted and nudged their nose along Remus’ jawline. “I’ll tell you if anything comes up.”

“Me too. Plus, I don’t think I could ever be rough with you, unless if it was the spanking, yeah, but that is different.” Remus sighed as Sirius pressed a kiss to his jaw. “So, we’re okay? You’re okay?”

“Yeah.” Sirius ran a hand through Remus’ hair. “We’re okay. More than okay.”


	33. Chapter 33

Sirius kept a hold of Remus’ hand as they led the way through the throngs of people in the foyer of the theatre. Sirius, who was usually a little late for these kind of things, was surprisingly on time — it must’ve been Remus’ influence — for meeting James and Lily in the theatre bar. 

The pair were easy to spot in the bar, at a tall table along one wall, with James’ wild hair and Lily’s bright red counterpart. Sirius squeezed Remus’ hand as they strode over.

“James! Lily! How are things?” Sirius threw their arms around James for a hug as the man slipped off his bar stool to meet them.

“Good! You’re on time.” James peered past to Remus. “Alright, Remus, good to see you.”

“You too, James. Lily, you look great!” Remus grinned at her after greeting James.

Sirius slipped into the chair next to Lily’s, hooking their heels over the footrest. They had gone for the suit and heels combo in the end — they enjoyed catching people off guard far too much. “Hey you.” 

Lily smiled, hugging Sirius briefly. “Hello. Hi Remus, oh thank you. Your suit looks wonderful.”

“Thanks,” Remus said. He was wearing a mid-blue slim fit suit, which Sirius couldn’t really keep their eyes off. They had never seen Remus in something so flattering and tailored that accentuated all of his angles and lines. “Anyone fancy a drink? I’ll get this round.”

“Mm, please,” Sirius hummed. “Whatever looks good, I don’t mind.”

“I’m good, thanks honey,” Lily said, gesturing with her half-full wine glass.

“James?” Remus said about to step away from the table.

“Yeah, another beer please, mate, if you could.” 

“Sure.” Remus pressed a kiss to Sirius’ cheek then went off towards the bar, weaving through the crowd.

Sirius set their chin on their palm, watching Remus stride away towards the bar. He really did look divine in his suit, Sirius thought it was a minor miracle they were able to leave him alone long enough for them to leave Remus’ flat. They had had a frank discussion at Sirius’ flat when Sirius surprised even themselves when voicing their concerns about being seen as promiscuous. But as always, Remus was understanding and flexible, and wanted to make sure he didn’t make Sirius feel uncomfortable at all. It really felt like they were on the same page, now.

“So, haven’t heard from you until today. I’m assuming that everything is good with you two. What happened?” Lily raised an elegant eyebrow.

Sirius blinked, feeling a little like they were in the headlights. “Yeah… I met him from the airport and we talked for a long time about why we had argued and what we said. I — I understand him a lot better now. We’re good. It feels good.”

James set his beer down. “I don’t want you hurt again, Sirius.”

“Really Sirius, are you sure that it’s okay? You told us what he said…” Lily trailed off.

“I know, I know. He said some stuff but so did I, Lils. We were both out of line.” Sirius sighed. “It still hurts, what he said, but I know he didn’t mean it, I know he’s really fucking sorry.”

“Okay, but if he hurts you again, I’ll just have to do away with his body. Nice hickey, by the way.” Lily nodded towards them.

Sirius plastered their hand over the hickey, eyes going wide before smiling softly. “I have no clue what you’re talking about, Lily. I am a fine upstanding member of society.”

James snorted into his beer. “You can see that thing from  _ space _ .”

“It almost looks painful.”

“Are we fourteen, talking hickeys?” Sirius said, but they were wriggling in their seat, inordinately pleased with the way the hickey was still throbbing a little and peeking over the collar of their shirt.

“You two clearly are, giving them out like that,” James retorted.

“Is that all you did today? Give each other lovebites?” Lily questioned.

“No, actually.” Sirius tried to look haughty. “We went to an Austen Museum and had tea and cakes in a little tea room.”  _ And then I wanked in Remus’ car whilst he told me how he’d spank me over the kitchen table… _ “A very cultured and civilised day, thank you.”

“For some strange reason, that’s hard to believe.” Lily chuckled.

James grinned. “I know your tells, Sirius, we’ve known each other for too long.”

“Well then you shall know I’m lying but nothing else.” Sirius tossed their hair over their shoulder and looked up and away.

At that, Remus arrived back at the table with two beers and what looked to be a rum and coke. “Hope you’re done talking about me,” he laughed as he handed James his beer.

“No, go stand somewhere else for a minute,” Sirius said, grinning.

James rolled his eyes. “So, Remus. How did your competition go?”

“I got silver in bouldering and then I won gold in team climbing with Gid and Fab. I was hoping for gold in bouldering, but I guess my head wasn’t in the game.” He shrugged, hand going to Sirius’ back.

Sirius leaned into his touch and turned a little to tangle their feet together. They knew Remus would’ve gotten the gold medal if they hadn’t been arguing.

“Silver’s still great though, and the team climb. Nice one.” James gave Remus a vague toast with his beer before he took a sip.

“Thanks, mate. Marly said she’d like a rematch in the pool because she didn’t beat you by much.” Remus laughed. “Did Sirius tell you about that?”

Sirius couldn’t keep the grin from their face. There was something about watching their oldest friend and their boyfriend get on so well that made Sirius’ heart ache in the best way. They sipped their drink, happy to just watch.

James waved a hand. “Marly is just a sore loser, honestly. She can  _ try _ .”

“James, you  _ lost _ . She beat you by a hair, but you lost,” his wife reminded him.

“I had the moral victory, Lily,” James said sagely, fixing her with a look over the top of his glasses. “Marlene McKinnon is a swimming cheater.”

Sirius shook their head. “Jamie, you’re just deluded, hate to tell you.”

“Knowing Marly, she’s been training in the pool this last week for your rematch.” Remus took a sip of his beer.

“Yes!” Sirius said, a little over-excited because that was  _ such _ a Marlene thing to do. “I bet she has.”

“We’ll have to do it again, then. Climbing a little — we had fun last time, didn’t we, flower? — and then to the spa.” James put his arm around Lily’s waist as he spoke.

Lily rolled her eyes. “Fun when we were in the spa, yes. The wall part wasn’t our cup of tea if I remember right.”

“You two did more bickering than climbing, didn’t you?” Sirius glanced between the two of them.

James laughed. “We climbed  _ and _ bickered, Sirius, multi-tasking. Besides, what’s a little competition between husband and wife, eh?”

“I’m sure there’s some good marital advice that encourages it.” Remus nodded along.

Sirius had a feeling they were all saved from one of Lily’s withering comments when a voice came through the bar, informing them all it was time to take their seats for the first act. Sirius was quite excited, they hadn’t seen Kingsley dance for a while, and they always loved the ballet.

“Ah, let’s go,” they said, grabbing their drink and standing from their stool, their other hand going to Remus’ arm.

“Lead on,” Remus said as he slid his hand into Sirius’. “Should we look into competing?”

Sirius grinned, letting James and Lily go first as they went around to the balcony. “What would we compete in, caro?”

Remus smirked, leaning close to Sirius’ ear. “Dirty talk?”

Sirius clenched their hand a little in Remus’. “Oh no, no you’re not getting me with that again, Remus, you sly devil. We are in a nice, respectable place.” Sirius paused as they waited for someone else to move along the row of seats, leaning into Remus. “But yes, absolutely. I’ll win.”

“Sirius, must I remind you what happened in my car this afternoon?” Remus hummed.

“Mmhm.” Sirius bit their lip. “ _ Remind _ ? No. Replay? Maybe. And besides, I didn’t get to where I was by knowing when I was beat and just laying down, Remus. I gotta put up a  _ bit _ of a fight.”

Remus laughed and kissed the corner of their mouth before taking a seat. “I know that.”

Sirius sat next to him, glancing around at the stage before back to Remus. “Just a little bit of a fight. Because I think you like it when I talk too, when you’re in the mood.”

“I really do, look at last night for instance.” Remus shrugged.

“Oh I know,” Sirius replied, glancing over at James and Lily talking on their other side. “I remember in vivid detail, thank you.”

“Sure you don’t need me to remind you what you said about my — ”

“Oi!” Sirius smacked Remus on the arm, unwilling to listen to even more after the events in the car that afternoon. They loved Remus like this, with his wry smile and the mischievous glint in his eyes. As the house lights went down and a hush stole across the audience, Sirius leaned into Remus and whispered in his ear. “My leather skirt is at your place, you know.”

Remus made a bit of a choking sound then said, “Jesus.”

“Oh  _ that _ shuts you up.” Sirius pressed a soft kiss to the spot beneath Remus’ ear before sitting back in their seat, eyes resolutely forward on stage.

Remus finally stayed quiet as the curtains went up.

Like every time Sirius went to the ballet, they found themselves leaning forward, watching avidly. Dance was in Sirius’ blood and seeing it played out on stage, with an old friend in the centre of it all, made Sirius’ grin bloom. The show was a mix of modern and classic ballet styles and Sirius found themselves mentally cataloguing a few really beautiful elements to try and repurpose. 

After a particularly spectacular jump by Kingsley, Sirius glanced to their side to see Lily with the same look of awe on her face, and they shared a brief look of pride and admiration for their friend. 

Sirius kept their hand clasped with Remus’, something in the back of their mind worried that he might not be having as much fun as they were. When the lights came up for the interval, Sirius was clapping enthusiastically. It really was gorgeous so far.

“Wow, I don’t know most of the stuff that’s happening, but this is amazing,” Remus said after he finished clapping.

Sirius looked at him for a moment before bursting out laughing. “I… I don’t think I have enough time to try and explain, even with Lily’s help. Just… enjoy the pretty people, caro.”

“I am! You don’t need to explain, I’ll be blissfully ignorant,” Remus assured them.

“Good, good,” Sirius said, patting his arm. “Do you want another drink?”

“Yes, love, I’ll walk with you and stretch my legs.” Remus took their hand again. “Are you having fun watching your friend up there?”

Sirius nodded. “Kingsley is so talented. He deserves the role, he works so hard and it  _ absolutely _ suits him. It’s…” Sirius huffed, grinning. “I’m trying not to go dance-nerd on you. I’m having lots of fun. Are you?”

“I like when you go dance nerd on me, you’re so passionate, I love it. I’m having so much fun,” Remus said as they started to walk back towards the bar.

“Good. I’m glad. I know I geek out a bit when they’re actually dancing. Maybe I should swap with James so you two can be clueless together for the next act? Lily and I can talk dance.” Sirius lead the way down the stairs, joining the crowd around the bar.

“If you want that, that’s fine.” Remus pulled them a little closer.

Sirius looped their arms around his shoulders, grinning. “Mm, means I’d miss out on holding your hand though, or your hand on my leg.”

“I know, that’d be terrible, but we  _ could _ always get up to that later. We can’t always be plastered all over one another, as much as I like that.” Remus pressed his lips to Sirius’ temple.

“I don’t need that kind of negative talk in my life, Rem.” Sirius chuckled, biting their lip. “Well, we can see what James and Lily are doing after this? Maybe we can go for drinks. We can be plastered all over each other then.”

“That sounds like an excellent idea. I love being plastered all over you in various places.”

Sirius snorted, shoving lightly at Remus’ shoulder. “You’re making it weird now.”

“I know, I’ll shut up now.” He chuckled.


	34. Chapter 34

Getting out of his flat earlier really had been a testament to Remus’ willpower. He wasn’t even interested in getting off, but Sirius in a well tailored suit made Remus want to keep them home and snog them silly. It didn’t help when Sirius had backed him against the wall and kissed him by the doorway. But, he managed to make sure they left on time still.

It felt a bit awkward to see James and Lily again. Well, it was probably only awkward to him because they were both lovely as always. This was just the first time seeing the pair since Sirius and he had their big argument. Sirius also hadn’t told them about their making up yet either, so he had snuck off to the bar to give them a chance to chat. Whatever was said must have eased any possible nerves because the night was going great.

Remus really had no idea what was happening on stage. He knew Dorian Gray, so that was at least helpful. But all the technical dance things were completely lost on him. The best part of his night was watching Sirius enthralled by the whole production and whispering to Lily after they swapped seats at the interval. Also teasing Sirius with the dirty talk thing was funny, but he was properly shut up when they told him that they bought the leather skirt to Remus’. That was a fair play.

After the ballet, the group decided to go out for drinks at the jazz bar they had gone to a few weeks back. The one where both Remus and Sirius had been hot and bothered the whole night. Frank and Alice met them there as well because they had texted Remus if he wanted to go for drinks now he was home. Al was slightly concerned that she hadn’t heard from Remus since he was leaving Germany. She was glad to hear that he and Sirius were in a good place now.

Frank and Alice had beat them there so they snagged seats for the group. Greetings went around and James insisted he buy drinks this round, and Sirius went with to help him carry them. Lily also excused herself to the restroom. Remus was happy because he knew Al was dying to know what had happened between them.

“So, sweetheart, it’s all okay? You both talked it out?” Alice leaned forward.

“Al, that hickey says it all, I think.” Frank snorted, nodding in Sirius’ direction.

Remus rolled his eyes. “We talked and I told them about Fenrir. They and Marly would gladly join you in murder.” 

“My tribe has grown.” She laughed. “Really how’d it go down?”

“Well they were ridiculously romantic and picked me up at the airport with sweets and balloons. Then we went back to theirs to talk properly. They understand why I acted the way I did and I swore I’d do better. It was good.” Remus looked to the bar to see Sirius laughing at something and James giving them a confused look.

“Wow, look what happens when you communicate, Moony. You were so worried they’d never give you another chance, now look, we’re right back to how it was.”

Remus smiled because it wasn’t right back, it was better. He felt like he could trust Sirius even more now. They weren’t going to get angry with him for not wanting to shag or cheat on him or do anything terrible. Remus felt his guard was down, and thinking about how he had been acting with the blunt dirty talk and all made that evident. He also knew that if he felt completely sex-repulsed for days on end Sirius wouldn’t push him either. And if he wanted a full day of sex then nothing for weeks that’d be okay too.

“I, for one, am happy for you,” Frank said as Lily came back to their table.

“Lily,” Alice turned to her. “Tell me all about costuming. Fashion design is my second favorite love.”

“And she doesn’t even mean after me, first is dance.” Frank grinned.

“Oh, Frankie, you know what I mean!” She threw a hand up and Lily laughed before talking to Al about her job.

Remus was happy to be left chatting with Frank about footy, even if it was barely a blip on the screen but he knew more about it than dance. He was hopeless with dance.

James and Sirius came back with the drinks, and Sirius took a seat right between Remus and the arm of the sofa. “Plastering yourself against me, Sirius?” He said low in their ear.

Sirius tipped their chin up and sipped their drink, wriggling their hips to make a little more room between Remus and the arm of the sofa. “I have  _ no _ clue what you’re talking about, Remus.”

“Sure, sure.” Remus laughed. “I’m surprised you’re not joining Lily and Alice on their dance talk.”

“Oh, would you rather me leave you to talk footy with Frank and Jamie?”

“Please don’t do that to me.” Remus put a hand on Sirius’ thigh.

Sirius smiled, putting their hand over Remus’. “I would never, caro. Unless of course we get up to dance, and you’re not dancing, because then I’m gonna have to go dance.”

Remus blew a raspberry. “I guess I’m going to have to dance if that happens. I can only talk footy for like 10 minutes, I’m nearly at my limit already.”

Looking at their watch, Sirius puffed out their cheeks. “Yeah, you’ve not long left. We can dance. Even if you insist you can’t dance, you just stand there and jive a bit and I’ll dance  _ around _ you, okay?”

Remus looked to the somewhat full dance floor. He did like dancing with Sirius, even if he felt very out of place. “Yeah, we should probably escape, I don’t want to know what happens after the ten minutes.”

“Come on,” Sirius said, taking a gulp of their drink before holding their hand out to Remus. “Let’s dance.” They looked over to Alice and Lily. “You two coming?”

“Sure!” Alice smiled then looked to Frank. “You joining us or continuing your footy chat?”

“I’ll come dance,” Frank said, setting down his drink and standing. “We have to show everyone up, don’t we Al?”

James sighed. “I am not a dancer, and yet, I know, I will be up there thinking I’m Elvis in a mere handful of moments.”

“Oh god, James, you’re not even close to Elvis. You can’t move your hips correctly at all.” Lily stood up.

“Am I a better dancer than James?” Remus wondered, looking to Sirius.

Sirius grinned. “99% of the population are better dancers than James, caro.You’re fine.”

James threw a hand up. “Oi! That’s why I said I  _ think _ I’m Elvis! The problem is that I am resoundingly not!”

“Let’s stop arguing and get on the floor, huh?” Alice grabbed Lily’s hand and pulled her towards the floor.

“Let’s go then. At least I know I’ll be better than James,” Remus said to Sirius as they started for the floor.

Sirius patted his hand. “You just hold onto that thought, Rem.”

When they got out there, Remus spun Sirius around a few times and sort of bopped to the beat. Alice and Lily had danced together for a bit with James looking horribly awkward near by and Frank just doing his own thing. Eventually, Alice grabbed Frank and they put everyone to shame. Remus couldn’t stop watching them fly about. Again, just like ballet he had no idea what they were doing but it was amazing.

“There’s a bloke over there that was trying to impress his date, did you see him back away when Al and Frank started?” Remus laughed, pulling Sirius closer to him for a moment.

Sirius looped their arms around his waist and glanced over to the poor soul in the corner. “Oh, bless him.” Sirius grinned. “He looks so put out. Those two really do put everyone to shame.” Sirius’ comment was perfectly timed with Frank practically throwing Alice into a lift, Alice laughing as he set her back down.

“They met at uni, and I swear they’ve been so great together on the floor since before they were even dating.” Remus shook his head as his hands went to Sirius’ shoulders. “They’re so talented.”

“They are, aren’t they? No wonder they’re winning medals left, right and centre.” Sirius smiled at Remus. “And see, you can dance.” 

“I’m much better than James, you’re right.” He looked over at the other man, who had just stepped on Lily’s toes.

Sirius snorted and buried their face in Remus’ shoulder. “He’s awful. We blamed it on being a gangly teenager for a while but now he’s just…  _ shit _ .”

“Ha, god, I at least managed to get some control over my limbs.” Remus chuckled, resting his chin on their shoulder for a second.

“Mmhm. I think you’re pretty in control of your limbs,” Sirius murmured, turning to press their mouth against Remus’ neck.

“You’ve very in control of your limbs.” Remus hummed, thinking about Sirius gushing to Lily about the ballet earlier. “Do you ever want to dance… like Kingsley for like a company or whatever it’s called?”

Sirius paused for a moment before pulling back from Remus’ neck so they could look at him properly, their grey eyes piercing. “I don’t… think so? Pole is my passion, really, and it’s not as big as anything else on stage. I feel like I’d have to… dilute how I wanted to dance, or change it a lot, anyway, if I were to go into modern ballet? I can teach the basics, with Marly, but I don’t think I’d want it to be my whole life.”

“Just wondering,” Remus shrugged. “You’re so happy when you’re on the pole. You get so excited about it too.”

“Yeah. I’d rather be on the pole that en pointe. Besides — ” Sirius wiggled a little — “my heels are my pointe shoes.”

“I love your heels, they make your arse look even better. Though, it always looks great.” Remus slid his hands down a little.

Sirius grinned, biting their lip. “Flattery will get you nowhere, Mr. Lupin.” 

“See, I think that it can get me many places.” Remus pressed a kiss to the corner of their lips.

“Oh yeah? How interesting,” Sirius hummed, running their fingers over the collar of Remus’ shirt. “What kind of places?”

“I’ve been known to get many places with some flattery: better seats, an extra biscuit, your pants.”

Sirius gave him a vaguely impressed look, one eyebrow raising. “I dislike how I’m third on that list, mister.”

“Biscuits, you, good seating? Is that better?” Remus teased them.

“Oi!” Sirius gasped, hitting Remus on the shoulder. After a moment they slumped a little. “Oh who am I kidding, biscuits will always pip me to the post, won’t they? Especially if they’re heart-shaped.”

“Yes, heart-shaped treats will always win,” He said as he looked over to see Alice flying around again. A small crowd had gathered around the couple to watch them. James had even stopped attempting to dance to turn his attention to Alice and Frank. Lily was probably glad for her toes.

Sirius rested their head on his shoulder as they also stopped dancing to watch Alice and Frank. “Always stealing the show, aren’t they?”

“Always, I’m fine with that though. At least no one is watching me not be the greatest dancer.”


	35. Chapter 35

Sirius was happy. They were dancing with Remus, with their arms around his shoulders, with their friends around them. It was funny how quickly their world had turned around once Remus had gotten back from Germany and they had talked. Sirius was so glad they  _ had _ talked and hadn’t just let each other go, they would’ve been so miserable.

“You know, the only real problem with tonight is they’ve already got a pianist, so you can’t go over and show them up,” Sirius murmured, eyes dancing around the bar to settle on Remus’ face again.

“I’m afraid you’d actually crawl on top of the piano this time.” Remus laughed.

“I think I might?” Sirius grinned, remembering that night and how utterly turned on they had been just watching Remus play. It was honestly ridiculous how much Remus seemed to press every single one of their buttons. “So probably best, I suppose.” They bit their lip, pausing for a moment. “When we’re rich, you need to have a piano at home, so we can enact that, okay?”

“Huh, would we be in this home together when we’re rich, or is it your home?”

Sirius smiled. “I’d let you stay with me,” they teased for a moment before softening. “I’d like to be ours.”

“I’d like that too eventually.” Remus kissed them softly.

Sirius melted into the kiss, pressing close in the middle of the dancefloor. After a moment they managed to pull back. “Eventually,  _ when we’re rich _ .”

“Yes, only when we’re rich,” Remus chuckled.

“Duh. We need money to convert a room into a pole studio and get you a climbing wall in the back garden. We need a big kitchen and a place for my records, and a big bedroom.” Sirius grinned.

“That all sound lovely, but I’d still be happy in your tiny little flat.”

“Or yours,” Sirius shot back, brushing their fingers through Remus’ hair. “Yours is lovely too. Even if your bed is awful.”

“We could bring your mattress in, no problem.”

“Now  _ that _ sounds perfect.” Sirius grinned, their heart soaring. They would love to live with Remus, waking up with him every morning and doing domestic things like grocery shopping. It was all happening  _ so _ quickly. “I’m going to get another drink. What do you want, caro?”

“Another beer’s fine. I’ll go back to our table.”

“Alright. Maybe you should save James,” Sirius said, nodding towards the man, who looked pretty done with dancing. Sirius pressed a kiss to Remus’ cheek before slipping over towards Lily, who was watching Alice and Frank. “Drinks?”

“I’m good, I have to drive.” Lily smiled. “I’ll come to the bar with you though.”

“Okay! I’ll grab Frank and Alice another too?” Sirius watched them for a moment, both grinning ear to ear. “I reckon they’ll need it.”

“For sure, they’re amazing! They know the Trio, you know?”

“Yeah! Remus and I saw them at a competition a few weeks ago and the Trio were there. I didn’t manage to speak to them, though. I knew you and Alice would get on.” Sirius took Lily’s hand as they weaved through the crowd towards the bar.

“Of course we get on, love her.” She agreed. “By the way, you’re looking very pie-eyed right now. Could you be more in love?”

“No,” Sirius retorted. “I don’t think it’s actually  _ possible _ to be more in love than I am right now. It’s sickening, isn’t it? We were just joking about moving in together.”

“Joking… or pretending to joke but being serious about it?”

‘It might’ve been the second one. But I know it’s a while off. We can’t move in yet, it’s been like two days since we weren’t speaking… It just… it’s going so fast and yet I don’t want to slow down.”

Lily looked thoughtful as they got to the bar. “I want you to slow down, but who says what’s the right way to do these things.”

Sirius smiled. “Just because you took nearly seven years to realise you fancied Jamie doesn’t mean the rest of us need to move at a glacial pace, Lils.”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying. Do what feels right. I’ll be here no matter.”

“Thanks, Lils.” Sirius squeezed her hand before leaning over to speak to the bartender for their round.

“And if we have to murder him, we will.” She laughed but it died quickly. “Oh, god.”

“That was a very Marly statement, Lils, I — ” Sirius frowned, digging in their pocket for their wallet. “What?”

“Snape,” She practically hissed.

Sirius’ head snapped up at the word, their hand going to Lily’s arm. “Fuck. Quick, let’s go back to the table a — ” But it was too late, Sirius met the eyes of the man a ways down the bar, sneering at both of them. Deciding to try and get the upper hand, Sirius made sure to get the first word in as he crossed over to them. “Snivellus, surprised they let  _ you _ in here.”

“Sirius…” Lily trailed off.

Severus sneered at them both. “That’s rich, coming from you two. Surprised they let you in  _ anywhere _ .”

“Fuck off, Serverus,” Lily spat out. “This is a good queer friendly place, fairly sure you’re not wanted here.”

“We’re all entitled to be here, Evans,” Severus retorted. “Where’s your husband? Or has he finally seen  _ sense?” _

Sirius took a step forward. “Fuck  _ off _ , Severus. Just because you’re jealous.”

“Just because you still can’t handle the fact that you want me, doesn’t mean my husband can’t handle his own emotions.”

“James is a far better man than you are, Snivellus,” Sirius said.

“Yeah.” Snape gave Sirius a long look up and down, pointedly lingering on the heels and the hickey and the paint on their fingernails. “He makes a better man than you too, Black.”

“A new friend, sweethearts?” Alice’s voice broke through the tension as she and Frank came to stand by them.

Sirius let out a breath, trying to remind themselves throwing a punch would get them kicked out in all likelihood. “No, Al,” Sirius said, not looking away from Snape. “More like an old thorn in our sides. Fuck off, Sniv, no one wants you here, least of all Lily.”

“Really, I’d rather my bloody sister and her daft husband around than you,” Lily agreed with Sirius.

“Hey…” Frank interjected, stepping up to Sirius and Snape. “Why don’t we just go back to our table, yeah?”

Behind Sirius, a hand landed on their back. “What’s going on, love?” Remus’ voice was full of concern.

“Just some  _ arsehole _ , Rem,” Sirius gritted out.

Snape smiled cruelly, looking past Sirius to Lily, who was standing just beside them. “You know, Lily, all of these people are remarkably normal… apart from  _ him _ — ” he glanced towards Sirius — “of course. It’s sweet they at least  _ pretend _ to be friends with something like you.”

Without saying a word, Lily stepped forward and smiled before kneeing Snape in the balls. In a second, Sirius was by her side, seething, more for Lily than the cheap jab at themselves.

Snape groaned in pain and doubled over just as Sirius shoved his shoulder, hard. “Say that again, Sniv, and I’ll help Lily put your head through the fucking bar.”

“God, please say something because I’d fucking love that.” Lily leaned in close.

“Fuck you both,  _ freaks _ ,” Snape spat.

Just as Sirius was about to punch Snape right in the face, there was a hand on their arm.

“What the fuck is goi — ” James’ voice trailed off for a moment. “Oh, for  _ fuck’s _ sake.” With surprising strength, he moved Sirius aside as though they had no choice in the matter. “Did you not remember me telling you to keep the fuck away from my wife last time I punched you in your greasy fucking face, Snape?”

“You should probably fuck off before we all join in,” Remus said over Sirius’ shoulder.

Oddly, Sirius sort of wanted to get Remus as far away from this as possible. They didn’t want him to see this altercation, but they couldn’t quite put their finger on why. Sirius would always defend their friends, especially against arseholes like Snape, and they didn’t care who saw.

“ _ Fuck you _ ,” Snape spat again. “I’ll get you fucking done for assault, Potter.”

“It’d be worth it,” Lily snarled.

“I really would leave if I were you,” Alice piped up, holding on to Frank’s arm.

James grabbed a hold of Snape’s collar. “You know what, Snivellus. I’m gonna be the bigger man, and instead of putting my fist in your face, I’m just gonna drag you out of the door. And this time, I really would suggest staying the fuck away from my wife.”

Snape’s curses and shouts were lost as James started bodily dragging him towards the exit. With a weary sigh, Lily ran a hand through her hair then strode off in pursuit of her husband, probably to make sure James didn’t actually start a fight with Snape.

Sirius sighed and rubbed a hand over their face. Well, that was nice.

“You okay, Sirius?” Remus asked and Alice and Frank looked as them as if they had the same question.

“Yeah, yeah…” Sirius looked between them. “He’s just some dickhead we knew at Uni who was obsessed with Lily.”

“He looked like an arsehole.” Al shook her head. “Never a dull minute, huh?”

“Nah.” Sirius managed half a laugh, reaching for their drink where it still sat on the bar and taking a hearty gulp of it. “One day, perhaps, we can have a drama-free night out, right?”

“We’ve had plenty drama free nights.” Remus reminded them. “Last time we were here was a good night. It’s still a good night, we can’t let the git ruin it.”

Sirius bit their lip. “I suppose…” They indicated to the tray on the bar. “There’s our round, anyway.”

Remus pressed a kiss to their jaw. “Yeah, do you want to go back to dancing or take a seat?”

“Take a seat, I think,” Sirius said, leaning into Remus.

“Yeah.” Frank was clearly trying to lighten the mood. “Even dancing superheroes like us need to rest eventually.”

“Yes, good point.” Remus grabbed both Sirius and Remus’ fresh drinks. “Come on, love.”

Sirius trailed after Remus, looking through the crowds for James and Lily for a moment. They didn’t want Snape’s appearance bringing the night down, but it was upsetting and frustrating to hear one of their best friends insulted like that. Sirius was only just a little bit angry about Snape’s quip about them. He had to come along and upset things though, didn’t he?

Lily and James came back through the bar as the group sat back down in their seats. Lily looked frazzled and angry.

“Hey,” Sirius said, sitting forward as they came within ear shot, their hand still on Remus’ knee. “Everything alright?”

Lily huffed, sitting across from them. “Fine as it can be. I’m just angry. The bastard doesn’t get to ruin our time, yet…”

“Yeah… I’m sorry he said those things, Lils.”

James sat next to Lily, securing his arm around her shoulders. It was rare to see James angry or put out, and now was one of those times.

“I’m sorry about that arsehole.” Remus put a hand on Sirius’ thigh again as he spoke to Lily and James.

“He’s been added to my  _ list. _ ” Al narrowed her eyes at nothing in particular.

Sirius smiled. “Yeah, that’s growing and growing, isn’t it?” They took a sip of their drink, trying to sink back into Remus and enjoy the night. They had been so content, dancing with Remus, talking about moving in with each other… This afternoon at the Austen museum and in the car. Sirius sighed, tipping their head onto Remus’ shoulder.

“Seems to get longer by the day, honestly.” Alice chuckled. “Let’s talk about something not murdery, I guess. If you’re all okay, that is.”

Sirius nodded, but didn’t really know what else to say. After a moment, Frank clapped his hands.

“So, did we ever tell you how Moony got his nickname in University?”


	36. Chapter 36

After a somewhat surprisingly eventful night out, Sirius and Remus were headed back to Remus’ flat. That git Snape had put a downer on the night a bit, but Frank managed to recover it and they were soon trading embarrassing stories about one another. Everyone got back to laughing and having a good time thanks to Frank’s always positive attitude. Remus felt terrible about what Snape had said about Sirius and Lily, and how visibly upset they all got. He didn’t know how to go about fixing any of it.

Sirius had been quiet since they left the bar. They looked like they were turning something over in their head, so Remus couldn’t help but asking, “All right over there?”

“Yeah,” Sirius said after a moment, offering Remus a half smile. “Just pissed about what Snape said, still. Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, I’m pissed too, so I can only imagine how angry you are.” Remus assured them.

“I’m more annoyed for Lily.” Sirius took Remus’ hand, leaning on his shoulder. “I don’t even really care about what he said to me. But Lily doesn’t deserve that shit. He was so awful to her at Uni.”

“Neither of you deserve that.” Remus sighed as the bus came to their stop. “Come on. Want to tell me about what happened? Or…”

Sirius stood, waiting for Remus for a moment before striding off the bus. They paused to wait for Remus to catch up, sighing softly. “Nah, I don’t even think it’s worth telling, just said some awful shit. I reckon it was a lot of internal loathing that he tried to blame on Lily being trans, I don’t know.”

“What a bastard.” Remus grabbed their hand. “I think Al will murder him too if you want.”

Sirius shot them a look. “I think Al is down for murder at the drop of a hat, caro.”

“She’s rather feisty, isn’t she?” Remus bumped their shoulder with his.

“Fiesty is certainly a word for it.” Sirius smiled for a moment before puffing their cheeks out. “Sorry I’m in such a mood. I want to forget all about it.”

“Love, don’t apologize for how you feel, it’s okay.”

“I know, but we had such a good day, and I wanted to continue that tonight, too.”

“We can still continue it.” Remus shrugged as they turned on to his street. “We can also take some time to talk about how you feel.”

Sirius stopped walking at their fast pace and slowed down to grab Remus’ hand. “Thank you.”

“Do you feet hurt in those things?” Remus asked, deciding to change the subject a little.

“Huh? Oh. My shoes?” Sirius grinned. “Not really. I’m used to them now. I spend a lot of time dancing with my toes pointed, so I suppose it’s weirder to wear flats and trainers sometimes, you know?”

“I never thought about that. Yeah, that makes sense.” Remus nodded as they got to his building. “Whatever shoes you wear are dead sexy, so.”

Sirius’ smile softened as they leaned against the wall of Remus’ building. “You really don’t prefer when I dress one way or the other?”

“No, I have no preference, I swear. Your arse looks great in this suit and your skirts or dresses show off your legs. You’re sexy in every way to me. Personally, the least amount of clothes, the better.” Remus smirked, crowding Sirius against the wall.

Sirius tipped their head back, laughing. “How did I know you were going to say that?” They ran their fingers down the side of Remus’ face, sliding around the back of his neck. “You and that smirk today, I can’t keep you off me.”

“Oh, you feel the same way about me and my clothes. Hell, our secondish date, you were praying for nice weather so I’d get my shirt off.” Remus brushed his lips over Sirius’.

“Mm, I remember.” Sirius presse closer, their tongue darting out over their bottom lip. “You  _ sans shirt _ is one of my very favourite things, caro.”

“I know.” Remus sighed. “Let’s go in.”

Sirius’ brow furrowed, catching Remus’ wrist. “What was that sigh for?”

“I don’t know, I just sighed because you’re so bloody beautiful.” He laughed.

“Ah.” Sirius followed as Remus pushed the door open. “So attractive I make you swoon like one of your classics heroines.”

“All the bloody time.” Remus led Sirius inside. “I’m surprised that I’m just not falling down in a swoon at least once an hour.”

“Me too, actually. Perhaps even a little offended. I clearly need to try harder.” Sirius smiled wryly, already heading to the sofa.

“Obviously, love.” Remus kicked his shoes off before following Sirius to the sofa.

Sirius grinned, biting their lip. “I do have my leather skirt and my thigh highs with me? Would that have you swooning once an hour?”

“That’s… that’s… that’s… nice.”

“Nice?” Sirius shot back, undoing the top button of their shirt.

Remus nodded, brain not quite there yet.

Sirius grinned widely, leaning down to slip their shoes off. They paused halfway through unbuckling one, stretching their hands down to the floor and groaning happily. “I swear, there are very few things nicer than stretching.”

“Trying to bait me, I see,” Remus said once he found his words.

Sirius tilted their head to the side, blowing out a puff of air so their hair moved out of their eyes. “For once, no, I’m  _ actually _ stretching.” They smirked a little. “You’re insatiable.”

“Sure.” Remus snorted a laugh, not believing Sirius for a second.

Sirius shook their head, letting it drop back between their arms for a moment before straightening up. “Besides, I think you’d be sad if you missed me stretching.”

“Mmm, yeah, yep.” Remus nodded, watching Sirius intently.

“You alright, caro?” Sirius cocked their head, lifting a hand to brush the hair away from Remus’ forehead.

“Fine, Sirius, totally fine.” He cleared his throat. His mind kept going back to Sirius in thigh highs. His brain did the same thing earlier thinking about Sirius in a suit. They really could wear anything and probably cause Remus to die a little.

Sirius looked as if they were trying not to smile so wide. “Okay. You want a drink?”

“Yeah, sure, whatever you want.” Remus swallowed hard.

Sirius slipped off the sofa, pressing a kiss to Remus’ forehead for a brief moment before they were gone. “Why don’t you find something to watch or listen to, Rem?” they called from somewhere behind him.

“Okay!” Remus called back, deciding to turn his speaker on for music. He had a feeling that there wasn’t going to be much concentrating when Sirius came back for TV. “Any music suggestions?” He called back to them.

“Something chill,” Sirius called back. “Nice vibes.”

“Sounds good.” Remus got his phone out after going over to turn the speaker on. He decided Frank Ocean’s Channel Orange, picking Thinkin Bout You and letting it shuffle. Remus took a seat back on the sofa, wondering what was taking Sirius so long.

Just as Remus was about to turn around to look for Sirius, they padded in from the kitchen, holding two glasses of wine. At first Remus didn’t notice anything, they were still wearing their black dress shirt — unbuttoned at the collar — and tailored suit jacket, but then Remus realised they were wearing their leather skirt and a pair of thigh highs.

_ Oh fucking hell _ was the only thing Remus could think when he saw Sirius standing in front of him. They were so fucking sexy.

Sirius smirked, holding out one wine glass for Remus. “Alright there?”

Remus took the wine and nodded before he took a long sip.

“Oh, good, good.” Sirius took a drink of their own wine, still stood in front of Remus, smirking.

“I can’t believe you brought your leather skirt  _ and _ thigh highs, Sirius.” Remus felt his cheeks burning.

Grinning, Sirius plucked at the top of one of the thigh highs. “I wasn’t intending to wear them together until a few moments ago. I couldn’t pass up on them after the look on your face.” They sipped their wine again. “You’re very red, caro.”

“I must be a little more drunk than I thought,” he muttered, putting a hand on his own cheek.

“Oh.” Sirius was grinning broadly. “I see.”

Remus couldn’t stop gaping at Sirius like an idiot. This had to be some type of revenge for getting them all worked up earlier in the village then in the car.

After a moment, Sirius moved around and sat next to Remus, between the two cushions so they were closer than usual to him. They put their legs in his lap, crossing their ankles, before sipping their wine around another smile.

“Comfortable?” Remus wanted to touch but at the same time he was being stubborn and trying to outlast Sirius.

Sirius hummed thoughtfully before setting their wine down. “Not quite,” they said as they wriggled so they were basically sitting in Remus’ lap. Their skirt had ridden up a little with the movement. “There. Better.” 

“Sure.” Remus looked away for a moment before taking another sip of his wine.

“You are so stubborn,” Sirius said through a peal of laughter. “What are you getting out of not touching, hm? This is for you, caro.”

“I get to win?” Remus raised an eyebrow, though winning what he wasn’t sure. He was just thinking of their earlier conversation about competing.

Sirius smiled indulgently, wriggling a little on Remus’ lap to get comfy. “Sure.” They reached over for their wine, settling back to take a sip.

“What do you want to do tomorrow? We have the whole day, though it’s supposed to rain all day.” Remus tried to be as casual as possible with desire pulling in his stomach.

Sirius tipped their head onto his shoulder. “If it’s raining, then we may as well stay in all day.”

“Sure, that sounds good.” Remus’ fingers wrapped tightly around his wine glass. “Anything you’d like to do?”

“Mm, I think that’s up to you, caro.” Sirius bit their lip, pressing a kiss to the skin above Remus’ shirt collar before straightening back up for another sip of their wine.

“Maybe we can bake something.” Remus shrugged a little, his skin prickling where Sirius had pressed the kiss.

“That sounds nice. What do you want to bake?” Sirius shifted, circling their fingers around the rim of their wine glass. “Something chocolate-y maybe?”

“Sure, we’ll look something up.” Remus bit his lip, wondering if he could break Sirius’ will first.

Sirius laughed, licking condensation from their glass from the tips of their fingers. “Mmhm. You can teach me.”

“Yeah, you certainly could use some lessons in a thing or two.” Remus drank his wine.

Sirius caught the tip of their forefinger between their teeth, smiling. “Oh yeah? What like, caro?”

“How to not be a brat.” Remus smiled at them. “I’d probably have to bend you over the kitchen table for that.”

Sirius’ eyes widened for a moment as they shifted a little in Remus’ lap. “Yeah?” Their smile grew. “You think this is being bratty?”

“You’re really pushing it right now, I’d say.” Remus scoffed. “Bending you over the table with your arse in the air,  _ spanking _ you so hard I leave my fingerprints all over you, is probably the best way to fix that.”

“Uh huh,” Sirius said softly, leaning over to set their wine glass down. When they leaned back up they turned and knelt up, moving to straddle Remus’ lap, their hands going to his shoulders. “Do you want to fix it?”

“Not sure.” Remus shrugged a shoulder. He was rather enjoying what Sirius was doing.


	37. Chapter 37

“Not sure?” Sirius repeated Remus’ question back to him, pushing their suit jacket off of their shoulders as they did. Sirius was pretty proud of themselves, actually, for not being reduced to a complete puddle at Remus’ mention of bending them over the kitchen table again. They’d been taken by surprise once, but now the thought of it was humming in the back of their mind.

Sirius thought Remus’ face when they appeared in the thigh highs and their suit jacket was a picture. They wanted to commit that look to memory, print it out and frame it. But Remus was the most stubborn person Sirius had ever encountered, and despite being speechless for a moment, he was remarkably still not giving in and snogging Sirius senseless like they suspected he wanted to. Sure, Sirius wanted to snog Remus senseless too, but they also wanted to  _ win _ .

“Right, not sure. I like you being a brat at times, not sure if I want to actually fix it.” Remus set his wine glass down on the side table.

“Only at times?” Sirius’ fingers moved to their shirt buttons, watching Remus’ face.

Remus licked his lips and nodded. “Other times I want to spank you so hard you can’t sit for days.”

Sirius’ eyes flickered shut for a moment, the image appearing in their mind; Remus grinning whenever Sirius sat down and winced. The little bastard probably would enjoy it too. “I might like that too much. Surely it would only encourage certain bratty behaviour?” Sirius gave their best innocent smile, working the buttons of their shirt open.

“Maybe that’s what I’m hoping in the end… maybe I want you to beg for more.” Remus kept his eyes on Sirius’.

“Yeah?” Sirius swallowed, the backs of their fingers grazing Remus’ thighs as they undid the last two buttons on their shirt. Their tongue darted out over their bottom lip. “What would you like me to beg for, Rem?”

“Me to touch you, spank you, get you off, fuck you.” Remus still kept his hands off of Sirius.

Sirius was really, really trying to ignore the  _ want _ coursing through their veins right now and the very insistent stiffy beneath their skirt. They wanted to  _ win, _ dammit. “Yeah?” Sirius’ eyes flickered down for a moment, glancing up beneath their eyelashes as they ran their hands back up their body and their torso, bared by their shirt being undone. They made a soft noise and arched into their own touch as their fingers grazed over their nipples. “Like if I said,  _ please _ touch me, Rem. Please fucking touch me I’m so hot for you I can’t think straight.” Sirius tipped their chin back a little, voice going a little breathy. “I’ve been thinking about you  _ all _ night. Even if I’ve been a brat, I’ll be good for you,  _ please _ touch me, I want your hands on me,  _ please _ .”

“That… yeah, that works.” Remus’ voice sounded a bit rough.

“Yeah?” Sirius shifted, pressing their hips forward and letting their shirt slip off one shoulder, then the other. They were sure Remus’ hickey was still deep purple at the base of their throat. “Or if you’re spanking me. Between--between slaps, I’d say  _ fuck _ , Remus, yeah.  _ Ah, _ harder,  _ harder _ , please.  _ Please _ . Teach me a — _ ah! _ — lesson.”

“Yeah.” Remus’ hips shifted under Sirius a little.

Sirius moaned, trying to hide a little smile, their shirt sliding down their arms. They could feel Remus squirming a little beneath them, getting hard. “Ohh, and I’d be so hard for you. I bet my arse would be bright red and it would hurt but I’m there pushing my hips back for you and moaning so pretty with every slap and saying  _ Remus _ , fuck, please, please touch me. And then, then after a while, if you carried on, I wouldn’t even beg for me, I’d be begging you to let me touch you, if you wanted it. If you wanted it, I’d be letting you spank me and begging you to let me touch your cock, or when my legs turn to jelly you could, if you wanted, if I begged enough, to let me get on my knees and suck you off.”

“You like having my cock in your mouth?” Remus smirked  _ that _ smirk.

Sirius groaned, long and low, biting their lip to try and stifle it. Remus with that smile was almost impossible to resist, but dammit they had come so far. “You know I do, caro. You know I love it. I love the feel of it on my tongue and down my throat.”

“What do you like better? My cock or my voice? What would get you off without touching you faster?

Sirius smirked. “Both.” 

“What if I did both at the same time?” Remus raised an eyebrow.

“Mmm, I’d like that.” Sirius let their shirt drop from their arms, hands coming up to Remus’ shoulders and rubbing a thumb over his collarbone beneath his shirt. “What would you say, whilst I was on my knees for your cock?”

“I’d tell you how pretty you looked, princess, with your lips wrapped around my cock all pink and pouty. I’d tell you how I wanted to come down your throat and how I wanted you to have my taste in your mouth for days. I’d tell you to keep sucking my cock until that happened. I’d tell you that I can’t decide if I wanted to come in your mouth or pull you up and bend you back over the table to fuck you and come deep inside you.” Remus’ voice wasn’t the same light and easy tone as it had been in the car earlier that day.

Sirius shuddered at the tone of Remus’ voice, delighting in the way it had turned a little rough and wanting more of it. There was no ignoring their desire now, but they were sure Remus was turned on too. Sirius pressed their hips a little closer, imagining either scenario playing out in their mind. “Yeah…” Sirius touched the swell of their bottom lip, tongue darting out over the tip of their finger. “I’d do either, caro, you know I would. I’d kneel up and let you come down my throat and swallow every bit of you like you want. Or I’d let you fuck me. Spread my legs nice and wide for you, you know you could bend me however you wanted. I think you’d like fucking me. All hot and tight around your cock, just taking whatever you give me.”

“I would, I bet you feel so good, Sirius.” Remus moved his hips again. “You’d be so fucking good. I wouldn’t want to pull out of you. I’d pound into you over and over again until I came deep inside you. I don’t think I’d let you come yet until I got to do it all over again.”

“Ohhh,” Sirius moaned, their hips rocking forward. “Remus, touch me.  _ Please _ .”

_ Finally _ Remus’ hands went to the backs’ of Sirius’ thighs, his long, calloused hands pulled Sirius close, digging into their pale skin. Sirius arched into his touch, pushing their hips back into his hands, their hands razing over his shoulders and upper arms.

“Fuck, Sirius, you’re so fucking hot.” Remus’ fingers crept further up. “You’re not wearing underwear.” He let out a little laugh.

Sirius bit their lip, canting their hips forward and smiling softly. “Oh, how about that.” They tried to sound light and nonchalant but they were so turned on it came out as a little breathless murmur.

Instead of moving up, Remus’ hands went down to trail over Sirius’ thigh highs, stopping to finger at the suspenders. “Shit, I wanted to touch you since you walked in with the bloody wine.”

“Yeah?” Sirius managed a little laugh, torn between pushing back into Remus’ hands or forward towards his body. “Why didn’t you?”

“I’m a stubborn fucking bastard and let myself suffer.” Remus’ hands rubbed at the soft thigh highs for a moment.

“Yeah, you did. Poor thing,” Sirius murmured, running their fingers up through Remus’ hair to tangle in the curls. They smiled for a second, some of the more immediate  _ now, now _ , _ now _ abating now Remus was touching them in some capacity. “Being stubborn just to spite you and me sounds quite bratty, to me.”

“Hmm, doesn’t it? Maybe I was trying to teach you a lesson for dressing like this and falling into my lap.” Remus’ hands came back to the suspenders, plucking at them with both hands and giving them a snap.

Sirius yelped, the snap of elastic on the back of their thighs taking them by surprise. Their hand tightened reflexively in Remus’ hair, their eyes going wide for a moment. “Yeah,” they breathed, their voice a little shaky.

“Did you like that?” Remus smirked up at them.

It almost surprised Sirius how much they liked it. They let out a long breath before nodding and biting their lip. Their hand stayed in Remus’ hair like an anchor.

Remus repeated the action, the sound of the suspenders snapping against their thighs sounded louder than the music.

Sirius’ slow out-breath almost sounded like a moan as their eyes fluttered shut. God, if someone had asked them if they liked spanking, or pain of any kind in the bedroom, they would’ve laughed them off, but god, this was ridiculous. “Rem…”

“Can I… Can I...” Remus’ hands moved up, under their skirt to their arse. “Can I spank you, Sirius?”

“Yeah,” Sirius said, before they’d even have a chance to think about their answer, like their body was answering for them. They swallowed twice before the words came out. “Not — not too hard.”

“Do you… do you want to go to the kitchen table?” Remus’ fingers squeezed lightly.

Sirius stared at him for a moment. Well, fuck, if they were gonna do it, they would do it properly. They leaned forward and kissed Remus briefly before slipping off his lap.

Remus followed right after them, taking their hand to pull them back for another kiss before they got to the kitchen. Sirius melted into him, trying desperately to remain in some kind of control if even for their own sanity, but Remus like this was amazing. Sirius had never been with anyone who could take them apart with a look. 

“You need to tell me if it’s too much or too hard or if you don’t like it, okay? I don’t want to hurt you like that.” Remus’ thumb caressed their jaw.

Sirius nodded. “Yeah, I’ll say.” They were a little shaky with nervous anticipation. “I’ll say.”

“Okay.” Remus kissed them soundly before pulling back. “Over the table then, love.”

Sirius bit their lip, pausing for a moment. “Hold on.” They stepped past Remus, back to the sofa to grab their discarded heels and pulled them on as they came back into the kitchen. Sirius shot Remus a little smile to try and hide their nerves and excitement as they crossed to the kitchen table, putting their hands flat on the table and glancing over their shoulder at Remus.

“Comfortable?” Remus bit his lip, hands rubbing up their thighs.

Sirius wriggled their hips a little before leaning down so their torso was closer to the flat of the table. “Yeah,” they murmured as they turned their head to the side and closed their eyes.

Remus’ fingers snapped the suspenders one more time before pushing Sirius’ skirt up so their bottom was completely exposed. Their rough hands caressed down their right cheek before it left Sirius’ cheek but then came back with a soft, sharp slap.

Sirius yelped again, biting their lip to try and stifle the sound. The slap stung a little but didn’t  _ hurt _ as much as they expected it to. After a moment, Sirius’ pushed their hips back just slightly. The snap of it had surprised them, but now they were almost breathlessly waiting for the next.

“Okay?” Remus asked, his hand back to smoothing over the spot it had just hit.

“Yeah.” Sirius licked their lips. “Yeah.”

“All right.” Remus cleared his throat then a second later another sharp slap came to their other cheek.

That time, Sirius moaned softly, their hips instinctively pressing forwards as the heat of the slap spread down their thigh a little and felt as if it went right to their cock. Sirius inhaled sharply, stepping their feet a fraction wider.

Remus’ fingers grazed down their thigh and over to their balls, briefly moving his fingers to their cock. With his free hand, Remus gave Sirius a harder slap then another one right afterwards.

“Ah,  _ fuck _ ,” Sirius moaned sharply, shuddering at the slaps in quick succession and Remus’ fingers over their cock. “Fuck, Remus, fucking hell…”

“God, Sirius, you’re so beautiful like this. Fuck.” Remus gave Sirius’ cock a long stroke and his other hand rubbed over their abused flesh. The next few slaps were light on their thighs before coming back up to their arse. The whole while, Remus was stroking them.

Sirius’ fingers scrabbled for the edge of the table for something to hold onto, their legs going weak. Their whole body felt on fire with every one of Remus’ slaps. “Ohh, fuck — fucking hell, Remus, you’re…  _ shit _ , Remus, I — ” Sirius wasn’t even sure they were making sense any more, their eyes clenched shut, practically grinding into Remus’ hand around their cock.

Remus let out a low laugh before going into another round of slaps, continuing to work over Sirius’ cock. “Is that what you wanted when you were getting off in the car today?”

“Ah, it’s--” Sirius squirmed against the table-- “it’s better.  _ Fuck _ , I’m gonna come.”

“Then come,” Remus said, continuing with both his hands  — stroking and slapping.

“Oh my god,” Sirius managed to grit out, their hips jerking against Remus’ hand, their breath hitching at every slap. They were caught in the moment, on the edge for a breath or two before they came with a sharp moan, distantly glad for their grip on the table for the way their knees gave way.

Remus stopped the slaps as Sirius finished coming, both his hands came up to Sirius’ hips. He held on to them for a moment before one hand softly grazed over the abused flesh. “Sirius, shit,” Remus said breathlessly.

Sirius nodded, catching their breath and sinking onto the table. “Fucking hell…” Their legs were still shaking.

“Are you okay?” Remus asked them quietly.

“Yeah, god, I just…” Sirius took a deep breath before they straightened up, groaning softly at the slight pain down the backs of their thighs. 

Remus hummed, hand still moving on his thighs and arse as they stood. “God, that was so fucking hot, Sirius.”

“Yeah?” Sirius took another breath before they let go of the table and turned around, their hands going to Remus’ upper arms. “Did you like it?”

“Yeah, yeah it was.. It was interesting. I’m so hard.” Remus pulled them into a bruising kiss. 

Sirius kissed back, still breathless, their heart hammering in their throat, for a long few beats before pulling away and giving Remus a little smirk. 

“God, I want you so bad.” Remus ran his hands up Sirius’ sides.

Sirius shushed him softly, biting their lip around a smirk before they sank to their knees, their hands going to the backs of Remus’ thighs.

Remus’ fingers carded through Sirius’ hair. “You’re so beautiful, Sirius.”

Sirius hummed, smiling as their fingers danced up Remus’ thighs, grazing over the bulge in his trousers as they worked open the buttons and zipper. They leaned forward a little, kneeling to trace their lips over the waistband.

“Fuck, Sirius.” Remus made a bit of a whining sound that Sirius had never heard from him before.

“Yeah?” Sirius whispered, mentally cataloging that noise as they pulled Remus’ trousers down, pushing his shirt up with one hand to kiss just above the waistband of his underwear before ghosting their lips over his cock through the fabric.

“Shit I  — fuck…” Remus’ fingers tightened in their hair.

Sirius took their time, fingers trailing over him before hooking under the waistband and pulling them down his thighs. They ran a palm back up Remus’ thigh before trailing over again, keeping their touch light.

“Oh my god, you’re going to kill me.” He gritted his teeth.

Sirius chuckled. “It would be a nice way to go, caro,” they murmured, circling their fingers around the base of his cock and swirling their tongue over the tip.

“Ah! Shit, yes, the best  — best way.” Remus tilted his head back, mouth falling open.

“Mmmhm,” Sirius agreed, laving kisses and swipes of their tongue over Remus’ cock, slowly stroking him.

“It’s not  — not going to take long with your gorgeous mouth on me.” Remus voice trembled.

After a moment, Sirius relented, parting their lips and taking Remus into their mouth, their free hand stroking down his thighs over his balls.

“Fuck.” Remus reached back with his other hand to grip the edge of the table.

Sirius hummed, taking Remus deeper, stroking over him in time with their tongue. They blinked up at Remus, delighting at the look on his face. Remus like this was amazing, it felt so rare to see him come apart, his voice going rough as he made all this little noises Sirius hadn’t ever heard.

“Oh, Sirius, I’m going to, ah — ” Remus closed his eyes again as his hips jerked forward a little, legs tensing as he came. Sirius swallowed eagerly, remembering Remus’ words about them tasting him for  _ days _ as they continued to work him over, swirling their tongue, stroking their fingers. “Oh, shit, shit Sirius that’s… fucking hell… that’s so good.” Remus looked down at Sirius.

Sirius slowly pulled back, laving their tongue as they did, sitting back on their heels. They didn’t expect the pressure of their heels on the backs of their thighs to sting from the pressure and let out a little surprised gasp as they did, their hands slowly coming down over Remus’ thighs.


	38. Chapter 38

Remus was sure that he had died and gone to heaven. Not that it was something he generally believed in, but at this point with Sirius looking up at him as they sucked his cock, yeah that could be heaven. Now, Sirius was looking up at him with a blissful sort of smile, hands still on his thighs. When they let out a gasp, Remus remembered that their behind was probably hurting from the spanking. Remus’ hand was still tingling from carrying it out.

“Are you okay?” Remus asked, still panting.

Sirius laughed softly. “Yeah. I feel a bit out of it.” Their smile softened. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine  — shit, better than.” Remus took a deep breath, trying to remember how to sit or walk or… something. “Sofa, we should go to the sofa or the bed.” He held a hand out to them.

“Bed,” Sirius agreed, taking Remus’ hand. As they stood they looked down at their thigh highs, one of which was more than a bit sticky. “Or maybe the shower, on second thought.”

Remus grinned, “How about a bath?” He pulled Sirius close to press a kiss to their lips as soft as possible because he felt like they could use softness after that.

Sirius smiled, still holding Remus’ hand. “A bath sounds good. I forget your place has a bath sometimes.”

“How about I get it all set up and you get out of your skirt and stuff?” Remus pressed his lips to Sirius’ forehead.

“Mm, that sounds good.” Sirius leaned into him for a moment, their eyes fluttering closed.

“Okay, love.” Remus managed to move his legs, leading Sirius towards the hallway to get to the bedroom and bath. “I’ll be a couple minutes.”

“Alright,” was Sirius’ only response as they wandered through to the bedroom, skirt still hitched up around one hip.

Remus smiled to himself as he watched Sirius go off for a moment before turning towards the bathroom. He started the tub before stripping out of his own clothes, tossing them in the hamper in there. As the tub filled up, Remus dug out the bath bombs that Alice had gifted him once. There was one in there that was supposed to help with aches and pains, so he figured Sirius could used that at the moment.

Once he got that, he quickly ran to the living room to gather his candles and a lighter. Remus tried to move as quick as he could so Sirius was uncomfortable for too long. Soon enough the candles were lit around the tub, and the bathbomb was foaming in the hot water. Remus went to go find Sirius in his bedroom. “Ready, love?” He said as he got to the doorway.

Sirius was lying on their stomach in the space between the bed and the wardrobe, stark naked, with one arm pillowed under their head. Their arse and the back of their thighs were still really quite pink. “Mmm? Yeah, coming.”

“Oh, Sirius.” Remus let out a soft laugh, going to help them up. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t apologise. I’m good. Just, yeah, I’m good.” They rolled onto their side and reached up a hand for Remus to take and pull them up.

Remus frowned. “You look… you look rather blissed out.” He put an arm around them once they were standing. “And your arse is so red.”

Sirius leaned into him. “Yeah, I am. It’s weird. I’m fine though.”

“Okay.” Remus kissed them on the temple as they walked down the hallway. “I just worry, we haven’t done it before and…”

“Mmhm. It’s good.” They tilted their head on his shoulder to look up at him. “Did you like it?

“Yeah, yeah, it’s not something I want to do all the time but I liked it.” Remus nodded once they stepped into the candle lit bathroom.

“Me too, I liked it. But I like — ” they waved a hand — “not doing it, too.  _ Oh _ . Rem, you are  _ such _ a romantic bastard.” Sirius grinned, rubbing Remus’ hand around their waist.

“Oh, shush, I just want to take care of you.” Remus pressed a kiss to their cheek. “How do you want to sit in the tub?”

“God, I have no idea, I don’t know.” Sirius bit their lip. “I’m not in the habit of sharing baths, you know. Can we just cuddle up at one end?”

“Course, love. Do you want to be the cuddler or cuddlee because can’t fit side by side.”

Sirius shook their head. “You’re too cute. I’ll sit at the back, you can come sit in front of me. I feel like I’ve sat on your lap enough today.”

“Ha, okay, I like you on my lap though.”

Sirius paused, mid-stepping into the bath. “Oh. That came out wrong. Here, come on — ” they nodded towards the bath and stepped towards the other end to let Remus get in — “just because you like me in between your legs.”

Remus laughed. “If you like.” He stepped into the hot water before sinking into it all the way.

Sirius flicked a bit of water at him with their foot as he sat down before also sinking into the water and shifting so they were leaning back against Remus’ chest. After a moment, they let out a long breath.

“Also, I really feel like I should be the one cuddling you anyhow.” Remus wrapped his arms around Sirius. “I sort of am the reason why you’re just a puddle right now.”

“That’s very true.” Sirius let their head drop back against Remus’ shoulder. “And kind of unexpected, even though we’ve talked about it like, twice, today.”

“I didn’t think it’d actually happen.” Remus pressed a few kisses down Sirius’ neck. “I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I wasn’t even turned on in the car earlier but you got so worked up… then when we were on the sofa…”

“Me neither… I didn’t even think I was  _ into _ spanking but the you talked about it, and that was hot, and then…” Sirius trailed off, puffing out their cheeks and raising one hand in a vague  _ I dunno _ gesture.

“And it really felt good?” Remus asked curiously.

“Yeah, it did.” Sirius trailed their fingers through the multicoloured water .”I think it’s the whole idea of it, more than anything. The fact it turned you on so much, too, you know?”

“Mmm, yeah, I get what you mean.” Remus’ lips went to Sirius’ shoulder. “It was really hot. I didn’t realize it would be.”

“I could tell. I’ve never seen you like that before.” Sirius let their head drop to the side and Remus saw the edges of their hickey peeking around the side of their throat.

“Thank you for trusting me. I’d never even let something like that cross my mind before, let alone tell  _ anyone _ about it.” Remus rubbed his hand up their arms.

“Honestly? Me neither,” Sirius murmured, still trailing their fingers through the water. “It was hot, though.”

“Yeah, yeah, it was.” Remus nuzzled their neck.

Sirius hummed softly. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Sirius.” Remus sighed. “Ah, look, I sighed again.”

“Just swooning left, right and centre over me, honestly,” Sirius said, chuckling.

“It’s embarrassing, really.” Remus reached for the bar of soap in the dish on the side of the tub.

“Yep, god forbid you actually fancy your partner, Rem. Didn’t they tell you that’s not allowed?” Sirius sunk a little further into water, one hand going to Remus’ thigh.

“I know, I’m so shitty at this relationship thing.” Remus rubbed the soap up Sirius’ thigh.

“Oh yeah, for sure. Running a bath with candles and fancy bath bombs for your partner after you make them come so hard by spanking them that they go blind for a minute is really shoddy relationship work, Remus. Despicable, really.”

“I’m going to have to get better at this whole bit to keep you around.” He moved the soap to Sirius’ other leg.

Sirius reached up to run their fingers through Remus’ hair. “You’re pretty good at it, caro.”

“Thanks, love.” Remus leaned down and kissed Sirius’ lips, lingering for a moment as his trailed the soap of Sirius’ stomach.

“You’re very welcome,” Sirius murmurs into the kiss, smiling. “You’re good to me.”

“You’re so good to me, Sirius.” Remus hummed before kissing them again.

“Here,” Sirius said after a moment, nipping slightly at Remus’ bottom lip as they went to ease the soap from his fingers. “Let me.”

“Nope, I’m taking care of you, lean forward so I can get your back.” Remus kissed them once more before pulling back.

Sirius laughed, rolling their eyes before leaning forward, sinking over their knees a little into a slight stretch.

Remus gently washed Sirius’ back, stopping to kiss their shoulder every few seconds. “You need to let me take care of you.”

“I’m letting you, I’m letting you, caro,” Sirius mumbled, their voice soft and warm.

“I love you,” Remus said again after finishing Sirius’ back. “Come on, lean back.”

“Mmhm, that was nice.” Sirius stayed leaning forward for a moment, the tips of their hair in the water.

“Do you want to get out?” Remus rubbed their back.

“No, no, it’s nice here.” Sirius sighed as they flopped back against Remus’ chest, their eyes still shut. ”Don’t let me sleep until I’ve stretched, I didn’t do it yesterday either. And I’m not saying that just to get you worked up, I actually need to stretch.”

“You’re nearly half asleep, do you really need to stretch?” His arms went back around Sirius’ chest.

“Yeah…” Sirius huffed a breath, their hands going to Remus’ arms. “Or tomorrow morning, I suppose.”

Remus smiled against Sirius’ neck. “That sounds good. Tomorrow.”

They sat in the tub for a bit longer, Sirius seemed to be drifting off to sleep at one point, so Remus managed to get them out of the tub. Sirius let him dry them off and wrap them up in a soft towel. “You’re stretching tomorrow.” Remus murmured.

Sirius huffed. “I  _ have _ to tomorrow.”

“Good.” Remus all but carried Sirius back to the bedroom and poured them into bed after tossing aside the damp towel.

With one look at their sleeping form, Remus went to go clean up the bathroom before he went back to bed. What a bloody great day.


	39. Chapter 39

Sirius woke up with a start, confused at first why they weren’t in their own bed, before they realised they were in Remus’ bed, tucked up against him with their head on his shoulder. Remus, predictably, was sound asleep, but Sirius was an early riser, especially with how quickly they had passed out last night. They practically fell asleep against Remus in the bath. It must’ve been a combination of the busy day and a lot of vivid dirty talk! 

Sirius stretched and slipped out of bed as quietly as possible, stretching onto their toes then touching them. After a moment there, with a little sigh of contentment, they padded over to the mirror. The hickey caught their eye first, still lurid, going from red to purplish blue now at the base of their throat. Sirius touched the edge of it briefly before turning in the mirror to look at their thighs, to see if Remus’ hands had left a mark. 

Ugh, Sirius was vaguely disappointed when they saw that their arse and the backs of their thighs were the same pale colour as the rest of their skin, with nothing to show for the intensity of the previous night. They supposed it would’ve had to have been quite a bit harder to  _ actually _ bruise.

“What are you doing?” Remus muttered from the bed, squinting over at Sirius.

Sirius’ head whipped around to grin at Remus. “Seeing if you left a mark,” they said before turning their back to him to show the back of their thighs, watching him in the mirror.

“Still as pale as they get.” Remus yawned, rubbing his eyes.

“Unfortunately.” Sirius bit their lip around a grin, turning back to Remus.

“Ah, you wanted the bruise. I didn’t want to hit you so hard. It was the first time.” Remus patted the bed. “Get back here.”

“I didn’t know that I did until it wasn’t there, I suppose…” Sirius padded over and perched on the edge of the bed. “I’m wide awake, I was going to let you sleep some more and go next door.”

“Come cuddle,” Remus complained a little. “I want to talk about things now that you’re not so puddle-like.”

Sirius rolled their eyes and slipped back under the covers next to Remus. “I can never resist your puppy eyes.”

“I know.” Remus wrapped his arms around them, pulling them close. “So, it was really okay? You were like… on another planet last night.”

“Apparently?” Sirius smiled, nestling against him. “I went super tired and just… a bit floaty, I guess? It was good. I don’t know that I want to get spanked like,  _ all the time _ now, but it was fun to do, with you.”

“Right, I’d never want to do that all the time.” Remus pressed a kiss to their temple. “Next time we do it, I’ll go harder if you really want a bruise.” He chuckled.

Sirius grinned, letting their head tilt back a little. “Or we could just keep with the hickeys. Wouldn’t want Peter to be confused about my birthmarks.”

“Ha, yes, always with the hickeys.” Remus’ finger went up to trace the lovebite.

“Mmhm,” Sirius said, eyes fluttering a little at the touch. “Always with the hickeys. I like them.”

“Okay, I could probably give you one on your arse.” Remus laughed, joking around.

Sirius didn’t laugh though, just raised an eyebrow in response. “Feel free.”

Remus rolled his eyes. “You are insatiable for me.”

“No, no.” Sirius sat up a little. “Hickeys don’t have to lead anywhere, if you don’t want them to. Like yesterday morning you just bit the ever-loving hell out of me and then went for a shower. That’s okay too.”

“You’d really want me by your arse without it going anywhere?”

Sirius grinned. “You near my arse in any kind of vaguely naked and sexy context is a win, Remus.”

“Get on your stomach then.” Remus patted their leg.

Sirius’ breath hitched. “You’re not joking, are you?” Before they even waited for an answer, Sirius pushed down the covers and rolled onto their front.

“As long as you don’t want it to go any further, then I’m not joking, no.” Remus moved between Sirius’ legs.

Sirius shook their head, propping up onto their elbows so their back was arched and in a comfortable stretch. “No, I’m happy with it going wherever you want it to go, caro.”

“Okay, love.” Remus pressed a few kisses to Sirius’ spine.

“You ever get those moments where you wonder how you got there? This is one of those… oh, my boyfriend spanked me last night and it didn’t bruise so now he’s giving me a hickey on my arse cheek? No big deal.”

“Most days, I find it hard I got to you.” Remus pressed a kiss to their right cheek.

Sirius wriggled their hips a little to get comfy. “Don’t be stupid. Of course you got me, you’re fucking wonderful.”

“You are too,” Remus said before beginning to bite and suck at Sirius’ skin.

“Ah,” Sirius said on a sharp little out-breath, trying to keep their hips still and not instinctively arch back towards Remus. “God…”

“Mmm,” was all Remus responded with as he continued to sink his teeth into Sirius.

Sirius dropped their head down between their forearms, hissing softly at the pressure of Remus’ teeth and the noise he made like he was thoroughly enjoying it, too.

After a few minutes Remus pulled back and gave Sirius the softest tap on the butt. “There you go.” He laughed, sitting back.

“What does it look like?” Sirius said after a moment, laughing a little breathlessly but not moving quite yet. Their skin was throbbing and felt warm.

“I don’t know, love, a hickey? You can look in the mirror if you want.” Remus rolled back to his side of the bed.

Sirius watched him for a moment, biting their lip. “You didn’t have to do it, if you didn’t want, Remus.”

Remus shrugged, going back under the covers.

“Okay,” Sirius said sharply, trying to bite back a scoff. “I’m getting up for coffee. You want a cup?” They sat up, trying not to wince as they sat on the hickey, before standing and looking around for a shirt to steal.

“No, I’m fine for now,” he sighed.

“Alright.” Sirius pulled on a pair of sweatpants from the end of the bed, only sure they were theirs when they sat on their hips and didn’t fall right off. They tried not to be bothered by Remus’ short tone and tried to ignore the insistent throbbing on their arse cheek. Hadn’t they always said that? If Remus didn’t  _ want _ to do anything, then he didn’t have to. So why had Remus gone all quiet and closed off after giving Sirius the hickey?

Sirius stopped by the bathroom before going onwards to the kitchen. Coffee was the first stop, set to brew before they trailed around the living room, picking up their discarded suit jacket and shirt from the previous night. Sirius couldn’t quite look at the kitchen table straight on, either. 

On second thought, the thing probably needed a damn good wiping down. Sirius poured themselves a coffee and drank half of it stood by the counter before tackling cleaning the kitchen table and the surrounding areas. It was when they were wiping down the table legs that Sirius noticed the nail marks in the edge of the wood, apparently where they had held on the night before. Whoops.

Eventually, with the kitchen cleaned, curiosity got the best of Sirius and they slipped to the bathroom to pull down the sweatpants and stand on their tiptoes to peer in the mirror above the sink. Shit. It was as big as the one on their neck, right on the swell of their arse, with livid teeth marks, flushed red instead of the deep bruising of the one on their neck. It would probably turn from red to purplish sometime soon, Sirius thought. Damn. And it wouldn’t fade before tomorrow, either, they reckoned. Good job it was just covered by their shorts.

Sirius glanced back towards the bedroom as they left the bathroom, not hearing any movement. Remus clearly wanted to be left alone. Sirius finished their coffee sat on the sofa, enjoying the silence for a while, before they decided they really needed to stretch. Flexibility came with hard work, and Sirius hadn’t stretched yesterday, and if they wanted to spring back into action at the studio tomorrow, they needed to.

Sirius was in child’s pose when they heard footsteps down the hallway. Remus came around the corner, looking as if he had his metaphorical tail between his legs. His head was down, shoulders hunched. “I’m sorry,” he said, coming to sit on the ground next to Sirius.

“What for?” Sirius murmured as they lifted their head and sat back on their heels.

“For being short with you.” Remus picked at a piece of lint on his oval throw rug.

Sirius nodded. “Yeah. You’re forgiven.”

“I  — I’m just frustrated with myself,” Remus muttered, fingers still fidgeting with the rug.

There was silence between them for a moment before Sirius shifted to the side, watching Remus’ fingers. “What for?” they said, trying to sound a little softer.

“For not wanting more. I know you don’t care, but... “ Remus shook his head.

“Yeah, I don’t care…” Sirius reached out and took their hand. “I’m sorry that you do though. It doesn’t… doesn’t make this — ” they gestured between the two of them — “any less, if and  _ when _ , you don’t.”

“I know, but it’s so frustrating to me because I want to be… there’s something in me that wants to show you how much I love you physically all the time but the rest of me doesn’t care for it outside of a cuddle and a kiss on the cheek some days. It just fluctuates and it drives me a bit… crazy.”

Sirius shrugged a shoulder, squeezing Remus’ hand. “A kiss on the cheek and a cuddle still sounds great.” They bit their lip, shifting to set their back against the bottom of the sofa. “I think we’re just a couple that fluctuates. I think if you tried to put me in a skirt today, I’d scream. I don’t mind it. I’m sorry it frustrates you though. I wish I could do something to help.”

“I hate that it bothers me because I feel like it shouldn’t. I know you love me no matter how I feel, but after a night like last night I was hoping I’d wake up this morning and want more because at the time it was so good. Now thinking about it makes my stomach go into knots.” Remus shook his head. “I shouldn’t have done that to you, be short like that. It’s not fair.”

“That bit you’re right about. I don’t appreciate you snapping at me, when I’m trying to help.” Sirius rubbed their thumb over Remus’ knuckles. “Like I said, you didn’t need to do anything… I hope you didn’t feel forced into giving me that hickey.”

“No, you didn’t force me into anything at all, it was myself.” Remus shook his head.

Sirius sighed softly, lifting Remus’ hand to press a kiss to the back of his palm. “What can I do, to make you feel better about it? You  _ know _ I don’t care. I love days kissing and cuddling as much as the sex.”

“I know you do, and I don’t think there’s much else you can do outside of continuing to do what you do. It’s my own hang ups that I never had too much issue in the past about then I got all… I closed in on myself after Fenrir. I’m still working, I guess.”

“Okay.” Sirius nodded, biting their lip. “I’m here to help, if I can.” They pressed another kiss to the back of Remus’ hand. “So. What do you want to do today? We can go climbing, if you like? Or go hang out at the spa. Or I can get you on the pole?” Sirius gave an impish grin at that. “Rent a movie and curl up on the sofa?”

“I want to stay in, yeah, it’s cold and wet out and we don’t  _ have  _ to be anywhere. We talked about baking, maybe we could make something and then curl up on the sofa?”

“Sure. I hope you know how to bake though. I can only do those boxes you add eggs and milk to,” Sirius said, smiling. “I have a feeling you’re a bit of a baker, though.”

“I’ve been known to make some mean cookies.” Remus gave a soft smile.

Sirius grinned. “With chocolate chips?”

“Who do you think you’re talking to here?”

“I have to check occasionally that you’re still you and not an imposter.” Sirius chuckled, shifting so they tucked a foot beneath them, turning a little to look at Remus. “Luckily, it’s really easy to tell with chocolate-based questions.”

“Very true.” Remus hummed. “We should probably have something for breakfast first.”

Sirius pulled their best innocent face. “Cookie dough isn’t a good breakfast?”

“Marly would leave us for dead if she knew we did that… what a great idea.” Remus pushed himself to stand.

“Exactly.” Sirius stood up too. “Cookies feel like a good way to start the day. There’s still coffee in the pot, too.”

“Great.” Remus pulled Sirius close to him then pressed a kiss on their cheek. “I’m trying, and I’ll really trying to talk to you. I’m trying, and I know that sounds like bullshite, but I am.”

Sirius wrapped their arms around his waist, smiling at the kiss on the cheek. “And I love you for trying. Thank you.”

Remus smiled. “Thanks, love, let’s bake something.”  
  



	40. Chapter 40

Remus had really mucked things up when he woke up that morning. When he rolled over to see Sirius looking in the mirror at their thighs, he wished the desire was still there. He knew himself well enough to know it didn’t happen. He also knew well enough that Sirius loved him and it didn’t matter. Yet, he still pushed himself to give Sirius that hickey on their arse. Then he decided to be a cold bastard afterwards because he couldn’t process his own feelings correctly. Sirius didn’t deserve to be treated that way. He need to do better.

Thankfully, Sirius sat and listened to his apology. They understood how Remus felt, and even offered their own feelings about how they fluctuate in how they felt as well. Sure it wasn’t exactly the same, but the sentiment was there and understood. Remus kicked himself that he didn’t just joke along with Sirius but not give them the hickey because they wouldn’t have cared. He could have done it another time. It was too late now, so Remus had to work on it.

Now they were in the kitchen making some cookies, which was going to be a part of their breakfast along with coffee. Some days you needed to have one of those days. “Okay, so now you have to add the eggs to the sugar.” Remus pointed to the bowl Sirius was holding.

Sirius looked between Remus and the bowl. “Okay.” They dusted the sugar off their hands and gingerly cracked the eggs into the bowl. Sirius was vaguely competent in the kitchen, but they were no 5-star chef.

Remus nodded then handed Sirius the large spoon. “Now mix them together.”

“I still think you’re better off doing this. Else we’ll end up with awful cookies, somehow.” Sirius bumped their hip into Remus’ but begrudgingly stabbed the spoon into the bowl.

“You’re going to be fine.” Remus moved behind them and put his hands on their hips. “You’re not going to ruin a thing.”

Sirius shot him a look over their shoulder. “I’m honoured you have such unwavering faith in my baking abilities, Remus.”

“You’re so multi talented. This is nothing.” Remus chuckled. “Good, now you’re going to slowly add in the flour mixture we made in that bowl. Like half of it then mix it in then do the other half.”

“You should have your own cookbook,” Sirius quipped, doing as Remus said. They dumped the flour into the bowl a little too vigorously though, and a plume of it puffed up into their face. “Shit.”

Remus laughed, happy he was behind Sirius and hadn’t got much flour on him. “You okay?”

Sirius gave themselves a disgruntled once-over. “I suppose this is a plus of baking with no shirt on?”

“Yes, you really thought this one out.” Remus rubbed a hand up their side, reaching for a towel. “Here.”

“Thanks,” Sirius muttered as they dropped the spoon into the bowl and took the towel. “My being _ sans shirt _ was definitely a tactical baking decision.” Sirius shot him another grin over their shoulder as they wiped most of the flour off.

“I’m sure. Didn’t realize you could get much paler,” Remus laughed, shooing aside Sirius so he could finish up the mixing.

Sirius stepped to the side, leaning their hip against the counter to watch Remus and sip their coffee for a moment. “Should I be vaguely offended by that comment, mister?”

“No, I love your pale skin. Makes the hickeys stand out more.” Remus shrugged as he stirred the batter.

“Ohh, I see,” Sirius said, smiling. “I should’ve put two and two together.”

“Yes, you should have realized that.” Remus added the chocolate chips in the chocolate chips. “With how sharp you are with the no shirt baking thing, thought you’d have figured that out.”

Sirius looked thoughtful for a moment. “Now I’m thinking about it, I think all my sharp thinking is about shirts. You _ sans shirt _ , climbing. Me _ sans shirt _, baking.”

“Ah, yeah, maybe that is true.” Remus shot them a grin. “I didn't realize that until now.”

“Me neither. Now we know. In order for me to be smart, we both need to be shirtless.” Sirius grinned, throwing the towel down. “Maybe I should go put a shirt on, before I try and carry on baking again.”

“No shirt needed, we’re done. They just need to put them on the pan.” Remus turned to Sirius and kissed them on the cheek.

“Ohhh, sure sure.” Sirius returned their kiss on the cheek. “Okay. How many does this make?”

“Two dozen.” Remus moved towards the pan with the bowl.

Sirius let out a low whistle. “Enough for breakfast _ and _ lunch.”

“I know, right.” Remus laughed, handing Sirius another spoon. “Let’s spoon these out. Then we can eat the leftovers.”

“Sounds good.” Sirius took the other spoon and made a show of ‘rolling up their sleeves’ before digging in to begin spooning the batter onto the baking sheet.

Once they put the cookies in the oven, Remus grabbed the bowl and one of the spoons and led Sirius to the sofa. “This is the best part,” Remus declared as he sat down.

“James and I used to steal off with the empty bowls whenever Effy cooked. She’d be so mad at us.” Sirius chuckled, tucking themselves next to Remus.

“I wish I was around for that. She was the one to teach you that brilliant dessert, right?” Remus scraped the bowl.

“With the strawberries and cream? Mhmm. She’s a master of deceptively simple food, according to Monty. Manages to whip up three courses in a half hour without breaking a sweat.” Sirius popped a mouthful of cookie dough in their mouth, humming appreciatively.

“That’s great. My mum is the same way, though my dad could hold his own in the kitchen as well.” Remus smiled watching Sirius.

“The kitchen is Effy’s domain, Monty keeps well away,” Sirius said after pulling the spoon from their mouth and flashing Remus a grin.

Remus wondered briefly about Sirius’ blood family. He knew the Potters were more like an adopted sort of one. Sirius didn’t talk about the Blacks at all — ever, and Remus was never sure if he should ask. “I’d love to meet Effy and Monty one day.”

Sirius shrugged a shoulder. “I usually spend New Year with them. We all go to their house. Last year Marly and Dorky came too, Lily and James, of course. They like hosting.”

“That sounds brilliant.” Remus went for another scoop of the cookie dough. “Here, love, you can finish this.”

Sirius grinned, shifting so they were sitting cross-legged, with the bowl in their lap. “Oh you do spoil me, Remus,” they said dramatically before shoving another spoonful of cookie dough in their mouth.

Remus smiled, putting an arm over Sirius’ shoulders and resting his head against Sirius’ shoulder. He was so happy the could work it all out with Sirius, even if he had some of his own internal hang ups, he was trying. They could do this.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and commenting! Stay tuned for Part 3 coming right up!!


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